3 1/2 years together and getting texts from another girl....

[temptris33]

Ok. I've posted before a few times with problems from this relationship. I will try and make it short. My bf and I have been seeing eachother for 4 years, but "together" for 3 1/2 yrs. To cut to the chase....I am always accountable to him. He pretty much knows where I am most of the time. I'm sure he also knows that he can call me and 99 percent of the time get a hold of me. Not an issue on my part. I also leave my cell around and wouldn't care one if he used it or took it on a trip. I'm not secretive that way and have nothing to hide. It's just a phone. Well, I rarely can reach him on his cell. His shop doesn't have good range (i Know the shop landline number) so his cell doesn't work there, but he's usually not there that much. He is out in the field doing his work. I'm sure on his cell he can see "missed call" and the number when I have called but I don't get a call back for a long while. He never leaves his cell anywhere so I dont understand why I cant ever get him...only sometimes. I went to Sacramento to other day and had to drive back at night in my car that isn't doing that great.....it's a 2.5 hour drive....I called him about an hour into the drive and couldn't get him. He was supposed to meet me at my apt at 930 pm. I didn't hear from him until after 11:00..what if something had happened on the road? I coudln't have gotten him. I just feel he is secretive with his phone. Today it was cold and I grabbed his coat to take the dog out. His cell was in the pocket..I know he didn't realize this cuz he would probably have taken it out. I couldn't help it...when I got outside I looked at his phone....he had 7 text msgs on it and 5 of them were from this girl named Alli. One msg in perticular really pissed me off....it was sent yesterday 12/31 and said "sorry I couldn't hang out for an extra hour ..let me know when you can and have fun tonight". then another text she sent at 3:30 in the morning telling him happy new years. I was livid. When I went back inside I only told him that "he got a text msg from a girl named alli" and that it vibrated so I looked. I didn't tell him that I looked at all of them. The only one that I told him I saw was the happy new years one. At first he said "alli? Alli who?" then he said shes a family friend and he got really defensive that I was looking at his phone! he was kind of going off about it. He left and came back later and I was supposed to be cool with everything. He didn't want to hang out with me if I was going to be pissy towards him. I asked him if he has hung out with this girl or talked to her or what....he said he hasn't and that I have nothing to worry about that he's not attracted to her or anything..shes a family friend.....well, a freind that I haven't heard of in 4 years. Just in reading that one text on the hangin out thing, set me off. I feel like he's lying about it. I don't know. Should I just let it blow over and go away or should I really start looking at the whole picture? His dad died about 3 weeks ago and he said Alli (this girl) was at the funeral and that her dad died about a year and half ago. I never met this family friend at the funeral. I am trying to be really sweet and trusting about it, but I am totally not trusting him. He left a little bit ago to make some calls at the shop and go check on mom and sister..and I just hate wondering if that's really what he's gonna be doing. Oh, we don't live together and he moved his stuff from the shop where he was staying when he wasn't with me to his parents house. At least when he was sleeping at the shop I could call him and say good night and knew that's where he was. Now, at his parents I don't want to call up there to check. It's kind of weird. I don't know what to do with the whole thing...the texts and everything......do I have a reason to be angry?? Please help

[temptris33]

sorry for not making paragraphs and thus being easier to read....I was on a roll.....any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest]

He received a text, 1 of 5 from alli and it said :

"sorry I couldn't hang out for an extra hour ..let me know when you can have fun tonight".

 

Then you ask him about it, and he POINT BLANK said they never hung out.

 

Yet her text clearly, clearly contradicts that.

 

She is a family friend he met at the funeral, I assume you were at his dad's funeral, and you did not meet an alli.

 

The not answering the phone thing is annoying, I was ready to say eh, that in itself does not say much, but with your bad feeling, his unavailability, and a lie I say you have a lot to worry about.

 

I do not know what to say on how to handle it, other people on this board may have advice on it, but this looks really bad.

 

was he always unavailble by phone your whole relationship? Or have you noticed it more recently? It makes me wonder if this has been going on for awhile or if it is new ?

 

But he is lying to you and being shady....

[malibu]

I hate to say it but it seems like he is guilty of something.

[Yamaha]

When people become defensive and angry when you, point blank, ask them about something that they have not been truthful about it is because they are lying and hiding something from you. I would get to the bottom of this as it will just eat away at you until you find out what is really going on.

