freckles73 Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 My friend has met a couple of guys on sites like Craigslist. One was okay, and the other was a skeevy creep. She said she had to spend quite a bit of time weeding through guys that were just looking for random no-strings hookups. The idea of doing this scares me. But at the same time, I have had bad luck with men on the major paid dating sites as well. At least with sites like eharmony you don't have to release your picture until there have been several emails and such....it requires some effort on their part. But on the free sites men don't even respond to emails unless you send them your picture right away, and how do you know they aren't just harvesting emails and pictures? Yes, I'm nervous. I'm hoping that some shack members (especially women) who have had experience with this can offer some tips and direction. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Anyone??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 MMM'kay. Guess not. (sigh) Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 arrange marriage makes things a ton easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 Considering I'm not from one of the ethnicities that still practice arranged marriages, that really doesn't help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I consider myself to be a self-proclaimed "expert" on online dating. I think my first true "online date" was about 1992. Yeah, tell me about it! One piece of advice, especially for women...... Don't use Craigslist to meet men. It's a FREE site, that means any idiot (Or WORSE) can post an ad on there, and not all of them are looking for love....if you know what I mean..... If you are going to use a site for dating, use a PAY site like eHarmony or Match.com. Generally, if a person has to PAY for a service, they are more likely to use it properly. I've been on Match.com for quite sometime (I met my ex there). Even though I've had several less-than-perfect dates on there, the people themselves have been "genuine". At least with Match, you know the person who is emailing you is also looking to meet someone. With Craigslist and similar sites, many of the people posting are actually shilling for lesser-known dating sites to attract members. They post a great looking ad (sometimes even with a picture), and you reply, and you get back a "canned" reply saying something like ".....the best way to reach me is at xxxxxxxx.com, my screen name there is xxxxxxx".. those are obvious fakes, just trying to earn a commission for drawing in new members. Sometimes, the free sites are harder on MEN, because the thinking is that a lot of men who use free dating sites are looking for sex, so they become easy prey for getting spammed by porn sites, escort services, and the like. There are many "mail-order bride" type services that use Craigslist to advertise their "merchandise" as well. Also, it's a known fact that gay men (not bashing, just stating fact) will sometimes post an ad as a woman asking for men's pictures. I actually responded to a nice-sounding "woman" once, and was quickly propositioned in email by a man, to the tune of "Hey buddy, if you can't find a woman.... you can come to my place and ................." No, I'm not still thinking about it. lol Let me give you a few more tips, from my years of experience (lol)... 1. If the person seems legit, get their phone# as soon as possible. A person who comes on a site to really meet someone shouldn't have qualms about talking on the phone. If they have something to hide (like their true gender), they WON'T give up the digits. 2. TAKE NOTES on every person you respond to/responds to you. Keep track of their age, location, occupation, etc..., ESPECIALLY before your first phone contact. When you get them on the phone, try to bring up some of the same topics, and see if their answers are consistent. If their age changes suddenly, just abort! 3. When you are ready to meet someone, always pick a public place. That's a no-brainer. If possible, pick a place YOU know well, like a local diner or Starbucks, or something like that. Bars are OK, only if you KNOW the bartender and/or manager. Too many dirty tricks can be pulled in a bar. 4. And yes, MEET somewhere. Don't let your date pick you up. Again, safety is key. 5. (now for the good stuff)..... You can gauge a person often by how long your first phone conversation is. Remember, you are getting to know someone without first having face-to-face contact. You can tell a lot about a person's intentions that way. If they keep rushing you off the phone, maybe they just aren't so serious? My best online dates came from 2-3 hour initial phone conversations. You have so much fun talking to them on the phone, it usually carries over into the first meeting. 6. Be yourself. Don't lie about ANYTHING, especially looks and/or income. Sometimes, looks and income are the things that "win" a person over initially, but when they fall short of expectations, you're sunk. I'm not a 6'4", 200lb hottie with 2 condos and a Ferrari. I'm a 5'8", 300+lb dude with a beaten up Jeep. All I have is my personality, and my sincerity to go on. Guys, it works. REAL people want REAL people, not a magazine cover. Besides, if you are honest right away, you can quickly weed out superficial people without spending much time (or any money!) on them! And ladies, be honest. If you are overweight/chubby/etc... and the topic comes up, be honest. It's not that men are shallow, we just are very visual, and if you paint us the wrong picture, it's just not going to work out. You'd be surprised how many men like the "bigger" girls. Besides, I'd take a "big girl" with a BIG heart and a great sense of humor, over a skinny girl who bores me to death anytime! I'm sure the same goes for men, too. Well, those are just a few tips from an "old pro". Hope this helps some of you! Now go out there, be SAFE, and get laid! Err... I mean, have fun! -tp and he's single, WHY? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Anyone??????? How about turning off the computer and going out into the 'real' world and meeting some 'real' guys instead of wasting time slogging through the perverted trash you're likely to find on 'Craigslist'? Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 That too! Seriously, sometimes it's hard to really make the time to go OUT to meet people. I usually work a 6 day week, and in the past, have worked MANY 7-day work weeks. The LAST thing you want to do after a 60-70 hour work week is to slump your butt down on some bar stool, when your own couch is a lot more comfy. Online dating I think is best for people who just don't have the time, plus, in some cases, I think it costs less than the constant "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" type of thing you have to go through in a club. A "wink" on Match.com is the online equivalent of buying someone a drink. That's $20 a month (or whatever it is) to have your own "open bar". -tp "bartender, buy that douche over there a drink!" "sir, we don't talk like that in this establishment." "just buy the douche a drink!" "Miss, the man over there would like to buy you a drink. what'll it be?" "I'll have a vinegar and water." Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 That too! Seriously, sometimes it's hard to really make the time to go OUT to meet people. I usually work a 6 day week, and in the past, have worked MANY 7-day work weeks. The LAST thing you want to do after a 60-70 hour work week is to slump your butt down on some bar stool, when your own couch is a lot more comfy. Online dating I think is best for people who just don't have the time, plus, in some cases, I think it costs less than the constant "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" type of thing you have to go through in a club. A "wink" on Match.com is the online equivalent of buying someone a drink. That's $20 a month (or whatever it is) to have your own "open bar". -tp "bartender, buy that douche over there a drink!" "sir, we don't talk like that in this establishment." "just buy the douche a drink!" "Miss, the man over there would like to buy you a drink. what'll it be?" "I'll have a vinegar and water." While you are correct on the surface the problem then becomes this: if you're working 60-70 hours per week - by choice, I presume, not by necessity? - and as a result have little time to go 'out there' to meet someone therefore you go online for luvvy-duvvies then from where will you get the time to actually have and enjoy the relationship once you do find the 'right one'? Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I have always made time for a girlfriend. One thing I do, from the initial contact (and usually in my "profile") is state that I do work LONG hours. I make it clear up front I'm not usually a "9-5 worker", so my "match" should be ok with that, or at the least have "odd hours" too, so she understands. I know that does limit the number of potential dates, but it's better to clear things like that upfront. -tp everybody's workin' for the weekend, except me, I'm usually workin' ON the weekend..... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Definitely stay away from CL. It's free so you get the bottom rung of society. eHarmony is okay--I have a friend who met his fiancee on there--but it's expensive and you can't browse for people. Match used to suck, IME, because of all the fake ads, but it looks like they've cleaned that up recently and I had good results with that site. The girl I'm seeing right now I met initially on Match and so far she's been great. Not all people you meet online are trash and not all people you meet in the "real" world are gems. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I have always made time for a girlfriend. One thing I do, from the initial contact (and usually in my "profile") is state that I do work LONG hours. I make it clear up front I'm not usually a "9-5 worker", so my "match" should be ok with that, or at the least have "odd hours" too, so she understands. I know that does limit the number of potential dates, but it's better to clear things like that upfront. -tp everybody's workin' for the weekend, except me, I'm usually workin' ON the weekend..... Live for the job, huh? Well, I suppose it'll work if you find a workaholic soul like yourself otherwise you will run into problems. You know women easily get into a snit when it comes to 'their man' not being around enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 When I was with my last gf, I was working 11am-7pm, Monday through Friday, as well as Sundays 9am-5pm, and sometimes even Saturdays 9-5 as well, depending on my cash flow.. She worked M-F 7:30-3:30, and then a couple of evenings from 4-8pm, Saturdays from 9-2pm, and during the spring she coaches girls track AND tutors sometimes 4-5 students a week! Talk about overworked, it's amazing either of us had ANY energy for sex. Though we did... -tp keeps on going, and going..... Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 When I was with my last gf, I was working 11am-7pm, Monday through Friday, as well as Sundays 9am-5pm, and sometimes even Saturdays 9-5 as well, depending on my cash flow.. She worked M-F 7:30-3:30, and then a couple of evenings from 4-8pm, Saturdays from 9-2pm, and during the spring she coaches girls track AND tutors sometimes 4-5 students a week! Talk about overworked, it's amazing either of us had ANY energy for sex. Though we did... -tp keeps on going, and going..... With schedules like those it's a miracle you two even had a relationship. I don't love money that much to go to those extremes. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 online dating is pretty much a waste of time for most people. instead use your network of friends, family and co-workers to see if they know any singles. Also, hit the bar at happy hour in a nice part of town (only happy hr!). There are also many singles activites, clubs and events in most mid-size and larger cities. