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my year of sexual discovery


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over the last year i have been on an adventure - an awaken of self and i am glad that i did it. i discovered who i am, and what i am capable of, and the depths of depair and the heights of bliss that are possible and needed in order to find balance and middle ground. and in doing so i releases many demons, and traits that were negative and now i can move forward in ways that i have always WANTED.

 

and i knew this adventure would be sexual in nature but that the reason and result were anything but that. it was an exploration into what it is to be a MAN, and a person, and how we are expected to treat ourself and others. i learned that i could make someone have an orgasm just through my words and not be aroused sexual but take pleasure in the fact that i understand human nature and am a great writer.

 

i learned that i would never be able to do certain sexual things in the real world, like share a lover with another or cheat in a physical sense. i learned what it feels like when actions have consquences and how being ignorant or 'not there' is never an exuse. i did things that never occured to me, and just followed the path, and through it i learned about love, hurt, and shame, and how to remove and use them.

 

i watched a man and woman have sex knowing i was watching and directing, i exchanged porn videos with women and asked them general sexual questions, i did sexual things with a partner that believed she had disguised her well enuff that i would not notice, and i found out that it is never a good idea to take nude pictures of yourself by yourself becuase the polaroid will alway look crappy [your lover should do that] lol. i learned that when u masturabte alone, it is really a sign u have lost someone special, and how porn will destroy something you wanted all your life. i learned that i am weak enuff to start having an addiction and strong enuff to admit it and tackle it forever.

 

i learned that there are things that i will never forgive someone for, and i learned that there is someone that will always be my equal and never looked at with anything but love in my eyes and that i probably will never see them again. i learned that my c-ck is not the centre of the universe and that my exgf really never liked going down on mr. plump. i learned that i was truthful about a love that i had and that is was always just about her and nothing else. i learned to tell people to get the hell out of my life, even if it was family or old friends. i learned so much in under one year, that i am now taking a break from studying and enjoying what i learned.

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