Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Ok any advice would be appreciated. I do not know how to handle this situation. A little background My ex and I were dating for about 8 years, I left him due to the fact that he could not commit to me with Marriage, we had several talks about it, but no action. So I just couldn't wait around anymore for him. I care deeply for him as he was a good person and I don't want to hurt him either........I broke up with him and shortly after met a wonderful guy... We have been together for 2 years and he just asked me to marry him!! I am so happy because he truely is a great guy.....Welll Its like the ex knows and has been calling be and asking me to come back. I don't have the heart to tell him I'm engaged........What do I do???? I'm trying to avoid the situation but I don't want to hurt him either....I have alot of guilt for leaving even though I did the right thing because he couldn't give me what I needed. I'm in my mid 30's and want a family ect. so I had to look out for myself....Can anyone give me some advice as to how I should handle this situation Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 That's really tough. I wouldn't feel guilty though, because your ex had 2 years to decide what he wants. He probably already knows that you are engaged and that is why he's trying to get you back. If you are engaged to man you feel is the "one" and you have no doubts about it, then you should only worry about the two of you. By returning your ex's calls and opening that door, there is going to be more stress added to your new relationship. It's just really not a good idea to go there. Unless you are having doubts and you think you might still have feelings for your ex. If you do, then you owe it to yourself and to your fiance to make sure. I mean you don't want to marry the wrong man. But keep in mind, your still might not commite. I hope this helps. Good luck. I know it's not easy... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 If you truly love your fiance then you should have no problem telling your ex that your getting married and your not going back to this ex. But if your having doubts then you need to work those out before you get married because you don't want to do something you'll regret. And even if you did go back to this other guy, what makes you think that he will want to get married? If it doesn't work out between you two again then you lost what could have been a great marriage with the other guy. Which would then leave you single again. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Welll Its like the ex knows and has been calling be and asking me to come back. I don't have the heart to tell him I'm engaged........What do I do???? I'm trying to avoid the situation but I don't want to hurt him either.... It's actually MORE hurtful to your ex if you don't tell him about your engagement right away! Yes, he may be disappointed to hear that, but this way you're kinda leading him on...or, at least, he has no reason to stop calling and stop hoping he might get you back. Be honest with him right away and tell him, so he can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I second Norajanes post. Also... if what you truly wanted and needed in life was marriage, and your ex could not provide that to you, then why is this an issue? Your ex knew how important marriage was to you, yet he still wouldn't do it. So why are you attempting to protect his feelings now that someone else is willing to give you what your ex refused you? I can't help but think that you're still in love with your ex. You don't want to tell him your engaged because you don't want to scare him away. A part of you wants to believe that maybe your ex has realized how badly he needed you and will marry you if you give him a chance. But you want marriage so badly that you're scared to take a risk on your ex and end up marrying no one. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I say, always go for the one who loves you the most. They are the keepers. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 That is not true, I just have alot of guilt because I don't like to hurt people I do not want my ex back, but he was not a mean or bad person, It took me a long time to leave him, but I knew what was best for me...I am extremely happy withy my "now Finance" and do not want to go back to my ex, I gues I just feel guility for leaving and he is not with anyone and I have found someone...Oh well, I guess I have to get over it and move on with my life.....Thanks for all the imput Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I understand why you'd feel some guilt, but your ex has had over 2 years to figure out what's important to him. He choose his path. Don't feel guilty for having choosen yours. On the flip side... this might be the wake up call your ex needs in order to grow and have a happy and fulfilling life with someone else. If he realizes that give and take must occur, that he hurts himself and those he cares about by allowing fear to control his decisions... the full truth might help him to realize he's limiting himself and his potential for happiness down the road. Telling him the truth might hurt him for a short while, but long run might help him. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 You already know the answer to this, do the right thing. Your ex will get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Capatinacen Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 That is not true, I just have alot of guilt because I don't like to hurt people I do not want my ex back, but he was not a mean or bad person, It took me a long time to leave him, but I knew what was best for me...I am extremely happy withy my "now Finance" and do not want to go back to my ex, I gues I just feel guility for leaving and he is not with anyone and I have found someone...Oh well, I guess I have to get over it and move on with my life.....Thanks for all the imput Please don't feel guilty. You both broke up and it was time to move on. You happend to find someone sooner then he did. He'll move on, and for all you know he might have already. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Ok any advice would be appreciated. I do not know how to handle this situation. A little background My ex and I were dating for about 8 years, I left him due to the fact that he could not commit to me with Marriage, we had several talks about it, but no action. So I just couldn't wait around anymore for him. I care deeply for him as he was a good person and I don't want to hurt him either........I broke up with him and shortly after met a wonderful guy... We have been together for 2 years and he just asked me to marry him!! I am so happy because he truely is a great guy.....Welll Its like the ex knows and has been calling be and asking me to come back. I don't have the heart to tell him I'm engaged........What do I do???? I'm trying to avoid the situation but I don't want to hurt him either....I have alot of guilt for leaving even though I did the right thing because he couldn't give me what I needed. I'm in my mid 30's and want a family ect. so I had to look out for myself....Can anyone give me some advice as to how I should handle this situation I think you should carry on with your life as it is. Get married to the guy you are with now if he feels like the one for you. Just tell your ex you have moved on and you hope he does too then leave it at that. Cut contact with him because it seems as though it is acting out your emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
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