Guest Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 I'm not sure how to handle the situation I'm in, and I'm looking for some help (Long description follows). I'm a male and belong to a local photo club. A week ago a single mother of one was complaining about the problems with her computer. Being the resident computer geek, I offered to take a look & see if I could fix the problem. We went to her house, and the prognosis of her computer was simple and painful: a reformat of the drive and reinstall of Windows. 4 hours and one dinner out later the computer was still reinstalling all the patches to Windows (Original disk is pre-SP2 for the geeks out here). It's 11pm by now, and I'm getting ready to leave to go home and let her finish the install. At this point she pulls out a Sony Handycam. She tells me that she's had it a year, and has only used it once. She doesn't plan on using it and feels that I would put it to good use. I'm tired, and a bit stunned, thank her for the gift, and drag by butt home. I've done some research on the Handycam, and it's worth over $350 dollars (It was $500+ when she bought it a year ago). I like expensive gifts, but I've been feeling uncomfortable accepting the video camera since I accepted it. I don't know the woman that well, and it seems a bit much. I would more than cover my time if it was payment for service rendered, but I was not and did not charge for my computer help outside of work, and she told me was a gift, not a payment. It would certainly make me feel better if I give the camera back, and I also believe it was wrong to accept it. The two sticking points are that I accepted it in the first place, and I have no idea how to return a gift and not offend her. I don't know her well at all, but I do know that there are a lot of people who get deeply offended if a gift is returned (Not only was I brought up to be that type of person, but I know a lot of people who are the same way). Damn my consciences and upbringing. Assuming that I make the decision to return the gift, how should I approach her to return the gift? Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 The two sticking points are that I accepted it in the first place, and I have no idea how to return a gift and not offend her. I don't know her well at all, but I do know that there are a lot of people who get deeply offended if a gift is returned Not only that, besides hurt feelings it would be extremely awkward. Can you imagine it for a moment? You both would be HIGHLY embarrassed. But, if you laugh in the face of embarrassment like I do, that might not be a problem for you. Assuming that I make the decision to return the gift, how should I approach her to return the gift? You dont. Instead, you buy her a card and let her know that it is not your usual custom to accept gifts for favors, and that you appreciate the gift even though you believe it was rather extravagent. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Instead, you buy her a card and let her know that it is not your usual custom to accept gifts for favors, and that you appreciate the gift even though you believe it was rather extravagent. Typical gave you great advice. I'd take it if I were in your situation. She was very generous. You should acknowledge that. But not insult her by returning the gift. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Word, I agree with the posters above me. Never return a gift. But if you feel guilty perhaps you could help her in some way or give her a gift. Always be thankful, the worst thing you can do is not thank someone when they give you a gift, however inappropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 The value of the gift is relative. It may not have meant much to her just sitting in her house getting obsolete (or maybe she has the hots for you) and maybe she thought it would be put to better use in the hands of someone who might actually use it. I know people that give things to people they think can use them in a positive manner and sometimes the "gifts" are worth hundreds or thousands of dollars. So it happens in real life to other people too. If you can use the handycam then keep it and give her the genuine pleasure of giving you something that you appreciate. If there is any reciprocation to be done perhaps it is now your turn to identify a worthy recipient of a similar "gift" and keep the cycle going. Link to post Share on other sites
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