Need Help thought she was the one?

[badz2801]

Hey All

 

I need some advice from everyone on the board. Recently my gf of 11 months broke up with me and I am devastated. My gf and I have been seeing each other for 11 months in a long distance relationship, that was getting serious.

 

We met in June of last year and hit it off instantly and became extremely close. Since that time we have been commuting back and fourth from ODU to USC to see each other for the entire school year. We started off as a hookup (SEX) only and it developed a serious relationship.

 

During the time that we started dating her family life was not going well. She did not get along with her mom or sister and only had a stable relationship with her dad. She attributed it to the fact that her mother did not treat her as well as her sister. Due to her poor family life she seemed to latch onto me very easily and intensely. We spent all of our time together, completely cutting out all friends and other interests (I know that was not good).

 

Eight months prior to us getting together, her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and broke her heart. I came into the relationship knowing this and still decided to date her for some unknown reason (her glow). I thought I could help her and produce a long lasting stable relationship from it. Within one month of dating her she "accidentally" told me she loved me, it just popped out of her mouth. I believed her and by the 3rd month I told her the same. With the summer coming to an end we both were getting ready to go off to college for our freshmen year. We decided to stay together and defy the odds.

 

We actually made it work for the entire school year driving 500 miles every two weekends to see on another. We stayed very close and I have many wonderful memories of things we did together. Basically the relationship came before everything, even school. Because of that my gf did not establish friends at her new school and felt very lonely for the entire year. I also did not like it when she went out because she could not limit her alcohol intake. I knew someone would take advantage of that. I spent the entire school year being her only close friend and supported her when she said she could not do it. We got thru the school year just fine and I even took (paid) her to Cancun for spring break to lift her mood.

 

School finally let out and mg gf had managed to transfer to JMU from USC because of her bad experience. The first part of the summer went well until we came back home from visiting her family in Chicago (they all loved me so they say). However, something happened when we were home for the summer. My gf started to be angry with me over everything that I did. I am a fairly easy going guy and not too demanding. She stopped hanging out with me like she use to and I was lucky to see her once a week. Nothing I did was right and her mood changed to anger. I walked on egg shells for an entire month until finally she broke up with me. She said she had been trying to get me to break up with her, yet I made a promise never to break up with her in the beginning. I know that was not a good idea but she needed it at the time. However, since I promised I kept my word.

 

For the month prior to the break up she did many things to hurt me on purpose. She lied to me, said terrible things, and stopped being affectionate. I stayed because I would not break my word and because she use to make me feel like I was her world. I gave her my heart and stayed faithful to her the entire time (yes this was my first love). She said she broke up with me because she was tired of the fighting (the fighting she made happen). When I asked if she wanted to get back together, she said she has been loosing interest and wanted a fresh start at JMU this year. She said she wanted to be single and enjoy single life (yes she is very immature). She completely dropped me after all that I had done for her right out of the blue. She does not call or im me. She apparently does not have a boyfriend, yet does not want me.

 

She said she is scared of getting her heart broken again and has totally stopped talking to me. She has patterns of becoming very close to someone and then dropping them. I have seen her do it with several friends and all of her other boyfriends have cheated on her. I know that our relationship was not the best in the world, but I miss her like hell. She was my best friend prior to getting together and I have lost both a friend and my lover. What should I do?

 

She told me not to wait and that this might be the last time we are intiment with one another. Everything was going great and then bam!, she was done. People tell me to move on and there are more fish in the sea, but none of them seem to be good enough. I fear that I wont have that closeness with someone again, especially with her personality. People tell me not to take her back, that she did nothing good for me. She has not yet come back. She is the type that can have sex without emotional attachment and is definatly a horn dog. She emotionally and physically drained me, yet I still want her back. I know in my mind she is bad for me, but my heart still wants her.

 

Sincerely

Ian

[BonJFan]

Dude,

 

First mistake was falling for something that from the very beginning was questionable. Having a booty call and then converting it into a relationship isn't a smart idea because u have to take into account that if u guys don't make it in the relationship, you are always gonna have in your mind that she is easy and that she will sleep with someone else just as easily as she slept with you.

 

I tell u this cause I'm currently going through something similar. Feel lucky that she does not live near you and you could do other things to try and forget about her. It sucks that the human body always wants the things they can't have.

 

Another thing... the only person in this world you should ever make a promise like the one of never breaking up with them is your future wife and on your wedding day. You didn't want to break up with her cause u wanted to be true to your promise? Dude, that's crazy. You can't live just for someone else, you need to live for you. Hey relationships at times don't work out and it's only been months, not years since you've been with her. This is not the only hard relationship you'll ever have to endure. Trust me, they'll be many more.

 

I actually was extremely surprised that you bought her a ticket to Cancun! Do u know what goes on in Cancun...

 

Sorry to say, but when you are as nice as you are sometimes people take you fro granted.... be careful next time.

[butterflyz]

the fear of not feeling love again. you will, maybe not as soon as you would like, but you will.

 

it can take a long time for reality to catch up with our hearts. it's hard to accept the fact that this girl that you continued to date, despite her history would betray you. but it happens. i know people love feeling like the hero (me included), but what happens is this:

-the person that you fall for when they are vulnerable and wounded, changes when they receive the grounding they need

-then they get confident and cocky and start to take you for granted

-soon, you are wondering if this is the same person you fell for - the answer is "no" - you fell for the wounded bird.

 

so...after many wounded birds, i now choose people that are not wounded.

[honeybee255]

I know its hard but everything happens for a reason even at the time or many years later it doesnt seem like it still..you seem like a very sweet guy, but your a sucker for her(which is understandable since you love her)..but you got to want to be with someone that respects you as well as themselves and she wants her cake and eat to, and yes you are drained emotionally and physically..i know its hard, and it wont be the last..i know from experience..my older friend told me, "hes not going to be the first and hes not going to be the last"..move on and hang with positive ppl and others that treat you good and that are there for you and keep your head up..keep us posted please..