Something About Mary

[In Liquid Wonder]

Clay, the more I read, the more I wonder what the hell you've been doing on these dates. It sounds like you haven't been chatting it up enough with these ladies - wherever you meet them - before dating to see if they're for you, first of all. Secondly, if taking them out for dinner is so awful... WHY did you do it? You can take them out anywhere that's public and fun, really, and if you talk to her enough you can find out if she's also interested in doing something else.

 

It's hard for me to imagine dating and having so little fun, and then doing it with people you're barely interested in. It just... ahhhh! Why do it?!? I don't understand.

 

I admit that I probably didn't exactly describe what my exact intentions are with her. I guess I'm making this sound like an infatuated guy that must have his little crush all to himself and he wants her now.

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When I say I had fun with her, I really mean I had FUN with her -- both onstage and off. Someone like her is really rare, In fact I never have met a girl quite like her. Although I've known her for 8 or 9 years, it's only been the last three years or so that I've really gotten to hang out and talk with her -- and it's only been the last 10 or 11 months that I've started to get to know her really well.

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Unlike a lot of girls, she just becomes all that more likeable the better I've gotten to know her. I remember at the play this summer... we're both blond, but we had to play Johnny Cash and June Carter -- both brunettes, So, we had to both wear wigs. My only choice was to order an Elvis wig. And this thing ridiculous with big sideburns and hair a mile high -- really gawdy. So she had me put it on and sit in the chair and she spent around a half hour trimming it down and getting that Johnny Cash pompadour hairdo. She made that thing look 100% better. I was amazed. I would have never thought it's be possible, that she could've done such a good job. To me that's really special. How cool is a girl that'll trim your wig for you?

<P>

But anyway, I'm just fine hanging as friends and singing a while. I've been down the dating road, call me, mess enough times. It appears that I've got something a lot different here with her, something natural and just plain fun. The 'just friends' thing would be great for a change actually. I kind of look back and realize that I'm just a little different from a lot of guys and the whole typical dating trap is just that... kind of like a round peg in a square hole, me being the peg. Besides, I have a real strong feeling she kind of sees me as being possibly more than a friend. Basically, I'm just trying to say it seems like the thing to do.

<P>

I'm just tired of that whole hunting for a woman thing, where you conciously try to meet a woman, never really knowing if you're really interested in her, only that she's "hot." Most people find that so "romantic." I find it just forced and fake and uncomfortable. I've done it before and I'm always always stressing out over some girl, who I deep down inside know that I'm not interested in, but I'm asking out and trying to keep a conversation going with and all that -- just because it's what I'm "supposed to do."

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I guess everone thinks that's a bad idea on this thread. Maybe your experience has evidently been a little better or at least different than mine. I guess maybe noone really understands me.

[clatan]

Clay, the more I read, the more I wonder what the hell you've been doing on these dates. It sounds like you haven't been chatting it up enough with these ladies - wherever you meet them - before dating to see if they're for you, first of all. Secondly, if taking them out for dinner is so awful... WHY did you do it? You can take them out anywhere that's public and fun, really, and if you talk to her enough you can find out if she's also interested in doing something else.

 

It's hard for me to imagine dating and having so little fun, and then doing it with people you're barely interested in. It just... ahhhh! Why do it?!? I don't understand.

 

Hey Jen! That's pretty much what I'm saying -- Why do it? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm thinking of joining a monastery, I just think that maybe I should re-adjust my course of action a little. One of those would be to possibly quit putting so much emphasis on this one-size-fits-all "dating" and take a more natural course of action. Maybe what works for most people doesn't work for me?

 

As far as why I would date someone I'm barely interested in, what I've done on the dates I've been on and whether or not I chatted with these ladies (ladies is a relative term), I've pretty much done what most guys do. Again, I think that's the problem.

 

I mean, I've talked with these women and gotten to know them probably better than most guys would be fore asking them out and taking that first big move. I've done a lot of different things with them. One problem with these women was that they just weren't my type, and I think that deep down inside I knew it. Another thing is that these women were just plain -- no good. There's been few women I've dated that haven't done something really rotten to me before they break it off.

 

There was a girl that lived pretty close to me in high school. I always used to give her a ride home after school. By the end of our senior year we got to be pretty good friends. The last day of school, I took her out and we went to an last-day-of-school party together. She appreciated me taking her out so much that she paid me back by having sex with a guy she'd just met that night, practically right in front of me. Nice girl huh?

 

That's usually the way it ends for me, like a bout a year later when I was 19. One girl I'd date a couple of weeks had agreed with me to meet and go out one Friday night. I told her I'd pick her up at a particular time at her house earlier that day. When I got there, no one was home. I later learned she had gone out with another guy. Her "friend" Richie. She always mentioned that her mom always said she should date him because his family had money. At that point I realized what those comments about my rough, calloused hands were all about. I worked hard for my money, guess that's not attractive to her.

