One of My Mistakes -- Not Myself Around Girls?

[clatan]

You've caught me in a transitional period, as Samuel L. Jackson said in Pulp Fiction. I'm starting to realize that I've been cheating myself out of a lot of good times in my life by not acting, due to fear. That's probably the simplest way to break it down. One side of that problem manifests itself in the area of my life, as far as what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. But then that's another forum site completely. The other side major one side is my social/love life. I've talked quite a bit about one of the mistakes I've identified in another thread. I figured that, for the sake of brevity, I'll leave that there and talk about one other mistake I've identified. I'm not really being myself around girls I'm interested in.

 

I don't mean that I've been Jekyll and Hide or have been dishonest, or that I've tried to pretend to be someone that I'm not. What I've done, I think, is simply not show my full self. I've realized that maybe I've held back possibly the best and most attractive things about myself, for fear that I won't be accepted, as if I would scare people away. Just simply, a partial shyness. You know, it's sort of like a guy being afraid to take a girl to meet his mother for fear that they'll talk. His mother will tell the girl about all the funny things he did as a kid or something embarrassing to the guy, thinking that the girl will shy away from him. The whole time the girl is really into him and would probably actually find those things make him

more attractive

as opposed to less attractive.

 

A number of things can happen in that scenario. She could either be the persistant type and keep pressing him and eventually get to know him, as in truly breaking his "dating" shell. On the other hand, she may, even though she's still really into him, take that as a sign he's really just boring. Or, she may think he is not really interested in her or that he's just a hard-to-get-to-know person. The result is the two drift apart, even though they were completely mad about each other all along. That's kind of what I've done, I'm thinking. Can I give you a few examples of what I mean from my real life instead of a generic, made up scenario? If you read them, it will really illustrate the point I'm making.

 

Since I was a kid, I've always been the kind of guy that hung out with the female cousins at family reunions. It was a lot because I've always hated football actually. On sundays at grandma's, I'd be hanging out with the aunts, grandma and mom. So I'm not shy around women per se, and I've never had a problem with women finding me interesting. More recently, an example would be at work. I just quit my job and have been doing odds and ends for a living since I quit my job in late May of '06. I used to work as a DJ at a small-town radio station. Most of the employees were female, mostly all older and unavailable. When I think back, I was always really popular with them compared to the other guys at the station. I don't think it was just because I was the only of them that was younger and single though.

 

I remember I used to show up in the afternoon for my night shift and the girls over in the sales room would start yelling at me to come in and visit with them. They always wanted to hear about what I did on my time off, kidding me about chasing women and the like. They'd always want me to tell them all the war stories I used to tell them. They'd ask me to sing for them or something. I'd entertain them with impersonations of the boss or the other a-hole employees we all didn't like. I always used to keep them laughing. I'd tell them some weird or disgusting story or make some off-color remark, cutting up telling dirty jokes and things. I was being my "true self."

 

I'm thinking back to that, I realize all those girls at work thought a lot of me. There was only one single younger girl there, Tyla. She was newer and started there about a year before I quit. She was really hot and cool, but she had a boyfriend and two kids. If not, I wouldn't have minded hanging out with her. But anyway, I'd only worked with her 6 months if that long and she even she baked me a cake for my last birthday.

 

I had no problem attracting them, because I showed more of myself to them. I've asked why I do that around them and not single, attractive, available women. It's exactly because the girls at work are all older and taken. They were "safe." If they get the wrong idea about me, who cares?

 

There are also the girls at the little bar/restaurant I'd stop by after work on weekends. They were about the only nice looking younger girls usually in the place for the most part. Rural northwest Missouri is really short on hot, single women. But the owner/bartender and a couple of the other waitresses would set at the end of the bar and talk to me most of the night, ignoring most all other guys hitting on them. A lot of the time Brook, who's always calling me "baby" would see me talking to a girl at the bar and she'd jump in and say "This is Clay, he's a real sweethart. He used to sing karaoke here, always trying to help me out. I really got to know those girls well and I know that if they were available they'd more than likely go out with me in a second. Same with them though -- they were all taken and "safe." I showed them who I really was and really talked to them, because I wasn't real worried if anything I told them about myself may be a turn off to them.

