Broke NC..but had a sincere conversation.

[Tox]

If you have time please read my thread ‘NC and the prospects of getting her back’ for the whole background.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108088/

 

I was talking to a friend on MSN about her and about not contacting her. This friend was telling me that communication was the key to everything. I didn’t really pay attention to his advice about calling her up and talking it out, but then she logs in. I’m telling myself that I should log out if she decides to talk to me. Too late. She says Hey.

 

All of a sudden I’m in a casual conversation with her, and THEN..My fingers obviously cant let go of her so they start typing; ‘You want to continue this conversation on the phone instead? You know I dislike MSN conversations’. Damnit!Why the hell did my fingers type that? I thought to myself. Anyway, so she says sure I’ll call you soon. Now I think that I’m setting up myself to get hurt again and I was thinking about not picking up the phone. But then I thought to myself again.

 

I should put all the cards on the table again but this time, I’m not gonna do it a needy clingy or a pressurizing way.

So we start talking, and in one way or another it leads to talking about us.

What I find out during this conversation is that she admitted that she hasn’t moved on and she is not over me. But she’s trying. I respond with the same. That I’m not over her but that I’m trying as well.

 

 

As for this dude/dudes she was having contact with, she told me that I never should of worried and that she was sincere last time we talked about that. That I’M the only one she has feelings for and its gonna stay like that for a long while. Basically she told me that she was not seeing him/ having contact with him anymore. Because she felt that she was leading him on, as he was interested and she wasn’t.

 

Well, that was a relief.

 

Moreover, we started talking about these feelings of belonging to one another that we both had felt from day one.

And that she still had those feelings, and that they were going to stay there for a long while. And when it comes to guys, she would run everytime someone opened up to her or wanted to get intimate.

 

Actually, I perceived that a something positive and negative.

 

1. She still has those feelings for me.

 

2. But she has become a commitment phobe.

 

Throughout this conversation, I realised she wasn’t confusing me anymore. That felt good. At least it felt good that she wasn’t trying to have her cake and eat it anymore. Felt like a sign of respect. The thing is though, she wanted to let me go but couldn’t, and by going in to NC since Christmas Eve (other than replying to some texts and that short new years eve convo), I had helped her at least begin to let me go. Not my original plan, but I guess it was necessary for both of us to move on.

 

She wanted to thank me for everything I gave her in 2005 and 2006, and that I was the only man she considered having been in a real serious relationship with even if she had had a couple of boyfriends before me. That prior to meeting me she had been jumping in and out of short-term relationships. And she jumped in with me too, but realised shortly after that I was somebody she really wanted to settle down with.

 

But now, she just couldn’t cope with being in a relationship right now. I asked her a question that I really wanted an answer to.

“ Do you think we could make it work if we got back together?” And she said yes. Then I even told her, that ‘well, you know what I want. But honestly, even if you wanted to as well, I don’t think we could get back together at this moment in time because we both have a lot to take care of in our lives’. Yea, I know, that’s not something you would say to a woman youre trying get back.

But like I said. It felt like honesty was the main theme in our conversation.

 

Anyway, she said ‘ Yea, I think we need time apart.’. ‘Time apart to find eachother again? I asked. She replied with: ‘Maybe..someday’.

Look I now I made some classical mistakes during the conversation, but I don’t know if was that bad,. Because I didn’t cling, I didn’t sound needy and I was NOT pressurising her. And I did make the mistake of saying . ‘Well, you know that if you were to come back to me, I would put my heart and soul in to our relationship and treat as it was brand new’

 

But I also continued with:

 

BUT if you someday change your mind, just know that I’m not a revolving door and I might not want you back. This is how I feel NOW’ She said, ‘yes I’m aware of that.’ She wanted me to contact her before I leave back to the city where I study and where I’m gonna be for three weeks and then come back. But I don’t think Im gonna do that.There was a lot more said in the conversation but we ended it by saying: Let time do its job. When we hung up, it hit me: We just had a closure talk… And I know now, that I’m going in to NC because I need to move on and that’s it.

