iamwhatiam Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 We have loved each other for many years now, and both believe it is the love of our lives, and I repeatedly told her that she is the best looking woman in the world. Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers, which didn't trouble her much, until recently, when she demanded I show her some examples of women who do. I showed her some pictures on the Internet of some women for which I thought had better *those*, and that had a devastating effect on our relationship. I felt very embarrased by the whole exercise, and it affected me so much, that I quite resent the fact that I ever thought about something like that for the woman of my dreams, and now I deeply believe it is completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body, I love every bit of the body of my loved one, and that's what I keep telling her. She, on the other hand, cannot accept that, and believes I'm only telling her that to feel her better - she does not believe I could change my taste. Can anyone else believe me? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Sometimes its best to keep the mouth shut. Its one thing to think it, but another to say it. Those were things you shouldn't have said, and I'm sure you know this, now. Its really all up to her wheather she chooses to believe you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers, which didn't trouble her much, until recently, when she demanded I show her some examples of women who do. I showed her some pictures on the Internet of some women for which I thought had better *those*, and that had a devastating effect on our relationship. And you're surprised by that??? What if she told you she'd seen a picture of a guy with a bigger d*ck than you?? :lmao: Seriously, some things just do not need to be said in marriage. You probably didn't mean it like it came out but when you're married you need to remember that once you say something it's impossible to take back. I'm not sure how to get her to move on from that either. I'd suggest marriage counseling for you both for her to move past the resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
WhisperingWillow Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 We have loved each other for many years now, and both believe it is the love of our lives, and I repeatedly told her that she is the best looking woman in the world. Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers, which didn't trouble her much, until recently, when she demanded I show her some examples of women who do. I showed her some pictures on the Internet of some women for which I thought had better *those*, and that had a devastating effect on our relationship. I felt very embarrased by the whole exercise, and it affected me so much, that I quite resent the fact that I ever thought about something like that for the woman of my dreams, and now I deeply believe it is completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body, I love every bit of the body of my loved one, and that's what I keep telling her. She, on the other hand, cannot accept that, and believes I'm only telling her that to feel her better - she does not believe I could change my taste. Can anyone else believe me? How old are you two? Are you married? I'm all for the honesty factor however not everyone can handle that and I'm thinking you two are quite young. If you're in a relationship where one can't handle the honesty then you should have not said what you said. Not all are prepared to hear it. I'm interested in how old you two are and if you're married. Because by your paragraph and by the actions I'm inclined to think you guys are very young and not married. Link to post Share on other sites
lasan Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 We all want honesty, but then we don't want it. If I ask my SO a question like that, he sets the couch on fire as a distraction so he can run the heck away. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 We have loved each other for many years now, and both believe it is the love of our lives, and I repeatedly told her that she is the best looking woman in the world. Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers, which didn't trouble her much, until recently, when she demanded I show her some examples of women who do. I showed her some pictures on the Internet of some women for which I thought had better *those*, and that had a devastating effect on our relationship. I felt very embarrased by the whole exercise, and it affected me so much, that I quite resent the fact that I ever thought about something like that for the woman of my dreams, and now I deeply believe it is completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body, I love every bit of the body of my loved one, and that's what I keep telling her. She, on the other hand, cannot accept that, and believes I'm only telling her that to feel her better - she does not believe I could change my taste. Can anyone else believe me? Now why did you do that? Of course it's going to bother her. You probably shouldn't say that and then showed her examples of it. There are some things that shouldn't be said and that was one of them. I'm wondering how you can say that you've seen better body parts but yet you love every bit of her's. I wouldn't believe you either but I see what your saying. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 As Homer Simpson says "DOH!!!" What were you thinking?! Some years from now a whole lotta people are gonna have a better looking whatever.. so remember that. Yeeesh never answer the "does my _____ loook too big question"! Little white lies are often the best relationship lube and hurt no one. We all want honesty, but then we don't want it. If I ask my SO a question like that, he sets the couch on fire as a distraction so he can run the heck away. LOL Got that right! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Yeeesh never answer the "does my _____ loook too big question"! Little white lies are often the best relationship lube and hurt no one. :laugh: Yes that one should be avoided and answered with something like "no looks great!" Link to post Share on other sites