[brickaney]

Yeah the simple fact that he lied to you, saying he didn't hang out with her when the text makes it clear that he did, is enough to call him on. Let alone he got defensive very quickly & tried to redirect the problem to you. Call him on it. Tell him how you feel. If he's not guilty he will listen patiently & then get defensive BUT he'll have to be able to tell a thorough story. If he is guilty he will jump the gun & try to get you to forget about the situation right away, his story will also have flaws & not be very logical.

 

You have the right to be concerned. Please stand your ground with him until YOU understand the situation, not until HE believes you understand what's going on, but until you actually have a solid understanding of what's going on. I hope that made sense.

[temptris33]

In ONE of her textes that I mentioned she ended it with "let me know when you can AND have fun tonight....meaning for New Years to have fun. Yes, he's always been a hard one on the phone thing. Alot more so lately. I have been putting trust into him tho and giving him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Xmas eve he spent with me. Xmas he went to his best friends moms house with his mom and sister and had dinner there. He left the dinner at 830 and I didn't hear from him til 1030. He did call me when he first got to the dinner telling me that me missed me and hated leaving me alone to go to this and that he would hurry and get done and come down. He didnt. I called the shop and he never answered there. When I saw him he did say that he was at the shop and then he went over to where his dad died (at the shop) and just stared at the door for a while....that was his excuse for the 2 hrs.

 

I feel like an ass. I do not trust him but I do love him and I want to but I just cant. I cant help but wonder if its really nothing. The part on him getting defensive about the phone really put the flag up for me. He's always been like that with his phone. a year and half ago it was his ex that was sending him textes that weren't appropriate. His excuse: his sister was using his phone. That took a while to get over.....and now this. I don't want to lose him for my insecurities when it could be nothing.

[Guest]

look, get it out of your head and into a discussion.

The poster above who suggested you keep talking about it until YOU are clear on it makes a lot of sense.

 

I have read a few of your other posts and it seems this would be resolved one way or the other if you bring it out into the open, you seem to be flip flopping in your head, and you will just go around in circles.

 

Talk about it with him until you are blue in the face if necessary. You need to understand what is happening. And right now, you don't. Good luck.

[Guest]

You said:

In ONE of her textes that I mentioned she ended it with "let me know when you can AND have fun tonight....meaning for New Years to have fun.

 

I say:

 

I think you should concentrate on just the facts, the 2 hours missing time, the keeping track, her wishing him a happy new years eve-- all that is not important.

 

You seem to be losing sight of that in her text it said " sorry I could not hang out the extra hour" in the beginning, which clearly means they were, in fact, hanging out.

 

And he denied it, and said they never hung out.

 

That is what you need to talk about with him......the rest , who knows?

I would want to start with that, it is factual evidence.

It does not have double meanings, yet you seem to be trying to talk yourself out of it.

 

Don't do that, that is a bad road to take.

[temptris33]

We talked about it last night. I just asked him where she was at the funeral and that I didn't meet her. He said "you have nothing to worry about" and "I love you and want to be with only you" and "there is nothing, trust me, nothing for you to be concerned with". Stuff like that. I asked the stupid questions like how old is she and all that...she's the same age as him and tall. She said she is a "cute" girl but that's it.

 

I don't want him to know that I looked at the other text messages. How do I confront him on that other one? the one that states they hung out. Maybe if he comes down tonight I can just tell him to please show me the textes from her so that I know they say what he tells me they say...even tho I've already seen them. I would like to see if he deleted that one I was talking about. Hmmmm

[Walk]

My exh father died after we'd been going out for about 2 years. It was hard on him. He was more distant then normal, less attentive toward me and more focused on himself. Which is understandable. BUT, he didn't have unaccounted time, didn't ignore my phone calls, didn't brush off my concerns. He stopped hanging out with other friends, spent more time with his siblings and mother. Focused on his immediate family. That was about all the energy he had in him. And it was spent on his family and me.

 

He didn't tell me every little thing or every single second of his day, but it all jived. There weren't any large mis-matched messages, or inconsistent facts. There might have been small incongurencies, but nothing major.

 

The story you give has gaping holes, obvious lies, and numerous amounts of unaccounted time. His actions aren't jiving with his words. That to me says he's doing things he shouldn't be doing.

