Woggle Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 This is not another one of my woman bashing thread but with more and more women walking out at the drop of a hate and blaming us for everything wrong in their lives men need to learn to be happy without a woman. I am watching my friend go through a bitter divorce and he is tearing himself apart when instead he should be looking foward to his new freedom and living it up. She treated him like crap and now he can finally enjoy himself without some woman nagging him all the time but instead he is crying all the time. I love my wife but if it doesn't work it just doesn't. If she says she us not happy or wants a divorce I will get the papers that day and tell her have a nice life. I think that in many ways gthe fact I won't beg my wife to love me and I would be perfectly fine if she were to leave is what will keep her here. Women are a nice bonus in life when you find the right one but they are not needed and you should never base your happiness on having one in your life. Make others things like career, friends, family and fun bigger priorities and if a woman is worth it she will fit in with that but if she walks out of your life or makes you miserable you can easily bounce back because you have all those other things. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 My mom and dad divorced as a result of my mom cheating on my dad. My dad either get a really good job at covering up the pain, or he didn't let it bother him, but he coped really well. Unfortunately he has no desire to even date another woman as a result of the divorce. Either way, he seems happy w/o a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 This is not another one of my woman bashing thread but with more and more women walking out at the drop of a hate and blaming us for everything wrong in their lives men need to learn to be happy without a woman. I am watching my friend go through a bitter divorce and he is tearing himself apart when instead he should be looking foward to his new freedom and living it up. She treated him like crap and now he can finally enjoy himself without some woman nagging him all the time but instead he is crying all the time. I love my wife but if it doesn't work it just doesn't. If she says she us not happy or wants a divorce I will get the papers that day and tell her have a nice life. I think that in many ways gthe fact I won't beg my wife to love me and I would be perfectly fine if she were to leave is what will keep her here. Women are a nice bonus in life when you find the right one but they are not needed and you should never base your happiness on having one in your life. Make others things like career, friends, family and fun bigger priorities and if a woman is worth it she will fit in with that but if she walks out of your life or makes you miserable you can easily bounce back because you have all those other things. This is one of the best posts written here. So true and if people were to follow it they would be much happier with themselves and their lives. Great post, Wog. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 My mom and dad divorced as a result of my mom cheating on my dad. My dad either get a really good job at covering up the pain, or he didn't let it bother him, but he coped really well. Unfortunately he has no desire to even date another woman as a result of the divorce. Either way, he seems happy w/o a woman. I'm curious as to why you said "unfortunately." Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Women are a nice bonus in life when you find the right one but they are not needed and you should never base your happiness on having one in your life. Make others things like career, friends, family and fun bigger priorities and if a woman is worth it she will fit in with that but if she walks out of your life or makes you miserable you can easily bounce back because you have all those other things. for me the point of getting married/ being with someone would be to build on the happiness i have already established in my life with one that i love and who i want to make happy. additionally i would hope the person that is my SO at the time, is compromising, and not force me to deal his "fun bigger priorities" if it meant ignoring mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'm curious as to why you said "unfortunately." I don't see him all that much, but when I do, he seems lonely at times. I think that he has lost all faith in women because of my mom. I think that he might enjoy some companionship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 The problem with many men is that when we marry we tend to put our friends on the back burner. I have seen it so many times with married friends and when the divorce happens they are lonely because they have no support system. I promise this will never happen to me. No matter what my friends who in many ways are my family even though we are not blood related always come first. They have been there through the worst of times and will continue to be. If more men nurtured their friendships they would not be so lonely when a woman walks out of their life. Link to post Share on other sites
Delarocha Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 The problem with many men is that when we marry we tend to put our friends on the back burner. I have seen it so many times with married friends and when the divorce happens they are lonely because they have no support system. I promise this will never happen to me. No matter what my friends who in many ways are my family even though we are not blood related always come first. They have been there through the worst of times and will continue to be. If more men nurtured their friendships they would not be so lonely when a woman walks out of their life. At this point I shamefully raise my hand. Woggle you really hit the nail on the head with my current situation. When I married my wife (and even before to a large extent) I placed ALL my other relationships with friends, family, coworkers, etc on the back burner. I let my happiness be centered around this ONE person that I love and trust. Unfortunately, it does take some time and explanation, but so far my friends have been absolutely amazing. Hell, I think I have some people that are more acquaintances that may become new (or better) friends in a lot of ways. I blame my current situation entirely on my own lack of confidence, being meek, and focusing my life on completely unhealthy habits. Although I have taken the first steps in "fixing" that problem I still find myself quite lonely. I WANT to be happy in what I lovingly call my "impending freedom." It's