New Year's Eve Problems

[kjo314]

Hey Guys/Gals,

 

Writing to you at 3:30 in the morning on New Years Day because I am upset, hurt, and don't know what to do.

 

 

Well, here it is in a nutshell..

 

I have been trying to take steps to get involved more with my family. I wasn't far from them, it is just that with the job that I have, even though we only live 60 miles away it is hard for me to get home but maybe once a month.

 

My brother is 17 I am 22. Thought he is 17 and still a minor he acts like a 10 year old.

 

So tonight I go up for New Years Eve, when I could have gone out with friends. From the moment I got up there it started. He started on me with names like "homo" and "fag", these are things I consider offensive especially when he talks about my friends, though I am not gay I have friends that are. Then we started playing a board game and he would get mad and when I would say something he would dare me to hit him and then try to hit me and stuff....not playing...aggressive hitting.

 

Well, finally he made me snap. I tackled him to the ground and realized what I was doing. I packed up my things and left before things got worse. I figured since he couldn't leave, I should. I knew that he was just insulting me to try to make himself feel good. Not silly insults but actual hurtful insults. What made it worse was the "I hope you die" quote.

 

So on my way home I contact my mother to let her know it wasn't her fault and she got upset because she thinks that this is the last New Year's that everyone will be together because everyone is growing up and she feels she failed. She asked me to come back but I couldn't.

 

I have had problems like this with my brother before. He feels that he has to mock and attempt to make me so mad so that he can use it later on. He has AD/HD and is bi-polar but I feel that this is something that shouldn't be an excuse.

 

I am a teacher and I am very patient but I don't know how to solve this situation. This is the second time I have left a famiyl event due to a struggle between my brother and I. I feel like crap and I am sure my mother does as well but should I just sit there and take all the "you take it in the butt" "You are a douchebag" "you need to shut up" and all the vulgar things he does like flipping me off and the insults??

 

Let me know because I am now having to celebrate the new year in this situation and what is even worse...I am alone. I don't know what to do to solve this problem because it hurts!

 

Help

 

Thanks, sorry it was so long!

[Green]

Im 22 and have brothers who call me a fag and stuff too. I am not gay and yes its anoying. one of my brothers who calls me a fag is young and we get along pretty good and there really couldnt be a fight there my other brother is 20 and me and him get into pretty bad fights alot. I dont know what to say, I know I wish I could get along with the 20 year old better but we always seem to fight. Since I'm older, and since I only have full control over myself I hope to one day soon have a closer relationship with my family. I say suck it up let him call you a fag, dont let yourself get angry... I mean its not like your going to beat the crap out of him till hes to afraid to say it he just has to relize thats not right, and u need to grow up to. any advice Ive given to u I need to follow myself but I think alot of brothers have this whole call each other fag thing.

[kjo314]

Hi there!

 

It isn't really the "fag" thing.

 

Like for instance. He will just flat out smack me across the face because I will lower the level of volume on the TV or something like that. Like I move his glass and I get hit in the face.

 

I tolerate a lot. I do not like to fight with my brother. I wish I could do more things with him.

 

Take this for example. I am a music teacher at a school and we went on a field trip to see a musical. I invited him and all he could do the whole time was make fun of kids in my choir. I can't take him anywhere with out him being spoiled and bratty.

 

I hate leaving my family in situations like this. It gets bad though. He literally will smack me or something like that to try to gouge me into a fight and then when I don't wan't to even start with him he will do it more...and it never ends until I leave. Then he publicly humiliates me about it as well.

 

I don't know. I hate to talk about it on here but I honestly don't know what to do. I mean like he will come up and do what he calls "party boy" and be all nasty about it. Then when I try to get him off of me he always starts in with the stuff. I hate to be a whiner but I don't know what to do..

[Green]

I dont know what to say. If my little bro just slapped me in the face it would be an all out fight. And weve had our all out fights before and things only seem worse afterwards. Bring a hot chick over and say whose the fag now hahah. anyways I have no clue what to tell u to do, the only thing you can do is ignore it when he slaps you and he'll probably stop. I mean if you beat his ass real good to the point that hes in masive pain he'll probably still do all those bad things and u could end up in jail.

[kjo314]

that is why I leave...So that I don't end up in jail...

