I Am A Mm Living With Ow

[parker232]

You say living together - why haven't you married peacelove after all this time?

 

 

 

I'm a former OW and former WS (well, wandering fiancee, not married), if that matters.

 

Don't feel ther's a real hurry. We're doing fine the way we are. I am totally committed to peacelove.

[pricillia]

Don't feel ther's a real hurry. We're doing fine the way we are. I am totally committed to peacelove.

 

ok so why do men cheat?

[parker232]

ok so why do men cheat?

 

I don't know how to answer that. Wasn't happy?

Peacelove was married when we met also. Maybe she can answer that.

If we were both happy in our marriages we would still be married & wouldn't be with who we are with now.

Does that help? I'm trying here.

[pricillia]

Yeah it helps... My MM is so closed mouth about his relationship.

 

Do you have any ideas for me to get more infomation out of him?

 

The only thing that he says is that he is not happy and that is why he is doing what he is doing with me.

 

When I first saw him I was like wow... instant attraction, you know I have never felt this way about a man but he is the type of person I would do anything for...

[parker232]

er

Yeah it helps... My MM is so closed mouth about his relationship.

 

Do you have any ideas for me to get more infomation out of him?

 

The only thing that he says is that he is not happy and that is why he is doing what he is doing with me.

 

When I first saw him I was like wow... instant attraction, you know I have never felt this way about a man but he is the type of person I would do anything for...

 

Most mm are embarrassed, scared etc to leave their marriage because of what other people might think. I had to leave. If it doesn't sound too cocky, I had the nerve to leave. If they want to leave, they'll leave. Making excuses why they don't leave is just an excuse. That's it.

[parker232]

Pricillia, How long have you been seeing him? I haven't read your history.

[stillhere]

I have so many questions, but you and my MM seem to be total opposites, so i can't really expect you to tell me what's going on in his head.

 

Why are you still married? If you love peacelove and are only faithful to her for the last 6 years, why haven't you taken the necessary steps to be rid of your W for good?

 

I know my MM loves me, and i know that he's stuck because he loves me and doesn't want to "abandon" his children. They have together time every night, and he doesn't know how it would affect them if he wasn't there like he used to be. Those kids look forward to the time they spend with him, and if he left, it would never be the same.

 

Just rambling and throwing stuff out there.

[parker232]

Why do women choose to have a r with a married man? If you knew he was married or found out later, why stay with him?

[norajane]

Why are you still married? If you love peacelove and are only faithful to her for the last 6 years, why haven't you taken the necessary steps to be rid of your W for good?

 

You're still married?

 

I'm confused as to why you would remain married as well.

[parker232]

I have so many questions, but you and my MM seem to be total opposites, so i can't really expect you to tell me what's going on in his head.

 

Why are you still married? If you love peacelove and are only faithful to her for the last 6 years, why haven't you taken the necessary steps to be rid of your W for good?

 

I know my MM loves me, and i know that he's stuck because he loves me and doesn't want to "abandon" his children. They have together time every night, and he doesn't know how it would affect them if he wasn't there like he used to be. Those kids look forward to the time they spend with him, and if he left, it would never be the same.

 

Just rambling and throwing stuff out there.

 

I love my children also. I left them they were hurt but they are ok now. As far a the D goes, I am getting a divorce at income tax time. $$ issue. I drug my feet for a long time I know. Peacelove wants 100% which I wil give her by getting a d. I also don't think a piece of paper matters that much. But, I will get the D.

[stillhere]

I agree that a piece of paper doesn't mean much, but when it comes to a divorce, it matters a lot IMO.

 

Without that D paper, it means that 2 women are still sharing you, and that's not fair to either one. It adds closure.

 

I'm still technically married after one year of separation, and i'm moving forward with the divorce now. Had to get a few things settled and out of the way before i filed. Believe it or not, me still being married bothers my MM!! Not sure why, but it does.

 

I want my MM all for myself, but i worry about the pain and heartache that his W and children will endure. I love him, but i really wish that no one would get hurt.

 

I understand his fears, and that's the hardest part of all. I have put myself in his shoes, and i know it wouldn't be easy.

[norajane]

I love my children also. I left them they were hurt but they are ok now. As far a the D goes, I am getting a divorce at income tax time. $$ issue. I drug my feet for a long time I know. Peacelove wants 100% which I wil give her by getting a d. I also don't think a piece of paper matters that much. But, I will get the D.

 

Then you provided a disingenuous answer to my question about why you haven't married her. You actually can't marry her because you're already married.

 

Don't feel ther's a real hurry. We're doing fine the way we are. I am totally committed to peacelove.

 

You're not doing fine the way you are if peacelove wants 100% from you and you're still married.

 

I'm not trying to slam you, but if you are obfuscating some truths on an anonymous message board after offering to answer any questions, you're feeding the beliefs many have about lying cake-eating MM. Just sayin'.

[frannie]

er

 

Most mm are embarrassed, scared etc to leave their marriage because of what other people might think. I had to leave. If it doesn't sound too cocky, I had the nerve to leave. If they want to leave, they'll leave. Making excuses why they don't leave is just an excuse. That's it.

 

Well it does sound a little bit cocky to talk about other MM not leaving their marriage when you're still married, yes. You still haven't left your marriage, you've changed addresses.

 

However, if you're going to get a D that's different... when you get it. Why has it taken so long?

[parker232]

I am not cake eating. I am not with my wife anymore. I do not spend my time with anyone else but peacelove. There's the diff. between me & a cake eater.

