Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and half and it has been wonderful! No pits falls really or arguments. He is 49 and I'm 39. He has 2 boys 10 and 13. My kids are grown. We are both professionals. He went through a very hurtful divorce and he has to pay $4,500 a month for the next three years. I can handle that. But I know she hurt him dearly, but he SWEARS he has moved on and loves me more than he has ever loved anyone. I don't have relationship talks with him or push him on marriage. I never bring it up. I did one time mention 6-7 months ago that I would like to get married again some day. ANYWAY, lately he has been talking a lot about us growing old together and laughing at what we will be like when we are 70. He has getnly been asking me about my finances, but he knows I am solid and extremely responsible. He takes me to all social work functions. He has introduced me to his entire family including the ex-inlaws who he is still very close to. Infact, LOL we went bowling with his ex-wife, her new fiancee, and ex brother and sister in law. He has been rubbing my ring finger an awful lot and the kids have beens saying stuff like "you better get used to it...you get a whole lifetime of it" after I say "bless you" when they burp or something. The exinlaws also said something about welcoming me into the family....but I don't remember what. Is it all in my head. I'm starting to think a proposal may be in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I used to tell everyone all the little things my bf said about our future and EVERYONE was so sure he was getting ready to propose. I said "no, I would know if he was" and my friends said maybe it was a surprise he was planning. He's not like that. I would ask if they knew anything outside what I had told them to make them believe that. They always said no. No fight, no major changes in the relationship or circumstances, no third person...and a break up. He said if he couldn't propose, we should break up. I have no idea what is going on.....I'm heartbroken and I feel like this has to be a huge mistake. So what I'm getting at isn't that your guy is going to break up with you. It's that other people outside the relationship can't know from what you tell them whether someone is going to propose. It sounds like he's thinking about a future with you....but no one knows for sure but him. Maybe you should ask him, but at the very least I don't think you should get your hopes up and start thinking a ring is part of the plan for every night out or holiday or whatever. Just be happy with the good relationship you seem to have now and don't get obsessive about marriage and proposals. If you want to talk about it with him, go for it. But don't beat it into the ground because you might freak him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Thanks Chrssy, I think I read your post. I'm very sorry to hear that from you. However, in my situation I know he plans to marry me some day. He has told me. Several months ago he told me he could not say I love you to me unless he was certain that he wanted to marry me. Then he said I love you. But you are right. I won't and have not said anything to him because I don't want to pressure him. He will do it on his own due time. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Yeah my guy said he knew he was going to marry me, too. The point wasn't that he might not really want to marry you. The point was that there aren't surefire, telltale signs that prove he is gonna propose now or ever! If there were, people wouldn't ask the question on this website all the time. In general, what he's said to you sounds pretty good, and he's probably going to propose. It's just....nothing seems to turn a guy off like a girl who gets obsessed with the proposal. I have friends who are like that right now, and it's not attractive. Even if everyone on this board said he was gonna do it, that doesn't mean he would. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Sounds like he's thinking about it and that's good the children like the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Sounds like he's thinking about it and that's good the children like the idea. personally, if a man says straight out that he wants to marry you - u better believe he is being honest and chances are if the gal is unsure, the guy might go on dating sites and pretend he's interested in talking [that's all] with other people in order to force her hand - not a great thing to do but sometimes guys are clueless. usually the problem is with the woman if she is someone that gives mixed signals. hope that helps my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Sounds like he's thinking about it and that's good the children like the idea. "Love is scary. Loving without fear is almost impossible - all the emotions love throws around inside of you are questioned and pondered and rarely said aloud; but to truly love, you have to say it outloud, tell the person that you love them and do everything you can to hold onto it even though there's always going to be that fear of something destroying and damaging those emotions, hurting you. I'm personally afraid to say the words to a guy that i know feels the same way as me. I feel like even though they're completely mutual feelings, what if that doesn't mean the same thing to him? what if i'm the girl that's always there - but he's never 'with'. I'm afraid to take action upon my feelings even though i think everyday i just need to do it, i can't be afraid." my exgf was like this so everytime she said i love u in a voice message i saved them and would replay them back for her so she could hear how she sounds saying that - she liked that - then she moved out and married a doctor and lives in norway now - sigh Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 "Love is scary. Loving without fear is almost impossible - all the emotions love throws around inside of you are questioned and pondered and rarely said aloud; but to truly love, you have to say it outloud, tell the person that you love them and do everything you can to hold onto it even though there's always going to be that fear of something destroying and damaging those emotions, hurting you. I'm personally afraid to say the words to a guy that i know feels the same way as me. I feel like even though they're completely mutual feelings, what if that doesn't mean the same thing to him? what if i'm the girl that's always there - but he's never 'with'. I'm afraid to take action upon my feelings even though i think everyday i just need to do it, i can't be afraid." my exgf was like this so everytime she said i love u in a voice message i saved them and would replay them back for her so she could hear how she sounds saying that - she liked that - then she moved out and married a doctor and lives in norway now - sigh Sounds like you had a bad experience with this person but you have to get back up and move on. Sure love/relationships/marriage can be scary but if you hold back, don't let go of the past it's hard to have a future with someone that could make your life worth while. When you met the right person everything fits into place and saying how you feel and meaning it feels right and you know when the other person says it back they mean it because they do. There is someone else out there for you and when you find that person you'll be able to say how you feel and know they feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
LilDarlin Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I agree IP. I'm the original poster. I told my honey that loving completely is a choice. I tell him I love him unconditionally and will no matter what. It changes everything. It seemed that after that suddenly he was able to let go completely and give unconditional love back. I told him you get one life to live and you may as well live it getting and getting the love you want without holding back and giving it your all. What do you have to lose? Nothing! In fact, you stand to gain everything and the love of a lifetime! It has been the most wonderful experience of my life. I hope everyone can learn to love and to be loved like that......unconditionally and completely. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I agree IP. I'm the original poster. I told my honey that loving completely is a choice. I tell him I love him unconditionally and will no matter what. It changes everything. It seemed that after that suddenly he was able to let go completely and give unconditional love back. I told him you get one life to live and you may as well live it getting and getting the love you want without holding back and giving it your all. What do you have to lose? Nothing! In fact, you stand to gain everything and the love of a lifetime! It has been the most wonderful experience of my life. I hope everyone can learn to love and to be loved like that......unconditionally and completely. It's a great feeling that's hard to explain sometimes. I'm married myself and so in love that it's hard not to smile about it because it's such a wonderful feeling and it's great not only to love but to be loved back Link to post Share on other sites
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