RocketMan Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Hi Everyone, My ex recently dumped me, and in between being miserable, im trying to sort my life out. Time for a fresh start! Im 21, and consider myself to be one of the good guys. Im not really interested in in living the single life, its a loving relationship that really appeals to me. I adore knowing ive got someone there to come home to, but im finding it hard to accept and come to terms with the fact that most girls my age dont want to be tied down, and understandably so My ex before this ex had been cheating on me for months. I can see now that it affected my recent relationship, its made me so suspicious and jealous! Its made me really over protective. I find the idea of my gf even having male friends a bit upsetting, and i know thats stupid and unfair, which is why i need to get over it and make myself a better person. Ive just really got set in the mentality that my gf is MINE and noone else is allowed near her. does that make sense? I know its really bad I've got really low self confidence which is probably where the problem actually stems from, which hasnt been helped by being cheated on What can i do to snap myself out of this idiocy, increase my self confidence and gain trust back? Im so scared of being hurt and losing what i love that i cling on far too hard. I cant relax and just enjoy the situation. When i was with my recent ex, I never said anything about my silly worries, because i know theyre unfounded and i didnt want to annoy her and make her think i didnt trust her. Containing it though just isnt working. Thanks for any advice Link to post Share on other sites
Anastasia0309 Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 From my experience....It's that Fear of losing her that is going to destroy you first and then destroy your relationship. I too have the same fear of losing any kind of loved one, wheather it's from death or betrayl. I just have realized that I'm going crazy and I get mad about things that I think about. If you think about it...it sounds nuts. You get all worried and paranoid about things that haven't even happened. So, the thing that has helped me with that is reading self-help books. Like I'm reading one right now...... "Getting out of my mind and into my life". It basically helps you to not run away from the feeling and the thoughts that you fear but inbrace them. We as humans have this "Problem-Solving" way of thinking. The book goes more into that and it has really helped me with my trust issues and my fears. Fears is what holds you back in life. Life without FEAR is a happy life. Think about it. Hoped I helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelso Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 From my experience....It's that Fear of losing her that is going to destroy you first and then destroy your relationship. This is so true For few weeks before my breakup I could feel what you just said. Found myself almost crying at home ... felling so bad because it was a possibility that she might leave me. Not to mention, we broke up few weeks later. I believe though, that this is just a sign of that you're not happy in the relationship. I kept fantasising about us being happy together for weeks after our breakup. Had to pinch myself sometimes to realize that I wasn't happy about some things and it was a good thing that the relationship ended. As for you RocketMan, I also felt the same feeling that you describe. I felt overly protective of my girl and it really bothered me when she was hanging with some guy friends (and of course her girlfriends). Although I trusted her, It felt really unconfortable knowing about her with other guys. In August I had exams at my school and I didn't go clubbing with her and her friends. I was home studying and went for a visit the morning after. There were three guys sleeping in her living room. One guy in her bed (she was asleep in her sisters bed) and one guy sleeping in the kitchen. Allof her girlfriends managed to get home. She lives alone with her sister. After that morning something just clicked and I became overly protective. Well, not gonna think about it now...it's over and it's not because of me being jelous so it doesn't matter thinking about it Link to post Share on other sites
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