He dosent listen to me.

[AnaaaBanaaanaaa]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. Things were great at the beginning, but they’re not good at all any more. I really feel like its time to break up for several reasons.

 

My boyfriend is 7 years older then me. We have no interests in common, he works too much, he smokes and I hate smoking. He never wants to talk to me, and when I talk to him he never takes me seriously. I am almost 23 and he is almost 30. Its not like I’m 15. I know what I want.

 

We have no passion in our lives. I hate having sex with him. We used to have sex 4 or 5 times a week, now I can’t even stand it once every 2 weeks. I hate it when he is close to me. He never cuddles with me or kisses me. All he ever wants to do with me is lie in bed, have sex and sleep. I always dream of travel, he doesn’t care for what I want.

 

He thinks our relationship is great and nothing is wrong. All he wants in life is to be rich, becoming rich is his first priority in life, it comes before happiness, success and family. The problem is he works as a chef in a chain restaurant, he most likely will not become rich , also he rents his apartment. He works very hard and I appreciate it, but he should get more out of life while he is somewhat young. I absolutely believe in having dreams and going after them no matter what anyone else says. But he should do other things to benefit his life and future. He has no college education because he figured he’d rather put the money in the bank then spend it on college, therefore he is a hard worker.

 

I feel very sorry for him sometimes. His family has pushed him in the proper direction as long as they could and they are all very successful and well off, but he is just so different and doesn’t understand the values in life.

 

This New Years he worked late but said her would come by my house with some champagne. I was invited to a party, which I wasn’t sure if I should go to, I didn’t want to reject my boyfriend and didn’t want to be alone and miserable. And I really don’t care for champagne. I wanted to show him I can find fun without him, I wasn’t spending any more days, months and years waiting for something to happen. I decided to go to the party.

 

At this party, there were several people who I haven’t seen in years, it was really great, I was having a wonderful time. I was really relaxed but still felt a bit guilty that I’m having fun while my boyfriend is working. At the party there was a guy (John) who said he had the biggest crush on me in high school. We had so much in common and talked for hours. I am usually not the one to drink at all, but I was having such a good time and it was New Years that I drank quite a bit. There was no pressure to drink at all.

 

Everyone had too much to drink so everyone agreed it was best to spend the night there. I didn’t feel quite right about staying the night in my condition, in someone else’s house with several guys also staying there. There were more guys then girls. But I figured as long as I don’t do anything stupid, everything is okay.

 

I went to a room to sleep, I was very tired and could barely stand on my feet for a second. Then John came in to the room and lied down next to me and talked to while I was falling asleep. He started kissing me slowly, and then we made out for hours. I probably only slept an hour that night. This got very deep and intimate. It was more passionate then anything I shared with my boyfriend in years. We didn’t have sex. He asked me if I wanted to I said I didn’t. John said he would only do what I wanted him to do. I wanted sex from him, but it would have been a pretty stupid move on my part. I have never before cheated in my life on anyone.

 

John told me he dreamt of this night in high school. He was always shy in those days to make any moves. The bottom line is John and I connected so much in such a short time. He showed me passion that I can’t remember when I last had. He talked to me and listened to me and respected my choices.

 

Also John lives in another state where he is perusing his career. He was only here for the night, for New Years.

 

My problem is that I’m longing for John like crazy, he made me think there are guys who don’t just care about sex and money. But are affectionate and loving. My boyfriend must have sex at all times and he tells me all guys are like that, I want to tell him that’s not true perfect or close to perfect guys actually exist.

 

John is also a very talented piano player and singer; he played me song after song during the party.

 

I will probably never see John again or at least not any time soon. I want to break up with my boyfriend but he just doesn’t believe anything I say to him. He suggests I wait for him to become rich and then we can do whatever I want. I told my boyfriend I was at a New Years party till very late and had a great time. I didn’t tell him anything about John.

 

How can I tell him it’s really time to break up and show him I am serious, so he belives me? And that our lives are dull and boring?

[GreenEyedLady]

Just break up with him then, he doesn't have a choice if you end it...you seem to have a very bad attitude about him and it sounds like you'd both be better off apart...

 

And your perfect friend John, he wanted SEX, he just didn't have the ok from you...

[vanessabg]

Just break up with him then, he doesn't have a choice if you end it...you seem to have a very bad attitude about him and it sounds like you'd both be better off apart...

 

And your perfect friend John, he wanted SEX, he just didn't have the ok from you...

I agree to GreenEyeLady;you should leave him and no waist your time for him,you both have rude behavior for each other,and your friend john think about it before the starting dating to him.

[lorr]

You come across as having quite an attitude towards your boyfriend. Just do him and yourself a favour and put him out of your misery by dumping him. Both of you clearly are not right for each other.

[Guest]

It sounds like you really resent your boyfriend. I've been there before- I couldn't stand my ex touching me, I wanted to shove him away. You've just built up too many bad feelings about him and that is hard to let go. Plus it sounds like you two are just not a good match and want different things out of life. Your boyfriend is not meeting your needs and though not really your fault- you arent' meeting his either. Sounds like he just wants someone to have sex with and not any deep connection. I wouldnt' put too much emphasis on thinking how great JOhn is though.

 

When we are missing things in our lives we can create a fantasy of what the new person is like. It usually doesnt' live up to reality. Trust me I've been there too. I did the exact same thing you did- minus the alchohol. I made out with a guy and he seemed like the greatest guy at the time. Truth was he wasn't anything like I"d thought him to be. If John truly was a good guy not interested in sex he wouldn't have made out with you when he knew you had a boyfriend, he would have just talked with you the whole night and he wouldnt' have asked you to have sex with him the first night! Especially since he knew he would be leaving and you wouldnt' see eachother for a long time.

 

I'm not going to call him a player because maybe he really is a "nice" guy. But he seemed to take advantage of the situation and was willing to take it as far as you'd let him.

[megnog]

I really feel like its time to break up for several reasons

 

 

I am almost 23 and he is almost 30. Its not like I’m 15. I know what I want

 

 

It sounds like you already know what you want, and maybe you wanted some reassurance that you are making the right decision. It is true, you both want different things. His goals in life are way different from yours, he wants to be filthy rich. And while it might be enjoyable in a few years riding away on your yacht together every weekend, do you want to deal with it now? Is he worth it?

 

 

Sounds like you'd be saying yes to these types of questions instead:

Do you want to enjoy your life with someone you feel passionate about? Do you want to share your life and have someone else feel the same way? It seems clear that you two are not meant to be together and I'm not sure why you are still together!

 

But be careful, people like John are just... on the other side. You know like when they say "the grass is greener on the other side".

He may be kind and sweet but keep in mind he said he had a huge crush on you in highschool. He could have been making up a bunch of stuff he said so that you would think you guys had so much in common and were really connecting. But I could be wrong, he could've been "the one". Doesn't matter now though because I don't think you will see him again anytime soon. Break up with your boyfriend since thats what your dying to do and find some fun and adventure in your life.

[Island Girl]

Tell him it is over.

 

Tell him there is nothing to talk about.

 

Tell him, it doesn't matter what he says or what he does, you don't want to try to work it out.

 

Get ALL of your things together and leave.

 

Change your phone number.

 

He'll know you're serious, believe me.