 

But I just wanted to ask you all:

 

She admits she’s not over me and haven’t moved on yet. She says that the feelings are still there for me. As well as the sense of belonging. And I know she still loves me. And she’s not stringing me along anymore. No more contradiction and confusion.

And no boyfriends on the side. Oh and one more thing..that may or may not matter. Her mom and her family absolutely love me and wants us to reconcile, but she’s not having much contact with them right now. Any how..does all of that sound like a woman that just needs some space and time and could possibly change her mind? And that the prospects of getting her back aren’t all opaque and pitch-black? I am moving on, but I love her deeply and would definitely give her a second chance. Because thanks to her I now know what it means to want to be with someone for the rest of ones life.

Very appreciative of any input…

[Tox]

If it's too hard to read could some moderator edit it?

I really would like some input..please.

[lorr]

Wow your post was quite difficult to get through, but here goes.

 

I don't know why on earth you would put you and herself through this, but you really need to let her get on with her life. If she truly wanted to be with you then she would.

Having read your other thread, it clearly shows that she is not into you. You should have continued with NC and stuck to it. You had no business responding to her when she came online, now you have shot yourself in the foot by letting your guard down, and she now knows that you are a big time sucker for her.

 

You say that you did not come across as needy,clingy and that you did not pressure her. But judging from the fact that you, wanted to speak to her on the phone and that you brought up the relationship in the first place, I beg to differ.

[Tox]

I don't know why on earth you would put you and herself through this, but you really need to let her get on with her life. If she truly wanted to be with you then she would.

Having read your other thread, it clearly shows that she is not into you. You should have continued with NC and stuck to it. You had no business responding to her when she came online, now you have shot yourself in the foot by letting your guard down, and she now knows that you are a big time sucker for her.

 

You say that you did not come across as needy,clingy and that you did not pressure her. But judging from the fact that you, wanted to speak to her on the phone and that you brought up the relationship in the first place, I beg to differ.

 

Ok..thank you for taking the time to read it all. I appreciate it.

And I know that anybody can say ANYTHING out of an objective point of view. But you dont know the whole story.

 

First of all..about being in to me. That's why I'm confused. This woman told me less than a MONTH ago that she wanted me to father her children have a family with me and so on..Now those are powerful statements and I know they came from her heart.

 

I know I know, I may be in denial. And thanks for the input, what you said has crossed my mind but I'd like a SECOND opinion due to the fact that my friends are telling me completely different things OBJECTIVELY.

 

And one more thing I AM letting her move on with her life, apart from that IM conversation, she is the only one that has been initating contact mainly by texting. And I've had two more texts from her since..Pointless ones but still, attempts at contact.

 

So let me reiterate my question from this thread:She admits not having moved on, and that she still loves me and that I'm the one she would ever be in a relationship with. Now that added with her breaking up with me makes no sense to me. So again, does she sound like someone who just needs to clear her head?

[Guest]

Yes

 

What I Great Post

 

That Helped Me In My Situation And I Hope It Did The Same For Others Who Need Direction

 

Thanks Intoxiation - That Was Positive And Gives Strength

[lorr]

Ok..thank you for taking the time to read it all. I appreciate it.

And I know that anybody can say ANYTHING out of an objective point of view. But you dont know the whole story.

 

First of all..about being in to me. That's why I'm confused. This woman told me less than a MONTH ago that she wanted me to father her children have a family with me and so on..Now those are powerful statements and I know they came from her heart.

 

I know I know, I may be in denial. And thanks for the input, what you said has crossed my mind but I'd like a SECOND opinion due to the fact that my friends are telling me completely different things OBJECTIVELY.

 

And one more thing I AM letting her move on with her life, apart from that IM conversation, she is the only one that has been initating contact mainly by texting. And I've had two more texts from her since..Pointless ones but still, attempts at contact.

