ShyWriterGal Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 The long and short of it. I've known a guy for 12 years. We've talked regularly for the past 15 months, and daily for the last 2. He invited me to come visit him and we slept together twice (three weeks ago). We did not have any discussions beforehand. He lives 2,000 miles from me and has multiple issues that he says preclude him from having any relationship right now...a daughter in counseling, health problems, unfinished college education, and bad finances. I told him the other night I didn't want to harm anything and I wanted to have a relationship-relationship with him. He said he can't do that to his daughter, as she's been emotionally hurt by other women leaving before. He said he needs a year to straighten things out for himself before he can be there for anyone else. He says it's not because he's a dick or doesn't care, but because he's not in a position to give me what I want. I tried to make him understand I wasn't asking him to sacrifice anything , and he got freaked out and said I was scaring him and he is worried about my mental state! He said I needed to slowthe f**kdown and to try to relax. This guy has been my friend for years. I don't know what to make of his excuses, or how to undo the damage I did. We're still talking but things feel stiff and we're not talking nearly as much. What can I do to make him see I am NOT desperate but I don't expect him to be perfect? I want a real relationship with him and I'm fearful someone else might come along for him if I really have to wait a year to see where he stands with his own life. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 He lives 2,000 miles from me and has multiple issues that he says preclude him from having any relationship right now...a daughter in counseling, health problems, unfinished college education, and bad finances. This can affect some people to not want to get into a relationship because all of what is happening in their life can stress them. I told him the other night I didn't want to harm anything and I wanted to have a relationship-relationship with him. He said he can't do that to his daughter, as she's been emotionally hurt by other women leaving before. He said he needs a year to straighten things out for himself before he can be there for anyone else. He says it's not because he's a dick or doesn't care, but because he's not in a position to give me what I want. He needs space. He is not ready for a relationship with ANYONe by the sounds of it. I tried to make him understand I wasn't asking him to sacrifice anything , and he got freaked out and said I was scaring him and he is worried about my mental state! He said I needed to slowthe f**kdown and to try to relax. I do not agree that he should have said something like that to you. It makes him look like a dick! But what I make of it is that you scared him by always on about wanting a relationship with him and trying to persue a relationship with him when he is clearly not ready for that. He saw you rushing things when he clearly explained he was not intrested in a relationship right now because of the position of where he is in he's life. This is why he wants you to slow down and relax. He sees you as comming ff as needy. So I think you should listen and respect that he needs to get he's life on track before he gets into a relstionship with anyone. We're still talking but things feel stiff and we're not talking nearly as much. Thats is because he feels uncomfortable and pushed away, but since he is still talking to you it shows he wants to still be your friend. What can I do to make him see I am NOT desperate Show him by not talk on about a relationship with him becuase that will push him away. I want a real relationship with him and I'm fearful someone else might come along for him Then is he really worth it? He would have not been fully honest with you about not wanting to have a relationship right now. In my opinion you should respect that he said he is not ready, do NOT talk to him about wanting a relationship with him because he is not ready. It will only push him away. Don't wait around for him you may miss other opertunities. If he is ready for a relationship with you and intrested in having a relationship with you then he will let you know some way when he is ready. Yes that may be in a year or more which is why you shouldn't wait around because it may not happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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