Single and loving it!

[IpAncA]

Huh? Have you been listening to the single people? Noone has said anything like that.

Then what are they saying? I probably shouldn't have said everybody. Bad word so I'll say some.

 

And now that I think about it you said in one of your own posts that you would rather be single then in another bad relationship. Isn't then being single a way to keep that from happening again?

[sb129]

I got out of a bad relationship- I preferred being single to staying in that particular bad relationship. But I wouldn't (and didn't) stay single solely to prevent that happening again. Risking getting hurt again is part of starting a new relationship, and I guess some people may not want to take that risk, so remain single by choice.

Having said that, some people are single because they haven't met the right person yet, or maybe they aren't ready for a relationship, or maybe they just don't want one.

I met a lady in her nineties yesterday- never married (and in her youth that would have caused quite alot more social stigma that single people don't get today) and she is very healthy, sharp as a tack and very fulfilled.

 

I was prepared to take the risk again, cos I knew that even if i DID get hurt again, I would survive, as i had before.

There are pros and cons to both I guess. Although now I know what a good relationship can be, its great.

 

And has anyone noticed that sparklegirl started this thread and hasn't posted since??

[dgiirl]

Then what are they saying? I probably shouldn't have said everybody. Bad word so I'll say some.

 

And now that I think about it you said in one of your own posts that you would rather be single then in another bad relationship. Isn't then being single a way to keep that from happening again?

 

Hmm... maybe you should read my entire thread instead of just the parts you want. I mentioned in one of them that I have had a few options recently, but none of them do anything for me. ie, I feel no chemistry with them. It's not out of fear of being hurt, it's a choice to not pursue something I know will not be fulfilling. Why be in a relationship if it's not going to fullfill me, and I have nothing to offer the other person? I strongly believe it's selfish and cruel of someone to pursue such a relationship just because it's available.

 

The way i see it is I have three possible situations in life.

 

1) Find prince charming and live happily ever after. This is probably the most "desired" situation, but also the most difficult one to acheive since it's hard to find people you absolutely connect with for a life time, and it's almost impossible to gaurantee happily ever after.

 

2) Live a fulfilling single life, where I embrace the people all around me for human contact. I have multiple sources to rely on my happiness and thus if one thing fails, i have multiple other areas to draw on. This is where I currently am, and I'm loving it. Ideally, I should have done this while married, but I focused my whole life around my exh, and thus when it started to go sour, I had nothing else to give me meaning to life. I will, hopefully, never make this mistake again, and will try to achieve a mixture of 1 and 2.

 

3) Take the next offer of a mate and get into a relationship just so I dont live alone. Not only would this not fulfill me, and I doubt will bring me happiness, but it also takes away the chance of the other person of finding true love. They deserve to be truely loved, and if I dont feel that way towards them, I think it would be extremely selfish of me to waste their time just so I wont be lonely. I know first hand what an absolute horrible feeling it is to find out that someone "never" loved you, they just stayed with out out of pity or they were desperate or whatever. This is the easiest to achieve. There's always SOMEone out there willing to date you.

 

So, yes I do have a choice.

[SmoochieFace]

Hmm... maybe you should read my entire thread instead of just the parts you want. I mentioned in one of them that I have had a few options recently, but none of them do anything for me. ie, I feel no chemistry with them. It's not out of fear of being hurt, it's a choice to not pursue something I know will not be fulfilling. Why be in a relationship if it's not going to fullfill me, and I have nothing to offer the other person? I strongly believe it's selfish and cruel of someone to pursue such a relationship just because it's available.

 

The way i see it is I have three possible situations in life.

 

1) Find prince charming and live happily ever after. This is probably the most "desired" situation, but also the most difficult one to acheive since it's hard to find people you absolutely connect with for a life time, and it's almost impossible to gaurantee happily ever after.

 

2) Live a fulfilling single life, where I embrace the people all around me for human contact. I have multiple sources to rely on my happiness and thus if one thing fails, i have multiple other areas to draw on. This is where I currently am, and I'm loving it. Ideally, I should have done this while married, but I focused my whole life around my exh, and thus when it started to go sour, I had nothing else to give me meaning to life. I will, hopefully, never make this mistake again, and will try to achieve a mixture of 1 and 2.

 

3) Take the next offer of a mate and get into a relationship just so I dont live alone. Not only would this not fulfill me, and I doubt will bring me happiness, but it also takes away the chance of the other person of finding true love. They deserve to be truely loved, and if I dont feel that way towards them, I think it would be extremely selfish of me to waste their time just so I wont be lonely. I know first hand what an absolute horrible feeling it is to find out that someone "never" loved you, they just stayed with out out of pity or they were desperate or whatever. This is the easiest to achieve. There's always SOMEone out there willing to date you.

 

So, yes I do have a choice.

 

Great post.

 

Unfortunately, I see many people going for Option Three quite often and I simply just do not understand why. I don't think my life would ever be so empty that I would stoop to that level. JMO, of course.

[blind_otter]

So is that everybody's reason as to why their single or don't want to get married.

 

They don't want to get hurt again and the way to do that is to stay single?

 

I don't believe in marriage because it's an antiquated institution originally designed to facilitate the transfer of property between the father of the bride and the new husband. The bride is part of that property transfer. It's symbolic.

 

Plus, marriage doesn't mean much nowadays. I mean, I am divorced. My SO is divorced. We agreed that marriage is kind of redundant. We might have a ceremony or something to signify our union in our relationship, but I don't want to have to do all that legal stuff any more. I prefer to stay off the grid, so to speak.

 

Anyways, not wanting to get married and wanting to stay single are two different things. Just sayin.

[sb129]

Why be in a relationship if it's not going to fullfill me, and I have nothing to offer the other person? I strongly believe it's selfish and cruel of someone to pursue such a relationship just because it's available.

 

The way i see it is I have three possible situations in life.

 

1) Find prince charming and live happily ever after. This is probably the most "desired" situation, but also the most difficult one to acheive since it's hard to find people you absolutely connect with for a life time, and it's almost impossible to gaurantee happily ever after.

 

2) Live a fulfilling single life, where I embrace the people all around me for human contact. I have multiple sources to rely on my happiness and thus if one thing fails, i have multiple other areas to draw on. This is where I currently am, and I'm loving it. Ideally, I should have done this while married, but I focused my whole life around my exh, and thus when it started to go sour, I had nothing else to give me meaning to life. I will, hopefully, never make this mistake again, and will try to achieve a mixture of 1 and 2.

 

3) Take the next offer of a mate and get into a relationship just so I dont live alone. Not only would this not fulfill me, and I doubt will bring me happiness, but it also takes away the chance of the other person of finding true love. They deserve to be truely loved, and if I dont feel that way towards them, I think it would be extremely selfish of me to waste their time just so I wont be lonely. I know first hand what an absolute horrible feeling it is to find out that someone "never" loved you, they just stayed with out out of pity or they were desperate or whatever. This is the easiest to achieve. There's always SOMEone out there willing to date you.

 

So, yes I do have a choice.

 

I agree with all that D-girl. I never want to go down the road of (3) again. I would far far rather be single than be in that situation. I think thats what I have been trying to say, but you said it in a much better way than I did.

Hope your prince charming comes along, but if he doesn't so what.