Single and loving it!

[Sparklegirl100]

I never thought I would say this one day, but I love my present single status! It is rather strange but I am simply not interested in romantic relationships with men anymore. I suppose after meeting a series of bad apples, I've lost my "taste" for the apple. And before anyone asks- no, I am not a lesbian, I am only physically attracted to men.

 

Lately, I've found a renewed interest with my old hobbies - drawing, playing the violin again and other activities. I love being around my friends and meeting new ones. When people don't see me for a while , they miss me because they describe me as fun loving. When I am around friends or find myself in social situations in which I make new ones, the bubbly and passionate woman in me awakens. I find that as long as I get my regular dose of "people mingling" (as I did during this holiday period), the thought of meeting someone of the opposite sex (in the romantic sense) doesn't even cross my mind.

 

I am a single 28 year old woman and I love my life! I've completely lost interest in marriage and having kids. I have met so many married women who are truly unhappy and have expressed their envy of my lifestyle. I recently read an article (forget the source) in which they mention an increasing trend of single women in our contemporary times who are not involved in romantic entanglements. I wonder why that is? I guess women are starting to smarten up and realize that they don't need a man to give meaning to their life. These women find meaning in their careers, hobbies, volunteering their time for good causes, and spending time with family and friends.

 

Is anyone else in the same boat as me?

[Pyro]

Not in the same boat, but I have been there before.

 

Just here to give you props. You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy and you are proof. As long as you are happy with the way things are going, than its all good.

[longlegzs80]

You GO GIRL!!! When I thought I was single, but my ex boyfriend won't let me go, I felt very relieved and was so happy to be single. I couldn't wait to live the single life again and enjoy it once and for all. Until I get rid of this piece of sh*t, I will just have to envy someone like you who is single and proud of it.

 

Let me in on your secret to get rid of the BAD APPLES, because I want to live that life of being single just like you and exploring new things etc, and getting involved in old stuff. Take care and for some strange reason, and I know we don't know eachother at all, but I am so proud of you, and you sound so confident about being single it is great to hear.

[Curmudgeon]

That's all well and good and I agree that being single certainly has its advantages. I remember the profound relief of being "blessedly" single again after a 25-year marriage went south and I could have stayed that way forever. However, I happened to fall in love and have now been married again for 10 years. I have absolutely no regrets about that at all.

 

If you had a series of "bad apples" you invited to be in your life it could well be that your man-picker could use a lube job, oil change and tune-up. We're not all dogs.

 

Some of the advantages I see to marriage to my best friend are having company I enjoy on a regular basis. Having someone in my life to make plans with and to work together with to achieve them. Waking up each morning lying next to someone I love then having good conversation over coffee. Having someone I trust to share the load, whatever it may be. Never being alone or lonely. I could go on.

 

As a final note, statictically, married couples live longer than singles. I'll take it!

[amaysngrace]

Until I get rid of this piece of sh*t, I will just have to envy someone like you who is single and proud of it.

 

Let me in on your secret to get rid of the BAD APPLES, because I want to live that life of being single just like you and exploring new things etc, and getting involved in old stuff.

 

Um...you act like you have no choice here. What's up with that?

[Touche]

Curmedgeon said it well.

 

I did want to address this though:

 

I guess women are starting to smarten up and realize that they don't need a man to give meaning to their life.

 

I'm sorry but it's not a matter of being smarter. It's a personal preference. The way I see it, and have always seen it, my life would have very little meaning if I didn't have someone to share it with. Are you saying that this makes me dumb? I'm not as smart?

 

I think not.

 

I'm happy that you're happy though. I just took issue with that statement.

 

I've been single and independent. Didn't get married until I was 30 (the first time). I'll take married life (to the right man which is what I have now) to single life any day.

 

And my husband says the same.

 

Yes, it's "smart" to realize that you don't need a man to be happy. But it's not being dumb to realize that some of us WANT a man in our lives....that without that right man, our lives are not quite as full as we'd like it to be.

[SmoochieFace]

The way I see it, and have always seen it, my life would have very little meaning if I didn't have someone to share it with.

