whats the big deal ???????

[Stormdesire]

I met my boyfriend on the internet, and we have been together for 7 months now, but everytime i try to have a conversation with SOME of my friends they always have something negative to say about my relationship. Like how can i get involved with someone i met on the internet , that i dont know what kind of people get on these things. yea but its the same as if i meet a guy on the street, he can tell me anything doesint mean its the truth. and how relationships on the internet can never and will never work out , and if a couple met on the internet they cant really consider themselves a real couple. My other friends who are happy for me tell me not to listen to them, and i try not to , and i pretend that i doesint bother me what they say, but sometimes when i go home i cry because hurt my feelings with some of the things they say, then i start to wonder ? AM I THE FOOL ????? PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS CAN WORK !!!!!!

[Ally Boo]

I've been in relationships like that and I hate to tell you, but I don't think they can. I mean, you aren't spending time together. And when you meet it's weird. It's like you know them....but you don't. I think they can be some really special and close people to you, but if you don't spend quaility time IN PERSON together, then its NOT a relationship. Your friends that talk bad about it are trying to help you not get hurt, and the other friends are just glad to see you happier. But I mean face it, you DONT know that he doesn't have someone with him, and the bad thing about the internet is you let the people know what you WANT them to know about you. There is something about being in person that lets you pick up vibes and stuff that you just can't do on the phone.

Now, saying that, one of my closest friends just moved halfway across the country to be with his internet fiance. And they are having lots of financial problems....and its making it hard on their "new" relationship. Who knows if they'll make it or not...but my point is, when you are with each other all the time and see the good and bad stuff THAT is a relationship. And I'm really glad that he moved up there to be with her to see if it would work.

[Tony T]

If Internet relationships could work, people would get married over the computer, have intercourse over the computer, have and raise babies over the computer, etc. Do you see how ridiculous this is???

 

It's great to meet friends and have cyberbuddies over the net. It's also great to meet potential partners over the Internet as well. But if you can't meet them in person and carry on a normal, in the flesh relationship with someone you meet on the net within 15 and no more than 30 days after you start talking to them, just forget it.

 

If you keep things totally on the net, there is no real way of knowing whether you're having a relationship with a male or a female...unless, of course, you talk on the phone. But keeping a relationship restricted to the computer and phone is not fulfilling at all unless you have some serious psychological pathology that may need professional treatment.

 

Everything your friends have told you is true. However, there are people who have had wonderful relationships that turned into marriages as well. But they transitioned from the computer to in person fairly quickly. But I think there are many more nightmares than success stories for people who just want to conduct an entire relationship in cyberspace.

 

If you're having some sort of cyber relationship with someone who lives a great distance from you, that is absolutely insane. Unfortunately, the mind does not know the difference between that which is real and that which is imagined so these kinds of things can go on for a long while before you realize just how nuts it is.

 

Of course, breaking up over the computer is the easiest thing in the world. One of the two just changes his/her email address, screen name, etc. and there you go. It's all over.

 

Don't let that happen to you. Get real!!!

[Ally Boo]

I met my boyfriend online, BUT, after talking for over a year just as friends, we finally met, and sparks flew. I had no intention of being with him, but it just happened. And I moved in with him so that we could make SURE that we knew what we were getting into. I'm very happy. I'm with Tony...not saying that you can't meet your potential mate online, BUT if you don't live close to each other and spend LOTS of time together, it won't work. Its just as hard as a long distance relationship....only thing is, usually with a long distance relationship you at least already know each other....and even if you see each other every weekend, it still usually doesn't work, because you aren't spending that "real time" together.

[velvet]

Meeting people from the Internet to meeting them in person? Yes, I believe it will work. Its just the same as meeting a person anywhere else.

 

If this is a r/s strictly over the net? No, wont work. Thats just common sense.

[Stormdesire]

I want to thank those of you who have replyed to me, but this is what it is, i never said we were going to conduct our whole relationship over the computer, SORRY you missed understod me. What i was saying was that i am with a guy that i met over the internet and we are getting to know each other very well and so far i like him very much. the only reason why we havint met as of yet is because of my job schedule and his. but as soon as we can, we plan to met. what i said was my friends think weather i met him or not, despite 7 months of geting to know each other first, and despite time spent together face to face that our relationship would not work because i met him over the internet. and such relationships can never and will never work out ,quess because we didint met on the street or a bar or supermarket, like that is really going to change who or what a person is. they make fun because i met him on the net and i dont think thats fair. ofcourse i know that if we were only typing its not a relationship. im sure many people have met and feel inlove meting on the net,so why shouldint it work for us ? what makes it different for he and i ? i just think that all the negativity from my friends should stop !!! AM I WRONG ???????