 

And no..the hitting and name calling and taunting doesn't stop. I am chubby and he isn't afraid to exploit that. I wasn't big into sports and he isn't afraid to exploit that. I am into music and he damn sure isn't afraid to exploit that. It isn't only me...he picks on the whole family...family events are usually ruined because of how he acts.

 

I really don't know....I don't want to hit him but it gets so bad and it hurts me so bad that I can't trust him to act like he is 17. I trust my 12 yo brother more than him because I know my 12 yo brother won'y get pissed because he didn't get to spend the last 15 minutes on a gamecard because we had to go to the red game or something like that. Then get pissed off and hate me the rest of the day and mock me.

 

I am sorry to say all this. It sounds like I am the worst brother in the world but I don't know what to do.

 

To add more to this...my mother thinks that I use this as an excuse not to come up and spend time with them...so I am getting more crap from her...maybe I should start a soap opera!

[Green]

I can relate to alot of what ur saying I was kind of chuby for a while and I'm not into sports and my brother is and all that, but you just have to ignore it, not let it get to u. Or just stay away I guess and not worry about what ur mother thinks. Alot of people go through the same stuff ur going through right now, you two will probably grow out of this, it will just be sad for both of you if this is a life long thing.

[BlueEyedSarah]

Sounds like your brother needs professional help.

[My Fair Katie]

To add more to this...my mother thinks that I use this as an excuse not to come up and spend time with them...so I am getting more crap from her...maybe I should start a soap opera!

 

That's really unfair of your mother. Why does she allow anyone living under her roof to treat her guests like that. I'm assuming if it were a cousin or grandmother that was visiting instead of you, her son, if your brother tried to go off and hit him he would be reprimanded. No different for you.

 

I think you need to tell your mom, "As long as you see fit to enable my brother's abuse towards me then no, I won't be coming up to spend time with the family. You and dad are more than welcome to visit me without little brother."

 

Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh towards your mom, but I have very little sympathy towards mother's who are constantly up on the cross. In case you can't tell, yeah I'm projecting a bit.

 

You did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation. I'm very sorry your family doesn't seem to agree.

[Green]

That's really unfair of your mother. Why does she allow anyone living under her roof to treat her guests like that. I'm assuming if it were a cousin or grandmother that was visiting instead of you, her son, if your brother tried to go off and hit him he would be reprimanded. No different for you.

 

I think you need to tell your mom, "As long as you see fit to enable my brother's abuse towards me then no, I won't be coming up to spend time with the family. You and dad are more than welcome to visit me without little brother."

 

Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh towards your mom, but I have very little sympathy towards mother's who are constantly up on the cross. In case you can't tell, yeah I'm projecting a bit.

 

You did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation. I'm very sorry your family doesn't seem to agree.

 

I realy doubt telling his mother this will do any good the truth is theres really nothing he can do but not react to his brothers stuff or just not come

[sumdude]

That's really unfair of your mother. Why does she allow anyone living under her roof to treat her guests like that. I'm assuming if it were a cousin or grandmother that was visiting instead of you, her son, if your brother tried to go off and hit him he would be reprimanded. No different for you.

 

I think you need to tell your mom, "As long as you see fit to enable my brother's abuse towards me then no, I won't be coming up to spend time with the family. You and dad are more than welcome to visit me without little brother."

 

Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh towards your mom, but I have very little sympathy towards mother's who are constantly up on the cross. In case you can't tell, yeah I'm projecting a bit.

 

You did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation. I'm very sorry your family doesn't seem to agree.

 

Yeah, the big question is where did your brother learn that awful behavior and why has it been allowed to get to this point? IS there someone there who calls him on his nastiness?

 

Male sibling challenges are natural to a degree. He's just trying to get to you and everytime you react it reinforces his behavior. So either avoid him, ignore him to his face or just finally give him the good smackdown he deserves and wants.

[Green]

Yeah, the big question is where did your brother learn that awful behavior and why has it been allowed to get to this point? IS there someone there who calls him on his nastiness?

 

Male sibling challenges are natural to a degree. He's just trying to get to you and everytime you react it reinforces his behavior. So either avoid him, ignore him to his face or just finally give him the good smackdown he deserves and wants.

 

 

even if he gives his bros a smack down which I'm sure he has already his brother isnt going to stop its only going to escalate things.