Woggle Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Last night my wife and I were cleaning out a room that will be just hers and we found a box full of old pictures I took with my ex with some going back to when we were still just dating in New York. We looked so in love and happy back then. I asked my wife if she wanted me to get rid of them and even though she said it was up to me and she respects that it is part of my history I could tell deep down she wanted me to chuck them. The thing is that even if she were not in prison and I was single I would never go back to her. I love my wife too much right now but I still have some feelings for my ex and I look back at our time before we moved to NJ fondly. This woman tried to kill me and I still have fond memories of her no matter how much I try to hate her. Women if you were in my wife's position would you want him to chuck everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Not a woman but, the only "signs" of the ex I still have are our children. Any and all photos of the ex I had when I married my wife were given to the children. I certainly didn't want them in the home and in fact, didn't even know I had some until I went through a batch of family photos in a bag and found some. They were gone within days. I'm a firm believer in "out with the old, in with the new" and while there are a few good memories of that past, they suffice, rarely come to the surface and other reminders are neither necessary nor wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I wouldn't care if you kept them, but then again my H's ex isn't interfering in our lives, and they were never married. In my opinion, my H's ex was a big part of his life, and had a great influence over who he is today. I love who he is, so in a sense I'm glad they were together for 6 years. I have no fears he is going to leave me for her, actually that's laughable, so why should I care if he has pictures of her? Now, if you were staring at them longingly on a regular basis, that could be a problem. If you keep them out of the way, then I don't think it should be an issue. Know what? Tell your wife that you suspect that she might have a problem with it, but is trying to put on a brave face. Tell her, you wouldn't mind keeping the pictures, but if she has the least bit of a problem with it you'll chuck them today. Also this is the perfect oportunity to communicate how important it is that the two of you be open and h onest about what you are actually feeling, not just what you think the other one wants to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I think it's a personal choice. But if it bothers your wife you need to take that into consideration. I think it's good that you have fond memories of your ex. It means you've gotten to a point where healing has happened. I think you should do what bab said. Tell your wife you'll get rid of them if she wants but you'd really rather keep them put away for now. Link to post Share on other sites
WhisperingWillow Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 My boyfriend, when he and I started to get real serious, there were pictures of his ex wife in the house. I didn't mind at all. He did give them to her though and her mother. All of them. He didn't want them anymore even though they ended amicably. They are still good friends and I have no problem with her. We've had her over numerous times. I've talked to her a few times on the phone and in person. She's a nice person, she just couldn't seem to get her stuff together to make the relationship work. Partier, etc. Anyhow I think it has to do with comfort levels. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Put them in a box and store them in your basement, in your closet or in the attic if you have one. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 If you had children together I'd say keep them for the kids. That is what my husband and I have done. Since there aren't any kids it's different. If you want to keep them, box them up and put them away so she won't come across them all the time. I think she'd be okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 I think that I will talk to her about it and offer to chuck them if she wants me to. It wasn't just pictures of her but pictures of that time period including many pics with friends so it made me look back at those days. I think more than my ex I miss New York and every time I look back at old pictures I miss it more. I will reassure my wife that it is not about missing my ex at all. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I understand your reasonings, but if you want those pictures, or some of them, it is your right to keep them. It's not like you'll be digging through the boxes once a week! Just knowing that you have them somewhere in your house as it's part of your past before things got bad is okay. And hopefully your wife won't feel hurt or threatened by you keeping memories. Maybe it's just me but asking someone to throw out stuff from there past isn't really fair. But asking them to put it away in a box in the basement is a compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Maybe it's just me but asking someone to throw out stuff from there past isn't really fair. But asking them to put it away in a box in the basement is a compromise. I agree. My husband has some neat stuff from some of his ex's and I would never ask him to throw them away. If he asked me to throw away my jewelry from my past, I'd flip. To me, there is no difference. Even if I don't wear the jewelry, I might want to keep it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I agree with the posters above.. Your past is exactly that YOUR past.. I wouldn't get rid of your past photos.. Sure maybe cull some of them down and get rid of the ones that really don't mean anything, Then put them all in a taped up box in the attic.. You shouldn't get rid of your past as if it didn't happen.. One day you might have kids and after you are dead and gone they can go thru them and see a life they didn't know you in. and they will smile when they se you in those pictures. I'll bet your wife has past photos stored somewhere of her past relationships Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Last night my wife and I were cleaning out a room that will be just hers and we found a box full of old pictures I took with my ex with some going back to when we were still just dating in New York. We looked so in love and happy back then. I asked my wife if she wanted me to get rid of them and even though she said it was up to me and she respects that it is part of my history I could tell deep down she wanted me to chuck them. The thing is that even if she were not in prison and I was single I would never go back to her. I love my wife too much right now but I still have some feelings for my ex and I look back at our time before we moved to NJ fondly. This woman tried to kill me and I still have fond memories of her no matter how much I try to hate her. Women if you were in my wife's position would you want him to chuck everything. You still have feelings for her like you said, why would you want to keep the pictures of her to keep remembering the bad memories of her? I just don't think its a good idea and it wouldnt be nice for your girl to see you keep that stuff. I wouldn't feel good about it either if my guy kept stuff of he's ex girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I had the taalk with my wife and she admitted that she was a little uncomfortable with me keeping them but that is part of my history and that it would be unfair for her to ask me to give them up. I decided to take all the pictures without her because some of them include a close friend that was murdered and put them in a frame and the rest of them I will keep in a box locked away somewhere. If it still seems like it is bothering her I will chuck the pictures with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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