am i nuts

[Guest]

Am a 35 yr old woman, I have been married almost 11 yrs. We have to kids and he really is a good husband. He works 2-3 jobs so I can stay home with the kids. I know this takes a toll on him and for the most part understand that.

 

But.... here is the problem. He is a flirt; I constantly get that vibe that something is going on. Example. With his primary job as a police officer he stops at starbucks OFTEN. The other day a girl in there says to him.”Oh you’re paying today" meaning for my coffee. Then proceeds to say to him that she talked to ----- and that ------ says she ran into him at the gas station recently. Now I don’t know why this bothered me but it did. Here’s what bothers me. Why didn’t he say "of course I would buy my wife’s coffee?"

 

It’s been a long time coming and there are too many things to go into but little things like this happen all the time and it just gives me bad vibes.

All of this might not bother me as much but we have a horrible sex life in my opinion, He cums very fast and I never do. He doesn’t care if I have an orgasm or sometimes claims that he just doesn’t know what to do to make me. I have bought vibrator after vibrator, dirty movies I have tried everything. Only if I get him drunk will he talk about sex openly.

 

Am I wrong for thinking that a man that is a great dad and great provider and just claims not to have the sex drive I do is cheating? It is starting to take me down. I feel old and unattractive because of his lack of interest in me.

What should I do?

[Walk]

How many hours a week does he work?

 

If he's working 2-3 jobs, there might not be a heck of a lot of energy left to put into sexually satisfying his partner. I was kind of confused about the flirting part. And you say there's more to it then you wrote, so I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It might be that he's seeking attention because he's feeling like a failure in the sex department at home. It hits men pretty hard when they feel they can't satisfy their partner. So he might be seeking validation through flirtation from other women. He might take it further depending on the type of person he is, and how bad the sex life is. But it doesn't mean he has.

 

My bf is working 80-90 hour weeks while I finish college. We made a deal. He pays all the bills so I can concentrate on my schooling, but I have to take over the majority of the sexual department. It's not 50/50 like it would be if we split the work load for paying bills. Which gets frustrating for me at times because good sex is a lot work.

 

Anyway... Have you tried telling him exactly what will make you come? If you have all those vibrators, do you use them while having sex? Do you still try to seduce him and incorporate foreplay into your sex life?

 

My opinion, and I don't have the full story I'm sure... I think he's feeling frustrated because he isn't satisfying you as he'd like. I think it makes him feel like less of a man. He's busting his ass to provide for you and the kids, and he still feels like he can't please you sexually. Which is probably lowering his self-esteem.... then he seeks validation and compliments from others in order to boost his self-esteem. Which leads him to flirt with other women. And he probably doens't see the point of busting his ass during sex to make you come because he's been busting ass for a long time and still can't do it, so he's giving up.

 

It'd be a long slow climb out of the situation, but if you really wanted your sex life back you could make it happen. I think if you spent several months giving him a lot of praise, a lot of compliments, a lot of rewards for putting in extra effort, then you could probably turn this around. But if you expect him to put in more without showing him you're willing to give more first, then it probably won't get you anywhere. You'd have to give first, and hope he'll clue in before too long.

 

Just an opinion though.

 

You were saying there's more to it then what you posted, so maybe you could add some more to the original post. That way we'd have a better idea of the situation your facing. You'd get better responses....