BenThereDunThat Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I know this thread doesn't belong here, but I wanted to post where I feel most comfortable. My boss' wife called me today. She called in on his line - of course it was weird to see a call come in on his line to begin with - but I recognized the number and knew it was her. (writing this assuming everyone knows about my boss dying suddenly the week before Christmas) As soon as I answered, I heard 'hi, it's ****.' Then sobbing. So many emotions running through me. I've been feeling so GUILTY. Guilty that I got a precious gift from him the day he died, guilty that what if I didn't show my appreciation enough? Guilty that I was such a wreck that I couldn't reach out to her the day of the service. Guilty that I meant to write her a letter, and she called me first. Guilty that I had my 'game face' on when she called. She couldn't possibly know what it meant for me to be able to work for her husband. Trying to tell her, it sounded trite. I wanted to reach through that phone, and hug her, and make it all better. I wanted to tell her everything that he meant to me, that he meant to us who worked with him. I wanted to say how I'm a changed person since having met him. How it was a quiet, slow, change. But I knew I was lucky nonetheless. I KNEW it. I was grateful to know him every single day that I worked for/with him. How do you go about conveying that? Especially for someone who isn't used to showing such feelings? You guys here get all my deepest thoughts, thoughts I'm not always capable of sharing in real life. For all the tears I shed over the last week, I found that while I was talking to her, I just locked up. Like I usually do. I wanted to cry with her and I couldn't. The more I wanted to say what he meant to me, the more I froze.... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Why don't you tell her what you just told us? I'm sure that she would appreciate it... My thoughts are with you...just reading what you wrote brought tears to my eyes... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Don't feel guilty, or try not to... Write her a note just saying that you're having trouble expressing what you feel and how sad you are about her husband's death. And that you honestly don't want to upset her more, but would like to see her when she's ready for company. GEL is right, speak from your heart and just be honest. I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 i agree with green. i hate when that happens - the old foot in mouth. its a normal reaction - nothing prepares u for the FIM syndrome - what u said was appropriate Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I've been thinking that what I'll do is print out all my posts about him. Let them speak for me. I just felt so silly "if there is anything, anything at all I can do...." You know she's heard that a million times over. It was just so weird. Even though we never talked face to face, I felt connected to her just as much as I did to him. I knew when it was her birthday, I would give him a hard time about traveling, just like she would. I'd tell him he 'better stop at the jewelry store on the way home!' We were co-conspirators in giving him sh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 hope u feel better BTDT.... Link to post Share on other sites
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I've been thinking that what I'll do is print out all my posts about him. Let them speak for me. I just felt so silly "if there is anything, anything at all I can do...." You know she's heard that a million times over. It was just so weird. Even though we never talked face to face, I felt connected to her just as much as I did to him. I knew when it was her birthday, I would give him a hard time about traveling, just like she would. I'd tell him he 'better stop at the jewelry store on the way home!' We were co-conspirators in giving him sh*t. Even if you just print out your opening post here...I think it says it all. And I think it would mean more to her than the "if there is anything...". (((BTDT))) Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I think that is a good sign on her part that she is reaching out after the loss of her husband. I think what you told us is so heart felt and sincere, and I think that she needs to hear it to help her through this. I think since she did seek you out she'd be open to hearing what you expressed, regardless of how tritie you think you might sound, but I doubt that's the case! Should you choose to help her you may be ultimately helping your self through your own loss. I know it is difficult for you right now, just make sure you are taking care of your self too! Many good thoughts headed your way! Best Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 My thoughts and prayers are with you, BTDT. You are a good woman. Peace to you, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 My Daddy died a few months ago and I will tell you something that happened that I will never forget: a very lovely and pastel (not the funeral type arrangement) was sent to me from someone I know, but don't spend much time. The card said (I am actually holding it in my hand and typing verbatum): "Sunny Day Flowers for your tears. I don't know what to say to help much but please know that I care, Love, signature PS Call anytime you need to talk. Maybe send her a "Happy" type of flower boquet and let her know that you are without words but would like to keep in touch? Say that you would love to have lunch? Widows are forgotten very quickly--their social circle changes as they are no longer a couple. Perhaps she is reaching out for you in her lonliness. She could become a wonderful friend or just an occasional lunch buddie. BUT who would want to miss the opportunity!?! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Hey BTDT....(((((((((((((((((lot's of hugs))))))))))))))))) I do the same thing....I lost two good friends at work and then my former boss, all within 2 weeks. There was a service for one of my friends and I didn't go because it was all just too much, I was totally drained...my boss died unexpectedly thursday night, we found out friday morning, her service was saturday.... Everybody was dissapointed that I didn't go....they told me they had blown up a picture of her and I that was taken at work....it was basically the theme of the service....talk about feeling like the lowest life form on this earth.... Sometimes, when we're overloaded it hard because we are afraid we will say the wrong thing, this is just me BTDT and maybe some others... It's all just so hard at times..... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 You can only do so much, PIH...so sorry to hear about your losses... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 My Daddy died a few months ago and I will tell you something that happened that I will never forget: a very lovely and pastel (not the funeral type arrangement) was sent to me from someone I know, but don't spend much time. The card said (I am actually holding it in my hand and typing verbatum): "Sunny Day Flowers for your tears. I don't know what to say to help much but please know that I care, Love, signature PS Call anytime you need to talk. Maybe send her a "Happy" type of flower boquet and let her know that you are without words but would like to keep in touch? Say that you would love to have lunch? Widows are forgotten very quickly--their social circle changes as they are no longer a couple. Perhaps she is reaching out for you in her lonliness. She could become a wonderful friend or just an occasional lunch buddie. BUT who would want to miss the opportunity!?! This sounds like such a nice gesture. My Dad died October 18, 2006. I think if someone had sent me flowers like that, it would have brightened my day and lightened my load. Link to post Share on other sites
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