Can someone believe me?

[sb129]

I quite resent the fact that I ever thought about something like that for the woman of my dreams, and now I deeply believe it is completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body, I love every bit of the body of my loved one, and that's what I keep telling her.

She, on the other hand, cannot accept that, and believes I'm only telling her that to feel her better - she does not believe I could change my taste.

Can anyone else believe me?

 

He at least admits now that he may have been in the wrong initially.

Its difficult to tell whether her failure to accept his sincerity is because of her own issues or not without hearing her side of the story. Maybe she is still annoyed with him, maybe Romeo is right, he has inadvertently opened a can of worms....

[Romeo Must Die]

I am a woman and in my opinion, it's what she is not saying that has effected this couple so profoundly. If my husband liked bigger boobs I am open minded to change. It would only enhance our lovemaking, right? Turning him on would be a huge turn-on for me, and it would also be a big lift to my own self esteem, being able to please him in all ways possible. Why not? Is she so stuck in the middle of the road that she refuses to change? I wonder...

 

Luckily Romeo is a ass man and I am okay in that department. lol. I was the one who wanted to change my breasts and I did that for myself, which also made things great for us as a couple because I didnt have to hide under the covers, or play some mental warfare games with his head to hide behind my rotten self esteem. I did something about it and am happy. Romeo's happy. We're all happy, all except for my MIL but thats a whole other thread. lol.

 

[sb129]

I am a woman too- and I agree there is definitely something deeper going on here.

But if my BF was saying to me that chick or this chick had a better butt or better boobs than me, I would probably tell him to go try it on with them.. I would get very p**ed off, because to me there are more constructive and supportive ways of telling your other half such things.

I like to stay sexy for my BF (and myself!), hence the current health kick, but its good to know that he loves me for my sparkling personality, wit, intellect and charm as well.

[Romeo Must Die]

Right on, but he said that he loves her like no other woman. I find that admirable and I tuned right into that. He had no intentions of ever hurting his wife's feelings. She asked him what he liked and then when he did, she served him his balls for it. Now everybody is upset. What about his feelings now? Or is hubby a truely a cad who doesnt have any feelings at all? Nah, I don't think that he is.

 

Boobies are not like fine wine, and anybody with common sense knows they do not get better with age unless you are a teenager - and we are all well past our age of adolescence, let me tell you. LOL. It doesn't mean hubby is going to seek out a teenager to get himself off. He doesnt want that. He wants his wife. He adores his wife. It's abundantly clear just how much he does love her and her boobies too, just the way they are.

 

Like I said I am a woman. And not only that, I am a wise, old married lady and I just had a few helpful tips to help this poor old fellow and his wife make it through the end of this tunnel he has dug for himself. Nobody wants to upset the peace, the comfortable existance that they have. We are all creatures of comfort. We are resitant to change. Change is scary and we don't like change.

 

I am just saying that they can take their love and raise the bar to the next level, and that such a nirvana does exist but only if both partners are *open minded* about it and are willing enough to try to achieve it.

 

I'm just going to be straight with you, alright. Can you imagine having such a pretty set of titties you can make your husband come in his pants just at the mere sight of them? Can you imagine calling him up at work and oh so casually telling him you are naked and playing with your breasts? He won't be able to function. He'll be home in five minutes.

 

Imagine for a moment that it's those same titties you have always posessed, only new and improved. Thats some power. Winky Wink. And it bears repeating that his wife has that power (as she has had possessed that power all along) but she can take their lovemaking to a whole other place she doesn't even know existed.

 

So, dear married lady if you are reading this, you can take a fifteen year marriage and make him feel like a high school boy all over again. Mmmm, and that is something isn't it? I know it sure beats the hell out of arguing about it! There are lots of other ways to punish him, lol. I hope it hurts!!!

 

[new_stella]

If I can’t feel good about myself without teenage boobs, I definitely won’t feel any better with them. Simple as that.

 

Because my ‘value’ as a woman is not defined by the shape or size of my body, changing the shape or the size wouldn’t make any difference at all.

 

If my H told me to have plastic surgery I would take that as a definite sign that he doesn’t love me any more.

 

iamwhoiam, what exactly would you want her to believe?

I didn’t quite understand if you want her to believe that her boobs are the best or to accept that they are not.

[Jersey Shortie]

and find yourself the rare 10 % WOMAN.. who really are just carefree and fun to be with ..who don't have woman image issues...and cry and are emotional...