 

I cheated on an ex a long time ago.. I was doing the same things your bf is doing. Watch his actions. Those speak louder than his words. He'll say anything to get you to drop it if he is cheating. But his actions will tell the truth. I've seen it over and over again. I was suspiciously absent in putting forth the effort to show I wanted to be there. Not returning calls, not putting forth effort to make time, not being very concerned with how the ex was feeling on a whole. I was selfish. More about my convinence, then his feelings. If confronted, I was at first placating with the i love you's and stuff. then angry that he accused me of cheating. then distant to punish him for his accusations. then back to loving and the 'i only want you honey'... repeat the cycle. He was always off balance. Always confused. Always feeling like he should trust me, but things weren't making sense. But he wanted so badly to trust me that he forced himself to.

 

Cut out the words.. what do the actions say? If his words and actions aren't saying the same thing, then he's lying. If it all matches up for the most part, maybe some tiny inconsistencies, then he's telling you the truth.

 

If I were you I'd ask your bf when you can meet Ali since she's "Just a friend". Tell him you'd love to meet her, be super happy and excited about meeting up with an old family friend of his. If he does everything in his power to stop you two from meeting, then he's lying about his relationship with her.

[lilli58]

Look I am going through this right now with my husband. He says he cut it off but I just don't know. I am telling you right now this guy is a liar!! Do not take his "you are the only one" crap and believe it. He flat out lied to you about not hanging out with her. I say screw him...why not tell him that you read that text. You need to call him on it because if you don't he will continue to play you.

 

You will know by his reaction the minute you call him out. If he is more worried that you looked through his messages then how you feel about him hanging out with this girl...well...there is your answer. I am going through marriage counseling now and it is hard to trust once they have broken that trust. You already do not trust him so what do youhave to loose. Ok so the relationship may end but he has already lied to you about her it is only going to get worse.

 

I am not trying to be the bad guy or just a women scorned, but I don't want you to go through what I am. I have a lot more time invested than you. Catch it before you get to the 5 year or 10 year mark. It hurts a lot worse then.

[temptris33]

Well, actually he isn't acting distant to me...he is with me most nights. With the death of this father he has been doing the same things...close attention with his mom and sister...he even moved his stuff back in there. I'm not sure if that's a normal move or not. Dunno. I feel like I'm going to be dating a 28 year old man living with his mom.

 

I confessed to him that I saw the other message. I actually text it to him when he had left yesterday morning because the night before he was very calmly explaining things to me and I was still thinking he was lying because inside I knew that i saw a message that proved that. I kept it in. He layed there with me and told me that he hasn't lied to me. That he loves me and that I know how he feels about me and that he doesn't want to be with anyone but me and is not interested in dating any one else. He said he hasn't hung out with her....I said ok. still knowing the message.

 

The next morning he left. I texted him that I saw the msg and that was why I thought he was still lying. I made the text nice. I didn't come off all pissed or anyting. He called right away. He wasn't mad. He said that he understood how I could feel the way I do. He said that he ran into her at Foot hill Cafe (he goes there alot cuz he lives right by there) and they talked for a few minutes and she (ALLI) had asked what he had planned for new years and he talked about that...and then he said that when she left he had received the text from her a few minutes later "sorry couldn't hang out for an extra hour"......that was the explanation. He wasn't defensive or angry and was very sweet in talking about it.

 

I feel like an idiot. Kind of. Throughout the relationship he's always been kind of hard to get a hold of and he does eventually return the calls. Maybe it's just that he's busy with work or whatever. I feel like a chump for doubting him. Wouldn't he have gotten defensive about the story if he were guilty? When he got defensive about his phone I bet it was because he was mad that I would stoop to that and not trust him....could that be? he has a nice support group of family, best friend and me. He doesn't need another "friend" sending him comforting textes or whatever. Shouldn't he tell her that that kind of stuff makes me uncomfortable and to stop texting? I hate doubting him. This is gonna sound lame....should I call the restaraunt and see if they were open that day?

[Guest]

Well my mama told me you always talk to your man face to face on these issues, a lot is at stake, and you need to see his eyes, the phone conversations take that from you.

 

I would need to discuss with him why he never mentioned that run in at all, and now he did. Sometimes people forget, sometimes men don't want to be accountable to their gf for every person they talked to, but still, why not mention it to you earlier, on his own, when you were asking him all those times about her?

