An Ex and a Commitment

[In Liquid Wonder]

Hey Everyone! I'm afraid this doesn't fit neatly in any of the forums, so I'm having a go here.

 

A few years ago, I began a killer radio show at my college. A year in, my current ex listened a lot, then guest hosted on the show with me, and we became friends. Over time, he became a regular DJ on the show, sharing the responsibilities and even covering for me. Six months ago, we finally dated, but it ended about one month ago. It did not end well, and I have no interest in being his friend or speaking with him more than necessary.

 

I'm not sure what to do about my radio show. We're a year apart, so the original agreement, before we dated, was for him to continue the show beyond my graduation from college. During the breakup process, though, he inferred that he wasn't sure if he was going to continue doing it at all, even.

 

Relationship-wise, I have no further reason to speak with him. As my cohost, though, we moved to alternating the host every other week so we don't have to speak with one another, yet it still comes off as professional/normal to our listeners. They never knew our relationship status from the show, and we were good about keeping it off-air. We only did that for two weeks, though, as the relationship ended just before the end of the semester, and we're now on winter break.

 

I just put together a website for our show, and posted it to one of our online social networks for him and all of our friends to see. I thought that would prompt a response of some kind to his involvement, but I got nothing. I sent him a short e-mail a bit later, asking if he was going to do the show this semester. Still no response - it's only been a few days, but he's generally pretty timely on e-mail responses.

 

It's my show, but he did put in some time for about a year or so, and covered for me when I couldn't do everything. It became more of "our" show this year, but his unresponsiveness makes me think that it's not that important to him. He is the only person so far who's really been able to get a grip on how I do the show, so he's a good coworker in that sense. He did promise to continue the show, but the way our relationship ended points to a lack of commitment (among other things!), so I'm not sure if that memory should be valid. I just don't like writing off people that easily, you know? Especially when I know it's fuelled personally.

 

Should I badger him for a response? Or do I have the right to cut him out for not responding for a week... or should I call him if I feel that way? (I've haven't spoken to him for a month.) I'm working on the website and planning my year, so I want a decision soon - definitely before school begins again in a week and a half.

 

I love my radio show, and I've worked on it for years. I don't want to leave it to someone I don't trust... but I know the mistrust is fuelled personally. I guess I've never had him on the show as a true coworker, sans friendship, so I don't know what to expect. Any suggestions?

 

Thanks,

Jen

[JCD]

He doesn't want to host the show otherwise he would have. Who in their right mind would want to hang around their ex when they hate each other? It's normal for him to disengage from you, most likely he was into the show so that he could spend time with you and now you two are split so is he.

[Kamille]

I'm back at work and starting to contact people for various projects. Right now, most people I know - especially on University campuses- are not back in 'work mode' yet, and so don't check their e-mails as often as they normally would.

 

I think you could contact him and tell him you expect a response about his involvement in the show by either Friday or Monday (or whatever deadline feels reasonable to you) and then act accordingly.

[In Liquid Wonder]

Thank you for your replies.

 

I received a response back from him. He won't continue the show right away this coming semester. He also apologized for some behavior, and wanted to talk.

 

The way he wrote it doesn't convince me that he is capable of doing the show again, much less continuing it beyond my time. I also feel that it was written out of guilt, for his closure. I don't feel it would do me any good to chat with him in person, as he wants.

 

I'm considering different responses - one full of explanations and venting, and another one that is short and to the point. The first feels better as closure for me, but the second makes it more clear that he is not worth my time in any way, especially now that he's given up such a major responsibility. I'm not sure of which one is better to send.

 

 

JCD: He did genuinely enjoy the music for what it was, but you're right - I doubt it outweighs the discomfort. The thing is, doing it every other week elminates so much together time... hmmm... anyway, I don't hate him, nor do I think he hates me, but we are not friends by any means.

[Mary3]

This show is * Your Baby * and his lack of interest after the breakup sounds like it included the show.

 

Rightly so that he would not want further contact.

 

He wants to talk to you though. Maybe to get out last unresolved issues. Maybe to tell you it hurts to work around you.

 

Either way , you will likely have to take care of your baby

 

He might come around . He might want you back . He might want to totally forget about you in every way.

 

Can I ask who initiated the break up ?

[In Liquid Wonder]

He initiated it.

 

I ended up sending an e-mail that was a compromise between the two I mentioned. The way the breakup was carried out, though, was very poor, and I made it very clear that he will no longer continue the show with this attitude, and that he is no longer worth my time.

 

I think he feels guilty and wants more closure, but it's not my job to provide that. He sure as hell didn't do that for me, and I need to take care of myself (and my show!) from now on.

 

Thanks for commenting, everyone! I appreciate it.