lasan Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 LOL I have a mirror! I know my rear looks fat in that without asking I would never tell my SO anything about how someone might have better "ahem" endowments than him. That's just like asking for a kick to the head. We women are even worse. I can remember a comment my first boyfriend made when we were 13. He just groans when I bring it up now (we ended up being best friends in the long run.) He doesn't remember it, but it is burned into my mind. He and I will be 100 years old sitting in our rockers and I will still remember that time LOL. Fortunetely for me, and him we aren't married so he can escape. OP- my cure for anything ailing me is jewelry. Might not work for your SO, but let me tell you, whenever my SO brings me something fabulous it cures all my ills LOL> Link to post Share on other sites
loggrad98 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 My wife and I love to sit in the food court at the mall and check people out over a diet coke..."people-watching" is very interesting. She also has body image issues, as do a lot of women...no big deal, just the normal "I have a fat butt" kind of stuff. She is constantly asking me "Do I look like her?" and I answer honestly when she asks. I have told her that I know she does not have the best butt or boobs around (after 4 kids of breastfeeding, they tend to be...let's just say less than perky...=), but I also remind her that I am with HER, and have not desire to be with anyone else. For my money, she is the most beautiful woman in MY WORLD, and that is all that matters. Sure I would not mind if she miraculously developed Pamela Andersons body overnight, as long as she was still the same girl I love, but I love her just as she is (for the record, she joined weight watchers a year and a half ago and lost all that baby weight - 70+ lbs - and now looks fan-dam*-tastic...rawr). Now the downside to this is I am now trained to look at butts, and sometimes, especially during spandex season, that can be a very bad thing. *shudder* I think spandex should only be sold with a permit. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 And you men wonder why women have body images and are insecure! Maybe because everytime we turn around you are looking at other women and saying how much better they are. Sure I would not mind if she miraculously developed Pamela Andersons body overnight, as long as she was still the same girl I love, but I love her just as she is (for the record, she joined weight watchers a year and a half ago and lost all that baby weight - 70+ lbs - and now looks fan-dam*-tastic...rawr). If you would like her body to be like Pam Andersons (and lets be honest Pam Anderson's body isn't even Pam Andersons), then no you don't really accept your wifes body. How would men feel to be told that x, w, and z were better then he is but we still love him, but we wouldn't mind if you did what x,w, and z did to change yourself. Because that is exactly what you are saying here. Hearing men say this stuff about their women is so disheartening. Is this all men are about????????? Link to post Share on other sites
thetruthhurts Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 We have loved each other for many years now, and both believe it is the love of our lives, and I repeatedly told her that she is the best looking woman in the world. Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers, which didn't trouble her much, until recently, when she demanded I show her some examples of women who do. I showed her some pictures on the Internet of some women for which I thought had better *those*, and that had a devastating effect on our relationship. I felt very embarrased by the whole exercise, and it affected me so much, that I quite resent the fact that I ever thought about something like that for the woman of my dreams, and now I deeply believe it is completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body, I love every bit of the body of my loved one, and that's what I keep telling her. She, on the other hand, cannot accept that, and believes I'm only telling her that to feel her better - she does not believe I could change my taste. Can anyone else believe me? Honestly there is nothing you can say or do..she will never believe you.. that is how woman are..You can buy her the world..kill all the attractive women out there.. but she will never believe you.. because she is a WOMAN.. But there are a rare breed of woman out there..who accept the fact that there will always be someone more smarter and attractive and richer out there..and are happy with the fact that you are with them..and love them and that all that matters...But thats just a 10 % of the woman out there.. but she is not one of those 10 %..she is the typical woman who pretends at first she doesnt care because she wants to be the cool girlfriend..but she really does ...and it catches up to you later on..then she constantly bugs you and ask you " is she prettyier then me" stuff like that..they are the type who ask " do i look fat in this"..the emotional woman..who you have to watch out for when she has pms..caz BOY it's not a good sight.. you can either accept that she will never believe you and there is nothing you can do.. or wait for 2 years or a couple of months when you guys break up..which will happen.."trust" and find yourself the rare 10 % WOMAN.. who really are just carefree and fun to be with ..who don't have woman image issues...and cry and are emotional... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamwhatiam Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Thank you to those who are trying to answer my question. Firstly, to all those who say that not saying what you think is the right way, I disagree with you, as the lies and deceipts are the first step towards losing the honest relationship, and quite possibly the relationship itself in my (and her) opinion. In all this, I have to tell you that she RESPECTS me for doing so, as the truth, no matter how good or bad it looks, is the only way the other person can know who it really is they are with. To wisperingwillow, I have come across your comment on another thread I (we) completely support - "the truth, always the truth, and nothing but the truth" (didn't really sound like the courtroom oath , but that is the basis). And no, we are not young, and yes, we are married (after almost 15 years of relationship, that is really no longer relevant, is it?). (And, of course, she knows all details about this thread.) I know that at this point many of you would like to ask so many questions about us, going back to the start, or maybe even further, to our childhood, upbringing etc. in order to better understand the whole situation, but you all understand it is impossible to do all that within few pages of conversation like this, and I don't think it is relevant. The question still remains... Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 "I quite resent the fact that I ever thought about something like that for the woman of my dreams, and now I deeply believe it is completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body, I love every bit of the body of my loved one, and that's what I keep telling her" You should have been telling her that from the start, as that is what matters far far more. Most women know that there are other women out there with better figures than them. And alot don't actually care- but even those of us who don't care would prefer not to be reminded of the fact. Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE.... And if she does respect you as you say, then she should believe you right? How come something so minor has turned into something so major for you two? Are there any deeper issues you aren't telling us about? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 well, lots of things play into that, her past,his past how u treat her what u say do u watch porn without her and shake the funky monkey - that's a big NONO what about sex chat rooms what about web cams what about flirting what about sexy magazines what about lewd sexist remarks what about lack of compliments lack of attention lck of sex etc men DO NOT take your babes for granted shower them with l,ove and attention and u will get the same in return Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I think you did the right thing. It's not what you did, and I don't think she really blames you either, it is how she is perceives her own body image. We all change as we get older. It's just a fact of life and it's unavoidable. She might just be like me, a person who was self conscious about her breasts, especially if she has had children or if she has gained/lost alot of weight. Luckily, I have always been thin, but having the kids ruined my breasts at a young age. I could get away with wearing a bra and hiding them under layers of clothing, but I couldnt hide them very well in a bikini, in the shower or in bed. I was so disgusted with myself. I had a breast augmentation done and I am extremely pleased with the results. The scars are barely visable and I can hide them even better with a tan. It only cost five grand. I asked him to make them the same size they were in high school (c's) so they dont look like they are fake at all. I look like a Goddess and feel like one too. It's really no big deal, only two weeks down time and I was right as rain again. At this point I would ask her if there is anything she doesn't like about herself, what she would like to change (if she could) and give her the option to resolve her body issues on her own. Perhaps a health club membership for starters and discuss seeing a plastic surgeon together. A consultation is usually free and it would give her the ability to resolve her issues on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Seriously Romeo? Cosmetic surgery??? Isn't that a little drastic? Maybe Iamwhatiam's wife is/was happy with her body image, but when it was pointed out to her that there were people with 'better' butts or boobs than hers thats when she started to get annoyed and have body issues???. Iamwhatiam- I would be very very wary of