 

This doesn't make you or anyone 'smart' or 'dumb' but I think it is a sad position to have. It smacks of codependency in a strange way.

[whichwayisup]

It smacks of codependency in a strange way.

 

I disagree. People NEED people in their lives. And there's nothing wrong with that.

It's when one relies on someone else FULLY for their happiness that is codependancy.

[Touche]

I disagree. People NEED people in their lives. And there's nothing wrong with that.

It's when one relies on someone else FULLY for their happiness that is codependancy.

 

Thanks, Witch! That's EXACTLY right.

 

Like I've said, I've been single. I was fine. I didn't even have a problem going out to dinner and movies alone. I'm a loner by nature. But my life has always felt more fulfilling for me when I've had someone to share it with. To bounce things off of and just to be with.

 

If that's "co-dependency" (what a crock) then so be it. Call me what you want.

[SmoochieFace]

I disagree. People NEED people in their lives. And there's nothing wrong with that.

It's when one relies on someone else FULLY for their happiness that is codependancy.

 

Well, saying that your life wouldn't have any meaning unless there was someone around to share it with sounds quite codependent to me. Whether it is FULLY or not doesn't matter. It sounds as if that person isn't happy with herself unless she has someone to share her life with. What about being happy with yourself and the life you've created for yourself?

 

As far as NEEDING people... I'd say that would apply in the case of needing family. Romantic relationships are not a need - they are a want. This sounds suspiciously like the "I am nobody without a man" thingy that makes me cringe.

[Touche]

I am very much somebody without a man. I've never felt that I wasn't.

 

But I prefer to share my life with a man. It's a CHOICE. Being alone is ok and sharing my life with a man is even better. Done both, prefer the latter.

 

It's BS to call that co-dependency. Humans are social creatures. I think it's UNNATURAL to NOT want to have a mate. But that's just me.

[IpAncA]

I never thought I would say this one day, but I love my present single status! It is rather strange but I am simply not interested in romantic relationships with men anymore. I suppose after meeting a series of bad apples, I've lost my "taste" for the apple. And before anyone asks- no, I am not a lesbian, I am only physically attracted to men.

 

Lately, I've found a renewed interest with my old hobbies - drawing, playing the violin again and other activities. I love being around my friends and meeting new ones. When people don't see me for a while , they miss me because they describe me as fun loving. When I am around friends or find myself in social situations in which I make new ones, the bubbly and passionate woman in me awakens. I find that as long as I get my regular dose of "people mingling" (as I did during this holiday period), the thought of meeting someone of the opposite sex (in the romantic sense) doesn't even cross my mind.

 

I am a single 28 year old woman and I love my life! I've completely lost interest in marriage and having kids. I have met so many married women who are truly unhappy and have expressed their envy of my lifestyle. I recently read an article (forget the source) in which they mention an increasing trend of single women in our contemporary times who are not involved in romantic entanglements. I wonder why that is? I guess women are starting to smarten up and realize that they don't need a man to give meaning to their life. These women find meaning in their careers, hobbies, volunteering their time for good causes, and spending time with family and friends.

 

Is anyone else in the same boat as me?

 

I'm happy that your happy to be single but will you feel the same way 10 or 20 years from now?

 

I felt like you do when I was off on my own and to be honest I never in my life wanted to be married and I was loving it. But eventually that stuff gets old and that someone does come along. I would rather have him in my life then be alone because he enhances what I had and has showed me more that I could have possible have seen if I was single. I like the feeling of someone being there when I come home. I like sharing my life with someone, feeling loved, being able to love someone, and wouldn't trade anything for that to end.

 

Could I live on my own single? Sure I could but now that I have found someone I don't want to. I choose to spend my life with someone.

 

Sounds to me like you feel like you have no choice but to be single and are just making the best out of what you have. And if that's what you want to do then so be it.

 

To answer the whole smarten up thing, these women who make work their life do it for a reason. Probably shouldn't say in a round about way that just because they can't find anyone or see that they don't need men is because their smarter because that is wrong IMO.

 

When people can't find someone or have had so many bad experiences, they start to accept that their going to be single for the rest of their lives or for a good portion of it and start looking into other things to occupy their time. They turn to other things to fulfill their life.

