chryssy83 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Is it true that after you've dated a certain period of time you should know whether you want to get married? If so, what is that time (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years or more??). Also, if it's true, then does not knowing mean you shouldn't get married? Link to post Share on other sites
goodfriendeva Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 get married.. or get married to that person?? i always wanted to get married ever since i was a little girl.. ive dated others but never thought about marriage with them weve talked about it.. but it was more about just wanting to get married not with eachother.. honestly for me when i 1st met my DH i knew i was going to marry him.. we were friends for a few months then dated for 8months later got hitched.. for each person its different.. i dont think you not knowing if you want to get married should mean you shouldnt.. i think you think about the negative about marriages.. like divorce % etc.. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 It can take a long time to really know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. It is th rest of your life with one person. Depending on your age of course it could mean 50 to 70 years. Through thick, thin, jobs, no jobs, money, no money, whatever. It IS a big commitment and everyone comes to that decision whenever it is right for them. You should not feel pressure in regards to time. I know people who have been together 8 years before marriage and divorced within a year. I also know people who met and were married 3 weeks later who are still together 31 years later. Just do what you feel is right in your gut. If it doesn't feel right DON'T do it. I've been there done that. I also have married again with the right feeling - nothing compares to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted December 31, 2006 Author Share Posted December 31, 2006 Sadly, it's not me who doesn't want to do it... It's him. We broke up because he said he should know but he's still not sure after 3.5 years together. I told him there was no pressure...but someone else told him that if he didn't propose I would break up with him and he said it wasn't fair to me to stay together without knowing. There has to be another reason...I was just wondering if anyone had an opinion on what it means for the future of a relationship if one person says they want to get married someday, but they still don't know whether they want to marry you. We've been LDR for a while, I thought when I moved to where he was it might clear things up, but apparently he's not willing to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 There must be something else going on as you said. I hate to say this but he may have broken up with you because he doesn't want to marry you. He could be a commitment phobe -- or did you see When Harry Met Sally? Same thing happened to Sally. You don't want to waste your time with someone who is unsure about you either. 3.5 years - you are obviously a faithful girl with integrity. Many guys are yearning for that. Find one that will completely appreciate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Is it true that after you've dated a certain period of time you should know whether you want to get married? Dunno. Was young, foolish and likely in heat rather than love when I asked my first wife to marry me. By the time the wedding occurred I knew it was a mistake but was in the military, an officer's word is his bond and I went through with it. The marriage lasted 25 years and shouldn't have before we divorced. We hadn't had all that many dates but wrote to one another the entire time I was in Vietnam and on the Korean DMZ so I thought I knew her. I was wrong about that too. I knew my wife for five years before I asked her out for the first time and knew halfway through the date knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I was neither young nor foolish by then. We were engaged two weeks later and married six weeks after that. Yesterday we celebrated our 10th anniversary. I can't imagine not having her in my life after 15 years. Thankfully, she feels the same way! Link to post Share on other sites
vanessabg Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Is it true that after you've dated a certain period of time you should know whether you want to get married? If so, what is that time (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years or more??). Also, if it's true, then does not knowing mean you shouldn't get married? It is not necessary,if you have dating some one should marry with her/him.But if you feel someone being special for you so don't waist time and get marriage with her/him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 RE: I believe he did the right thing. In his mind, he wasn't comfortable playing games with you. He didn't want to destroy the relationship by proclaiming fake and unjust words. He was sincere, and honest about the idea of marriage, love, and most importantly his thoughts. He needs time. Pure time alone, as a single individual to experience and construct solid thoughts of what's to come in the future. Don't think that you don't measure up to a good normal woman, any man would dream of. Rather, you most likely do. You should be proud of those 3.5 years -and take it as a sign of a love that once was. Right now, I believe, he is just uncertain of the type of qualities, traits, personality, and overall spark his dream woman should have. He isn't sure if you truly fulfill him or perhaps his mind is playing tricks on him. Be there for him as an acquaintance [~friend], if you wish. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
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