bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 There are less mocking ways to express statements. Now, since KA NEVER said what she meant by now she see why he is looking. What if she had said that the wife walked in was rude to everyone, every other word was F this F that? WE ALL assumed it was a looks issue, but do we know for sure? Then would her statement have been out of line?? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 There are less mocking ways to express statements. " He is really into fitness, and she was morbidly obese " Would that have been better? Assuming we are talking a looks issue Morbidly obese is a factual observation that a physical trainer should be able to reasonably make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kymberann Posted January 1, 2007 Author Share Posted January 1, 2007 Just like it's a problem that betrayed spouses have with self-esteem. Affairs cause so much damage. Point well taken, but don't for an instant go thinking that OW/OM don't have some sort of esteem problem that evolved from A. I can't speak for others about this issue, but I can speak for me. This statement just about pisses me off I may not even have time to correct my spelling!. i hope you don't think that it is ONLY BS's that have an esteem issue?!! Let me tell you, original MM in my situation brought me down. Yes in some way I let him, that's my choice and I am rectifying that! HOwever, before affair, I was energetic, strong, positive, easy going. That's just my nature, and if I am bragging ,then so be it! I know that is what drew MM's attention. I was very social and outgoing. I fell lin love with the dude. I truly did. Out of ALL of the people I have "been in love" with I thought he was the one. So connected, so right for me. So why woildn't he leave and be commited to me if I was his "soulmate" like he said I was? I will never have that answer, but to be rejected and thrown to the side after being told so many things and having done so many things and having this strong emotional connection with someone you thought you would spend the rest of your life with and then NOT have any esteem issues? Well sh*t on that notion! I've gone though hell, so have other OW/OM. ANd rightly so! These As do a number on us, they wipe us clean of sanity, take away a capacity to trust or try again, make us question our own intentions/values/self worth. Makes me wonder where di I fit in the grand scheme of things! I am rebounding, coming back stronger. I am recovering and learning what I will and won't tolerate. Yes, my esteem is stronger now and with a vengence. I am still in anger mode as I still see and am even more aware of MM intentions. I am now more guarded and have no qualms about putting other MM in their place because of what i have been through! Is that so wrong? So whtehrt it's a judgement call or not on m,y part, if that's what ittakes to protect me from falling prey to another MM, then so friggin be it! I will now step off my soap box and hand it over to the next person in line! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 " He is really into fitness, and she was morbidly obese " Would that have been better? Assuming we are talking a looks issue Morbidly obese is a factual observation that a physical trainer should be able to reasonably make. Anyway, he walks in WITH HIS WIFE!!! SO I just kind of walk around, letting him know of my presence and the man does not EVEN look my way! So next time when he is a smooth talker, wanting a little somethin, and I know there will be a next time, I know exactly what to say! I think it will shut him up! This amendment would have been sufficient. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Personally, I think the profession has a lot to with it...if Kym were in a different profession....let's say "cashier" and MM and W were in a store and W was spending a large amount of money.... Kym's observation and comment might be, "man look at how much money W spends, no wonder he looks elsewhere" Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 This amendment would have been sufficient. People would have STILL gotten onto her and you know it. It still would have been mocking because of what it could have done to wifes self esteem. If her weight is the actual issue, that combined with her husbands actions would be doing 1000 times the damage as KAs statement. But as I said, we all assumed it was a weight issue. What if it was the other scenario I posted? What if it was bad language? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 People would have STILL gotten onto her and you know it. It still would have been mocking because of what it could have done to wifes self esteem. If her weight is the actual issue, that combined with her husbands actions would be doing 1000 times the damage as KAs statement. But as I said, we all assumed it was a weight issue. What if it was the other scenario I posted? What if it was bad language? I must have missed your post about bad language. This thread now has over a hundred responses. Please quote it or provide me the post number. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Personally, I think the profession has a lot to with it...if Kym were in a different profession....let's say "cashier" and MM and W were in a store and W was spending a large amount of money.... Kym's observation and comment might be, "man look at how much money W spends, no wonder he looks elsewhere" I fully agree. Want to talk about mocking statements?? Less then a week ago I had to remove a naked 500 pound woman from a bathtub in a filthy apartment on the second floor of a run down apartment building. Would have shot her self esteem right in the a*s. