Hurt

[coco_milkshake]

This Christmas had to be one of the worst ever. Even times like this my mum has to take digs at me and put me down. When my sisters come up she just makes any excuse to have a go at me because she knows they will back her up. Sorry this is a bit long.

 

Christmas Eve:

 

The day in general was okay apart from my mum and sister lecturing me because I chose not to study that day. My sisters were staying over and so was my brother-in-law, not to mention my grandad's brother and his wife - meaning there was going to be a bit of a problem with the sleeping arrangements.

 

I got relegated to the floor. I am allergic to the dust so I thought the sofa would be a better place to sleep. I brought downstairs the duvet and the pillow and placed it in the living room. Sister no.4 started shouting at me for doing that saying that they were still sitting there. I said I did not plan to sleep straight away and sat there with them.

 

I have a habit - when I am watching telly I dont have a clue as to what is happening around me and I dont even realise when someone is talking to me, my family know this. I didnt know that my mum was talking to me regarding the sleeping arrangements until my sister started shouting at me because she thought I was ignoring mum.

 

I had a fight with her which ended up with me threatening to beat me up. Mum and dad were sitting in the room and the pair of them said nothing to her. The icing on the cake was mum telling the entire room that I told mum to shut up which was a total lie. I looked at her in shock and then my sister started shouting at me some more and I defended myself. It ended up with the entire family joking and laughing at my expense with me walking out in tears. I sat in the other room trying to take my mind off what had happened. My mum came in, saw me in tears, totally ignored me and took what she wanted and walked out again.

 

I went into that room again and took the duvet and pillow and put it in the other room I was sitting in. My mum came in and started shouting at telling me that I was not allowed to sleep on her sofa and that my sister had offered to sleep on the floor, scoring brownie points with my mum as usual. I then went upstairs to the bathroom and cried for ages. I looked at my watch and it was 12:15 - it was Christmas morning.

 

2 days after Christmas day:

 

There was an argument about the time I spend on the internet. I was in the kitchen with mum and sister no.3. My mum did not think I was making an effort with my studies which is not true. She threatened to cut off my internet again for the millionth time and fed up with her empty threats I told her to go for it. My sister said that I have the applications such as word for university so the internet is not necessary.

 

Getting fed up with the pair of them nagging me I tried to walk out of the kitchen only for my sister to shut the door. She wouldnt let me out. I tried to remove her hand from the handle but she pushed me away, challenging me to try again. I told her I would spill my drink over her head and thats when my mum came running over and stood leaning against the door.

 

I laughed out loud though I was not meant to, just thinking to myself that there was no way I could move mum out the way - thats just wrong. Mum called me an idiot for laughing and my sister told me that I seem to have forgotten what I did not long ago (went out with my ex) and that I was lying at mum's feet asking for forgiveness (which unfortunately is true). Its funny because they tell me to forget and they are the ones who remind me of it.

 

We had guests in the living room. The phone started ringing and one of the guests entered the kitchen to tell us to answer it. I walked out, calling my sister a cow as I passed. My mum chased after me and said that I am the real cow. I went upstairs full of anger and hurt. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day.

 

I am so fed up of this constant family drama. I am always blamed for it. When so many people tell you the same thing it is bound to affect you to the point that you start believing it. I am always told that I am in the wrong - I just want someone to tell me that im not *sobs*

[Touche]

Aww, I'm so sorry you're going through all of that Coco. Believe me, you're not the only one who has a bitchy sister and family drama.

 

One day, you'll laugh at it all. You won't be living at home forever you know. In the meantime try to take it all with a grain of salt knowing that before you know it, it will all be behind you and this will all seem very petty one day.

 

Try to hang in there and just come on here and vent whenever you need too.

 

Hugs...and for what it's worth, I think you're a sweetheart.

[CardPlay3r]

Yeah it's bad coco...you know all this and worse will keep on happening if you don't run away from there

[coco_milkshake]

Thanks Touche, I really needed to hear that. It feels nice to hear positive things about me for a change rather than that usual bs. Im trying my best to move on but when it happens almost on a regular basis I cant help but get fed up of it.

 

Thanks for your kind words

[Touche]

Thanks Touche, I really needed to hear that. It feels nice to hear positive things about me for a change rather than that usual bs. Im trying my best to move on but when it happens almost on a regular basis I cant help but get fed up of it.

 

Thanks for your kind words

 

You're welcome, Coco. And I'm sure they love you very much. That's just how families can be sometimes. Once you're out and on your own, you'll probably have a much better relationship with all of them. Your family reminds me of my own wacky family.

 

Is it possible to get a roomate and move out? Maybe get a part-time job while you're in school?

[coco_milkshake]

If I did move out like that they will stop talking to me altogether. When I was with my ex they told me to choose between them and him.

 

Ever since that incident with my ex happened, things have not been the same. I have been controlled my entire life but since that time the control element has got a lot worse because I did the unthinkable.

 

Touche, I am supposed to leave that house as a bride in an arranged marriage which I do not want. Mum talks about my marriage sometimes and it freaks me out because she has not asked me if I want one - she is assuming I will go ahead with it and my sisters say I need to do this to pay back for the hurt I have caused by having a bf.

 

I am in touch with my university counsellor behind their backs because they said I am not allowed that kind of help and I have resorted to calling the SWA as well which is Scottish Women's Aid. They took my year's wages which was £4000 and I aint seen it since. Im at my wits end and once I move out they will want nothing to do with me because its unorthodox to do that before marriage.

 

Im just so unhappy

[Touche]

You must take control over your OWN life. They will not disown you, I'm sure. You can't live your whole life for them. You are your own person now. You're an adult. It's hard to go against your parents' wishes but we've all had to do it at some point in our lives in order to grow up.