 

So let me reiterate my question from this thread:She admits not having moved on, and that she still loves me and that I'm the one she would ever be in a relationship with. Now that added with her breaking up with me makes no sense to me. So again, does she sound like someone who just needs to clear her head?

 

At the end of the day Action speaks louder than words.If she really can't move on from you, she still loves you and you are the one that she wants a relationship with, then she would do everything in her power to get back with you, regardless of the situation.

 

The only conversation that she should be initiating, is that she is more than prepared to meet up with you and that she is more than willing to give the relationship another try by starting afresh with you.

[D-Lish]

I just had a slightly similar situation, in regards to having a meeting with my ex. It happened after almost 5 months of NC.

I too felt that the meeting~ although very little talk of "us" transpired ~ was more about closure than it was about reconciliation.

 

I got the vibes, and the glimmer of hope too. He told me that not speaking to me had been hard on him. But you know what? He didn't say I want to get back together. He was friendly and open with me, his body language was open and he kept his eyes on me the whole night. But he didn't say the words I was hoping to hear.

 

So, I know what you're dealing with. The bottom line is that it is over for NOW. Whether or not she comes to her senses, or has a change of heart... well, that is something that you can't do anything about right now. She knows how you feel, she knows what you want~ now the ball is in her court.

 

The best way to handle this is to live each day as if she ISN'T coming back. I've put my life on hold for people in the past, and living in that limbo is brutal. The only way to get through this is to force yourself to move forward. At least start pretending to. At some point, the facade of moving on catches up with actually moving on.

 

I'm sure she does still have feelings for you. But something isn't right within her to be with you right now. That is her burden, don't make it yours.

 

Go back into NC with her. Romantic limbo is not a fun place to live.

You want answers on how to bring someone back to you, but the bottom line is that we can't control what others do or how they feel... only they can do that. We have to look after ourselves.

 

Use the NC as a time to get stronger, feel better, work on yourself. Don't let your happiness rest on being with a certain person. Make your own happiness.

Chin up,

D

[iamsofoolish80]

Ok, I'm going through a very similar situation with my girlfriend of 7 years. She has asked for time/space to think what it is that she wants... I wasn't really honoring the time/space, although she is not living in the same household anymore and I wasn't having phone conversations with her. We would talk via text messages or AIM, and it is never about our relationship. It's the "Hi... How are you?" and some conversations have lead to the "I need answers..." conversations.

 

So we had a date on Jan 5, simply because our anniversary is today and we had set the date about 1 month ago, as it included tickets to an event and she stated she wanted to go. She was 100% positive she wanted to go. I offered the tickets for her to go with a friend of hers and she insisted I be the one to take her. So I did. We had such an awesome date, as it had been 3 weeks since she asked for space and I was not talking about what I had been doing in my life in our conversations, she acknowledged that she was impressed at the changes I had been making, physically/emotionally/and in my manner of thinking... She then went on to say that she really hasn't had time to think because when she does she gets emotional and she doesn't want to be emotional around her nieces, as she is staying with her sister at this time.

 

Anyhow... here is the point I want to make. I've read many posts on this site to get some insight into what I'm going through and I notice a theme... After the NC period... "WHY HASN'T S/HE SAID THEY WANT TO GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY...?" Here's your answer... If they are willing to meet with you. If they are willing to pick up the phone when you call. What do you think they are doing?! This is considering that you did the NC, and DID NOT SPEAK OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

 

They will NOT come out and say... Ok, let's give it another try, because keep in mind, some still have doubts. And if you needed to make changes in your life... How is this person to know that you made changes if s/he has not had contact with you in 4-8-12 weeks, whatever time.

 

What I suggest is inviting the person over to lunch or dinner or coffee... whatever. And try to make it convenient for them. For example... if you say, can we meet for lunch later this week, don't ask for him or her to come to your side of town, you go to their side of town, because s/he may say, I'm not sure, I'm cutting it short in terms of how much time I may have. Hello!!!! You want this conversation... you make the arrangements to make it convenient. But don't sound desperate.

