annee Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I guess i just got myself into big trouble. As those of you who have read my posts know my husband wants me to accept his emotional affair with another woman. Well i got tired of talking about it cos i realised that it would not make any difference. Well last week i got very miserble and needed to vent and went to talk to a woman at my office who is real good with me when am miserable. Well one thing led to another and we ended up spending the night together having sex in her hotel room(we were both away working). We are both married and not lesbians but it was a nice sexual release and i liked it. We have gotten closer since. The problem is that i dont feel guilty and i am wondering if i am losing my mind. I still love my husband but i must admit that i dont really care anymore if he has an affair or not. I dont see this thing with this woman going anywhere but i cant get my mind off her touch and how it made me feel. Should i tell my husband? Maybe if i did i would be forced to stop these overwhelming feelings for this woman. Maybe i am just sex starved and any sexual attention would do. I dont know what to think. Can someone help me clarify my muddled thoughts:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Ironman75 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Well let me start by saying that the opposite of love is not hate it's indifference (when you don't care anymore). And it sounds like thats what is going on. And if you are sex starved or lonely then you should be honest to yourself and your husband. Even though he has made mistakes you know what happened and you accepted him back. So if your not happy with him then maybe you should be honest with your self and move on. Don't make it so you guys hate each other in the end. You were once happy and in love enough to get married so respect your self and him and let him know your feeling, wants and needs to see if there is anything to save start there and see what happens. And your not losing your mind your trying to make it all make sense and that can be overwhelming some times so hang in there. But honesty is the best thing right now. And some times we just long to touched and wanted so don't read to much into the fling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annee Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Well let me start by saying that the opposite of love is not hate it's indifference (when you don't care anymore). And it sounds like thats what is going on. I have to say i dont feel indifferent to my husband i still love him very much i just dont want to care too much about him having an EA he is not ready to stop. I guess i am protecting myself by not caring what he does with this woman but i do love him still and that is why i am so confused cos i dont want to ruin our relationship but i have physical needs as well. Maybe i have to do more about his EA but i am too scared of the pain it might cause me. I am just waiting and hoping for im to end it himself soon and i hope he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I think you should think about telling your husband that you have been intimate with this woman. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want him to be honest with you? In addition, it will make you and your husband come to grips with the problems in your marriage. Cheating on him behind his back will only continue to destroy your marriage. Either you have trust and honesty in your marriage or lies and deceit. Do the right thing and tell your husband. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annee Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I think you should think about telling your husband that you have been intimate with this woman. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want him to be honest with you? In addition, it will make you and your husband come to grips with the problems in your marriage. Cheating on him behind his back will only continue to destroy your marriage. Either you have trust and honesty in your marriage or lies and deceit. Do the right thing and tell your husband. I wish you luck. Thanks Bryanp but i cant tell my husband i have been intimate with this woman. First it will seem like revenge on him for not stopping his affair and this is honestly not the case. Secondly I dont consider this whole thing with this woman an affair. I was just at a vulnerable moment and knowing my husband he will ran straight to her husband with the information. Why hurt so many people because of this one slip? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Annee, Is your husband currently having a physical affair with another woman or an purely an emotional affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author annee Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 An emotional one but he is not ready to stop having this affair and i am certain it will turn physical soon enough.For how long can you have an EA with a woman who wants sex with you before you do it?Its just a matter of time and thats what he is refusing to see. We are trying to work on the other problems like the physical distance between us (he lives in London). But in the mean time sex is almost non existent even though he is currently visiting and we are in the same space. So is he getting it from the OW i dont know yet but he sure aint giving any to me. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I think you are in a really difficult spot right now. I believe if you tell your husband that it was with a woman he does not know and leave out specifics like her being married; it will force the both of you to confront the physical deficiencies in your marriage. Your description right now sounds like nothing will change. This may be the exact shock that makes the both of you confront the problems in the marriage and decide whether or not to seriously work on the marriage. Keeping this secret is very bad in the short and long run for your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annee Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 Thanks Bry. Will leave out the specifics when i tell him although i dont think anything would change. I tried to tentatively suggest that our relationship may have problems last night but H vehmently denied it and said my mind was playing games. He wants to be like an ostrich and stick his head in the sand hoping the problem goes. Guess this may be a wake up call i dont know. Lets see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Hello Annee, Your husband seems to be in denial concerning problems in your marriage. I do think by telling him the truth now one of two things will occur: Either 1 - this will surely be a wake-up call to him and he will need to get his head out of the sand. He will have to realize that his wife has been intimate with another person because of his lack of meeting your needs. It will painful but a new recovery can begin to make your marriage better. Either 2 - he simply does not care which means that without counseling the chances are that the marriage may be doomed. I would think most husbands would wish to talk about this a great deal. In addition, you telling him the marriage may be in trouble is not really putting it out there that the marriage is in trouble because you ended up sleeping with another person. I think his reaction in the short term and long term will tell you a great deal. If this does not wake him up then nothing will. I wish you luck but you really need to tell him for a variety of reasons and I know down deep you really know this also. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I probably would get scorched for this but here goes... There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you had with this woman. I am a 34 year old mum and wife who found myself in the same spot although not because my husband was not emotionally involved. I still have a great marriage but these things happen to the best of us. There is no need to tell your husband. what happened was that you got very emotionally dependent on this woman who listened to your problems and actually cared. Your intimacy with her was just a direct result of this emotional closeness. It will fizzle away by itself as soon as you achieve some kind of balance in your life. Go out and meet more people and take time to do good things for yourself and you would see how fast this pain you are experiencing will give way to self fulfilment. Dont tell your husband. I dont think he cares to know anyway. He knows you have sex needs but chose to ignore it? And he is emotionally involved with someone else. What about you? Go out there and do something for YOU. You have all my luck and support Link to post Share on other sites
Author annee Posted January 8, 2007 Author Share Posted January 8, 2007 We finally talked a great deal about everything although i did not tell about this woman. It was difficult and emotionally draining but afterwards we are closer than we have been in months. I really love H and i want this M to work so does he so we going to do all the hard work and not get emotionally or otherwise involved with other people. We have started the process to live together as well and hopefully it will be a reality soon. Thanks for the advice in this gruelling time. It was great to have both sides of the coin to make a clearer decision. Thanks:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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