I have a problem....

[Guest]

It's been about 5 years since I've had a serious relationship, and I still think about my ex all of the time. I am well mentally (but was clinically depressed on an off) and I have never been on anti depressants or the sort but I had gone through life changing events and a quarter-life crisis.

 

Is this normal for a healthy young adult? I actually think I was clinically depressed for a while due to how my life was lived out and regrets, but I'm to the point where I am in charge of my life again. If I hadn't experienced said trauma, I wouldn't have grown to the person I am today.

 

I am just wondering why I couldn't move on with my life as my ex so easily had. I try not to dwell on it, but It more has to do with where I am in my life than wishing I was back together with him. I regret going to college at the place I had attended. It was a very antisocial university and I was in the most antisocial major. I think part of the reason had to do with the oportunity of meeting people throughout my college career. It was pretty much impossible.

 

Any imput?

[Guest]

Your situation is not unique. My brother pined over his first girlfriend for nine years. Then he got married and his new wife left him for her ex (not his fault). Now he has been pining over her for about a decade. It really hurts when the ex moves on and you haven't. It's hard to understand how you can be erased from their mind so easily. You even secretly have hopes that they will regret their situation and you fantasize about ways that you will find each other again. This is all normal. All of us on Loveshack have experienced exactly what you are feeling.

 

You need to sit down right down and write out all of the ways that you can meet people. You might want to join clubs and activities where you know that there will be men and even if there aren't you will gain girlfriends that you can go out with to meet people.

 

Then, at least twice a week you need to put yourself into situations where you will meet others and actually follow through on your list.

[Guest]

Thanks, i really appreciate your input. I feel somewhat semi-normal

 

But that's the thing, I haven't just been in hole dwelling on this. I've joined numerous activities including a social sorority. Of course I met guys, but I am to the point to where I know exactly what I want in a guy, that I puch away all possible relationships if the guy is not like my ex.

 

I am very mature for my age and have made a lot of career decisions, I go to a prestigious school, and I've been social. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!

 

I have been told by my best guy friend (who wanted to date me and knows everything about me) that a normal relationship is just not possible for me. He said that I knew exactly what I wanted, not a perfect human, but certain traits, and I won't settle until I find it. He knows that that relationship I had with my ex was amazing.

 

Im **** outta luck, right?

[Guest]

You seem to be a very intelligent person. As an intelligent person you realize that you have control over your school work, what occupation you choose and how hard you'll work to get to the top and be really successful. It just doesn't make sense when you know that you are rational and a hard worker that you can't have control over what happens to you in your personal life. Often high acheivers get more frustrated with situations such as this because they are able to succeed with all other aspects of their life.

 

From what you just mentioned it sounds like you have done everything right. You have thought about this rationally and taken steps to improve your social situation. You must be young if you are still in school so at least you have that on your side. Keep doing what you are doing but mostly keep writing here. This is an incredible site and the people are so helpful. Also, after your experience, you may have words of comfort and wisdom to share with someone else who is experiencing the same thing.