 

Also, I think she is a troublemaker, she may even be hoping you have read the texts, why text that stupid message anyways?

 

And one more inconsistency-if HE left the cafe--why did SHE text him saying sorry I(meaning herself) could not hang out an extra hour??

[temptris33]

I believe that she left first and texted him a few minutes later. I called the restraunt and they are open on Sundays. Whew! I don't know anything about this girl. He said the reason for her textes were because they were sent as condolances regarding his dad. Why would she feel obligated to send him a Happy New Years msg at 330 in the morning too? I asked him about this and he said she probably sent it to a lot of people. How do I find out if she is continuing to text him. I don't think its appropriate and it's past the "condolance" stage with his father. What makes her think its ok to text him so much. He doesn't even know that much about her when I had asked. I guess she just "knows" the family.

 

I asked him how old she was and he thought for a minute and then said "I think she's around my age" and asked where she lived. he didn't really know where..in town somewhere. he said his sister probably gave her his number. i could see sending a text or two but not five within a week with two of em on the same day. How can I find out if she continues to text him without sounding like a insecure bi***?????? He knows how I feel about things like this and it makes me uncomfortable. Even tho I feel somewhat confident in his answers I dont trust the contact. he even said that she's just a "cute" girl and trust him that there's nothing there. Paranoid?

[Kathleen2260]

It sounds like you are still on the fence about this and I don't blame you. I don't know your boyfriend but I"ve had experience dealing with lying cheating boyfriends (2) and I'll tell you that it is very frustrating.

 

First of all here are the red flags I noticed- if he casually ran into her at that restaurant and received five texts from her why did he say "Alli? Who's Alli?" when you first mentioned her. In my oppinion he would have immediately told you about the "family friend" if it was so innocent. Then him not telling you they hung out could be accurate if he just bumped into her but why wouldn't he have at least told you he saw her when you asked if they've ever hung out? Also he claims she is a family friend so why haven't you met her? If she was at the funeral you would have at least have seen him talking to her. I hate to put this in your head if I am totally on the wrong path here but maybe his moving back home (where you don't call to talk to him or "check up" on him doesn't have to do with his dad's passing but with the availability of seeing or talking to this new girl? If there is nothing going on (and that may be the case) he should offer to introduce you to Alli. Also the happy new year message is weird because if your boyfriend is getting condelences from this girl and she is someone who he can relate to because her father passed away too, then if the loss is recent I can't imagine anyone sending Happy NEw Year! to someone who just lost someone close to him (he might be depressed).

 

But again you know your boyfriend better than we do. I would suggest you either be up front with him and tell him you want to meet this girl (immediately). He has her # so he can call her and set up the meeting wtih you sitting right there. Also if he hesitates I would be suspicious. My boyfriend told me the same thing about his ex that was calling him (he said someone must have given her our number and that they just chatted once in awhile. Meanwhile he was sneaking around calling her and seeing her. HE was the one pursuing her. ANd he was sweet and gave me every reassurance just like your boyfriend is doing. When I'd find out other things that didnt' make sense, he'd explain them away. He only got mad and frustrated when I started to not believe what he was telling me.

 

Your 2nd option is to be sneaky and take his cell phone and send this Alli a text message (make it sound like it is from him- maybe say something about can she come over (to his house) or he needs to see her. See how she responds. This may answer some questions.

[temptris33]

HOW DO I GET HIS CELL? ASK FOR IT? He never has it just Laying around. It was a fluke that it was in his jacket that day. I want to believe him. I truly do. The moving into his parents house thing...dunno...he didn't want to stay at the shop anymore because thats where his dad died and the parents house is only a block away. He stays there maybe once or twice a week when he's not sleeping down here with me.

 

How would this be....in about a week or so I will ask him to be honest about if he has heard from her or not via text messages or phone calls (I rarely have access to his cell) and if he says no then I will ask him to show me the cell. Is that stupid to ask him to show me? If he says yes hes gotten msgs from her then this is what I will say:

 

"I love you", "you know my limits/boundaries and what makes me uncomfortable" . "You have enough good friends and family surrounding you that you dont need some random girl contacting you and you letting it go on". "I would like for you to have enough respect and love for me and this relationship that you would tell this girl that you love your girlfriend and the texting would make her uncomfortable and that it needs to stop and to take care". and I would like for him to send the text with me there so I can see that he does it. I would hope that he has more respect for "us" than some random girl he didn't know to much about. I will ask him for this kind of stuff to stop from this point on. Is that too much to ask? Or would I look like a psyco girlfriend?

