in love with a T Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'm hoping to get some advise out there on this situation! Please! I've been dating this guy for almost two years and within the two years I've cheated on him 4 times with 4 different men! I love my BF to death, but he lives 4 hours away and he's seperated from his wife! 2 months after I met him, he got his own apartment and also has told me he has not slept with his wife in over a year before I met him. It was love at first site for both of us! The day he was going back home (from visting his relatives that live in the same town as me) I cried! I knew then I was falling in love with this man, and felt the same vibe from him! I see him every 3 months and it's hard! I'm a very sexual person and that's why I cheated! He tells me, since we've met, he has NEVER cheated on me. He was here visiting for Chrsitmas and the New Year and we spent as much time as we could together! I missed him despartely and love him so much and I truly believe him when he tells me he loves me! For Christmas he gave me a diamond necklace and when I opened it, I could tell in his heart and his eyes that he truly loved me, as I cried! Noone has ever treated me the way this man does! New Year's rolls in and we decided to continue our evening upstairs. After I took my shower, he gets in and I decided to look through his cell phone! I found 7 messages from this girl. 1 saying Happy New Year, another saying good morning, goodnight and another saying some other stuff. All of a sudden my body started to shake as if I was in fear, but I knew it was because I was so CONFUSED and PISSED! When he walked in the room, I still had his phone in my hand, shaking very bad! He says this girl is only a friend! She happens to be married and obviously wants out! I totally went off on him and freaked! Was I wrong? Should I just Trust him and see where this relationship takes us? Adivse from Illinois! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'm not sure what you expect from a man who's married and cheats with you other than him being a cheater? And you say you cheated on him too. I'm thinking it's been okayed between you guys or something. Maybe not verbally but just by actions. Do you feel you have a right to be mad at him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author in love with a T Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'm not sure what you expect from a man who's married and cheats with you other than him being a cheater? And you say you cheated on him too. I'm thinking it's been okayed between you guys or something. Maybe not verbally but just by actions. Do you feel you have a right to be mad at him? Your right! I'm not sure of what I expect from him! I feel like I have the right to be mad at him...you know? But, only because he doens't know what I've done! Any suggestions on how I should reverse things? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 You might want to post in the OW forum... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I feel like I have the right to be mad at him...you know? But, only because he doens't know what I've done! Any suggestions on how I should reverse things? Maybe he does know what you've done and you just don't know. How can you be so sure? I don't think there's a way to reverse it. But at the same time I don't think it's really fair of him to hold it against you for cheating seeing how he is a cheater himself. If anyone should know about uncontrollable desires it is him. Link to post Share on other sites
brickaney Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 First off you have cheated on him. You made the decision not to committ to the relationship. I don't care how "sexual" you are. CHEATING IS CHEATING. And now that the tables have turned you're all freaked out & unstable. Wow. Even if this man isn't cheating on you, he definitely deserves better. He deserves committment and you obviously can't give that to him. You don't respect him enough to committ to the relationship. I don't believe that you would claim you're in love with him & still sleep with other men. He deserves better than that & you need to let him go. Find a "sexual" man that will be ok with you cheating on him & leave this poor other guy alone. You need to learn what love is before you start using the word. Your arguement against him is completely unjustified & ridiculous. Get therapy please. Link to post Share on other sites
Mythical Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 First off you have cheated on him. You made the decision not to committ to the relationship. I don't care how "sexual" you are. CHEATING IS CHEATING. And now that the tables have turned you're all freaked out & unstable. Wow. Even if this man isn't cheating on you, he definitely deserves better. He deserves committment and you obviously can't give that to him. You don't respect him enough to committ to the relationship. I don't believe that you would claim you're in love with him & still sleep with other men. He deserves better than that & you need to let him go. Find a "sexual" man that will be ok with you cheating on him & leave this poor other guy alone. You need to learn what love is before you start using the word. Your arguement against him is completely unjustified & ridiculous. Get therapy please. I agree with this I mean common you cheated on him multiple times what do you expect. All you see is message's from a girl and your the one sleeping around and possibly giving him desease's. You need to realize he deserves better, he obviously cares about you and I really don't think you give a **** at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 RE: I am not going to delve too deeply into this situation. Undoubtedly I would up writing 5 long pages about the immorality, faults, misunderstandings, and misconceptions. All I want to say to you, in-love-with-a-T, is that you're in an unhealthy relationship. You talk about love, trust, marriage, friends, and reliability -yet I don't believe you are remotely close to grasping the meaning of such words let alone the underlying issues present in the relationship -to put it lightly. I strongly recommend you walk out his life. Walk out, and never look back. After, you can drop by a professional counselor. You basically killed the relationship. I don't know how you could continue participating knowing the bare facts [ -alone, not mentioning other offenses]. You have a ton of things to resolve with yourself, and it doesn't include your boyfriend. [This post was not meant to demean you, as person, and in no way was written to fully deny the truthiness of your story.] Good Luck. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Sounds like a big mess that you created for yourself and he has created as well. Wipe the slate clean. Start over, without him or anybody right now. Get your head together before pursuing anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author in love with a T Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 Your right, I don't know if he knows or not! But cheating is not what I want to do. I love this man very much, but I don't want to wait another year for him to get a divorce from his wife and move to where I live. Not sure of what I should do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author in love with a T Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 Thank you! I needed to hear that, and definately believe I need to get some counseling! I think my problem is, I've had bad relationships in the past, including a very abusive marriage. And by no means am I using those situations as excuses! Cheating is just that cheating! And it's not like I don't know right from wrong! I need to get my priorities in order and do what I know I need to do! Get Help! Thanks for your input! Link to post Share on other sites
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