Single and loving it!

[Pink Amulet]

I think the key is the right path for them, right Touche? I agree with what most people have said, as everyone needs to find their own slice of happiness, however that comes about.

 

Just to parrallel the issue a bit here, I am pleased we live in an era where divorce is now an option for both men and women. I know this is a hotly debated issue, however I think the points raised by women in this thread, especially as they are by both single and married women claiming their happiness only further validates the changing needs of all humans.

 

Love another, but if the love fades and unhappiness takes hold, do what is best for you and find another source of happiness (using honesty of course), whether that source is loving yourself for a while, or finding another to share your happiness with.

 

Too be honest I am just pleased to see so many claims of happiness in this thread! Do what is right for you!

[IpAncA]

People choose to remain single if they havent met someone who they want to share their lives with. And remaining single is not too bad considering the alternatives.

 

You say people choose to remain single IF they haven't met someone who they want to share their lives with. By my definitation, those people really aren't choosing.

 

Look at what you said. If those people do meet someone with whom they want to share their life with then they automatically don't choose to be single.

 

See what I'm saying?

 

You say remaining single isn't that bad an alternative. That bad an alternative to what?

 

I don't think their choosing because their forced to remain that because they are unable to find anyone.

 

I'm finding more of you who are single on here are single because they don't want to get hurt again so remaining single is their best opinion to them. And I can understand that to an extent. It would have to depend on what it was that happend to them.

 

Sure there are more independent women that are single but there are reasons for that. Some may have been through many bad experiences to being brain washed to think that they don't need anyone. Yes I said brain washed because you get those independent women leader people who try to get others to side with them and say all sorts of stuff to get others to think they don't need anyone. Not all do this but I have seen it because I went to school with some who I called "men/life haters." It was sad indeed to see what they had to say.

 

But I guess all in all if people remain single and are happy then ok so be it.

[dgiirl]

Besides, everyone needs some sexual healing, where do these independant ppl get it??

 

It's tiny and silver and works wonders

 

 

You say people choose to remain single IF they haven't met someone who they want to share their lives with. By my definitation, those people really aren't choosing.

 

Look at what you said. If those people do meet someone with whom they want to share their life with then they automatically don't choose to be single.

 

See what I'm saying?

 

You say remaining single isn't that bad an alternative. That bad an alternative to what?

 

Not at all. I AM making a choice to remain single. The alternative is settling. I've had plenty of interest in the last few months, but none of them did anything for me. Maybe i'm afraid of being hurt? Maybe I just havent met anyone who's able to change my mind? Should I date just to prove i'm not afraid of getting hurt? It would be a forced relationship, nothing I wish to pursue. Instead of just being in A relationship, I'm choosing to remain single.

 

Sure there are more independent women that are single but there are reasons for that. Some may have been through many bad experiences to being brain washed to think that they don't need anyone. Yes I said brain washed because you get those independent women leader people who try to get others to side with them and say all sorts of stuff to get others to think they don't need anyone. Not all do this but I have seen it because I went to school with some who I called "men/life haters." It was sad indeed to see what they had to say.

 

But I guess all in all if people remain single and are happy then ok so be it.

 

I need people. I dont hate men. I just dont want a relationship right now. I enjoy sharing my life, my happiness/sadness, getting out and doing things with other people. But I dont need one single person to share it with. Right now, I have several people I can turn to on any day. I have several family members, friends and coworkers who enjoy my company and I can turn to anytime I wish. If I need a man to open a jar for me, or lift a heavy tv, or whatever, I have several male friends I can ask for help with. If I'm lost or need advice, i can turn to anyone I know, or even ask strangers on the street. I'm surrounded with people for human interaction. I dont need a relationship to satisfy all of those needs. And I would rather my life as it is now, instead of what I lived in my marriage. I was dependent on my ex for all of those needs, which was entirely wrong of me to do.

[SmoochieFace]

Sure there are more independent women that are single but there are reasons for that. Some may have been through many bad experiences to being brain washed to think that they don't need anyone. Yes I said brain washed because you get those independent women leader people who try to get others to side with them and say all sorts of stuff to get others to think they don't need anyone. Not all do this but I have seen it because I went to school with some who I called "men/life haters." It was sad indeed to see what they had to say.

 

Well, that works the other way too. Even in this thread there are posters who seemingly want others to 'side' with them and their belief that people 'have' to be with others and that being single/alone/whatever carries a negative stigma.

 

Bottom line is this: there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way here. It's simply a matter of preference. Not everyone is highly 'social', you know.

[Teacher's Pet]

Thanks, Witch! That's EXACTLY right.

 

Like I've said, I've been single. I was fine. I didn't even have a problem going out to dinner and movies alone. I'm a loner by nature. But my life has always felt more fulfilling for me when I've had someone to share it with. To bounce things off of and just to be with.