tough since I feel I have NEVER really been a man in so many ways. I have never stood up for myself, or made an effort to be a true friend to a lot of people I enjoy hanging out with. I guess in a lot of ways I am starting to see that this "impending freedom" may actually be a blessing in disguise. I vow to myself that I will never let this happen again. Sure, I MAY or may not find some other special person to share my life with, but I refuse to not have a circle of friends that I also share my life with. Only time will tell how I (and others like me) come out of our situations. Some of us will reconcile, while others will split. Some of us will find happiness in all of the other areas of our lives, while others will continue the patterns of the past. I have look back at my past and shake my head with an honest (and deserved) bit of shame. However, I can only deal with the present and the future. I had someone in another thread call me out and basically tell me I was spineless and being a wuss. My initial reaction (and post) was one of defensiveness. How dare this person judge me when they don't know what I am feeling. Well, all I can say is ... they were right!... Healthy or not I think of that post every single day now. My life has forever changed for the better now... even if I reconcile with my wife I will never be the same. I guess at the least I owe her that much for forcing my eyes open with a nice kick to the head. Ok, that's all... I'm going to hang with a friend and drink a few wobbly pops.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 It is usually the women that make you give up all your friends and family and pick at you until you are a shell of a man that end up walking on you. We let them turn us into these needy and emasculated men and when they lose every ounce of respect for us they are no longer attracted to us. The first thing we do when they leave is we start apologizing even though we don't know what we did wrong and promising to change when we were only guilty of being a human being with flaws which makes them lose even more respect for us. If we just told to have a nice life and then move on things would be much different. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 It is usually the women that make you give up all your friends and family and pick at you until you are a shell of a man that end up walking on you. We let them turn us into these needy and emasculated men and when they lose every ounce of respect for us they are no longer attracted to us. The first thing we do when they leave is we start apologizing even though we don't know what we did wrong and promising to change when we were only guilty of being a human being with flaws which makes them lose even more respect for us. If we just told to have a nice life and then move on things would be much different. Ha, ha! Tell me another joke. In my experience it's the MEN who want me to give up all friends and outside activities. That's been my experience. As for your father, Rid...that's sad. Of course he's lonely. It's not natural for humans to be alone and LIKE it all the time. My mom is lonely too, maybe we should introduce them! Link to post Share on other sites
Delarocha Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 In my experience it's the MEN who want me to give up all friends and outside activities. That's been my experience. Just from my perspective the only one I have to blame for giving up friends and outside activities is myself. It's not like my wife wanted me to, I just did for some stupid reason. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Just from my perspective the only one I have to blame for giving up friends and outside activities is myself. It's not like my wife wanted me to, I just did for some stupid reason. *shrug* You know Del, to see somebody have this kind of breakthrough makes yet another 'woman-bashing' Woggle thread worthwhile. Not only did you realize the need for a support network, but you took personal responsibility for it too. Absolutely FANTASTIC! Good on ya, man. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 My mom and dad divorced as a result of my mom cheating on my dad. My dad either get a really good job at covering up the pain, or he didn't let it bother him, but he coped really well. Unfortunately he has no desire to even date another woman as a result of the divorce. Either way, he seems happy w/o a woman. My mom left my dad, but I think she was cheating on him, although I can't be for sure. But, our Dad's handled it the same. My dad hasn't had a date since my mom left him, in 1989. He also seems happy w/o a woman, but extremely lonely at times too. It's really been obvious now that the dog is dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Ha, ha! Tell me another joke. In my experience it's the MEN who want me to give up all friends and outside activities. That's been my experience. As for your father, Rid...that's sad. Of course he's lonely. It's not natural for humans to be alone and LIKE it all the time. My mom is lonely too, maybe we should introduce them! I have known both men and women that have been guilty of that. I have no problem introducing them. The only downer is my dad is a smoker. Would your mom be up for that? Link to post Share on other sites
Delarocha Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 You know Del, to see somebody have this kind of breakthrough makes yet another 'woman-bashing' Woggle thread worthwhile. Not only did you realize the need for a support network, but you took personal responsibility for it too. Absolutely FANTASTIC! Good on ya, man. :bunny: Thanks Ladyjane, I know I need a LOT of work in my life. However, as I dig deeper on a daily basis into things I see that it doesn't seem insurmountable anymore. I feel like at the moment my life, my heart, and my head are all completely open books. The information is there if I just take the time to read it. I am struggling at the moment with some concepts, and I think books and talking with friends, talking here, doing things will help me greatly. For one, I know that I have been emotionally weak, but I can't quite put my finger on what it MEANS to be emotionally strong, or how to get there. I ordered a book two days ago called Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, and am hoping I can read the book, understand what it says, and if I am really lucky and work hard LIVE my life in a way that brings my confidence back. When all else fails read the manual... well, I just hope I chose a book that I get SOMETHING out of. Sooooo, if anyone else has some suggestions... I AM ALL EARS... I'm done being defensive about my own