Am I crazy?

[courtnie]

I know what my problem is....but i don't really know how to get over it. Maybe someone out there can help. To fully understand my sinuation I guess I should start at the very beginning.

I have been used alot by men, mostly my fault because I let them, over and over. Last year I fell head over hills in love with a guy. The only problem was he didn't give a crap what-so-ever about me and I knew it deep down but thought maybe in time he would. Of course the relationship ended just as I had expected it would. This guy Stan was still totally in love with his ex and would never let himself get emotionally attached to me at all. And I knew this. He toyed with me alot to get what he wanted and I always gave in. Eventually I had enough and stayed away.

Let me add I have little to no experience with relationships, well yeah actually none.

I suppose the deal with Stan made my heart kind of hard which was a good thing because more a**h***s came flooding my way. I knew these guys where using me as well....but instead of staying away I just used them back.

 

Now I find myself in a relationship.....it has been going 3 months. I never knew love was so sweet and a guy could be so perfect in every way. He is everything I've ever wanted. And it's hard to believe he actually REALLY loves me!

I find myself worrying alot about stupid things....I can't believe my brain will go through so much trouble to drive me crazy. I think about crazy **** about his ex-girlfriend. She is the only other girl he has ever loved. They went out for 2 years and never told each other I love you.

I was with this guy 2 months and he said it and we never spend a day apart!

I find myself wondering alot about her, does he think she is better than me in some ways? Was she prettier? Did he love her more than he does me? Does me miss her? Would he rather still be with her? Did he have more fun with her?

I never thought about stuff like this until I found a picture of her sitting on his TV, this was about a month ago....it was of the two of them, and they looked so happy, it really got to me and made me start thinking. I said something about the picture and everything, he said his sister put them there...it was of a trip of a large group of friends at the lake.

But it bothered me soooo much. He never moved the pics finally a few weeks later I told him to get rid of them or I would! He's like gee sorry you know i'm hardly ever in my room, your the only person who knows those pictures are up there!

But I think that incident is what caused my wondering mind. That and the fact that the only other guy i've loved was still in love with his ex and that is still stuck in my mind.

I know that Berry really loves me and he shows it in alot of ways. But how can I keep these thoughts from posessing me?

I know that everyone has a past...and he was happy....THEN but how do I NOT drive myself crazy with the "what if's"

[ann-onymous]

"I find myself worrying alot about stupid things....I can't believe my brain will go through so much trouble to drive me crazy."

 

"I find myself wondering alot about her, does he think she is better than me in some ways? Was she prettier? Did he love her more than he does me? Does me miss her? Would he rather still be with her? Did he have more fun with her?"

 

welcome to my world...or at least the way it was til recently... and with the help of friends and the posts here, i've learned something valuable. enjoy what you have! you were used in the past, and you've got something great now. soak it all in, you've got a guy that loves you. he respected your wishes and took the picture down, even though it probably had people in it that he cares about (except his ex... since you said it was a group picture).

 

i cant say much about the way you should feel about that, since you should just openly and honestly bring it up if it bothers you, but i do have something to say about your worries. it's normal to worry about things, but if you let yourself be loved and then go on to worry about it afterward it's like two steps forward and one step back.

 

he is with YOU now, and he's with you because he WANTS to be with you. anyway, to make a long story short, here's a quote that helps me along when i need it... i hope it can help you and others out there

 

HEAD VS HEART, by Rad Bradbury:

 

If we listened to our intellect we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go in business because we'd be cynical: "It's gonna go wrong." Or "She's going to hurt me." Or,"I've had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore . . ." Well, that's nonsense. You're going to miss life. You've got to jump off the cliff all the time and build your wings on the way down.

[ann-onymous]

hi again, sorry... i saw in your post that the picture wasnt a group picture, my mistake. what i did wonder though is you worry wether he loves you, which i think it seems pretty obvious that he does... but do YOU love HIM?

[wunderbugg]

First of all, a lot of us (men and women) have been in your shoes. We've been crapped on and taken advantage of....that's all we 'know'..then someone good comes along and they treat us good for a change, and we feel "it must be too good to be true, when is the other shoe going to drop?"

 

These feelings and fears are natural...but you can't let them overtake you..or you'll push your good guy away, for sure.

 

Now ..this picture you saw suddenly sitting out there. He says his SISTER put it there? Say what? Does his sister know about you?? Have you met each other? Is she an adult? Trying to wrap my mind around why a guy's sister, if she KNEW he was in a relationship with someone else, would go to the trouble of sitting a "couple picture" of her brother and his ex, out there....for you to no doubt see.

 

Does she wish he were back with his ex? Is she trying to start trouble? Is she just clueless? Was it really HER who put it there? Is something trying to send you a message?

 

As for your worries that he might wish he was with her....well hun, he wouldn't be with you, i don't think, if he wanted to be with her, right?

[sunflower]

I think you should just slow down a bit.

 

When did he break up with his ex?

 

What are your ages?

[Ally Boo]

Chances are that if a guy wants to be with his ex...he would already be with her. Or at least spending his every waking hour trying to get her back, instead of spending time with you.

[velvet]

Try exercising and bending those thoughts out. When these thoughts come in, separate it from what you feel in your heart.

It looks obvious he loves you.

[redhd_girl]

Hello!

 

I think your past has followed you into your current relationship.

"Duh!" your saying. I had some pretty awful guys in my past who used me also. (Your not alone!) I got the idea that your in a "good" relationship now and the guy loves you. All of your old self doubts are flooding back........The problem with this is that the old problems had nothing to do with you! It had to do with the men involved! You cannot make someone love you, nor can you interest someone who doesn't want to be interested. The old saying " You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink" fits your situaiton perfectly. You said that you found a picture of him and his old g-friend? (That would anger me too!) Well, I must admit I have a few old pics of my old flames! How about you? School dances? Prom pictures? Vegging out pics? You get the picture. Maybe, it's just somehow hung around. Now if Berry (sp?) was so in love with this girl, I'd think he'd talk about her all the time. Honey, I know you have experience as you said when you can tell if a man is interested in someone else! Do you feel that you are being used? It sounds like your happy! Trust me don't listen to your old feelings. Trust and love are very hard to regain after someone has used you and thrown you away like a peice of trash! If your feeling loved and cherished I'd say he's crazy about you! I wish you well! I hope this helps you! I know you deserve to be happy and have a man who actually cherishs you instead of disregarding you! Best wishes.