 

When you are out, acknowledge how the person looks. If there is a change in how they look, you acknowledge it... "Wow... you look so beautiful. I love what you did with your hair." Or "Are you wearing your make-up differently? Something is different, it looks so nice." Acknowledge it... people love when you acknowledge their presence. Then, if you know there is something that person is really involved in, as in my case, she is involved in music, I would ask, so how is your music coming along? Any recent performances? Any new recordings? Have you had an opportunity to work with big name artists? If the person you are with has children... "How are your children?" "Did you get that new car you wanted?" AND DO NOT... DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF... It will sound like you are bragging. Remember, this conversation is not about you! Now you don't want to drill them with questions either because now you will sound nosey. You need to have a balance to show this person you are interested in them! People love to talk about themselves, so y ou have to give him/her the opportunity to do so.

 

If you have a sense of humor, NOT A SARCASTIC SENSE OF HUMOR... an actual sense of humor, you make them laugh. People LOVE people who can make them laugh. But it must be part of your personality. You keep the conversation flowing. Do NOT BRING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP! BUT you do have the right to ask... "Are you seeing anyone." Because this will tell you where you stand. Keep in mind though, if s/he loves you, they will call you anyway even if they are "seeing someone" because s/he may have seen a change in you [which you must do ASAP] KEEP IN MIND... There will not be a "SECOND CHANCE CONVERSATION" until after 3-4 meetings. In fact, there shouldn't be one, because you're getting that second chance. When your NEW relationship with this person goes from FRIENDLY to INTIMATE... that's when you or s/he may say or can say... Ok, we need to talk about where things went wrong... If you know where things went wrong and you know because s/he tells you, then you don't need to have this conversation, but if you didn't have it, now is a good time to have it. And you can tell this person, before we move forward, let's talk about how we can avoid going through the same things again. But do not start arguin or belittling anyone.

 

A SECOND CHANCE is a NEW RELATIONSHIP with a CHANGED PERSON. So it's like dating someone new. So much may have happened in this person's life over your NC period that this person is truly not the same person you dated the first time. And it doesn't matter that you been together for 10 years, this is a NEW PERSON. Now what if they initiate a conversation about your past relationship. LET THEM TALK... they may need to vent. SHOW you're interested, acknowledge what they're saying as in, "Oh... I see." "I understand". If s/he gets mad about the fact that you're not giving your opinion... you can say... "You know... that incident that occurred, or those episodes of arguin between us are things that happened. We cannot go back and change them now. Let's be positive and look forward. We can work on the things that made us argue so much, but if we cling on to that pain, then we'll never be able to move forward, whether it be through a friendship or more." Now... DO NOT... DO NOT WAIT until now to make changes. You should've been making changes all along during the No contact. For example, in my case, I've been reading a lot. Trying to understand why I always had an attitude and I'm reading a book called "BONDS THAT MAKE US FREE" It has given me lots of insight. In addition, I've been losing weight to change my physical appearance and I'm beginning therapy for Stress/Anger Management to deal with the stress in my life. I'm also looking for a new job. And to be honest with you, these are changes to make me happier. Wehther it be with her or without her. I HATE my job, so I'm looking for a new one. I'm in the music business and am active in it when I am outside of work... being mean and rude doesn't help my business relationships. I have gained weight over the last 7 years and my self-esteem has dropped which has caused me to also be insecure about her because she is beautiful. And to be honest with you, the first thing people are attracted to is your physical appearance. So if you do not do anything tomake them attracted to your physical appearance again, then you're not doing anything.

