draik Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I am 19 turning 20 on the 24th this month, I am married 6 monthes. I have been with my wife for about 4 1/2 to 5 years. I didnt have alot of friends when we started dating and about 1 year ago I started going to alot of parties and ended up cheating 3 times. We made up and got married anyways, everytime I tryed to leave her she wouldn't go. Now I dont know what I should do I could stay with her and have a happy life or try to find another girl and leave her but then I would feel really bad about it not to mention the shame from my family and her family and my friends. Even my family would be ashamed. Then I would also take the risk of never finding a women like her ever again. I also have to say I dont know what I would do without her she puts direction in my life. I am afraid without her I would end up a bum on the street. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Do you want to stay with her or not? If you truly do, then you both need to seek marriage counseling. Cheating gets you no where in life and causes more trouble. You do not sound as if you are sure what you want to do, which is why you probably shouldn't have gotten married to begin with. You are young and it seems you have not sown all your wild oats yet. If you want things to work out sugggest marriage counseling to her. if not let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Had you posted this 7 months ago, I would've told you not to get married, that you are to young and haven't had time to "play the field" so to speak. But that is all a mute point now. You took vows to stay with this woman forever. You need to put in the effort for more than 6 months. And a real effort. The way you are talking about "finding another girl" makes it sound like you think that the two of you are still in the dating phase. You aren't. You are married. Did you two have pre-marital counseling at all? Go see a marriage counselor right away so that you can understand what you've signed up for. Do you love your wife? Were you serious when you took your vows? Are their problems in your marriage other than your cheating? Why did you marry her??? Link to post Share on other sites
Horse Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I think this is why most people shouldn't get married this young. It's more than just sewing your oats. At 19-20, you don't really know who you are or what you want yet. But you did. Given your track record, it will most likely fail, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to make it work. Just don't have kids any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
BeenAround_N_Back Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Yes, I agree with the previous post not to have kids anytime soon. What you want at 20 may not be what you want when you are 30. You are way too young to get married and get "tied down". However, that being said, you are already married and it seems like you are still set on wanting to play the field... I would suggest that you do not have any kids right now. You should tell your wife about your cheating. She deserves someone who loves her and does not dissrespect her and does not cheat. Wouldn't you want the same for yourself too? Link to post Share on other sites
loggrad98 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 At the risk of being cliche, you were too young to get married, especially considering your history of cheating on her. How can you expect to spend your life with her if you could not stay away from other women for just one year? This may be unpopular, but I think you should seriously reconsider this marriage. Maybe you are both too young and not ready. To worry at 19 that you will never find another woman like this one is just silly. You will meet many many women in your life, and there is no "the one" woman for any man, and vice versa. You can have a happy life with many different women. It is a matter of deciding this kind of thing when you are ready for the commitment and mature enough to stay with one woman and stay away from all the others. And for God's sake, please do not have children until you decide what you are going to do. Remember, it is up to you to put on the rain-coat. Don't put a child through a potentially split home. Work on this with your wife and decide what you BOTH want, then make a decision and stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
nancyleeh Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Hi draik, I agree with the rest about not starting a family right now. That would add to your feelings of being trapped. Which brings up the subject of taking responsibility for your own actions. You said that before you married, you tried to break up with her but she wouldn't leave. Now that sounds like your putting the fact that you stayed together and got married on her shoulders when in fact, it was a choice you both made so I advise you to not blame her because the choice to marry was a mutual one and you have to accept that. Otherwise you will blame her forever and that sure isn't going to make for a happy marriage. And now that you are married it's time to put aside your thoughts about other women and work on your marriage by giving 100% of your physical and emotional self to her. If you don't you will never know for sure if you should stay or leave and you may make the wrong choice. Being wishwashy will only continue to confuse you. Give your all it it and see where that leads you. You are young which is now to your advantage. Give the marriage a chance and if it doesn't work out, you still have a lot of life left to move on. But if you give your all to the marriage you may be surprised that you and she will have a happy life together. Sometimes we have to grow up sooner than we thought. nancyleeh Link to post Share on other sites
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