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 You can also try speed-dating, where you meet 25 or 30 guys within a couple hours. You only get a certain amount of time to talk with each other, and then the next guy comes to talk to you. You fill out a card indicating which guys you'd like to see again, they do the same, and the speed-dating services matches you up if you both say yes. Each person is required to pay a fee for this, so you generally get people who want to find a relationship. Most cities have something like this - google speed-dating and your city and see what comes up. If nothing else, you have a fun time out meeting a bunch of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Teachers pet really does seem like an expert online dater. As for me I look at online dating as an extra way to try to meet girls. I find online dating more time consuming then regurlar dating because its like a three step process that happens all at once in the real world. First you have to be good at getting them going with your email and picture or what ever. Which means you have to be good at writing emails and have some good pictures. Then you need to be a good phone conversationalist which I am horible at , and finaly you have to meet the girl in the real world. In real life you meet the girl and get her number your already past all those first encounter steps. Personaly I enjoy trying to meet girls any which way I can which includes the net. I have been talking to girls on craigs list just started trying that, I dated a girl I met off myspace which was pretty good, and I had a little thing going with a girl I met on ICQ. Just remember meet them in a coffee place or somewhere public the first time and be ready to leave after a few minutes if you dont click. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 It's nice to hear other's online dating tales of joy and woes. I guess what I often wonder is if there is a "type" of guy that uses those paid sites to essentially "shop" for women. It became problematic for me, because I caught the two guys I dated (both for more than a year) back on Match, long after we were supposedly in an exclusive relationship. One guy would jump back on anytime we had even the slightest disagreement, and the other just kept trolling with his profile hidden -- and I found out about that because he unknowingly emailed one of my friends who he hadn't met yet! I just wonder if men who date online are more prone to want to "trade-in" their girlfriends. Both of these guys you never would have suspected were the type to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 That's exactly what my ex did.... A week before we broke up, she "re-activated" her profile. I only knew this because she was at her computer, reading her email, and I saw the header for the "confirmation email" in her inbox. Nice! -tp irreplaceable! not.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles73 Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 It also seems that a lot of guys are looking for barbie dolls too. One guy who contacted me and asked me out said after five minutes of meeting me that I was much heavier than his type. WTF! Then why did he bother contacting me? I didn't hide anything. I had pictures up. I'm 5'8" and a size 14 with an hourglass figure and have been told a number of times that I look stunning, so I put myself in the curvy category. When I reminded him that I said I was curvy, he said that he thinks Angelina Jolie is curvy and that I would be in "another category". Jerk. What killed me is that this guy could stand to lose a few pounds (spare tire), but he labeled himself athletic. Maybe in another life he was. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 lol.... 5'8" and a Size 14 is pretty damned cute in my book. Who wants a "stick", anyway? As they say, "bones are for dogs...real men prefer curves!" -tp curvy. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 You can also try speed-dating, where you meet 25 or 30 guys within a couple hours. another even more expensive waste of time...totally artificial meeting environment It also seems that a lot of guys are looking for barbie dolls too. so? many women are looking for a walking wallet loaded with ca$h, especially the good looking women. As they say' date=' "bones are for dogs...real men prefer curves!" [/quote'] I prefer "curves" only with my Porsche 911 Carerra twin-turbo Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Let me give you my online experiences : ~~ One guy posted a pic with luscious dark hair ( a black and white ) said he was 6.4 and 240 but when I met him he was bald and well over 330 lbs. One guy posted normal pics and we had somewhat normal phone conversations but when we met for our date he was wearing a coat in 108 degrees heat ! Had a turban wrapped around his head and was terrified of talking to me . Numerous men were : unemployed , living with Buddies , Roomies , didn't have any money to get a drink , pay their rent , and bitterly complained about their ex's but wanted a * good time * with me.... 3 have had ADD which I tried to be fair about but He** No to that anymore. 3 were married and didnt tell me..Their wives DID . One invited me to a movie and groped at me strongly and I constantly put his hand down. I was exhausted by the end of the movie. I know I could have left but I liked the movie LOL ! Many were society challenged rejects who found dating sites were great places to masterbate. I don't take it seriously at all. If they don't call when you suggest it then sign them off fast ! Don't let a great( novel ) writer fool you that in real life he can't put 2 words together. Steer clear of STD boys when all they wanna do is " come over tonite and hang out with you " I still go on for fun but I don't think Mr. Quality will be met there... Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Let me give you my online experiences : ~~... I rest my case... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 The GF I have now I met on match.. I had to weed thru alot of losers before finding one that stuck....even the ex that brought me to LS I met on match.. wack job I will say though that with my current GF we emailed thru match for 2 weeks and then I sent her my work email.. She fired back an email and said you are so and so from so and so company.. it turned out that after talking with her on match for 2 weeks that we really have known each other for about 5 years.. thru work.. She is a client of mine and I had been speaking with her over the phone thru those years but never met her in person.. She is a keeper... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts