D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 After months of being ignored- almost 5 to be exact, my ex b/f contacted me and asked to go out to dinner. I'm in shock. I don't know what to make of the invitation. I don't even know if I should go, even though I want to more than ever. I'm afraid that if he is just making friendly contact and doesn't want to reconcile that I'll go back to square one with the grieving process. On the other hand, if he wants to work things out- I'd miss out on the opportunity. You don't even understand how much I have been wanting to hear from him, and now that I have I'm not sure what to do. My heart is in my throat right now. Actually, I feel kinda sick to my stomache. D Link to post Share on other sites
suchislife Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 D, I've been wondering how you have been. You give very good advice and was hoping you were ok. Go! I know what you mean about the grieving process, but go anyway. You will never know unless you do. Just try, try, try to keep it in perspective until you find out what the deal is. I have had the same thing - upset stomach, etc., wondering how strange my life is and if I'm opening up a can of worms... I'm in the middle of not hearing anything from the Mad Texter after he was in contact with me all hours of the day and night... you can read my posts if you care to - it's a strange situation... BUT, I did what you did. I put my feelings on the line and explained how I feel, and now I have to start putting my life/feelings back together. I may or may not hear from him. Anyway, that's my story in a nutshell - this is about you and I am happy for you. Just when you were ready to let it go... Do you really think he just wants to make friendly contact?! Don't think so. Keep posting - when will you meet? Did I miss that detail? Link to post Share on other sites
T-Lady Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Wow! I was in shock when I logged on and saw your heading. Well, this has been the moment you have been waiting for. I think you should go, but keep in mind the advice you have been giving others over the past few months and keep everything light. If he is interested in winning you back, let him show his emotions. If he is just trying to make friendly contact, try very hard to just be friendly. As I have told you several times in my posts, your situation sounded very much like my own. I know that I had the opportunity to do to dinner with my ex, I would let see that I have been living my life (he knows I have been living because his sisters communicate with me on a daily basis). Keep in mind that begging and pleading will make him run away again. Be strong. I don't know you personally, but based on your posts I can tell that you are a strong woman. Read through some of the LS posts before you go as a refresher as to what to say and not to say. You finally have your opportunity to talk to him again. Do not go in with expectations. I think this will help you to deal with whatever he dishes out. Good Luck & please keep us posted!!!! I can't wait to hear how it goes. T Link to post Share on other sites
Jubilee Kate Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 After months of being ignored- almost 5 to be exact, my ex b/f contacted me and asked to go out to dinner. I'm in shock. I don't know what to make of the invitation. I don't even know if I should go, even though I want to more than ever. I'm afraid that if he is just making friendly contact and doesn't want to reconcile that I'll go back to square one with the grieving process. On the other hand, if he wants to work things out- I'd miss out on the opportunity. You don't even understand how much I have been wanting to hear from him, and now that I have I'm not sure what to do. My heart is in my throat right now. Actually, I feel kinda sick to my stomache. D If you're not at the point in the healing process that you can go out for a friendly dinner without the expectation that he will want a reconcilliation, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. I know this is what you've been waiting for, I do. But on the other hand, if you go and he doesn't say those words to you, ask yourself what it will do to you. I have to say that I know if my ex called right now, I'd go. I've been pining this past month. But I know in my heart that if I went back at this point it would still be too soon for him and nothing will have really changed. He's still going to be the same person he was and I'm still going to have the same fear deep down just waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you do go, I wish you all the best of luck. It's 2007 darnit! All the best! You deserve it, so strive for it and don't accept anything less. Link to post Share on other sites
mav100 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hey D... That *could* be great news! I would agree to go, but make sure you have no expectations, and don't bring up the relationship. If he brings it up, let him control the direction of the conversation... Considering all the great advice you give everyone here, I'm sure you already know all this... Good luck - and keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Wasn't it just 6 weeks or so ago that he showed up at your place ? Then you reached out with contact and he never replied ? If I remember correctly he crushed you again.. Why put up with allowing him to contact you and play with your emotions ? The last time he contacted you he hadn't shown that he was an ass.. but he has now.. The last time he did this to you I thought you should do the contact.. Now I do NOT.. He is just going to hurt you again..He is calling to see if you are still on the hook.. Dinner to woo you then kick you to the curb again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I thought you were well on your way in the healing process with this guy. If I remember right you don't/didn't want to get back together with him. As much as you want to hope with this guy you should let it go. Just my advice as you will do what you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I feel kinda sick to my stomache. Listen to your gut........ Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 What a roller coaster this guy is! I know you will know what to do and how to take care of yourself. This guy does have to prove himself though. And I'm sure if you do go, you'll find that your nervousness and stomach aches are unwarranted. I would say focus on getting yourself in a great spiritual shape before the date. Work out, go for a massage, pamper yourself. Keep us posted! love K Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Boy, this is a tough decision! I probably wouldn't be strong enough to say no myself, but I would suggest that you at least play hard to get. See if he reacts to your rejection with pouring his heart out to you via v-mail or e-mail. Just remember that the holidays just ended, and this is a typical time for exes to get nostalgic and have feelings of lonliness. Try to find a way to measure his true intent before you put yourself out there again in such a vulnerable position. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 I agree with a whole lot of what's being said here. Yes, just as I was coming to terms with the fact that I would never talk to him again... And yes, he proved himself an ass the last time he came to see me. I've sent him a couple light friendly e-mails- the last one being about 6 weeks ago. In that e-mail I asked about metting up for a chat... and to contact me if he ever wanted to do that. Yeah, I'm going to go. if nothing else but to put some closure on the deal- something I don't feel I've gotten. And you're right about the holidays making people lonley and vulnerable. he probably spent time with family and friends and had to listen to them tell him he made a mistake. The last time I talked to his friends over lunch- they told me he took flack from everyone for screwing things up with me.... expecially from his dad and brother. So, I truly don't have expectations. I haven't responded to the e-mail yet, I'm going to sit on it for a while. It's just confusing. D Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 The last time I talked to his friends over lunch- they told me he took flack from everyone for screwing things up with me.... expecially from his dad and brother. His family isn't in the relationship with you.. No matter what his family said or says to him it won't change the fact he continues to treat you like crap.. Since the breakup that is what he has done by the way.. treated you like crap. Remove the rose colored glasses.. you seem to be wearing those right now.. I'm not saying don't meet him for dinner... I'm saying to let him go and move on.. You can still go to dinner and not get back with him.. Link to post Share on other sites
suchislife Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I've been checking back to see what the responses are - hitting close to home with me too... I agree with Art Critic. Go, and make your decision, if there is one to be made, afterward... Take ALL the time you need. Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I'm sorta new here D-Lish, so I don't know your entire backstory, but I did want to advise you that the Holiday season is one of the worst times for reconcillation. People get nostalgic, they feel lonely, they seek out exes to fulfill their own needs, to not be so lonely. In my experience reconcilliations that happen at the holidays do not often last very long and tend to be on the selfish side. So, that said, if you go to dinner with him, make sure to take it slow. Guard your heart and protect yourself. If you do decide to pursue a reconcilliation realize you can't start back where you left off, you will need to rebuild the foundation of a relationship. Be sure to put yourself FIRST in all of this, no one else will do it for you. Good luck hun. ("Hun," sheesh, you can take the girl outta Bawlmore, but you can't take the Baltimoron outta the girl). Link to post Share on other sites
Grrlish Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 D-Lish: I was able to gleen some information about your ex and your relationship (and post-relationship experience) with him by reviewing some of your earlier threads (although not verbatim). It sounds like he's been playing games with you since the official breakup. It also sounds like you want to go to dinner with him and see what it's all about. It doesn't sounds like you've been able to shut the door so maybe this will enable you to shut the door. Or maybe he does have the best of intentions. Since it sounds like you really want to go, I say go. If things go well, go slooowww. So slow that a garden snail would beat you to the finish line. Again, I don't know the details of your story. Based on what I've read a bit of, I'm concerned that he's going to do the bouncy ball thing and hurt you. But I also know what it's like to be in your shoes. If you really can't let it go, then go to dinner and see what happens. If I were you, this would be the last chance he gets to treat you like a Princess. If he fails, his butt should be kicked to the moat, er, curb. Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Yea, do the best for yourself D, Don't go expecting a reconciliation but know what you are going to do if that does come up. Need to try to be less emotional and more rational about this. I wish you the best of luck and I think everyone deserves to be happy and you sure do deserve your happiness right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Toaster Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I'm happy that you've finally gotten contact. Go, or you'll second guess yourself to death. Just be sure to go in with zero expectations. I'm pulling for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 Thanks for your replies and continued support. And yes Art Critic, you're quite right that he has treated me badly. I do have rose coloured glasses on at the moment. If I think long and hard, I know that he wasn't "a prize", and he wasn't honest with me, and the relationship failed for a good reason. I don't have expectations, but I do have curiousity and some need for closure. I truly don't expect him to want to reconcile. WHen he broke up with me he told me he didn't love me anymore and would NEVER take me back as his girlfriend. I know he meant those words. What I'm hoping to get is a little closure though. He said some horrible things about me when he dumped me- and I never got a chance to respond to those words or defend myself because he refused to let me talk. I just want an opportunity to say what I need to say- what I have wanted to say for a long time. I'm tired of the pain and the impact those words have had. I'll be careful, and I'll keep my guard up. I do think I need to have this meeting though. Not for a reconciliation- but for closure. He's not the right man for me, I know that. D Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I'll be careful, and I'll keep my guard up. I do think I need to have this meeting though. Not for a reconciliation- but for closure. He's not the right man for me, I know that. D Damn have you got your head screwed on straight.. and here I was freaking out over nothing Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 thats the attitude..... Now, do canadian girls dig a good looking asian boy who has an Australian accent?? Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 He said some horrible things about me when he dumped me Can I beat him up? -tp hero of the day Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 What I'm hoping to get is a little closure though. He said some horrible things about me when he dumped me- and I never got a chance to respond to those words or defend myself because he refused to let me talk. I just want an opportunity to say what I need to say- what I have wanted to say for a long time. I'm tired of the pain and the impact those words have had. Good for you, I actually met with an ex for similar reasons six months after we broke up. But instead of lambasting him for the awful things he said to me (as I intended), we had a nice meeting. It was how we SHOULD have broken up in the first place. We seperated amicably after that, which was nice considering our break up was rocky. He apologized for the way he handled himself and I apologized for my part in it as well. We didn't remain friends, but it was a friendly parting with a hug. I felt much better and more open to falling in love again after that. Two weeks later I met the man who would become My Fair Husband. I'm glad I got the opportunity to part with my ex without the hard and bitter feelings. I'm not sure I would've been in a place to give My Fair Husband a shot if I hadn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Good for you, I actually met with an ex for similar reasons six months after we broke up. But instead of lambasting him for the awful things he said to me (as I intended), we had a nice meeting. It was how we SHOULD have broken up in the first place. We seperated amicably after that, which was nice considering our break up was rocky. He apologized for the way he handled himself and I apologized for my part in it as well. We didn't remain friends, but it was a friendly parting with a hug. I felt much better and more open to falling in love again after that. Two weeks later I met the man who would become My Fair Husband. I'm glad I got the opportunity to part with my ex without the hard and bitter feelings. I'm not sure I would've been in a place to give My Fair Husband a shot if I hadn't. That's great, Katie.. I wish my ex GF gave me the same consideration. She dumped me in a text message, then called me a week later to basically tell me off for good. I never got any real answers, or "real" closure... and since then, it's been so hard for me to move on.... -tp trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Jubilee Kate Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 That's great, Katie.. I wish my ex GF gave me the same consideration. She dumped me in a text message, then called me a week later to basically tell me off for good. I never got any real answers, or "real" closure... and since then, it's been so hard for me to move on.... -tp trying. I've found that ex's usually contact you at the exact moment you actually start making some major headway in the healing process. When you've gone for five days in a row without thinking about them, that's when the phone call comes or you bump into them. It's like a weird radar they have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 I've heard it said on this forum that closure is over rated. I don't buy that. I think it's very important. I too have remained stuck since the break up because I didn't get a chance to have any say. Everytime I tried to get some answers he cut me off and told me he wasn't going to talk to me about it. I've been walking around like a zombie for 5 months playing that broken record over and over again in my head. "It's over, I'm sorry I led you on". I don't know, telling someone you love them, talking about moving in together, and taking them away on a romantic vacation and then breaking up with them a week after... I think that's a little more than leading someone on! And how can I forget that he asked me for my half of the money for the trip after he dumped me (and told me he hadn't loved me for months). I would have paid him regardless... but geesh, I thought that was ballsy to ask for it. You want to beat him up TP? That's a kind gesture! Thanks! lol. Chivalry isn't dead! My hope is for a nice meeting. I need and want the closure. Thanks guys, D Link to post Share on other sites
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