 

Is the school counselor helping at all? What do they say?

[CardPlay3r]

Unfortunately they would disown her, it's what happens in indian families that are so backward...but that's much better than never being allowed to leave the house, have friends, talk on the phone, haver her year's worth wages taken from her, not allowed to date and insulted day in day out

[vanessabg]

This Christmas had to be one of the worst ever. Even times like this my mum has to take digs at me and put me down. When my sisters come up she just makes any excuse to have a go at me because she knows they will back her up. Sorry this is a bit long.

 

Christmas Eve:

 

The day in general was okay apart from my mum and sister lecturing me because I chose not to study that day. My sisters were staying over and so was my brother-in-law, not to mention my grandad's brother and his wife - meaning there was going to be a bit of a problem with the sleeping arrangements.

 

I got relegated to the floor. I am allergic to the dust so I thought the sofa would be a better place to sleep. I brought downstairs the duvet and the pillow and placed it in the living room. Sister no.4 started shouting at me for doing that saying that they were still sitting there. I said I did not plan to sleep straight away and sat there with them.

 

I have a habit - when I am watching telly I dont have a clue as to what is happening around me and I dont even realise when someone is talking to me, my family know this. I didnt know that my mum was talking to me regarding the sleeping arrangements until my sister started shouting at me because she thought I was ignoring mum.

 

I had a fight with her which ended up with me threatening to beat me up. Mum and dad were sitting in the room and the pair of them said nothing to her. The icing on the cake was mum telling the entire room that I told mum to shut up which was a total lie. I looked at her in shock and then my sister started shouting at me some more and I defended myself. It ended up with the entire family joking and laughing at my expense with me walking out in tears. I sat in the other room trying to take my mind off what had happened. My mum came in, saw me in tears, totally ignored me and took what she wanted and walked out again.

 

I went into that room again and took the duvet and pillow and put it in the other room I was sitting in. My mum came in and started shouting at telling me that I was not allowed to sleep on her sofa and that my sister had offered to sleep on the floor, scoring brownie points with my mum as usual. I then went upstairs to the bathroom and cried for ages. I looked at my watch and it was 12:15 - it was Christmas morning.

 

2 days after Christmas day:

 

There was an argument about the time I spend on the internet. I was in the kitchen with mum and sister no.3. My mum did not think I was making an effort with my studies which is not true. She threatened to cut off my internet again for the millionth time and fed up with her empty threats I told her to go for it. My sister said that I have the applications such as word for university so the internet is not necessary.

 

Getting fed up with the pair of them nagging me I tried to walk out of the kitchen only for my sister to shut the door. She wouldnt let me out. I tried to remove her hand from the handle but she pushed me away, challenging me to try again. I told her I would spill my drink over her head and thats when my mum came running over and stood leaning against the door.

 

I laughed out loud though I was not meant to, just thinking to myself that there was no way I could move mum out the way - thats just wrong. Mum called me an idiot for laughing and my sister told me that I seem to have forgotten what I did not long ago (went out with my ex) and that I was lying at mum's feet asking for forgiveness (which unfortunately is true). Its funny because they tell me to forget and they are the ones who remind me of it.

 

We had guests in the living room. The phone started ringing and one of the guests entered the kitchen to tell us to answer it. I walked out, calling my sister a cow as I passed. My mum chased after me and said that I am the real cow. I went upstairs full of anger and hurt. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day.

 

I am so fed up of this constant family drama. I am always blamed for it. When so many people tell you the same thing it is bound to affect you to the point that you start believing it. I am always told that I am in the wrong - I just want someone to tell me that im not *sobs*

It's not your fault,it is just fate. Coco,don't worry,your family behavior will remain as same as like before, if you not decide to leave the home you will be in trouble.

[coco_milkshake]

I have been in touch with SWA who have said that whenever I decide that I am ready to get out, they will help me find accommodation, even outside Glasgow if necessary which is a great thing.

 

I have my exams in a fortnight and along with that I am mentally preparing myself to give the SWA the green light to start looking for me so I can get out.

[Touche]

Wow, good for you!! I doubt you'll have any regrets. It's a big step and scary but exciting at the same time. Let us know how this goes for you, ok?

[coco_milkshake]

I hope I wont have any regrets - that is my greatest fear. Hopefully things will look a lot brighter for me this year.

[littlekitty]

It shocks me that this kind of behaviour still happens every single day in the UK. This culture to me is nothing short of abuse. It's emotional abuse to be this controlling of your children.

 

You deserve to live your own life. This move will be worth it for you, I have no doubt of that. In the meantime stay strong and keep pushing forward. You don't deserve to be forced to marry, controlled and abused this manner.

[coco_milkshake]

Thanks Littlekitty, I am hoping that this move will help me develop into a better person and be able to live in this world through my eyes rather than my family's as I have been wrapped up in cotton wool my whole life.

 

I am looking forward to my independence.

[littlekitty]

Thanks Littlekitty, I am hoping that this move will help me develop into a better person and be able to live in this world through my eyes rather than my family's as I have been wrapped up in cotton wool my whole life.

 

I am looking forward to my independence.

 

You're so welcome!

 

You're going to love being independant, and enjoying a whole new life!

[coco_milkshake]

Im so scared lol. Each day is a day closer and it just feels so unreal. I hope I will be able to survive on my own.

[CardPlay3r]

You won't be on your own...you'll have those people from SWA helping you remember you can stay with them for as long as you like

[coco_milkshake]

Yeah thanks CP, its just that technically I will be on my own as I will have no family after this which is a very scary thought. I just hope I am up to it and be able to become independent.