shortcomings, and just want to use the strengths I do have to overcome them. I've learned this week that it's not enough to WANT to be happy no matter what (read, without a woman), you've got to take steps (sometimes horribly uncomfortable and painful steps) and risk all the things you fear to get there. Explaining my situation to friends is NOT fun, but the only way (I have found so far) to learn confidence is by TAKING chances (with friends, family, life in general) and revel in successes while learning from mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 My mom left my dad, but I think she was cheating on him, although I can't be for sure. But, our Dad's handled it the same. My dad hasn't had a date since my mom left him, in 1989. He also seems happy w/o a woman, but extremely lonely at times too. It's really been obvious now that the dog is dead. I took my dad to a Bob Seger concert last week. I don't see him that much, but I could tell that it made his day for me to take him. Your dad has my dad beat. Its been since 1995 for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Women are a nice bonus in life when you find the right one but they are not needed and you should never base your happiness on having one in your life. Make others things like career, friends, family and fun bigger priorities and if a woman is worth it she will fit in with that but if she walks out of your life or makes you miserable you can easily bounce back because you have all those other things. I agree that you can be happy without a mate and that everyone should be responsible for their personal happiness. I disagree however that you should put your career, friends, and family above your spouse. That is probably one huge reasons why alot of marriages fail. You are to put your spouse second only to God and if you start putting everything else in front of your wife or husband they will tire of that. Woggle, I feel that you're still not completely opening up to your wife based on the things that you say. That could be a bad thing. I know I have always pushed people away because I was afraid of being hurt, and I have had to really really try not to do this in my second marriage. I certainly hope you're continuing in therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 You are to put your spouse second only to God and if you start putting everything else in front of your wife or husband they will tire of that. I agree that a spouse should be a very huge priority. But to make your spouse give up friends is controlling. Both men and women need friends of the same gender. If a spouse makes you sacrifice this part of your life then they do not really love you. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 This is not another one of my woman bashing thread but with more and more women walking out at the drop of a hate and blaming us for everything wrong in their lives men need to learn to be happy without a woman. I am watching my friend go through a bitter divorce and he is tearing himself apart when instead he should be looking foward to his new freedom and living it up. She treated him like crap and now he can finally enjoy himself without some woman nagging him all the time but instead he is crying all the time. I love my wife but if it doesn't work it just doesn't. If she says she us not happy or wants a divorce I will get the papers that day and tell her have a nice life. I think that in many ways gthe fact I won't beg my wife to love me and I would be perfectly fine if she were to leave is what will keep her here. Women are a nice bonus in life when you find the right one but they are not needed and you should never base your happiness on having one in your life. Make others things like career, friends, family and fun bigger priorities and if a woman is worth it she will fit in with that but if she walks out of your life or makes you miserable you can easily bounce back because you have all those other things. Good post woggle.. I would have been nice to have all this insight into marriage and relationships many years ago.... but what can yah do but live and learn.... I have to agree with 100% of what you have said:) ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 My wife has graduated to the friends category. Yes she is my lover but very few people I consider friends. I have many aquaintences and I enjoy their company but very few people I feel I can lean on. My wife showed me when I had the drama with my ex that I could count on her as a friend. However if she made me make a choice between her and my male friends I would pick my male friends because no woman worth my time would make me choose. Also if he betrays my trust she will never be able to get it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 If a spouse makes you sacrifice this part of your life then they do not really love you. I agree on this completely. I think that a good marriage should rather enable both spouses to make MORE friends instead of less. If you truly love your spouse then you would like the people whom he/she likes. In short a marriage based on true love should only have positive impact on the life of the two people involved. On another note, no matter what great friendship you have with friends, it can never be comparable to the happiness brought by the love from a spouse. So, yes, when your wife leaves you, you can find COMFORT in being with friends and other relationships, but that by no means mean it's perfectly OK to be without the love of the opposite sex. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I agree on this completely. I think that a good marriage should rather enable both spouses to make MORE friends instead of less. If you truly love your spouse then you would like the people whom he/she likes. In short a marriage based on true love should only have positive impact on the life of the two people involved. On another note, no matter what great friendship you have with friends, it can never be comparable to the happiness brought by the love from a spouse. So, yes, when your wife leaves you, you can find COMFORT in being with friends and other relationships, but that by no means mean it's perfectly OK to be without the love of the opposite sex. Guest.. that was a realy good post. It made me raise my eyebrows and suck on my lower lip.... and then slowly exhale... It would be nice if we could like everyone...it would cause a lot less conflict..in relationships..and life in general.. BTW.. get a name.. and come stay for awile... sounds like you have some insight that could be helpful to many.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
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