frannie Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Ok, that's fine. But I didn't say they have "no" morals I don't think. I believe I just stated that they have "different" morals. No sense in arguing about this. I stand by every single thing I said. Yes, I am judging. I'm sorry that you think I'm unfairly judging. I don't believe that I am. I don't need to hear any other side of anything. Having an affair with a married man is immoral in my book. I don't need to know the reasons or the whys or wherefores. I think it's more the judging, and the constant comments on it, that get to people. What's the point of stating it over and over? It's not going to change anything. Of course having an affair is a poor moral choice. But these things don't happen in isolation. Of course there are lots of single guys around, but love and attraction are complicated things. Most OW turn down JUST as many dumb passes from married men as any other women, if you think about it. Quite possibly more than any BS posting on here, since we're single and probably get approached a lot more. But that's by the by. It's not a question of having 'no morals' or 'different morals' exactly. I would have thought I'd be the LAST person on Earth to get involved with a MM... but I didn't get involved with ' A MM ' ... I got involved with a man I met and fell in love with, and he is married. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 People are judged not just by thier actions but by the way they speak walk talk they way they dress the color of thier skin the cars they drive if they drink too much if they do drugs by thier profession the list goes on and on. Everyone has an opinion on someone else and thier judements descisions and choices, every one is such an expert, then sometimes the same thing may happen to them some day when they least expect it and then they see it from another point of view and thier eyes are opened to antother way of thinking feeling and beliveing.... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I am sorry people get cheated on all the time so for one person to think that they have never been cheated on they are fooling themselves into a false reality and they feel that they are above what real people go through. Not ALL people have been cheated on. I never have been cheated on. I was just lucky in that regard I guess. Either that, or I picked men with good morals. You decide. You know not ALL people cheat or have been cheated on. It's sad that you dont know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I think it's more the judging, and the constant comments on it, that get to people. What's the point of stating it over and over? It's not going to change anything. Of course having an affair is a poor moral choice. But these things don't happen in isolation. Of course there are lots of single guys around, but love and attraction are complicated things. Most OW turn down JUST as many dumb passes from married men as any other women, if you think about it. Quite possibly more than any BS posting on here, since we're single and probably get approached a lot more. But that's by the by. It's not a question of having 'no morals' or 'different morals' exactly. I would have thought I'd be the LAST person on Earth to get involved with a MM... but I didn't get involved with ' A MM ' ... I got involved with a man I met and fell in love with, and he is married. Hey, put whatever spin you want on it. Interesting that you mention his marital status LAST. It shouldn't be a footnote you know. But I guess to some people it is...go figure! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 People are judged not just by thier actions but by the way they speak walk talk they way they dress the color of thier skin the cars they drive if they drink too much if they do drugs by thier profession the list goes on and on. Everyone has an opinion on someone else and thier judements descisions and choices, every one is such an expert, then sometimes the same thing may happen to them some day when they least expect it and then they see it from another point of view and thier eyes are opened to antother way of thinking feeling and beliveing.... It doesn't happen to people "when they least expect it" if they feel STRONGLY that it's wrong. Never happened to me because I didn't ALLOW it to happen. Never went on that first date...never let it be a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Not ALL people have been cheated on. I never have been cheated on. I was just lucky in that regard I guess. Either that, or I picked men with good morals. You decide. You know not ALL people cheat or have been cheated on. It's sad that you dont know that. At some point in thier lifetime they have been cheated on... come on if you think that a past BF of yours was not interested in another woman at one time or another you are fooling yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 It doesn't happen to people "when they least expect it" if they feel STRONGLY that it's wrong. Never happened to me because I didn't ALLOW it to happen. Never went on that first date...never let it be a possibility. And yes things do happen to people when they least expect it or could be happening right under thier nose but they are too blind to notice, becuse they are too wraped up in thier own worlds to notice... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Pricilia Its entirely possible too that Touche has never been cheated on. Being on the "other" side doesn't make one more knowledgeable about these things. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 That's so sad that you don't know that some of us really have never been cheated on. I'll repeat...not everyone is cheated on and not everyone cheats. I guess I was good at picking men who didn't cheat. Oh and I'm not so wrapped up in my world that I wouldn't have noticed a man cheating on me! And sorry but there's a thing called free will. I chose to never date a married man..no matter how appealing I thought he was. So, no...it never could have happened when I least expected it! That's kind of funny to me, really. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Pricilia Its entirely possible too that Touche has never been cheated on. Being on the "other" side doesn't make one more knowledgeable about these things. Thank you. Very well said. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Pricilia Its entirely possible too that Touche has never been cheated on. Being on the "other" side doesn't make one more knowledgeable about these things. It is possible yes but I am saying that all men with good morals at what ever age start off with one woman and thier feelings change so they become interested in someone else... while still in the relationship with the first it is part of growing up so to say that one was never cheated on is false. Gosh what about HS, College you think all of those boys were faithfull... come on Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 It is possible yes but I am saying that all men with good morals at what ever age start off with one woman and thier feelings change so they become interested in someone else... while still in the relationship with the first it is part of growing up so to say that one was never cheated on is false. Gosh what about HS, College you think all of those boys were faithfull... come on Ha, maybe that's why I was never cheated on...didn't have boyfriends in high school..my first was 28 and I was 18...always dated older guys at least ten years older than me (until my H who is 7 years older.) Hey, I never thought about that! That's probably why. Oh that, and my keen sense of judgement! Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Ha, maybe that's why I was never cheated on...didn't have boyfriends in high school..my first was 28 and I was 18...always dated older guys at least ten years older than me (until my H who is 7 years older.) Hey, I never thought about that! That's probably why. Oh that, and my keen sense of judgement! no comment;) Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Thanks Frannie.... I am sure like I you and most other women did not plan to be in this situation, I am a little tired of the BS thinking that we do not deserve to walk on this earth!!! First of all want to say I'm letting off steam concerning my own situation....my comments concerning this forum do not apply to this particular thread. Pricilla and Frannie (also many others) have worded yourselves quite well.... When first coming to this forum, I had a lot of self hatred and guilt, and was unable to see past that...I went through an emotional hell in that stupid, discusting relationship w/ ex-MM. I didn't understand why the OW in this forum would stick up for themselves....I mean why weren't they beating themselves up like I was.... Now after reading many threads and what I have experienced in my own situation, have a much better understanding....in most cases, and there are exceptions, all parties involved are not above reproach....but may I ask why the OW seems to get the brunt of the entire circumstance? Why do some BW's act as if they are so above the OW? As if the OW is some low life or something....let's not forget who is in the middle and who is actually doing the lying here....nobody is above anyone else, we are all people....we all fall short.... Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 First of all want to say I'm letting off steam concerning my own situation....my comments concerning this forum do not apply to this particular thread. Pricilla and Frannie (also many others) have worded yourselves quite well.... When first coming to this forum, I had a lot of self hatred and guilt, and was unable to see past that...I went through an emotional hell in that stupid, discusting relationship w/ ex-MM. I didn't understand why the OW in this forum would stick up for themselves....I mean why weren't they beating themselves up like I was.... Now after reading many threads and what I have experienced in my own situation, have a much better understanding....in most cases, and there are exceptions, all parties involved are not above reproach....but may I ask why the OW seems to get the brunt of the entire circumstance? Why do some BW's act as if they are so above the OW? As if the OW is some low life or something....let's not forget who is in the middle and who is actually doing the lying here....nobody is above anyone else, we are all people....we all fall short.... But it is not seen this way because women for the most part are view a sex simbols and if the man in thier life is attracted to another for what ever reason it must be the womans fault... no the mans needs and desires Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Well, I've always blamed the MM more than the OW. I even told the OP that I thought her focus was on the wrong person...good post Pure! Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 That's so sad that you don't know that some of us really have never been cheated on. I'll repeat...not everyone is cheated on and not everyone cheats. I guess I was good at picking men who didn't cheat. Oh and I'm not so wrapped up in my world that I wouldn't have noticed a man cheating on me! And sorry but there's a thing called free will. I chose to never date a married man..no matter how appealing I thought he was. So, no...it never could have happened when I least expected it! That's kind of funny to me, really. free will does not mean above all emotions, sometimes emotion gets the best of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 free will does not mean above all emotions, sometimes emotion gets the best of you. Yeah, I guess for some people it does. But for me my emotions never could overide the fact that the man was already taken. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Well, I've always blamed the MM more than the OW. I have always felt that the OW is a victim in the very beginning, succumbing to the MM because of his pile of lies and deceit till he gets what he wants...her.. Once time goes by and the OW continues the affair knowing that it is wrong then she becomes as big of a part of the blame for the affair as the MM. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Yeah, I guess for some people it does. But for me my emotions never could overide the fact that the man was already taken. Touche - it boils down to boundaries. Some people live by their boundaries that they set up and find to be acceptable for their own conscience; and some people tend to disregard them and toss the boundaries aside when it is convenient. It boils down to morals and boundaries - really... We all have to look in the mirror - that is when our actions mean the most - if you are comfortable or not! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 But it is not seen this way because women for the most part are view a sex simbols and if the man in thier life is attracted to another for what ever reason it must be the womans fault... no the mans needs and desires Very true... It's interesting, in my situation I was the least guilty...you know Pricilla, I'm tired of being the doormat for anger, no OW should have to deal with that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I have always felt that the OW is a victim in the very beginning, succumbing to the MM because of his pile of lies and deceit till he gets what he wants...her.. Once time goes by and the OW continues the affair knowing that it is wrong then she becomes as big of a part of the blame for the affair as the MM. I agree with this too but still I don't know why they can't run the other way the minute they find out that he's married. And yeah, I hear you 2 sunny...I do see what you're saying. And we all cross boundaries in our lives. Their boundaries are just different than mine. Doesn't mean they're not good people at the core. The whole thing is just sad and destructive all the way around. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I agree with this too but still I don't know why they can't run the other way the minute they find out that he's married. And yeah, I hear you 2 sunny...I do see what you're saying. And we all cross boundaries in our lives. Their boundaries are just different than mine. Doesn't mean they're not good people at the core. The whole thing is just sad and destructive all the way around. One day though a happily married woman could find herself as the bestrayed spouse, it could happen the possibility is there! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 One day though a happily married woman could find herself as the bestrayed spouse, it could happen the possibility is there! I'm laughing again...if you knew my husband you'd NEVER say that! Nope, not gonna happen. Don't forget to tell me that I can never be too sure. Anyway, this isn't about me now is it. Perhaps we should get back on topic? Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Well, I've always blamed the MM more than the OW. I even told the OP that I thought her focus was on the wrong person...good post Pure! Me too...have been cheated on more times than I care to think of....my choice of men is the problem....I remember the first time, it was a b/f in h/s, we had been together for about two yrs.... he cheated. He and the girl both felt bad and told me what had happened, I wasn't mad at her, and really didn't think anything bad about her....I was hurt by him though. I have never had any feelings really towards the OW, I knew it was issues in my own relationship that had nothing to do with her. I also wasn't blind to how my H's were either Link to post Share on other sites
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