 

If that's "co-dependency" (what a crock) then so be it. Call me what you want.

 

I'm with Touche on this one.....

 

I was with H for 5 1/2 years, then I was single for about 2 1/2 years, then I was with D for about 3 months, then I was single almost a year, then I was with L for a year, single for 2 years, and then with B for 7 months....

 

Ha! I've been in more "letters" than a signature. Ok, I just made that crappy joke up. I'm sick. It's the best I can come up with.

 

But SERIOUSLY..... Over the last couple of years, I've been on all ends of the dating spectrum (single, dating casually, FWB, dating seriously, engaged, etc...)..... I am happiest when I am with someone of real substance. When I was with D, she annoyed me 90% of the time. She openly admitted she wanted to "change me". Of course, that's why the relationship only lasted a couple of months.

 

It's true what they say. You have to be comfortable with who you are, before anyone can be comfortable with you. Every successive relationship, I've found myself to be more and more comfortable with myself (except L, who broke up with me when she felt she was finally too skinny to be with a "big guy" - thanks to her having weightloss surgery - that REALLY hurt)...so now I've learned that sometimes, finding yourself makes it easier to find another.

 

My last ex and I got along great on a variety of levels, but some of her own insecurities (questioning her own sexual orientation - she's bi, and was just out of her first serious lesbian relationship when we met) made her very cold at times, causing her to keep "pushing me" out of her life. I stood by her, because I thought it was a passing phase, but when we broke up for good, it hurt, but I also learned that it wasn't MY fault. That in itself made me feel better about the breakup, to an extent.

 

Knowing what I know now, I am very capable of a lasting, loving relationship, but of course, I need to find the RIGHT person first. And yes, I am actively looking, but until I find that lucky lass, I have my job(s), friends, and hobbies to keep me busy.

 

I don't NEED a woman to be HAPPY, I just miss the closeness.

 

Nothing wrong with that!

 

-tp

free to a good home

[SmoochieFace]

Of COURSE it's natural to want to find and want to be with your mate. Only the dysfunctional people of this world will tell you that those who want that are "co-dependant" and "needy."

 

It's kind of funny, as has been pointed out, that those who can't maintain a relationship are the FIRST ones to say those things.

 

Hold up, now you're saying that people who do not agree with you and your thinking are 'dysfunctional'? From where is that coming? Was that in a psych textbook? I'm really curious about that as I've seen truly dysfunctional people who are so needy that they will enter into a relationship with just about anyone. My XW's mother is a fine example.

 

And how do you know whether those people who you consider to be 'dysfunctional' cannot maintain a relationship? For the record, I am in a very good relationship and it's being 'maintained' well too and yet I do not consider it a 'necessity' for my happiness.

 

You might wanna give Woggle's latest thread about men and how they shouldn't become shells of people after getting into a relationship a thorough reading.

[SmoochieFace]

Knowing what I know now, I am very capable of a lasting, loving relationship, but of course, I need to find the RIGHT person first. And yes, I am actively looking, but until I find that lucky lass, I have my job(s), friends, and hobbies to keep me busy.

 

I don't NEED a woman to be HAPPY, I just miss the closeness.

 

Nothing wrong with that!

 

-tp

free to a good home

 

You make it sound as if your job(s), friends, and hobbies are there to simply 'pass the time' until you find someone instead of 'filling your time'.

 

Let me ask you this. Once you find that 'special someone', will you pay the same amount of time and attention to your job(s), friends, and hobbies or will they take a back seat? Why or why not?

[Touche]

Well put, TP.

 

And I absolutely agree that there is no right or wrong way here. It really IS a matter of preference. We shouldn't judge those who choose a different path.The bottom line is that we are happy with our present state. That's the most important thing here...whether we're single or not. There's a lot to be said for being comfortable in one's skin no matter what our status regarding our love life.

[Touche]

Hold up, now you're saying that people who do not agree with you and your thinking are 'dysfunctional'? From where is that coming? Was that in a psych textbook? I'm really curious about that as I've seen truly dysfunctional people who are so needy that they will enter into a relationship with just about anyone. My XW's mother is a fine example.

 

And how do you know whether those people who you consider to be 'dysfunctional' cannot maintain a relationship? For the record, I am in a very good relationship and it's being 'maintained' well too and yet I do not consider it a 'necessity' for my happiness.

 

You might wanna give Woggle's latest thread about men and how they shouldn't become shells of people after getting into a relationship a thorough reading.

 

No I'm not saying that at all. I was thinking of my sister and some other people I know when I wrote that. It certainly doesn't apply to ALL but yes, to some it does. Some realy are dysfunctional. How do I know they can't maintain a relationship? Uh...maybe because they never have?