 

One of my closest friends that I had for 9 years got a girlfriend a while back. He and I would text each other maybe a couple times a week. My bf knew that I spoke with him and he seemed ok with it..cuz I always told him. Well, my friends gf felt threatened by me and asked him to tell me to stop contact. His words to me: I love my gf and love being with her and want to make a life with her and when we text eachother or email she feels threatened so we need to stop. Wow. What a great guy. I, of course, stopped out of respect for that. Why is it so hard for my bf to offer the same kind of regard/respect for me?

 

I just want to know if this continues because if it does after I say what I THINK I should say then i will tell him that i need to step back from this relationship and see if this is what I want because this is something that I wont ever be able to put up with and he has known this.

[Guest]

If he is having an affair, asking to see his phone will prbably be pointless at this stage. He'd likely be deleting the texts now that things have progressed in this manner. I will tell you that if this was just a friend, he would not have played it off like he had no idea who you were talking about when you asked who the girl was. A cover up on the fly is not the reaction of an innocent person.

 

When your gut screams that something is wrong, you are usually right. Don't get suckered into believing him just because you want what he says to be true.

[Kathleen2260]

Ok so the moving in with his parents thing I think I am definately wrong about- I didn't realize that his dad died at his shop- sorry I missed that part. I think your ideas are good ones- just ask him if he's talked to her and then ask to see his phone whether he says yes or no just to see how much he is texting her and vice versa. Of course by now he might be smart enough to erase her texts in case you see his phone again. If he offers his phone with no problems then I wouldn't be too concerned about the situation but you may still want to ask to meet this girl. If she isn't a family friend she may not know about you and if he is doing anything he doesnt' want to get caught at he probably will NOT want you to meet her.

 

I think you won't come off as a psycho girlfriend if you don't freak out on him but just calmly ask him your questions. Has he always kept his phone from you? A way to get a look at his phone is to ask him to use it. Say your battery is dead or you forgot it at home (when you are out somewhere). Are you close to your boyfriend's family? Could you maybe ask his sister if she knows this girl? If she really is a family friend then they should know her. You may have absolutely nothing to worry about (and I hope thats the case) but your gut instincts are usually right and if you feel something is off (and you've never had doubts about him before) then you may be on to something. I think your request if he is still talking to her is valid. If he disagrees then something may be going on. Can I ask does your boyfriend have any other female friends? Why does this one in particular make you uncomfortable? Has he crossed your boundaries before? Or is this a first time possibility? Good luck with everything.

[temptris33]

He's always been protective of his cell for whatever reason. I cant ask his sister about it. I wouldn't feel comfortable about that. Yes, he has crossed my boundaries before. A little over a year ago he was in contact with his ex (who cheated on him) I felt that something wasn't right because the time we had been spending together had dwindled to a few times a week from almost every night. He ran into the bank one day and left his phone. I checked it and found textes from her and calles that he made to her. One of the text msgs from her was thanking him for the previous night or something like that. I blew! Pissed. Asked him to about it and he said that his sister was using his phone. Why would someone continue to be friends with someone that obviously hurt him? Anyways he said he wasn't talking to her anymore and then a few months later he is showing me a picture on his cell and I ask to look at it and I find a picture (recent) of her at her work. He said his sister took it. His sister was with him at the time..

 

So, yes , we've been here before. He does have a female friend who lives pretty far away and I am totally ok with that. I have never met her but he talks about taking me out to Idaho to meet her. There have been so many things that make me feel insecure with him. We've been together for so long now and I have asked him recently "lets buy a house together" and I even went as far as to look at rentals near the shop that we could do together. He looked at buying a house in Idaho for vacation purposes (we live in North California) and when I asked if he wanted to maybe go in on it together he said No. He knows that I want to be married someday and all that and since he has been with me most nights at my apt I figured we could do it together and get a nice house and start our life. I was even willing to go against my beleifs and live with him before marriage. Well, he's turned down everything I've ever suggested. So, can you see where I feel a little insecure with things? Throw in a random girl texting him and I dont like it. I dont know anymore.