[jusified]

I think that when some people have the attitude of "I don't need someone to be happy, I want to be indepandent and be someone..." Its all a front and a phase because they have either been hurt in the past or they just think about themselves all the time.

 

Its natural to want to be with some one. They make your life more exciting, they should support you through the tough times, they should love and care for you. These are not bad things, they are extremely good, why you would not like to have them does not make sense.

 

Its not that you "need" Someone, but rather you want to give all that to someone you love whom does the same for you. It is obvious that the "Independant" attitude could also stem from not been able to truely love someone therefore can not have someone truely love them.

[Guest]

hi folks,

just thought i would add a random comment seeing this thread is about being single. i've been single for a while now but i think that's gonna change. what i mean, is i am not going on a date, but going to be meeting a friend soon - and if she feels like hanging out and doing things whenever we both have time [both have really busy lives], then for me, that would be enuff. i am on a few dating sites but i am basically just gathering up some clues my friend is leaving me as to when we might met - thats all i am doing. i'm weird - i know. and as soon as we meet i'm deleting profiles and staying off the net highway. rather spend time outside really.

[IpAncA]

I think that when some people have the attitude of "I don't need someone to be happy, I want to be indepandent and be someone..." Its all a front and a phase because they have either been hurt in the past or they just think about themselves all the time.

 

Its natural to want to be with some one. They make your life more exciting, they should support you through the tough times, they should love and care for you. These are not bad things, they are extremely good, why you would not like to have them does not make sense.

 

Its not that you "need" Someone, but rather you want to give all that to someone you love whom does the same for you. It is obvious that the "Independant" attitude could also stem from not been able to truely love someone therefore can not have someone truely love them.

Exactly! I'm an independent women myself and trust me I don't need my H to survive BUT I choose to be with him because of the way he makes me feel.

 

I do to think it's natural to want to be with someone and I find it hard for someone to say that it's not natural and that we don't need men. Of course we do and need them like they need us.

[Touche]

I can't stop laughing at this thread!

 

My 44-year old sister who has never maintained a relationship in her life tells my mother and I that we're "co-dependent" and that we can't live without a man. It's hilarious. My mom was married to my Dad for 5 years and then he died. She was single (and fine) for the next ten years before she met my step dad. They were married for 28 years.

 

As for me, I was single and didn't marry until I was 30. Yes, I had relationships before that but I was also single and alone for periods of time.

 

Of COURSE it's natural to want to find and want to be with your mate. Only the dysfunctional people of this world will tell you that those who want that are "co-dependant" and "needy."

 

It's kind of funny, as has been pointed out, that those who can't maintain a relationship are the FIRST ones to say those things.

 

They're a sad bunch. I include my poor sister in that group.

[IpAncA]

Well I think that people put up a front of the pain they feel inside and say some of the darnest things to justify their being single IF they are done looking for someone. Now of course it would have to depend on their past experiences. Some women could have been hurt so bad to the point of hating men or even hating themselves.

 

Usually what I've found is sometimes people will turn it on to someone else and blame them for the reason why they are and turn into a real bitter person.

[Touche]

Well I think that people put up a front of the pain they feel inside and say some of the darnest things to justify their being single IF they are done looking for someone. Now of course it would have to depend on their past experiences. Some women could have been hurt so bad to the point of hating men or even hating themselves.

 

Usually what I've found is sometimes people will turn it on to someone else and blame them for the reason why they are and turn into a real bitter person.

 

You are so absolutely right. I mean think about this: Say you've been so badly hurt as you say. Say you've been abused and just cheated on at every turn...does it help to turn bitter? Or does that hurt you? Does it help to hate that person and to even blame yourself?

 

No it doesn't. You have a MUCH better chance to meet the person that's meant for you if you can wipe the slate clean and let the past remain in the past. And also try to rid yourself of pre-conceived notions of what the "right" person should be for you.

 

If you can't do those things then that's when you spout off about that people who prefer to spend their lives with others are "co-dependant." They'll tell you that you're sad. And that you're needy.