suggesting plastic surgery to your wife unless you want it yourself- she may punch your lights out!!! IF that is what she wants and IF it is a viable option, it needs to be HER decision. Right now I am trying to shift a couple of post-xmas pounds. My boyfriend has told me he would love me anyway, but is being really supportive and exercising with me, and cutting down on bad food with me too. If he suggested plastic surgery I would be horrified, although I appreciate that there are some things that exercise won't fix, such as boobs etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 PS Sometimes we have our parents or our tormentors talking in our heads that we arent prefect children. My husband was always heavy and I love and adore every ounce of him. It does no good though, his mother destroyed his confidence a long time ago, which led to an affair and other bad things, like him going on non-stop about our eleven year old son, and our son's weight issue as well. Creating another monster unless I have anything to say about it. MIL still visits and still feels she has to change everyone. In my mind, I wish she would get hit by a truck. She's poison. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Maybe your name should be MotherinLawMustDie.... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 And if she does respect you as you say, then she should believe you right? How come something so minor has turned into something so major for you two? Are there any deeper issues you aren't telling us about? I was wondering that also. If you both want 100% honesty then it shouldn't have even been an issue when you told and showed her what you meant. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 SB, if I could post my picture you would see that plastic surgery did wonders for me. Wink. Wink. They're perfect. The twins are so fine. You wouldnt even know I had it done unless I told you. It has done wonders for my body and my self confidence. Anyway, plastic surgery is not so drastic as it sounds. It's society and the terminal mind set against things like this (like plastic surgery, tattoos and body modification) and fear of change that holds us back from our personal desires to make ourselves better physically. Some things we are not physically capable of changing by ourselves and need a little help. Our bodies are connected to our minds and if his wife is not happy she should seek to change that about herself instead of being so down about herself, or her husband. That is my opinion and I am not afraid to go against the norm and tell him/her how I would (and have) handled this issue. I'm not going to backpeddal and change my post. If you stopped to read exactly what I said, I did say that I would ask her what SHE would like to change about HERSELF and if she could, why not refer her to a professsional who can help her achive that goal? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 To the OP, so I'm assuming since you are wanting all honesty and truthfulness between you both, then would it bother you if your wife said, something along the lines of, " That guy over there has great flat abs." Or, "that guy sure is toned, with really big muscles." Would that hurt your feelings? Maybe not if you were as buff as a guy she is referring too huh? Or then again even if you looked like a guy she was referring too, it still wouldn't hurt your feelings or bother you in the least? I have known some rather good looking poeple who are confindent, but then when someone says something that might be a blow to them, sometimes its not about self esteem and sometimes it is, but sometimes its about respect. So if you want honesty and being truthful thats great, but don't be surprised by the outcome of your words sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Don;t get me wrong Romeo, I agree with you, and am not anti-surgery, its just that with regards to this particular thread, I suspect there may be deeper issues that we aren't aware of, that may be the root of the problem, and its better to deal with them first. Just speculating- IamwhatIam hasn't given us the full story by his own admission. I am sure your twins are lovely.... and I am glad that you had the balls to do something about it, and that its given you so muchmore confidence. Going to the gym etc is just the same but on a lesser level- its still trying to change/ better/ maintain something. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 He said they have been married and in a (mutual) loving relationship for fifteen years, and being married I understand what he honestly meant to say in this thread. His intentions were only meant to try to help her. She can also destroy herself and wreak havoc on the marriage in the process, or she can change and grow as a person. Ha Ha... I mean that literally. She should seek to change what is really making herself so miserable. It isn't her husband. He is not insensitive and he does not come across as a jerk. He loves her very much and she should do something about the self esteem issue she has about herself, instead of bringing everybody down. Lying will not help her, and lying to herself, well, that isn't right either. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 But if she doesn't want any help and likes the way she looks, why should she have to listen to him tell her that others look better then her? Link to post Share on other sites
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