Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I am so confused. My boyfriend of a year is making me feel like a yoyo. One minute he's talking about getting engaged, then the next he says money is real tight and it might not happen for a few months, to just be patient. He tells me he wants it to be a total surprise and would never tell me when it was going to happen. He's even mentioned how he knows how I'd rather a special engagement then a big diamond. I've been telling him how I don't even care if he has a ring when he proposes. So then if all this is so, then why does he start making comments like it may happen real soon. In Decemeber, he even asked me how I'd feel if he proposed for Christmas. Then now he's back to telling me how money is tight and he won't be able to do anything for at least 2 months. And then in the same conversation he says, you never know, I am spontanious, so it could happen soon. Is it possible he's just trying to throw me off? I am so confused. I just wish he'd stop playing with me. I love him with all my heart and I know he's the one and I know he wants to marry me, he's wanted that since we first met. We are both in our 30s and we already made the step of living together, we talk about marriage and having a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I know exactly how you feel, I am in almost the exact situation. Its like he mentions it just to pacify me, and then nothing happens. I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can say is that I know how you feel, and you are so not alone. My guy talks about who he wants at our wedding one day, and then the next goes out and buys him self a $150 watch and saying he has no money. I think he's just being lazy. If I don't get a proposal by Valentines Day, I'm gonna freak out. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 All I can tell you is don't give yourself a day in mind that you think it could happen by. That's what I keep doing, first it was Christmas, then my birthday, then new years eve, then new years day and so on. At this point I don't even know when anymore. Someone gave me good advice, instead of falling into there traps, to play it off like whatever, when it happens it happens. So now, I don't bring it up at all. And when he does, i'm like yeah, whatever. I am so with you right now, though. They just LOVE to drive us crazy. It's so frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I think the whole surprise proposal thing is nonsense. If you two are thinking about marriage, you should be having conversations about what your goals are in life, what kind of lifestyle you will be living, how you will handle money and finances, how you will handle children, how you will handle conflict, where you will live... Proposals shouldn't be a huge surprise. They should be something that is expected because you've already worked through the concept of marriage together. HOW he proposes can be as surprising as he likes. But if you haven't had any serious discussions about marriage, then a proposal isn't likely any time soon. Maybe it comes as a total surprise for some people and they've never had the serious conversations, but I can't imagine those marriages last. And all that crap about "what if I propose by Christmas" is just his way of stringing you along and making you think he's serious and about to commit - what does he expect you to say? Does he think you're going to say "No honey, don't propose at Christmas. That would suck." Please. His actions are what you should be looking at...is your guy acting like he's about to make a lifetime commitment? Next time he asks something stupid like "what if I propose at Valentine's Day" say "Are you planning on proposing at Valentine's Day?" and see if he starts to hem and haw. And then follow it up with: "Since we have 6 weeks until then, that gives us time to talk about how we want to live our lives together after marriage. Why don't we start with how we'll handle bills and where we want to live..." Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 We do talk about marriage. We already have the "where", we live in a nice house in a really nice town with great schools. We've talked about kids, how many we'd like, how we'd raise them and religion. We've talked about money and our goals. What we'd like to do with the house, remodeling. Our family, how it's very important to be close to them. We act like we are married already. Our actions are always done as a team. We talk very openly about everything. We talk about getting engaged and marriage, when we'd like to get married and all that. He just wants me to be totally surprised which I appreciate. My friend knew the day she was going to get engaged, so I just felt it lost the whole, POW. I know once we get engaged, it won't be a long engagement, we've talked about how we want to get married within a year. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I am so confused. I just wish he'd stop playing with me. It sounds like you've got a good foundation, then. So if the only problem is that he keeps bringing up proposing and then tells you something different, tell him to STOP playing with you by talking about it like that because it upsets you. Tell him if he wants it to be a surprise, to just stop talking about it and do it when he's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
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