 

I wasn't talking about you. Why so defensive? But since you brought it up...isn't your "relationship" a long-distance one?

[SmoochieFace]

No I'm not saying that at all. I was thinking of my sister and some other people I know when I wrote that. It certainly doesn't apply to ALL but yes, to some it does. Some realy are dysfunctional. How do I know they can't maintain a relationship? Uh...maybe because they never have?

 

I wasn't talking about you. Why so defensive? But since you brought it up...isn't your "relationship" a long-distance one?

 

Not any more. We are now living together.

 

Anyway... just because someone hasn't been in a relationship doesn't mean they aren't capable of being in one and maintaining it. Your assumption kinda jumps the gun, doncha think?

 

Some people simply choose to not get involved. That isn't a sign of being dysfunctional, rather a sign of simply marching to a different beat.

[Teacher's Pet]

You make it sound as if your job(s), friends, and hobbies are there to simply 'pass the time' until you find someone instead of 'filling your time'.

 

Let me ask you this. Once you find that 'special someone', will you pay the same amount of time and attention to your job(s), friends, and hobbies or will they take a back seat? Why or why not?

 

What I'm saying is that having a relationship is not the only thing that would be of an importance in my life. While I don't have someone right now, I have the other things in life that make it worthwhile. My job keeps food on my table (and I'm a workaholic, I'd go nuts if I was out of work!), my friends keep me sane (and quite entertained!), and my hobbies (comedy, music, cooking), well, most of them I've had for years, they are an important part of who I am.

 

I'm just saying that while I'm single, my life is FAR from empty.

 

Besides, I need a job to pay for dates, friends to keep me from making bad relationship choices, and there is NOTHING more fun than sharing a hobby with someone you love.

 

If I could meet a funny chick who plays drums and can bake, I'd be thrilled.

 

-tp

bassist looking for another piece to his rhythm section

[SmoochieFace]

If I could meet a funny chick who plays drums and can bake, I'd be thrilled.

 

-tp

bassist looking for another piece to his rhythm section

 

Sorry, dude, but I have her. A great baker too.

[IpAncA]

Well, that works the other way too. Even in this thread there are posters who seemingly want others to 'side' with them and their belief that people 'have' to be with others and that being single/alone/whatever carries a negative stigma.

 

Bottom line is this: there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way here. It's simply a matter of preference. Not everyone is highly 'social', you know.

 

Sure it can work in both ways but I really haven't heard a lot married people cutting down the singles. At least thats what I've found but could be wrong don't know for sure.

 

But what I'm saying is that I don't like it when it's pushed on others and said it's ok to do this/that because they hate the idea of someone else besides themselves being in a healthy realtionship. They end up cutting down those married and saying things like they need them, they can't live without them, and looks at us were independent their not and can survive on our own. They need to bring others down to their level in order to feel good about themselves so their not alone. Thats what I was trying to get at and IMO it's not right to do that.

 

Sure you can say it's a preference but i've noticed those that are single (NOT EVERYONE) are usually for a reason and it's not because they wake up one day and say I love my life scew men. It's usually a show process meaning many bad or no experiences that lead up to them feeling the way that they are.

 

Also you can be happy single never said you couldn't. I was too until someone came alone and I'm still happy. And yes I know that everyone is not highly social but if you don't try then their missing out on something that could be great.

[IpAncA]

Once you find that 'special someone', will you pay the same amount of time and attention to your job(s), friends, and hobbies or will they take a back seat? Why or why not?

 

I find that a little harder to do because your not single but married. There's a second person with you now or maybe even more. Things shift and what wasn't important becomes important or maybe even more important. You can't do the same things exactly as you did when you were single unless your SO doesn't mind. Or at least thats what I've found.

 

Sure you can still go to your job, hang out with people, have hobbies but your SO is included in those too up to an extent. Your hobbies and friends may shift too depending on a number of things.

 

You can't ignored your W or H because it won't work. Might as well remain single.

[SmoochieFace]

Sure it can work in both ways but I really haven't heard a lot married people cutting down the singles. At least thats what I've found but could be wrong don't know for sure.

 

But what I'm saying is that I don't like it when it's pushed on others and said it's ok to do this/that because they hate the idea of someone else besides themselves being in a healthy realtionship. They end up cutting down those married and saying things like they need them, they can't live without them, and looks at us were independent their not and can survive on our own. They need to bring others down to their level in order to feel good about themselves so their not alone. Thats what I was trying to get at and IMO it's not right to do that.

 

Sure you can say it's a preference but i've noticed those that are single (NOT EVERYONE) are usually for a reason and it's not because they wake up one day and say I love my life scew men. It's usually a show process meaning many bad or no experiences that lead up to them feeling the way that they are.

 

Also you can be happy single never said you couldn't. I was too until someone came alone and I'm still happy. And yes I know that everyone is not highly social but if you don't try then their missing out on something that could be great.