 

Another girl I dated a little after that was Jenna. My friend and his girlfriend set us up. They claimed she was "perfect" for me. When someone is trying to fix me up and I hear them say that now, I tend to expect the worst. She broke a date by having a friend tell me that her dad had just had a near fatal heart attack. I called back and I got her mom, so thinking it was bs, asked how her dad was. Her mom had no idea. I told her what I'd been told. It was a total lie. She was seeing some other guy behind my back.

 

Well, skip around a dozen girls, who were all about the same, and fast forward about 12 years to about the last girl I dated. This was around 4 years ago. She constantly broke dates. Funny, because she was the one that came up to me and introduced herself and gave me her number when we met. I dated her for around three weeks. Actually, I only went out with her once. The rest was time spent talking on the phone. Unless you count the 4 or 5 dates we agreed on, which she broke. The thing was, I couldn't have really cared. She'd be the one who would then call back and say "Oh, I miss you. Why haven't you called me?" "I hope you haven't found another girlfriend."

 

So figuring there was an explanation for her not being home when I'd call before picking her up, I'd call back, only to be done the same way again. The last time she pulled that she emailed me and said "I've been thinking about you. Where have you been. Why ahven't you called. We should get together. You can come over Friday night to my house and maybe we could watch a movie. At that point, I responded and said I really wasn't interested in watching a movie with her. I told her if she's like to make a movie some time, that's the only reason I'd want to hear from her. That got rid of her for good thankfully. Oh by the way, I later found out that she had two kids all the whole time. Guess it slipped her mind.

 

So that's a little of why I'm not real enthused about the typical dating thing anymore. But I realize now that it was the women I was dating. As I said in another post, there are a lot of really great girls that I've known and never pursued at all for the most part.

[clatan]

Well, I'm going to pursue this, boyfriend or not. I don't know if she's madly in love with me, but I DO KNOW she really likes me and has a blast singing with me and I feel the same. Therefore, I see no reason to deny myself and her the fun of singing together just because she has a boyfriend. That just doesn't make sense.

 

Whether or not I "steal her away" is her choice. It's not as if I'm going to eventually put a gun to her head and make her go to the movies with me. If she not interested in me "that way" I would imagine she'll tell me no wouldn't she? But I have a feeling it just might happen if we spent much time together. I'm not doing anything wrong by pursuing a girl who has boyfriend! I don't see where some of you get the idea that that's some cardinal sin? A married woman... yeah, that's wrong. But a boy=friend. That means nothing. Sorry to all you people that think "boyfriend and girlfriend" is something sacred. Sorry folks... it's not.

 

If there's a possibility she may enjoy being with me more than her boyfriend, I don't see how I'd be doing her, myself or her boyfriend for that matter, a favor by staying away anyway?

 

Besides, I've been shy and worried about hurting other feelings too much in the past to my detriment as far as getting what I want, whetehr it be dating or otherwise. I'm sick of being a passive "nice guy" just so as to not offend anyone. As far as dating goes, I don't recall anyone worrying about me or my feelings when it comes to a girl dumping me. I'm going to start getting what I want for a change. If you want to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs. And before this month is over, I'm going to go over to Mary's house one night and make a few omelets with her.

[JCD]

I hope you don't get to wear the omelets. Be careful with this and go slowly. Maybe become a good friend first then once you're on solid ground go for romanticism. Hopefully she'll realize what's she's missing and chooses you over him. Then get a baseball bat and guard her so that what you've done to her boyfriend doesn't happen to you Still, get a bat right away as you don't know how her boyfriend could take your advances toward her.

[clatan]

Well, I figure in about the next two weeks or so, I'll probably call her. I'm working on my album and I want to get her to sing a duet with me. I also would like to record some other stuff with her and maybe sing a few places live together. When I call her, I just want to let her know how good I think she is, how much fun I have singing with her (and its truly the time of my life) and how I'd love to get together and do something music-wise. I don't want to seem like I'm coming on too strong like a stalker type, but I don't want her to get the impression that this is just a "business deal" or something. I just want to let her know that singing with her is the most fun I've had in ages, if not forever and that I'd like to do more together and that she's my favorite singer. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to phrase it?

 

My inclination is to just tell her about like I told you all. I do think she's kick-ass as can be as a singer, wether I wanted to date her or not. My favorite female singers are Sheryl Crow, Loretta Lynn and the like. I think she's better than all of them and way better looking than any "diva" out there. I just don't know of a way to non-chalantly put it without seeming... what is the word... "pretentious"... like I'm sucking up and buttering her up.

 

Just give me ideas someone please!