[clia]

I think meeting people over the Internet is perfectly acceptable, as long as you move it to real life fairly quickly. I don't see it as being much different than meeting in a bar or anywhere else once you exchange a couple e-mails. But you need to move it to real life.

 

I have to agree with your friends...seven months seems like a long time to invest in someone you haven't even met face to face. How far apart do you live? How realistic is it going to be to continue this relationship? Surely over the span of 7 months you could've found a weekend to get together! You have no idea what this guy is doing on the weekends or during the week. You have no idea who he's spending time with. Eek...sounds scary to me.

 

It's very easy for people to sound perfect over e-mail or IM or the phone. It can be an entirely different story when you actually see them in real life, view their weird quirks (because everyone has them), hear how they laugh, and see how they carry themselves. You can get caught up in a fantasy relationship with a voice at the other end of the phone. He might've completely misrepresented what he looks like. (This does happen...often. People use older pictures when they were thinner or had more hair. Or even pictures of other people.)

 

Meeting on the Internet works for a lot of people, or else it wouldn't be the thriving new industry it is. But it works best for people who move it to real life quickly.

[Stormdesire]

I understand what you are saying clia, but i do know his where abouts everyday. i have the numbers to his home , job, brothers and sister. i even have the num to his daughters babysitter. theres nothing i can ask him that he wont tell me, i just started my job so i cant get away right now. his daughter is 8 years old, he has custody so he cant come see me when ever the feeling hits him either. we dont use the computer for communication at all, he doesint even have internet anymore. we speak often 5 to 6 times a day 7 days a week. but i do thank you for understanding where im coming from and i also know that when i do get to spend time with him there will be alot more to find out, like you said how he carrys himself and whatever little things he does here and there. but hell be watching me as much as ill be watching him and hopefully WELL STILL LIKE EACHOTHER !!!!!

[Ally Boo]

You are not TOGETHER

[Stormdesire]

ALLY BOO PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN BY WHAT YOU REPLIED TO ME . I HOPE YOUR NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN

[Ally Boo]

What I meant was... you two are not physically together.

[Stormdesire]

Ok, Ally thankyou for explaining

[cosmosue]

There is no big deal. Just because you met someone over email or chat or an online game *big smile* doesnt matter, so you met on a computer and not in a bar. Well I can tell you that I have been to many many bars around my area and I have yet to find Mr. Right. I can tell you I have dated people from work, school, through friends, from bars, concerts and from the INTERNET. I am 27, getting divorced, from someone who I met IN REAL LIFE! It doesnt matter where you meet a person or how, its getting there that matters. You are going to have the some of the same problems whether you meet them online or whether you meet them in person.

 

Either way you need to MEET them if its over the internet. That is the ONLY way you can tell if it will ever really work. So what if its quite a distance, these things can be worked out. I know this first hand. You may have financial difficulties with someone you met at a bar, it doesnt matter that they are from the internet. Everyone behind a screen name is a REAL person anyway. Who knows the person you meet on the street could be an avid AOL user that you just havent come across yet! Should you scratch them off your list now of potential people to date if you really like them? No. That would be silly now wouldnt it?! Does this make sense?

 

I remember when I was 22 this guy I had met drove down from VA to meet me in FL for a week. We had a fantastic time! We dated long distance for 8 months, no in the end it didnt work, he was older and we tried living together and we realized we clashed way too much, but we found that out, I would rather live and learn then never take that chance. Its worth it. I met a couple other people in real life from the internet as well. Through Yahoo! Personals. We went on a couple dates, and stayed friends. I also met someone through an online Role playing game called Everquest. I talked to him on the phone and online for 9 months before we finally met up in SC to meet. It was a wonderful weekend, followed by several other weekends spent at his house in SC. He drove down here once to see me too in FL. It will probably never work out between us because he doesnt want to be serious with anyone right now, and I am looking to settle down eventually. But hes a wonderful friend and I still talk to him and see him once in a while when schedule permits. Now I leave tomorrow after work to drive to GA to meet someone I have been talking to online and on the phone for almost 2 years. We were going to meet back two years ago but we never did and we lost touch. Now here I go to meet him tomorrow! Yeah I have high hopes, and he does too, and although we have tons of stuff in common and can finish each others sentences and often say the same thing, thats not a basis for a relationship. We are going into this open eyed and prepared because he lives in NC and I live in FL. Eventually someone has to move, and we know this.

 

Anyway, good luck to you, I hope things work out, ignore the closeminded people and the ones who bring you down, you do what you feel in your heart to do, just keep your eyes and ears open and remember, everything always works out in the end, one way or another. And you will make it through!

 

~S