[brickaney]

If you could just read all your posts from an outsider's perspective you'd see what a jerk this guy sounds like. To me it sounds like he's cheating & was with the ex. There are way too many weird circumstances & excuses. You deserve a man that isn't going to make you think twice about how committed he is. I know you've been with him for a significant amount of time & it would be really painful but I think you need to leave him. I would only take so many excuses from my bf before I'd throw in the towel. You don't want to believe he's capable of cheating yet there are all these signs that he's lying to you & sneaking around. A real man wouldn't do that. Save yourself the stress & pain and leave him.

[temptris33]

His excuse for that period of time was that he was unsure about our relationship. He was totally distant from me for a couple weeks. He went to Wyoming with a friend to do some work and I told him to give me an answer about "us' when he comes back. I don't know what came over him that far away but he realized how important I was to him and how much he loved me at that point. Yet, a week earlier he couldn't answer me when I asked him if he loved me like a friend or was in love with me...he said he couldn't answer that. But, that was then and this is now.

 

What if I am totally wrong about all this and he is just not mean or cold enough to tell someone to bug off? If he were cheating now wouldn't he be distant from me and lagging in the sex department? A voice tells me that he is not cheating yet I am so gun ho on this feeling of insecurity. I will never give him an ultimatum or anything like that but wouldn't someone after 3+ years want something or expect something a little more from the relationship? He said he wants to build a house and doesn't want to throw money away on renting (with me) . He's been talking about this "house" since we got together. He made the comment to me the other day "wouldnt if be great if your parents let YOU build a house on their property then you'd own your own home and that I should ask em about it". I dont know why I just got this sick feeling of "wow, that didn't sound like it included him any time in the future" and I got a little upset (quiet) in the car after that comment. Sorry for rambling. I guess I just want the entire picture painted to I don't come off as some kind of insecure girl and that I do have reasons to fell insecure. How long should I wait for him to come around as far as moving to some kind of next level? Should I tell him to ditch the chick that is texting or tell him to beat it?

[sungrl]

WALK,

 

I read you cheated on a ex. Can you read through my latest thread and comment further. I would really appreciate it. Is it bad if he does talk to her once in awhile, once a month, every other month. I don't see any inconsistencies with his words and actions. Do you?

[Guest]

"He's always been protective of his cell for whatever reason. I cant ask his sister about it. I wouldn't feel comfortable about that. Yes, he has crossed my boundaries before. A little over a year ago he was in contact with his ex (who cheated on him) I felt that something wasn't right because the time we had been spending together had dwindled to a few times a week from almost every night. He ran into the bank one day and left his phone. I checked it and found textes from her and calles that he made to her. One of the text msgs from her was thanking him for the previous night or something like that. I blew! Pissed. Asked him to about it and he said that his sister was using his phone. Why would someone continue to be friends with someone that obviously hurt him? Anyways he said he wasn't talking to her anymore and then a few months later he is showing me a picture on his cell and I ask to look at it and I find a picture (recent) of her at her work. He said his sister took it. His sister was with him at the time.."

 

I really wish you could see your posts from a different point of view. I understand that you love this guy and you've been with him from a while, but there are SO MANY red flags in your posts, it's not even funny. I've been through a similar situation as yours and guess what? He was cheating. I told myself that I was being insecure and that his "friend" was just a friend, but she wasn't.

 

You asked for advice and about 100% of the people on this board are telling you that this guy sounds like bad news. You found text messages in the past to his ex? And now he's text messaging a new girl? Not a good sign. When a man respects, cares about you, and loves you, he has NOTHING to hide. When my boyfriend and I first got together, his ex kept texting him and from the beginning he would show me the texts that she sent even though I never asked... because he didn't want to hide anything from me. And when he wrote her an e-mail telling her to stop trying to talk to him, he told me that he wanted me to be there when he wrote it. What I'm trying to say is, it sounds really sketchy that he's all secretive about his phone.

 

And he seems to be blaming his sister a lot...... This guy just sounds plain sketchy to me.

[temptris33]

That's the kind of things that I would do "just because". I would tell him if I had gotten a text from a guy friend or whatever. Just cuz I dont' like hiding ****. Yeah. We had our talk this morning. I asked him if he sees us together in the future at more than what we are now....even tho he said yes after he paused first....he had another excuse as to why not now or anytime soon. WHATEVER! Thanks for all your help.