 

Then how do you explain the myriad stories of singles who are badgered and harassed about their single status? Even I had to hear that rubbish before getting married at 29 - why aren't you dating, why aren't you married, are you ever gonna have kids, blah blah blah?

 

Well... after five years of marriage, I found that it certainly wasn't all cracked up to be what the so-called 'happily married' folks said it would be so into the courtroom my X and I ended up and we became just another statistic.

 

Why the hell is it even any of their business to begin with? Shouldn't they be concentrating on their own lives? It's as if the marrieds/involveds/whatever want to shove THEIR BS down our throats. Hop on the bandwagon, join the crowd, yadda yadda yadda.

[IpAncA]

Then how do you explain the myriad stories of singles who are badgered and harassed about their single status? Even I had to hear that rubbish before getting married at 29 - why aren't you dating, why aren't you married, are you ever gonna have kids, blah blah blah?

 

Well... after five years of marriage, I found that it certainly wasn't all cracked up to be what the so-called 'happily married' folks said it would be so into the courtroom my X and I ended up and we became just another statistic.

 

Why the hell is it even any of their business to begin with? Shouldn't they be concentrating on their own lives? It's as if the marrieds/involveds/whatever want to shove THEIR BS down our throats. Hop on the bandwagon, join the crowd, yadda yadda yadda.

 

Everyone is asked those questions. You can't avoid those. Even when I was single I asked those questions. Shoot I still get asked if when I'm having children from both sides of our parents even friends.

 

Sure they should be concentrated on their own lives but people like to butt in. People are curious.

[Touche]

Not any more. We are now living together.

 

Anyway... just because someone hasn't been in a relationship doesn't mean they aren't capable of being in one and maintaining it. Your assumption kinda jumps the gun, doncha think?

 

Some people simply choose to not get involved. That isn't a sign of being dysfunctional, rather a sign of simply marching to a different beat.

 

Living together, huh? How very co-dependent of you!

 

Anyway, I agree with you on all of that but from my observations MOST people, not all, don't actively CHOOSE to be alone.

[blind_otter]

well i do agree with most people thats posted

 

Keep in mind that there is a difference between waiting for the right person (setting your bar high) and just having the attitude of "I'm proud to be single and don't need anyone." Because the later attitude would see the person even be rude or put down someone really great if they actually do enter their life.

 

Besides, everyone needs some sexual healing, where do these independant ppl get it??

 

Sexual healing is easy to get, IME. Relationships, too. Maybe I'm just a bad, selfish person because I can totally see how NOT being in a relationship is cool, and can be satisfying. And I've met older single people that I would never pity. They seem happy with their lives.

 

Why can't we just agree that different people require different things. Some of them want and need a relationship. Others don't. And that's OK. It's OK to be single, people.

 

Sometimes I think people get into bad relationships because they are so desperate to not be alone -- that is so sad, to me, and much more pitiful.

[SmoochieFace]

Living together, huh? How very co-dependent of you!

 

Anyway, I agree with you on all of that but from my observations MOST people, not all, don't actively CHOOSE to be alone.

 

Yeah, I don't believe in marriage.

[IpAncA]

Yeah, I don't believe in marriage.

What happends if the person your with wants to? Or does that person feel the same way too?

[SmoochieFace]

What happends if the person your with wants to? Or does that person feel the same way too?

 

She and I have discussed that already. She doesn't want to get married either.

[sb129]

I am an independent 29 year old woman with a good job(career is a little generous) other interests etc etc. i was in sparklegirls position.

Once I was HAPPY with being single, it meant i was happy with myself. And I think that in turn makes you immensely more attractive to the GOOD apples, and less likely to make bad judgement calls on the bad ones.

 

Personally, I am glad I have now found someone that I am compatible with to share my life with, esp as we both want kids, and are keen to start that phase of our lives in a year or two. But we are still our own people with some separate interests/friends etc. Knowing that I would be able to survive if I was single makes the relationship better, it makes me less needy and dependent, both things I have been in the past. Not sure about marriage. I think if you live together its nearly as good as these days, except can get legally messy if you have kids and you aren't married....am messy if you are...

 

I have been in an unhappy relationship- would rather be single than in one of those again.

[Touche]

Yeah, I don't believe in marriage.

 

And there's nothing wrong with not believing in marriage as long as the person you're with doesn't want that either.

[IpAncA]

So is that everybody's reason as to why their single or don't want to get married.

 

They don't want to get hurt again and the way to do that is to stay single?

 

No trying to start anything I'm just wondering.

[dgiirl]

They don't want to get hurt again and the way to do that is to stay single?

 

No trying to start anything I'm just wondering.

 

Huh? Have you been listening to the single people? Noone has said anything like that.