 

There are probably about 10% of men that a woman should go after too. The kind that don't try to shame women for having emotions and having body issues in a world that is always telling you aren't good enough the way you are. The kind that don't look at porn and support their partner and don't try to make them feel ashamed for being a woman.

 

Perhaps a health club membership for starters and discuss seeing a plastic surgeon together.

 

I highly suggest you don't suggest her getting plastic surgery. The worst thing a man can do is suggest such a thing. The problem to insecurity isn't the quick fix that plastifc surgery serves. Infact, I think there are many women out there that are still just as insecure with their implants as htey are without them. Not Romeo obiviously. But I do not think plastic surgery is the answer if you as you claim, you really do love her for who she is.

[sb129]

 

I am just saying that they can take their love and raise the bar to the next level, and that such a nirvana does exist but only if both partners are *open minded* about it and are willing enough to try to achieve it.

 

I'm just going to be straight with you, alright. Can you imagine having such a pretty set of titties you can make your husband come in his pants just at the mere sight of them? Can you imagine calling him up at work and oh so casually telling him you are naked and playing with your breasts? He won't be able to function. He'll be home in five minutes.

 

Imagine for a moment that it's those same titties you have always posessed, only new and improved. Thats some power. Winky Wink. And it bears repeating that his wife has that power (as she has had possessed that power all along) but she can take their lovemaking to a whole other place she doesn't even know existed.

 

So, dear married lady if you are reading this, you can take a fifteen year marriage and make him feel like a high school boy all over again. Mmmm, and that is something isn't it? I know it sure beats the hell out of arguing about it! There are lots of other ways to punish him, lol. I hope it hurts!!!

 

 

Man those are some boobies you have. Do they come with a built in mp3 player too?

 

I'm sorry, but I can't agree. A relationship isn't about power. And it isn't all about sex. Sex is very important, but without trust, love, understanding and above all mutual RESPECT its just sex. And you can get that from anywhere if you try hard enough.

 

I think we are losing sight of the fact that Iamwhoiam is the one who posted, not his wife.

He knows he screwed up. He just wants to know why his wife won't accept his apologies, and a way to make it better.

[norajane]

I repeatedly told her that she is the best looking woman in the world. Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers...

 

Well, that's what started your problems, because once you said that to her "a few times" she probably couldn't get it out of her head, and that's why she asked you to show her what you were talking about.

 

Is there a reason you felt the need to point out that others had better physical attributes? Maybe if you can figure out WHY you volunteered that information "a few times" then you can work on making it up to her. If I were her, that's what would be bothering me - why does my guy of 15 years want to tell me that other women have better T & A? What was the point of that? Is there something he's trying to tell me, like, is he not attracted anymore? Is it THAT important to him that I have better looking T&A? Why bring it up?

 

Do you see what I'm saying? She needs to know why you brought it up, so she doesn't have to obsess that you are secretly hating her T & A and are wishing she looked different.

 

If you were just stupid and f*cked up "a few times" then I don't know how you will get through to her, nor how to make it up to her. There must be something that will make her feel better, but she's the only one who can tell you what that might be.

[norajane]

I am just saying that they can take their love and raise the bar to the next level, and that such a nirvana does exist but only if both partners are *open minded* about it and are willing enough to try to achieve it.

 

Um, plastic surgery does not equal taking your love to the next level. I just want to point out that there are many reasons people do not want to have elective surgery and it's not because they are "afraid of change" or aren't "open minded".

 

If nothing else, you're going to need repeated surgeries every 10 years or so to replace that "pretty set of titties". Most people don't really want to go under the knife to replace their tits every 10 years.

[iamwhatiam]

Thanks all for your efforts, and not losing the main point. I'm glad this does look like expressing opinions, unlike some other threads I've seen where it quickly turns into a stupid argument between 2 or 3 people.

 

Firstly, plastic surgery is completely out of question, and as far as I am concerned (and she for that matter) that option does not exist. (And, o yes, she does turn me on like no other woman before, and we did have those phone calls after which I was running from work like mad to make passionate love with her.)

 

To answer New_Stella' question, I am asking you to tell me if you think it is possible to change one's taste and think at some stage that someone has better whatever, and sometimes afterwards thinks opposite.

 

To norajane, I never volunteered that information. Those 'few times' were when she asked me to compare her with a particular woman. At the time she didn't like (understandably), but she believed me and respected me for telling the truth (if I lied, i would, understandably, lied the other way, wouldn't I?). As I said previously, she didn't make fuss about it, and we were happy for years afterwards (and I kept telling her that she was the best), but now on reflection, she remembers that, and thinks that, logically, it has always been the case, and it cannot change.

