Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Hey all-- I just got out of a longterm relationship. I met this guy who lives in my building before the breakup, and he expressed some interest. Of course, I told him that I was happily taken. Now that I'm single, we hung out a few times. Sometimes with his friends from work. Sometimes alone. We usually watch movies. The other night we sort of made out. And it was uncomfortable because I just got out of a relationship. But...it was also kind of interesting. We talked early on about how he wasn't looking for a relationship at all, but I didn't tell him I felt the same. After the make-out, I told him he can't stop talking to me. He asked why I would expect him to do that, and I said because he's a jerk to other girls. He seemed shocked I said that. Last night we watched another movie, and I sat by him, curled up next to him, etc. But at the end of the night, he just said he needed to go to bed and sent me on my way. The night before he asked me to stay the night. What do you think happened? I kind of thought this could be a fun diversion, but apparently we're back to just friends? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 You freaked him out - he felt attacked when you told him he was a jerk to other girls. He probably decided a little nookie wasn't worth the potential damage to your friendship...I'm guessing he saw that you wouldn't be able to handle just a FWB, since you were already getting up in arms about his pattern with girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 You freaked him out - he felt attacked when you told him he was a jerk to other girls. He probably decided a little nookie wasn't worth the potential damage to your friendship...I'm guessing he saw that you wouldn't be able to handle just a FWB, since you were already getting up in arms about his pattern with girls. has anyone in here done an FWB and found it ok and successful? i think i mentioned before that i once had an opportunity to test that theory but passed because i thought i couldn't - wouldn't u actually have to try that to know for sure? its like saying i wouldn't have a 3some because i know i wouldn't like it - makes no sense - guess my sexual exploration courses must continue! lol Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 FWB's are rarely successful because one or the other of the 'friends' actually wants something more, OR develops feelings after a while and/or starts making demands or having relationship-type expectations of the other person. As for how do you know you won't like it if you don't try it, most people don't have to poke themselves in the eye with a sharp stick to know they won't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Oddly enough, we've kept hanging out. He's going on a date tomorrow night with another girl, and I really don't care. Spending time with him has been fun and a good way to pass time during an otherwise sucky period in my life. We haven't been making out, but still a little physical and it's kind of nice to be able to cuddle and watch a movie or something. I don't advise FWB, but this is my second time and I think it has its use. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Oddly enough, we've kept hanging out. He's going on a date tomorrow night with another girl, and I really don't care. Spending time with him has been fun and a good way to pass time during an otherwise sucky period in my life. We haven't been making out, but still a little physical and it's kind of nice to be able to cuddle and watch a movie or something. I don't advise FWB, but this is my second time and I think it has its use. My bf and I started out as FWB more than 4 yrs ago. While it is true that one side develops feelings and odds are it wont work out - i think it truly depends on the relationship u share. For us, when we met he just ended a relationship and i helped him through that. over the years we have been best friends and no matter who we met/dated no one ever compared. Don't get me wrong - we've had our fights and misunderstandings. All the pitfalls exclusive relationships go through. At some point, we both just realized that it was useless trying to find someone else who understands us when we already have that person. i know him and he knows me. Relationships are what u make of them (exclusive or otherwise), if u really want it to work out then u have to be honest, not only with the other person but with urself. Know at least more than 50% that that person is the one. You should always trust ur instincts and always remember that sex isnt the basis of any relationship, its more of a factor. Trust, honesty, and understanding are the foundations. Link to post Share on other sites
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