broken hearted

[julie]

visted here a few months ago while on a vacation trip in vail, colorado with a guy i had been dating for approximately 8 months.

 

i posted how i do not like to fly or travel yet this guy, rick, wants me to go with him to all these places and on vacations every few months.

 

some posted back saying that they would die for the chance to travel like that, well if they want it still it may be open very soon.

 

since then we have had numerous fights about all this travel stuff and things that he always wants to do then i feel just horrible for not wanting to do and we always end up doing what i want to do and i also feel horrible about that as well.

 

he has even offered to pay $395.00 so that i can take a class that helps you overcome the fear of flying.

 

i have no desire to overcome my fear of flying, i am quite content with my feet planted firmly on the ground, thank you anyway.

 

now his high school reunion is friday august 9th and so is my daughter's graduation.

 

when he had gotten the invite for his reunion he never said he wanted to go or not go, then he finally told me days later that it was only the 25th and they are not so big of a deal that mainly the 30, 40 50 ones are.

 

so i dismissed the whole thing until the other day when it came up for some reason that i dont even remember, and he told me then that the only reason he blew it off was because he new i would not want to go with him, and that there would be hugging of other women as par for the course and i would just throw a fit anyway.

 

that is not entirely true, i do have somewhat of a jealous streak but at something like that yes i would expect it but he did not believe me about it and said i would of gotten mad anyway, so that is why he said that the 25th reunion is not that important.

 

now i read an email today to a friend of his telling his friend that we would not be going because my daughters graduation is on the same day.

 

so i dont even know if he really hadnt wanted to go and used me as a scape goat or if he really did want to go and used my daughters thing as a reason not to go.

 

in other words i dont know if he is being noble so we can go to the graduation or if he is really serious that he passed up the reunion because of me.

 

another thing is that i have put on about ten pounds now it two months, i have something called anxiety induced hunger, or possibly gastric dumping syndrome, what ever it is has not been fully diagnosed yet.

 

all i know is i get horrible anxiety almost immediately when i get hungry and only eating relieves it, most troublesome for me, as well as him because it seems we have to plan everything now around when i ate last and or bring foods with me.

 

he tells me he thinks it is just psychological, he tells me everything i do is just unconscious, or psychological and sometimes i have to question this myself because i just dont know.

 

i love this guy he is so very good for me, but he has his flaws obviously, but i feel i stand in the way of what he wants to do and not to mention the pressure it all puts on me too.

 

then next month i have a wedding to go to and i have two leave for two weeks, he is going with me too as is my daughter and i want to bring my sickly dog, but he says he will pay to have him flown out there instead of bringing him with in the car so we wont have to stop every couple hours.

 

so he tries veryhard to accomodate me on things, and i feel so selfish back because i cant give him what he wants back from me which is to go on vacations, and trips, and do things that he enjoys, i feel just awful for all of this.

 

i feel like if i left it would be doing us both a favor but i feel so sad when i think of never being with him again.

 

he has made some remarks as well about the weight i've gained, and today i finally told him to just shut up!

 

he said it was suppose to be negative criticism, and i told him i dont want your negative anything from you anymore so just STOP IT!

 

i think he was hurt becaus he honestly thought i wanted to know that i'm getting fat!

 

so that is the story of my life, any help?

thank you in advance.

 

julie

[wunderbug]

You've just got so many problems, don't you?

 

Based on your post, it looks like you're just looking for problems.

 

If you're with someone who likes to fly and take vacations every few months, and you don't like to fly and are not even openminded enough to take him up on the offer to overcome your fear of same, then do him a favor and move on. You don't sound like you're even open to trying to compromise at all. He's the one doing all of that: the offer for the "overcome your fear of flying" course, offering to fly your sickly dog, being willing to miss his reunion so that you can both attend your daughter's graduation, going to the wedding with you and having to put up with a sick dog, etc.

 

You admit you have a jealous streak. Deal with it. No stable human being wants to be in a relationship with someone who's jealous. It's stifling and smothering and tedious.

 

What right did you have reading one of his emails? So you're a snoop too? Shame on you. Is this a habit of yours? If I were your guy, I'd drop you like a hot potato just for this alone.

 

And your health problems, sounds like some new fangled "fad" disorder...sounds like you just have major anxiety problems that you should seek professional help for.

 

If you've only gained 10 lbs, if that's really ALL you've gained, I can't believe he'd even mention it, or notice it. So either you're underestimating your weight gain, or you're being hypersensitive.

 

The poor guy has to plan things around when you last ate? No offense but sounds like dating you is a lot of work and accomodation and compromise on his part. What does he gain from any of this?

 

By the way, your situation sounds like an old regular from the old Loveshack. She had a fiance who she was constantly complaining about, always posting about wanting to leave him. But I guess it couldn't be you, seeing how even though you live in the same state, you've only been dating this guy for 8 months LOL

 

Nice try. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Don't you ever get tired of all your health problems? (mental and physical)

[BeReal]

I remember the old post this person mentioned. If this is the same person I don't think it's Crystal.

 

Julie, are you seeing someone for your anxiety? If not, why don't you? You don't even realize how many excuses you are making to get out of things just so you don't feel any discomfort. Anxiety medication might help and so would talking to a professional about it. They can guide you to overcome some of these things. I think you are using the excuse that you don't like something because the reality of trying it would cause you too much anxiety. If so, get some help. There's no reason to live that way.

 

It could be that you are just not into travel. That is something you'll have to discuss with your bf and decide if you are compatible enough to want to stay together. The only person who is not going to challenge you would be someone else with extreme anxiety. If you were with someone like that then you'd stay home together all the time and be afraid of everything. Does that sound appealing?

 

You can go to your daughters graduation alone and your bf can go to his reunion alone. There is no need to sacrifice one or the other. If your dog is really old and sick it might tolerate a car ride better than a plane ride. There's nothing wrong with letting your bf know that he hurt you by telling you that you were getting fat.

[Ally Boo]

Paxil is a medication doctors perscribe for Anxiety Disorders. Talk to your PCP about it, you'll probably realize that life isn't all the drama that it's seeming right now.

Plus, I'm kinda thinking you are using all of that as an excuse to not let yourself get too close to this guy. Sounds like you're distancing yourself to me.