 

Now, two main problems came out of this:

(a) She feels as if not good enough for me, and doesn't want me to see her naked, hence we hardly have sex after that.

(b) As mentioned above, she doesn't believe it is something that can change, and she doesn't feel like she can feel like before ever again (not the prettiest of sentences - sorry those stylists, will try to improve next time ). This has led her to feel as if I don't have a firm opinion on it, and she is not sure what I would say tomorrow (or in 2-3 months). In her own words: 'Tell me what you think and stick with it, and let me see if I can handle it'.

 

And, yes, it is not only her looks I love, and she does have - oh boy, she does! - many other qualities, in fact, simply said, she is the most complete person I have ever met, and I am now fifty, and that should count a bit. And the way she loves (I mean, in general, including all possible aspects of love one can imagine) - it is something that could be best described as 'experience it to believe it!'. (She very well knows that I love her and that has never been an issue.)

 

Please continue.

[norajane]

Ok, then I revise my opinion and am starting to think she might be going through a mini "mid-life crisis"...which can happen at any stage of life. Her body isn't what it used to be maybe, and she's started getting self-conscious about it. She needs reassurance, consistent reassurance from you, because she's starting to doubt her attractiveness anymore.

 

Can you afford a grand gesture? Something fun and wonderful that you two have always wanted to do together...a weekend in New York, a trip to Thailand, wine tasting and hot air balloons in Napa? If not a trip, do something you've always talked about doing. Make one of your dreams come true, experience it together and show her that she's the love of your life.

[sb129]

In her own words: 'Tell me what you think and stick with it, and let me see if I can handle it'.

 

And, yes, it is not only her looks I love, and she does have - oh boy, she does! - many other qualities, in fact, simply said, she is the most complete person I have ever met, and I am now fifty, and that should count a bit. And the way she loves (I mean, in general, including all possible aspects of love one can imagine) - it is something that could be best described as 'experience it to believe it!'. (She very well knows that I love her and that has never been an issue.).

 

Can you afford a grand gesture? Something fun and wonderful that you two have always wanted to do together...a weekend in New York, a trip to Thailand, wine tasting and hot air balloons in Napa? If not a trip, do something you've always talked about doing. Make one of your dreams come true, experience it together and show her that she's the love of your life.

 

I believe you Iamwhatiam. Its clear you do love your wife. She's even said- tell me what you think and stick to it, and thats what you seem to be doing.

 

I think Norajane's idea is great. Grand gestures aren't always appropriate, but I think it is now. You guys need to revive the spark, and what better way to do it than plan something you are both excited about?

[Romeo Must Die]

I really don't like being flamed by my peers for my suggestion because plastic surgery has really helped me out alot. It's something I did for myself and I am extremely pleased with the results I have achieved with the help from a plastic surgeon.

 

I am just an straightforward person about a lot of things and I am happy to share my personal experiences with people. It doesn't change anything. Before the surgery, I had the breasts of an 80 year old woman on my little, twenty-something frame thanks to childbirth. After the surgery, they were even better than what God gave me naturally. I was overjoyed with the transformation. I came out from the darkness of my cocoon and I became a butterfly.

 

SB: No, they didn't come with an Mp3 player, but what I got out of it is a hundred times more valuable than that. NJ: Yes I can have surgery again ten years later, but it is not a must-have operation. That is only if I wanted to keep them high and tight. The saline impalnts will never rot if I dont. I should be just fine under a good doctors care. I am in excellent health, and I heal very well, with very little bruising and another surgery is not exactly undaunting to me.

 

I also believe that a womans sexuality is a very important factor in a marriage, as is the mens. It's how we express ourselves and show our love to one another and I can't find a thing wrong with wanting to please a spouse in the bedroom and feeling empowered by that. I dont feel like I am better than everybody, but I do feel sexy and self confident and thats cool. Really cool.

 

I also know first hand that there are physical and mental changes within us all that can take a good realtionship and make it outstanding.

 

Anyway, I read that you said that surgery is out of the question, but I still feel that just going to visit a plastic surgeon and having a consultation from someone who could explain it to you (better than I am doing) could help her change what she is so dang unhappy about herself. They are after all, just breasts and your wife is not her breasts.