I understand your thoughts but I come home to peacelove everyday not my wife. Most ow on here sit home waiting for thier cake eating bf. Peace love doesn't. If peacelove didnt't accept this, we wouldnot be together. The only reason peacelove would like me to get a d is god forbid something happened to me, she would want to be there for me & be able to make decision on my health if need be.

[pricillia]

Pricillia, How long have you been seeing him? I haven't read your history.

 

March 20th of 06 was the first time we went out on a date...

 

He lied about being married as he knew I would not go for it...

 

The whole thing is so confusing.

[2sunny]

I am not cake eating. I am not with my wife anymore. I do not spend my time with anyone else but peacelove. There's the diff. between me & a cake eater.

I understand your thoughts but I come home to peacelove everyday not my wife. Most ow on here sit home waiting for thier cake eating bf. Peace love doesn't. If peacelove didnt't accept this, we wouldnot be together. The only reason peacelove would like me to get a d is god forbid something happened to me, she would want to be there for me & be able to make decision on my health if need be.

 

you are joking - right?

 

THAT is THE ONLY reason? ha ha ha ha ha

 

Let's see if you two are still hanging in a year or so....

 

she is expecting more from you in the new year than THAT (health decisions? give me a break!) your wife will make them - i guarantee you that!

[norajane]

I am not cake eating. I am not with my wife anymore. I do not spend my time with anyone else but peacelove. There's the diff. between me & a cake eater.

I understand your thoughts but I come home to peacelove everyday not my wife. Most ow on here sit home waiting for thier cake eating bf. Peace love doesn't. If peacelove didnt't accept this, we wouldnot be together. The only reason peacelove would like me to get a d is god forbid something happened to me, she would want to be there for me & be able to make decision on my health if need be.

 

While it's true you are not a cake-eater in that sense, you have been accruing some benefit to remaining married for the last 6 years, at peacelove's expense. If not for wanting to have that benefit while also having peacelove in your life, you would have gotten divorced long ago.

 

So yes, that makes you a cake-eater since your need to have both the benefit of remaining married and the benefit of being with peacelove has taken precedence over peacelove's desires.

 

And truth is, peacelove won't be able to make any health decisions for you unless you are married to her or have signed a power of attorney or have a living will where she is named. A divorce only gives her the peace of mind of knowing that someone else doesn't have legal claims over you, but it does not give her any legal rights.

[oyster]

Thanks for starting this thread Parker, can't wait to read follow ups with Peacelove chimming into this thread.

[pricillia]

He says that he is in love with Peacelove, then we have to believe him... legally yes that peice of paper speaks volumes but he infact did leave his wife and is now living with another woman who he is in love with.

 

His heart is with Peacelove not his wife(by paper only)

 

I just think that some relationships don't start off in the best of situations and that people come into your life for a reason, he said that he married because of pregnancy..... He has yet to get a divorce still, sounds like thier are financial obligations right now, does not mean he loves Peacelove any less..

 

Cake eaters are men who have no emotional attachement to thier OW, does not seem like this situation here.

[noforgiveness]

why after six years do you consider yourself a married man living with an other woman??

How disrespectful.

 

How can either one of you after six years still choose to have those labels??????

 

She is not an OW she stopped being an OW the day you had the guts to tell your wife the truth and leave unlike the others in this situation.

 

She's not a hidden little secret. Six years lining together is way past a commitment and almost common law marriage.

[pricillia]

why after six years do you consider yourself a married man living with an other woman??

How disrespectful.

 

How can either one of you after six years still choose to have those labels??????

 

She is not an OW she stopped being an OW the day you had the guts to tell your wife the truth and leave unlike the others in this situation.

 

She's not a hidden little secret. Six years lining together is way past a commitment and almost common law marriage.

 

 

I don't think that he is being disrepectfull, he is after all by legal standards still married.... that makes her the OW....

[noforgiveness]

I don't think that he is being disrepectfull, he is after all by legal standards still married.... that makes her the OW....

 

 

SIX YEARS and he considers her the OW still?

 

No the ow is a hidden lie from the wife. This is a relationship out in the open. HE LEFT. He told his wife his kids his friends. He's SEPARATED living with his girlfriend. NOT LIVING a lie where they have to hide in the shadows. They are being HONORABLE. Maybe not in the beginning but now they are.

[pricillia]

SIX YEARS and he considers her the OW still?

 

No the ow is a hidden lie from the wife. This is a relationship out in the open. HE LEFT. He told his wife his kids his friends. He's SEPARATED living with his girlfriend. NOT LIVING a lie where they have to hide in the shadows. They are being HONORABLE. Maybe not in the beginning but now they are.

 

 

Then let's say for the sake of argument that leagally she is the OW but in his heart she is the only woman...

[parker232]

why after six years do you consider yourself a married man living with an other woman??

How disrespectful.

 

How can either one of you after six years still choose to have those labels??????

 

She is not an OW she stopped being an OW the day you had the guts to tell your wife the truth and leave unlike the others in this situation.

 

She's not a hidden little secret. Six years lining together is way past a commitment and almost common law marriage.

 

First of all you bs's consider us mm & ow. You give us those labels. There is no such thing as common law marriage in the state of PA. And yes, I feel I am married to peacelove. We live as a married couple would. I am not disrespecting anyone here.

[BenThereDunThat]

I have to say that I get what NF is saying here. Peacelove isn't really an OW and their situation really doesn't apply to what most of us here either went through or are going through.

 

She's not Parker's dirty little secret. Which is what I considered myself to be when I was an OW and that's what was at the heart of my problem with what I was doing and why I sought LS out in the first place.