 

Well, I started to think that maybe if I tried this simple approach around single women from now on maybe it wouldn't have the effect I've feared? It looks to me as though it's only made me extemely attractive to any other woman. I mean, I'm not about to go meet a girl at church and tell her my joke about the newlywed husband whose new wife had worms, but what if I told her about the time I bought an antique urine specimen bottle on eBay and filled it with water and yellow food coloring and left it on the bathroom vanity for my sister to find? I'll tell those stories if you want later in this thread.

 

There's this girl that I really like, I'm not saying I want to "date" her right away. She's unavailable right now, though I doubt it's anything serious. Regardless, I just want to get to know her better. Sometimes she looks at me when I'm talking and I feel like I can read the look in her eyes. When I visit with her about what I'm I've been up to or tell her something about me. I feel like I should just shut up, because I'm boring her. But I see that look she gives me, kind of like this big smile and her eyes open really wide and she gives me that little playful "come out with it" nod... and it's like she's saying to me "I really want to hear about this, I think you're interesting, Don't stop talking, go ahead and spit it out!"

 

SHe's a real upstanding girl, but I've noticed she cuts up and carries on a little, blurts out an occassional cuss word and the like. Speaking of that, I did the same thing one time and it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I'll tell you that story.

 

Since high school, I and my real good friends have called each other "****er" like it was a proper nickname. It meant "buddy" to us. We where in a hardware store listing to old men gossip one time, when another old men walked in the door. They all at once said "Hey Wilbur" "Hey you old bald bastard" and the like all at once to geet him. One of them said "Whuddya been up to ****er?" This is redneck Missouri so imagine an old man with a hillbilly accent saying that. We thought it was funny and kept repeating it, calling each other "****er." Hawdy there ye ol' Fuuugger!"

 

As soon as the third period bell rang in high school, I and my best friends would pop out of out classrooms and yell "Hooowwwdy fuuuuuuuuugggggeeer" at the top of our lungs. We'd sort of mumble so the teachers couldn't understand or at least technically give us a pink slip.

 

Well, the embarrassing part came a year after high school. My best friend Frank's cousin Julie from another town, who I've also been real good friends with, got married to Adam, another friend of mine and Frank's. They both got a good deal on rent at a little place a few miles away and I'd go hang out at their place all the time after work. Beth Ann, Julie's sister was the same age as me and she'd go over there and hang out a lot too. I always used say het fuuggeer to her too and she started doing it too.

 

I came over one night and dropped in. I saw Julie's folks little truck there. I figured it must be Beth Ann again because she was driving her folks truck a lot at the time. Well she was there, but I didn't notice that, not only was the truck there, around the corner of the garage were three of the family's other vehicles.

 

I walked in as usual and stepped into the lower mud room and did my ussual "Haaawdy Fuuugggers!" at the top of my lungs. I heard Adam say kind of in a laughing trembling voice. "Hey Clayton, come on in, were just having dinner." I'm standing there bent over taking off my boots and it hit me. I got this feeling something was wrong, and I noticed it was unusually quiet and no one was talking. I walked up a couple steps, around the corner and into the dining room and suddennly saw the dinner table and atm it, sat Julie, Adam, Beth, Julie's two younger brothers and Julie's mom and dad. I turned instantly red.

 

They all started laughing and Julie's mom was red in the face, but laughing too and said "CLAYTON. is that your normal greeting?" I was kind of like... well actually... Every time I see them now, I'm reminded of that.

 

SO what do you think. Would she enjoy that side of me? Should I start being myself a little and tell this girl I like that story?

[norajane]

The only way you will ever attract someone who likes who you are is if you show who you are. The ones who are not attracted to who you are will stay away...and that's what you want. Because you can't act or hide yourself for the rest of your life just to keep someone.

 

So yes, tell her the story.

[clatan]

Thanks NoraJane!

[vanessabg]

The only way you will ever attract someone who likes who you are is if you show who you are. The ones who are not attracted to who you are will stay away...and that's what you want. Because you can't act or hide yourself for the rest of your life just to keep someone.

 

So yes, tell her the story.

Yes,Norajane!is right said,i am agree,it is better to you to tell her the story.

[clatan]

Yes,Norajane!is right said,i am agree,it is better to you to tell her the story.

 

Let me ask you girls out there this. If you were hanging out with an attractive guy you thought you liked and he told you this story, what would you think of him?

[clatan]

If you'd like another story, let me know. I have a few.