And now...

[chryssy83]

What do you think was his intent behind sending it? The card just said "Merry Christmas."

[lorr]

Hey Chryssy! Out of curiosity how do you feel about him giving you the IPOD? Were you expecting something more from him?

Does this make you want to be with him even more now, or do you feel a little confused by his actions?

[miss snoopy]

What do you think was his intent behind sending it? The card just said "Merry Christmas."

 

In January? How very odd.

 

My suggestion - send him a note (in the post - not a text or email which invite replies) thanking him for his kind gift. then stop all contact. This is the only way you can see if he genuinely wants you back or wants to keep you around as a reserve option.

[chryssy83]

Lorr- I'm confused...it doesn't make me want him back more, it makes me feel like he's just being really dense. I guess I was expecting something with more personal meaning than an electronic item with a card that just says Merry Christmas.

 

Miss Snoopy- Yeah, in January. What in the heck!?! Your response was my first instinct as well.

 

My roommate said I should return the gift and tell him that I don't feel right taking such an expensive gift from someone I'm not in a relationship with. My mom thinks that would just shut him down. What do you all think?

[Art_Critic]

What do you all think?

 

 

I guess it depends on what you want..

 

Your mom is right it will shut him down.. but remember that the gift has strings attached to it.. So it really depends on what you want from him.

 

If you want him back then accept the gift and get back with him.. if you want to move on then return the gift and move on

[resi71]

I gived xmas gift to my love,left behind the door.Later night i went there and she kick me out.So far no contact and no return gifts.What is in her mind?Get back to me?It is have been month now when we break up.

[chryssy83]

Any more opinions on what I should do? I don't have much time, and I really am at a loss!!!

[demilde]

Any more opinions on what I should do? I don't have much time, and I really am at a loss!!!

 

why don't you have time?

 

Maybe a stupid question but is there anything pre-loaded onto the ipod? like sentimental songs or something.

[chryssy83]

No, he has never had the ipod in his possession...it came straight from an online retailer. I haven't opened it.

 

I don't feel like I have much time...shouldn't I respond in some way soon?

[paris38]

I'm sorry, Chrissy, but if after 3 1/2 years he isn't ready to be engaged to you.....he doesn't see you as 'the one.' Yes, right now, it's only been 3 weeks after he broke up with you, and his emotions are all over the place, too, but he has basically told you "Honey, I don't want to marry you." Do you want to be with a guy who has no immediate plans to truly commit to you?

HE broke up with YOU. He is saying "You can be my girlfriend, but you are not the one I see in my future."

WHY waste your time with him if he broke up with you because he doesn't want to be engaged to you? This doesn't make sense.

 

Please move on.

[demilde]

No, he has never had the ipod in his possession...it came straight from an online retailer. I haven't opened it.

 

I don't feel like I have much time...shouldn't I respond in some way soon?

it does seem like a strange present if someone is trying to win someone back; but then I guess it depends on what he his like. If it was me a five pound present that had some reference to "us" would be what I would do, but we are all different.

 

I think that other than either just accepting it and ignoring where it came from or sticking it on ebay, you should package it up and send it back to him with a covering letter explaining that you do not feel that it is appropriate in the circumstances that you accept the present. If he did it as a means to win you back, he will find another way. If he didn't then what have you lost? nothing.

[lorr]

it does seem like a strange present if someone is trying to win someone back; but then I guess it depends on what he his like. If it was me a five pound present that had some reference to "us" would be what I would do, but we are all different.

 

I think that other than either just accepting it and ignoring where it came from or sticking it on ebay, you should package it up and send it back to him with a covering letter explaining that you do not feel that it is appropriate in the circumstances that you accept the present. If he did it as a means to win you back, he will find another way. If he didn't then what have you lost? nothing.

 

I have to agree with demilde on this one.You have nothing to lose here. Either way if he really wanted to be with you, he would find other ways to win you back, even if you sent him back the IPOD.

[chryssy83]

Soo....Update.

 

We talked. I'm keeping the gift, he said he just wanted to get me something at Christmas but didn't feel like he could but now that I'm out of town again he knew he could send it to me? Whatever that's about.

 

And, we talked about the relationship. He said he was happy until a couple of comments I made about getting married just before the break up. I said I was, too. He said that he just realized I wanted to be married and he can't do that. I told him it makes me feel like he doesn't respect me enough to know what I want--I didn't just want to get married, I wanted to marry HIM!

 

He said he's not sure it's good for us to talk, but that he likes it. He said he still thinks I'm probably "the one" (which he has NEVER said to me before) but that he wants me to have a chance to find someone else who can make me happy if that's what is supposed to happen.

 

In the end, I asked what he was hoping for here. And he said that he thought that when I move back to where he is (in about 3-4 months) we should see what happens. I said a lot can happen between now and then, and he basically was like "well, if it's meant to be..." I think that's bull.

 

So my thought is....is he just saying he needs time to make sure being together is best for both of us or is he really saying HE wants to have this time to look around to make sure he doesn't find something better, but hopes I'll be waiting in the wings if he doesn't? Maybe a combination of the two--now that I read them they aren't that different, one just has a more negative spin.

 

He said based on talking to me on the phone, it seems like he's having a harder time with it than I am (he gets emotional on the phone, I don't) and that confirms for him that this was the right thing for us.

 

He says he misses me because I'm the only one who really understands him in the world and that he realizes now that I understand him better than his mom, even (and they are REALLY close).

 

So obviously he's leaving the door open for something. He asked if we could talk again, and I said yes. But I'm still making him do the calling. I asked what he wanted to do for the next so many months and he just sighed and said he was registering for some classes to try to stay as busy as possible and just get through it.