 

The point of a SECOND CHANCE relationship is that if you still love that person and this person still expresses this love for you, then why waste the energy and time investment into someone knew? Why not use that same energy in DATING your current love? And you would take the same approach as if it was a new relationship. In a new relationship, you dont speak of marrying that person on the first date. It may take months before that conversation comes up, and that's exactly how you should approach this relationship. Keep things interesting. Don't go back to places you used to go to for dinner. Try new places. Show this person you have become more exciting. Go on a day trip together. Make this person fall in love with you all over again. Let them know what they are truly missing. Romance them... buy them 1 rose... 3 roses... 6 roses... try to stay away from the dozen during the first month of DATING. And most importantly, Don't cling. Don't call her and ask for a 2nd date. If s/he says, keep in contact, you can say, you do the same. Feel free to call me. If s/he noticed a difference in you s/he will call and either have a phone call with you which also counts as quality time and you can cut the call short and say, listen, I have to run right now... Can I take you out for dinner... and you schedule something 2-3 days out... or you can ask... are you doing anything tomorrow night? Can I take you out to dinner and continue this conversation? If she says yes... then this is definitely your second chance... don't mention any girls you've dated been dating... don't start mentioning how much fun you have had without you. Let him/her inquire about you. Remember treat it as if you're dating a new person. This is the ONLY way to make a SECOND CHANCE relationship work...

 

I just started my no contact... I know my no contact will take me at least through Feb. 5 to be exactly 30 days. IF she doesn't call me before then, I will call between Feb. 6 and Feb. 8 and invite her to lunch. Now she knows I am VERY SPONTANEOUS, so a last minute invite wouldn't be shocking to her and she enjoys that about me. Last minute... let's go. BUT... before I invite her to lunch, I have to check her mood... if she sounds like she doesn't want to be bothered by me. It will be a 2-3 minute conversation just to ask how she's doing. And let it go. Some people take 3-4-5-6 months to heal from being resentful.

 

Anyway... I just wanted to give my opinion on how people feel that in order for there to be a SECOND CHANCE... someone needs to come out and say... THIS IS YOUR SECOND CHANCE. If they give you the time... THIS IS YOUR SECOND CHANCE. You don't need a queue.

[Tox]

D-Lish.

Thanks for your words, they were positive and they gave me some strength.

 

Lorr.

Thanks for your input too. But I have to say. But it somehow sounds too simplistic.

Humans are complex creatures and we’re all different. For instance, even if some people change their minds, they’re not coming to your doorstep anyway be it pride, stubborness or something else.[sIZE=3

Iamsofoolish and everybody else.

She keeps contacting me.. I don’t understand.

2 days ago, she called me up saying she’s in the proximity. She had been with her girlfriend who’s boyfriend live near my area. She says she was waiting on the subway but asked me if I wanted to meet up and talk. I asked her if SHE really wanted to meet up and talk, and she said she didn’t know, as the conversation is going on she’s already seated.

 

I say to her that she can get off at the next station if she wants to meet. But she says that she will call me instead.

I don’t really wait for her to call me as I’m making plans to meet some friends. I get a text saying that she’s in a weird mode, and that she’s having “thoughts”.

 

I meet up with my friends and when we’re out she calls. Asking me if I’m home and where I’m at. I say I’m out with my friends and that’s it nice, and then I ask her about those thoughts. ‘Doesn’t matter now’ she says. I say fine ok then peace. A couple of hours later she texts me and says: ‘Where are you now..?’ And 10 minutes after that another text saying “Nevermind..”.

I do respond and text her and say I’m at this club. And she’s says she’s back in…(my area)and tells me to have fun. Anyway.

 

Today she called me again..actually I was talking on the phone. And I got a voicemail from her. She said: Hi, I’m here waiting on the subway again and I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up and talk or something..’

And then a text saying: ‘Been trying to call you, call me up’ So I do, but she’s already seated again.I’m also with a friend of mine and I tell her that. So she says that its fine if I’m busy. And I say again, ‘well I’m not gonna be with her for long so if you want to meet up I’ll be here for a while.’

 

Then we kind of almost argue about who wants to talk to who. She says its me, I say its her. Then she just says ‘call me later’.

Well. Here I am. And I’m not gonna call her. I don’t understand this, she is the one that has been initiating most contact. And I don’t understand why she ‘wants to meet up and talk or something..’. Don’t tell me that she’s trying to string me along..she might.

 

But its seems more like she really is still confused. Would a woman who’s truly trying to move on and forget about you , want to meet you? She knows that I’m going away tomorrow to the city I study in, and she also knows that I’m coming back for good in less than three weeks. I’m moving back here. So please share your thoughts..al input is appreciated..

[lorr]

D-Lish.

Thanks for your words, they were positive and they gave me some strength.

 

Lorr.

Thanks for your input too. But I have to say. But it somehow sounds too simplistic.

Humans are complex creatures and we’re all different. For instance, even if some people change their minds, they’re not coming to your doorstep anyway be it pride, stubborness or something else.[sIZE=3

Iamsofoolish and everybody else.

She keeps contacting me.. I don’t understand.

2 days ago, she called me up saying she’s in the proximity. She had been with her girlfriend who’s boyfriend live near my area. She says she was waiting on the subway but asked me if I wanted to meet up and talk. I asked her if SHE really wanted to meet up and talk, and she said she didn’t know, as the conversation is going on she’s already seated.

 

I say to her that she can get off at the next station if she wants to meet. But she says that she will call me instead.

I don’t really wait for her to call me as I’m making plans to meet some friends. I get a text saying that she’s in a weird mode, and that she’s having “thoughts”.

 

I meet up with my friends and when we’re out she calls. Asking me if I’m home and where I’m at. I say I’m out with my friends and that’s it nice, and then I ask her about those thoughts. ‘Doesn’t matter now’ she says. I say fine ok then peace. A couple of hours later she texts me and says: ‘Where are you now..?’ And 10 minutes after that another text saying “Nevermind..”.

I do respond and text her and say I’m at this club. And she’s says she’s back in…(my area)and tells me to have fun. Anyway.

 

Today she called me again..actually I was talking on the phone. And I got a voicemail from her. She said: Hi, I’m here waiting on the subway again and I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up and talk or something..’

And then a text saying: ‘Been trying to call you, call me up’ So I do, but she’s already seated again.I’m also with a friend of mine and I tell her that. So she says that its fine if I’m busy. And I say again, ‘well I’m not gonna be with her for long so if you want to meet up I’ll be here for a while.’

 

Then we kind of almost argue about who wants to talk to who. She says its me, I say its her. Then she just says ‘call me later’.

Well. Here I am. And I’m not gonna call her. I don’t understand this, she is the one that has been initiating most contact. And I don’t understand why she ‘wants to meet up and talk or something..’. Don’t tell me that she’s trying to string me along..she might.

 

But its seems more like she really is still confused. Would a woman who’s truly trying to move on and forget about you , want to meet you? She knows that I’m going away tomorrow to the city I study in, and she also knows that I’m coming back for good in less than three weeks. I’m moving back here. So please share your thoughts..al input is appreciated..

 

Hi Tox, I appreciate where your coming from, about the whole "humans are complex creatures" thing, but when you think about it,relationships should be "simple", but what we find is that we tend to make excuses for other peoples behaviour and actions.

The bottom line, is that if someone really wants to be with us they will be with us.When someone breaks up with us or vice-versa, the relationship is effectively over, and there should be no confusions after that. We only make things complicated for ourselves by hanging on and not making the conscious effort to move on.

 

So you have a choice, you can either let her continue contacting you, and confusing you more in the process, or you can have the strength to straight up tell her that you can't deal with all this, and that your prepared to get yourself together and move on.

She will see that you mean business, and will respect you more for this, and this could either push her to start getting her act together.

[iamsofoolish80]

Ok... Lorr... no disrespect, but you sound so bitter...

 

Humans are complicated creatures and no relationship is simple... if they were none of us would be on this site sharing our thoughts on them... there would be no need for relationships' experts... etc. etc. That's like saying what's common sense for you is common sense for someone else... to make that judgement would be inappropriate.

 

Now to answer the question... IF A WOMAN WANTING TO MOVE ON WOULD REACH OUT TO YOU. READ MY POST ABOUT NO SUCH THING AS A SECOND CHANCE CONVERSATION... IT JUST HAPPENS!