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 I must have missed your post about bad language. This thread now has over a hundred responses. Please quote it or provide me the post number. Hate it when its the last or next to the last post on a page. Gets overlooked real easy. Now, since KA NEVER said what she meant by now she see why he is looking. What if she had said that the wife walked in was rude to everyone, every other word was F this F that? WE ALL assumed it was a looks issue, but do we know for sure? Then would her statement have been out of line?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kymberann Posted January 1, 2007 Author Share Posted January 1, 2007 People would have STILL gotten onto her and you know it NO matter how I ammended it, people still assume the worst! People have to fill in the blanks, and they usually do so based on their own past experiences and learniung curves. Damned if you do, damned if you don't! SO I just kind of walk around, letting him know of my presence and the man does not EVEN look my way! The dude didn't even acknowledge me, he knew he was guilty, caught, on the verge of being exposed. Had you asked, instead of assumed I would have told you that this is a man that everytime he sees me, he approaches me first and initiates most communication! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Concerning Kyms statement....this is the very reason I wish all could come together.... Some of these MM/MW are extremely good at what they do...it's not always the case to where one meets the other and the two become one...in fact that is a rarity. Most cases the manipulation is great, my situation is a classic case of this triangle. I got the brunt of all of it....and guess who walked out of it smelling like a rose....I was a game for both of them. It would be so much better if we could all come together on some common ground....that is my hope Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Hate it when its the last or next to the last post on a page. Gets overlooked real easy. Now, since KA NEVER said what she meant by now she see why he is looking. What if she had said that the wife walked in was rude to everyone, every other word was F this F that? WE ALL assumed it was a looks issue, but do we know for sure? Then would her statement have been out of line?? Then it would not have been an issue that I can see. Whether this is the way other betrayed feel, I couldn't tell you. Being out-of-shape can be from a number of issues. That betrayed have a self-esteem issue due to affects of the affair(s) are what causes looks to be such sore points. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kymberann Posted January 1, 2007 Author Share Posted January 1, 2007 It would be so much better if we could all come together on some common ground....that is my hope Maybe that is something that we can work on in the new year, don't know how, but simply bringing it up is a start! Thanks for acknowledging that! I got the brunt of all of it As OW/OM we are all the wiser now, and that is what I was trying to articulate in original post, because of what we have gone through, but glad it was conducive to such a hearty debate! PIH you rock! OK, time for bed before I get real loopy! Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Then it would not have been an issue that I can see. Whether this is the way other betrayed feel, I couldn't tell you. Being out-of-shape can be from a number of issues. That betrayed have a self-esteem issue due to affects of the affair(s) are what causes looks to be such sore points. so if it had been about anything but looks it would have been acceptable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kymberann Posted January 1, 2007 Author Share Posted January 1, 2007 so if it had been about anything but looks it would have been acceptable? I highly doubt that! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 so if it had been about anything but looks it would have been acceptable? Swearing like a trucker is not an issue. Looks are. The rest, who knows? It's reliant on how it's expressed. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 what do you mean swearing like a trucker isnt an issue?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kymberann Posted January 1, 2007 Author Share Posted January 1, 2007 It certainly could be if someone on the recieving end were sensitive enough and became offended by such words, why would this really be any different? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Swearing like a trucker is not the after-effects of an affair. Well, maybe... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Who said anything about an affair. KA didnt have an affair with him. You are again assuming Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Eh? You're not making sense. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Swearing like a trucker is not the after-effects of an affair. Well, maybe... So no woman let herself go BEFORE the affair?? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 So no woman let herself go BEFORE the affair?? Self-esteem issues don't usually surround swearing like a trucker... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 Eh? You're not making sense. We were talking about KAs comment being her mocking the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 We were talking about KAs comment being her mocking the wife. And I explained why I thought so. Btw, we're doing the circular thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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