 

:laugh:

 

I urge you all to look at the people who say such things. They're the ones who most likely will remain alone for the rest of their lives.

 

They're to be pitied.

[whichwayisup]

I think that when some people have the attitude of "I don't need someone to be happy, I want to be indepandent and be someone..." Its all a front and a phase because they have either been hurt in the past or they just think about themselves all the time.

 

Its natural to want to be with some one. They make your life more exciting, they should support you through the tough times, they should love and care for you. These are not bad things, they are extremely good, why you would not like to have them does not make sense.

 

Its not that you "need" Someone, but rather you want to give all that to someone you love whom does the same for you. It is obvious that the "Independant" attitude could also stem from not been able to truely love someone therefore can not have someone truely love them.

 

Nicely put.

[IpAncA]

You have a MUCH better chance to meet the person that's meant for you if you can wipe the slate clean and let the past remain in the past. And also try to rid yourself of pre-conceived notions of what the "right" person should be for you.

 

If you can't do those things then that's when you spout off about that people who prefer to spend their lives with others are "co-dependant." They'll tell you that you're sad. And that you're needy.

 

They're to be pitied.

 

Thats true but the problem for some people is to get to that point of leaving the past in the past and moving on. Once the damage is done it's takes a while and a very strong and willing person to change their train of thought.

 

But what I don't like is those who do end up becoming bitter and have so much anger try to get others to side with them and choose the single life as they have. They come right out and say that it's better to be single, don't need men, etc, etc, etc...

 

The way I see it is if their not the only ones then it doesn't seem all that bad to them because they their not alone. Technically they are on a intimate/personal level BUT their not alone in being single or whatever else creeps up in their minds. They turn it away from themselves.

[dgiirl]

I am about 99.9999% completely content with my life right now as a single woman. I truely am enjoying my single life. Doing my own thing and learning to depend on me. It's going to take someone special to give up my single life.

 

Would I like to be in a relationship again? Yah, sure. But the current available options in my life do not entice me to get back into a relationship. I would rather be single my entire life than be in another bad relationship feeling absolutely horrible about myself. I think in the past women felt compelled to be in _A_ relationship, any relationship, just to give them self worth. And in today's society, it's more acceptable for a woman to choose to be alone, rather than miserable with someone.

 

I dont think many people would actually choose to remain single IF they met someone who actually met all their emotional needs. Who was actually the "one". Who made them feel in love. People choose to remain single if they havent met someone who they want to share their lives with. And remaining single is not too bad considering the alternatives.

[Touche]

People choose to remain single if they havent met someone who they want to share their lives with. And remaining single is not too bad considering the alternatives.

 

You say people choose to remain single IF they haven't met someone who they want to share their lives with. By my definitation, those people really aren't choosing.

 

Look at what you said. If those people do meet someone with whom they want to share their life with then they automatically don't choose to be single.

 

See what I'm saying?

 

You say remaining single isn't that bad an alternative. That bad an alternative to what?

[Kittiecat]

Well I'm 28 and single and have a good job and a nice condo...no man in sight. Am I loving it? Eh...it's OK. I'm actually happier now than I was with my ex. I remember wishing he'd wake up from his stupid naps on my couch and just LEAVE. And those naps, ahem, he would take on goregous summer days when we could have gone to the beach, but NOOOO...he wanted to lay around in his stupid underwear and snore all day.

 

ANYWAY (sorry, tangent) - it's not the ideal situation, but I'll survive as do lots of women the world over. I'd love nothing more than to add a good man to the mix...but hey, you know how that goes. For many, it's never as simple as you'd imagine it to be.

[Touche]

Simple? Ha, ha! Who said the path to love was ever simple? It wasn't for me. And it isn't for most of us.

 

But the rough path, for those of us who have found our way, has been worth it.

 

I just wish eveyone here will find the right path in 2007.

[jusified]

well i do agree with most people thats posted

 

Keep in mind that there is a difference between waiting for the right person (setting your bar high) and just having the attitude of "I'm proud to be single and don't need anyone." Because the later attitude would see the person even be rude or put down someone really great if they actually do enter their life.

 

Besides, everyone needs some sexual healing, where do these independant ppl get it??