 

I don't like that she is rejecting you because she has self imposed this rejection upon herself. It may not be a MLC but she may be suffering from depresssion and may have other physical & psychological issues (menopause) and that might be another thing altogether to consider here.

 

I am going to gracefully bow out of this thread now. I wish you all the best life has to offer and I hope you all have long, fulfilling marriages and peace.

 

[IpAncA]

Ok, then I revise my opinion and am starting to think she might be going through a mini "mid-life crisis"...which can happen at any stage of life. Her body isn't what it used to be maybe, and she's started getting self-conscious about it. She needs reassurance, consistent reassurance from you, because she's starting to doubt her attractiveness anymore.

 

To OP:

 

Could be going through mid-life don't know but if so then she needs to hear positive things, not negative things. Not saying that you are but just know that as I'm sure you do.

[Guest]

We have loved each other for many years now, and both believe it is the love of our lives, and I repeatedly told her that she is the best looking woman in the world. Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers, which didn't trouble her much, until recently, when she demanded I show her some examples of women who do. I showed her some pictures on the Internet of some women for which I thought had better *those*, and that had a devastating effect on our relationship.

I felt very embarrased by the whole exercise, and it affected me so much, that I quite resent the fact that I ever thought about something like that for the woman of my dreams, and now I deeply believe it is completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body, I love every bit of the body of my loved one, and that's what I keep telling her.

She, on the other hand, cannot accept that, and believes I'm only telling her that to feel her better - she does not believe I could change my taste.

Can anyone else believe me?

couples abused by marriage counselors

[Mustang Sally]

I think NoraJane has a great perspective on this one. You might ask yourself, "Why would my wife ask me these questions (comparing herself to other women) if she doesn't want a truthful answer, and she knows we have a 'truth even if it hurts' kind of relationship?"

 

She's probably going through some self-image issues. Maybe she was testing you (your reaction/answer to the question). Maybe she was testing herself (her reaction to your answer to the question). Hard to say for sure, but now the damage is done. It will likely take quite some time for her to get over it, and even if it's unfair for you, I have to say that as a female, I can understand her feelings.

 

I doubt that if she is anywhere near midlife, or beyond, in age that she is really unaware that there might be other women out there with better boobs and butts than her. In fact, I don't think there are many women (oh - except that magical 10% as alluded to in an earlier post) no matter WHAT their age who are unaware that there are other boobs and butts out there in the world better than theirs. So for her to ask you....I kinda think she didn't really want the truth, but more some affirmation that she is still tops, as far as you're concerned.

 

A lesson to the women: don't ask if you can't handle the truth! That's probably why men aren't always asking us "Hon, do you think there are any other dicks out there in the world that you might find more pleasing than mine?"

[CarolAnne]

You told your gf that internet women had better T&a than hers

 

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. This is one of the few thread starters that has ever made my jaw drop in shock silence.

 

Hey dumb f---, what if she told you that guys on the internet have longer wangs that are sexier and would feel a lot better to ride? And that as hard as you try you will never be as good as Wang #1 at allnakeddudes.com or Wang # 2, 3, 4, at hotmale.net or even the 10 inch one at superstuds.com

 

Gee, why would you hold that against her? I have no doubt that the threat of losing a real gf means that you regret what you said but holy $--- man, WTF were you thinking???

[new_stella]

Few times, though, I said that some other women had better breasts and butts than hers, which didn't trouble her much, until recently, when she demanded I show her some examples of women who do.

Let’s see: you were telling her that before, and you told her the same thing recently.

Your taste was the same throughout your entire relationship, and then suddenly changed?

So when has your taste changed?

Those 'few times' were when she asked me to compare her with a particular woman… As I said previously, she didn't make fuss about it, …

… and since she didn’t make any fuss you didn’t feel it’s ‘necessary’ to change your taste.

… and we were happy for years afterwards (and I kept telling her that she was the best…

… is this the point were you changed your taste, or were you just lying?

… she remembers that, and thinks that, logically, it has always been the case, and it cannot change.

I think so too.

I felt very embarrased by the whole exercise, and it affected me so much, that I quite resent the fact that I ever thought…

Now that she did make fuss, you found the easiest way out – you changed your taste

I agree with you, it IS “completely irrelevant if some woman out there has bigger, firmer or whatever any part of the body”. But your own perception is that it is better, and I completely understand why she is upset.

 

To answer your question, I don’t believe you ‘changed your taste’, I think you are just afraid of losing her.