 

He sounds upset most of the time we're on the phone. We talked for more than an hour. Still calls me pet names.

 

Ugh!! I'm angry with him for not listening to me--I don't think this break up was necessary at all. I told him that.

 

After we got off the phone I went to a bar with some friends for karaoke and then hung out with this guy I've been spending some time with lately. Having so much going socially here is new for me and it makes me feel a lot better. Wow this post is getting long.

 

I just want people's thoughts...

[chryssy83]

We talked again today...he seems so confused and upset. What does that mean?

[lorr]

Soo....Update.

 

We talked. I'm keeping the gift, he said he just wanted to get me something at Christmas but didn't feel like he could but now that I'm out of town again he knew he could send it to me? Whatever that's about.

 

And, we talked about the relationship. He said he was happy until a couple of comments I made about getting married just before the break up. I said I was, too. He said that he just realized I wanted to be married and he can't do that. I told him it makes me feel like he doesn't respect me enough to know what I want--I didn't just want to get married, I wanted to marry HIM!

 

He said he's not sure it's good for us to talk, but that he likes it. He said he still thinks I'm probably "the one" (which he has NEVER said to me before) but that he wants me to have a chance to find someone else who can make me happy if that's what is supposed to happen.

 

In the end, I asked what he was hoping for here. And he said that he thought that when I move back to where he is (in about 3-4 months) we should see what happens. I said a lot can happen between now and then, and he basically was like "well, if it's meant to be..." I think that's bull.

 

So my thought is....is he just saying he needs time to make sure being together is best for both of us or is he really saying HE wants to have this time to look around to make sure he doesn't find something better, but hopes I'll be waiting in the wings if he doesn't? Maybe a combination of the two--now that I read them they aren't that different, one just has a more negative spin.

 

He said based on talking to me on the phone, it seems like he's having a harder time with it than I am (he gets emotional on the phone, I don't) and that confirms for him that this was the right thing for us.

 

He says he misses me because I'm the only one who really understands him in the world and that he realizes now that I understand him better than his mom, even (and they are REALLY close).

 

So obviously he's leaving the door open for something. He asked if we could talk again, and I said yes. But I'm still making him do the calling. I asked what he wanted to do for the next so many months and he just sighed and said he was registering for some classes to try to stay as busy as possible and just get through it.

 

He sounds upset most of the time we're on the phone. We talked for more than an hour. Still calls me pet names.

 

Ugh!! I'm angry with him for not listening to me--I don't think this break up was necessary at all. I told him that.

 

After we got off the phone I went to a bar with some friends for karaoke and then hung out with this guy I've been spending some time with lately. Having so much going socially here is new for me and it makes me feel a lot better. Wow this post is getting long.

 

I just want people's thoughts...

 

Please please chryssy, if you could read your post as a third person, you'll find the answers staring back at you.

Although you may not like to hear it, he really is not into you,and the quicker you can accept this the easier you can move on.

He is not giving you mixed signals here, he is simply telling you as it is,but it seems to me like you are having a hard time not accepting what he's saying to you.

The fact remains is that he was the one who dumped you, and effectively the relationship is OVER.There should not be any further phone conversations talking about the relationship that has already ended.

I know its hard, but you need to find the strength to leave him alone and he should respect you by leaving you alone also.

 

You even say that the breakup was not necessary, but sorry to say it was obviously necessary for him.

[shawn_68]

He said that he just realized I wanted to be married and he can't do that.

 

 

Has he told you why he can't marry you? Do you know if he is a CP?

 

Just judging from his comments that you provided, it looks like it's time to initiate NC and move on with your life.

 

I'm sorry. But better things really do await.

[chryssy83]

I read my post to several third parties to get input. They didn't see it as being so obvious.

 

I guess I'm just pathetic. I'm glad I came here so that I know.

[lorr]

I read my post to several third parties to get input. They didn't see it as being so obvious.

 

I guess I'm just pathetic. I'm glad I came here so that I know.

 

No your not pathetic! Just blinded by the obvious.

[shawn_68]

I read my post to several third parties to get input. They didn't see it as being so obvious.

 

What you need to also keep in mind is that we're giving you our opinions. Only he knows what's going on in his mind. And you know the situation better than we.

 

But when he said that he "can't marry you" that is a huge red flag.

 

Maybe you could suggest counseling for him. I would think that if he really loves you, and believes that you are "the one," then he would be open.

 

If he is not open to fixing the issue(s) that he has, then you HAVE to move on.

[chryssy83]

He didn't say he couldn't marry me ever, just not now. For some reason he thinks I want a ring right now and if he didn't give me one I was going to break up with him. Kept talking about "don't you have a date where if I don't propose by then you'll break up with me?" Ummmm....no.

[chryssy83]

Hahahaha. I just started reading my old posts and found this one. For anyone who is feeling like this now....here's an update:

 

He was cheating. He had another girlfriend, and when I tried to go home for Christmas to stay with him, he had to get me out of town. So we broke up, then got back together. When I moved back to our hometown, same issue. He couldn't have two girlfriends. That time, he broke up with her!

 

Months down the road, we break up, he says he wants to get back together, then he proposes to the other girl. Then we both told him to take a hike. Now he's married. Geez, I hope that poor girl is getting a different experience than me and the other girlfriend....she doesn't deserve to be treated like crap.

 

Since him, I have had several relationships and learned a lot about myself. But it's only just now that I feel like I'm ready for a real relationship.

 

So for those who identify with who I was back then...there is hope. It can be a long, hard road, but it'll get better. And Second Chances aren't all they are cracked up to be.