 

When a woman asks for a break and you are the person dumped... you only have control over what you're feeling and over your actions.

 

The first thing you need to look at is... How long and how far am I willing to go for this woman? And that would depend on how much you really love her and value what you had in terms of a relationship prior to a break. The best way to do this is by sitting down, with a piece of paper and fold it in half... on one side you write all of this person's negatives and on the other side you write their positives... Now sit down and look at those negatives... Are these negatives you can live with? Can you work with them or around them? Do her positives outweigh her negatives? If so, then your answer is that you're willing to let her lead for a little bit.

 

Right now... those times that she calls you and tells you that she needs to talk to you and wants to see you. You're doing a great thing by showing her you're not sitting around waiting for her, but you have to nudge a little. If she calls you and tells you she nearby and wants to meet up, go by and pick her up. But you're already showing her you're not just going to drop what you're doing to be there in 2 minutes, which is perfectly fine. But spend some time with her, do not... do not talk about your relationship! Do not ask her what is her decision... do not ask her what it is that she wanted when she called you... She wanted your company! She wanted to see you! She will tell you what it is she wanted to talk to you about when you're sitting there together and to be honest with you, right now may not be your time to give your opinion. Women need to vent/want to vent and their biggest complaint is that we don't listen. So LISTEN TO HER... let her do the talking. Ask her how she's been. Ask her how she's doin. Let her know that you will be leaving and will be back in a few weeks. KEEP IN MIND... after a break you're starting a new relationship!!! Let's assume you had just met this girl a few weeks ago and she tells you, "Hey I'm near by.... can you come pick me up so we can just meet up". You go by, pick her up, and you go have a drink, or a bite to eat, or some coffee. You talk about your week [minus your relationship]. Don't BRAG about things you're doing. WOMEN LOVE MYSTERY! She's already asking all the questions. Let her keep asking. She will ask you if you're seeing anyone... be honest. Tell her if you've been hanging out with friends but nothing serious. She will ask you if you've missed her. You can cut those type of questions off by saying, "I'm here Am I not?" And you can lead it to... "Ok... let's not talk about those things!" The point is you cannot have any expectations for your meeting or your conversation... when you first started dating you had no expectations on your dates... let it be. That's why SECOND CHANCES fail because we expect too much from the person that asked for the break! Don't expect anything! Take what you get and run with it... take the little bit of time she's offering you and flip it on her... show her what she's missing. Go somewhere new. Don't take her to a place where you both will know everyone there. Even just a drive around talking. The point is that this is a NEW START... and you end the date. Don't let her tell you... Can you take me to the train? Instead you tell her, Listen, I have to get going, do you want a ride to the train? And kill her with kindness... so that on her ride back home she can think about you. And she will. Especially if there have been changes in you. That's how you show her that you've taken control of your emotions and that you're in control of the situation. Not by being aggressive or rude to her... you'll scare her away.

 

KEEP THIS PICTURE IN MIND. You are both walking towards a glass door... You both get there at the same time and you push the door... as she sees you pushing the door, she steps back so that the door doesn't hit her... she just pulled away. So the more you push, the more she'll pull. It's human nature. It's NEWTON'S LAW!

 

Have patience... your relationship wasn't built overnight, so why try to rebuild it overnight. Think of it also as if you were remodeling your relationship. When you remodel a home or an apartment, you take the same amount of time and manpower as it would if you were building it the first time around. No one said getting your loved one back would be easy.

[lorr]

Woah Woah Woah Tiger! I AM finding you to be disrespectful, for saying that I "sound bitter".The last time I checked LS everyone was allowed to give their opinions, just like I have the right to give mine.

I have read your post and just like you have the right to write down what you feel, you'll find that people will either agree/disagree with your comments.

Don't start getting things twisted, and feel the need to start attacking me about "sounding bitter", because frankly you do not know me.

 

If you did not understand where my post was coming from, you could have done the mature thing, and posed some questions to me, which I would have been happy to answer, and so forth.This my friend is called a DEBATE.