CertifiedAngel Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 In what situation, if any, would you say it's ok for a significant other to see/talk/communicate with an ex? With no kids? How many of you are/would be capable having their significat other communicating with their ex? & IF you found out they wanted to/did what would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
ann-onymous Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 ex boyfriend/girlfriend? ex husband wife? maybe if you explained your situation it might be eaiser to answer? just a suggestion Link to post Share on other sites
CertifiedAngel Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 I don't really have a 'situation' I am just wondering how many of you are capable of being totally 'not jealous' if your significant other still has contact with an ex that they were with for a long time? & IF you wouldn't be comfortable do you think it's your place to ask that person to drop contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 I talk to my ex bf a lot. We are in the same business so to speak, and he INSISTS on still being friends, but I half-heartedly speak to him. My current bf has to see his ex fiance often. They are in an organization together. I think its ok as long as their feelings are totally dead. Once you've had closure with a relationship, it doesn't matter what they say or do, nothing will sway you. Link to post Share on other sites
ann-onymous Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 sorry for assuming there was a situation open ended questions are fine i'd say it depends on what type of relationship he/she had with their ex. if my boyfriend was engaged to his last girlfriend and still talked with her dailyor weekly (without some sort of tie as their job or classes in school, etc), i'd probably have a problem with it and feel insecure about our relationship- but i'd bring it up with him. i dont know about having to drop all contact... one thing, though, that can be considered the upside, i guess... if my boyfriend is capable of breaking off a strong relationship and still be on respectable terms with their ex, i'd actually be happy with that. as long as it's Over, with a capital "O"! i think being in a relationship with somebody who's capable of that is quite impressive. that's just my opinion... Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 When and if you know that the person you are with loves you totally, then you won't care who they talk to. You'll feel confident that your heart is with them everywhere you go. If you can't trust your mate, then you don't need to be together....that's just too much drama to handle. Link to post Share on other sites
ann-onymous Posted August 14, 2002 Share Posted August 14, 2002 ally, sometimes you just say things perfectly ... well put Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted September 6, 2002 Share Posted September 6, 2002 if there are no kids, i don't see a reason to be in communication....unless work is involved. reason being...the closeness/familiarity of the ex may interfere with how open you are to the new relationship. you may not feel you need to expose yourself completely to the new person, if you are getting that "need" fulfilled by staying in touch with the ex. kind of a protective device. also, when times get tough in the new relationship, how convenient is it to call the ex to console you...then meet for drinks...then before you know it...you are back in bed again. i've seen it all with friends/family. i've never seen it work (staying close with the ex) if the new relationship is serious - someone needs to go and the priority should be with the new person - or why bother? now...if you have been broken up a long time, childhood friends, etc. i can see the relationship taking on a tone of more "like family" than an ex. it is not a matter of trust - it is building a solid foundation that you will regard your new mate as THE intimate person in your life. it is not healthy otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
just_a_girl Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 i guess it all depends on the overall relationships involved: ie: if kids are involved, usually ex's have to keep in touch for those reasons. If you are still friends with you ex or ex's then i don't see a problem with it either. However i believe that both parties involved in a relationship have to agree on the boundaries. You either both choose to keep in touch with ex's or not. I have seen this kind of issue from 3 different positions. 1. A guy i dated for a long period of time, neither of us really had ex's to consider that we still spoke to so i was only ever jelous or worried about other pretty girls he spoke to. 2. Another guy i dated, we both had ex's we were friends with. I was still great friends with my ex and wanted to stay in touch with him (only as a great friend), i wasn't going to stop my b/f at the time from keeping in touch with his ex if i was going to keep in touch with mine. 3. My now ex has a new girlfriend who doesn't like her b/f hanging out or being friends with his ex's. I happen to be an ex and to add to her concern i still care alot for this guy and that bothers her. She doesn't want him to be in touch with me, but he is content being friends with me and we still talk sometimes. So as i hope i've shown, it really depends what both parties involved prefer. Goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
katybird Posted October 6, 2002 Share Posted October 6, 2002 Originally posted by CertifiedAngel In what situation, if any, would you say it's ok for a significant other to see/talk/communicate with an ex? With no kids? How many of you are/would be capable having their significat other communicating with their ex? & IF you found out they wanted to/did what would you do? Well, I keep in touch with several exes. That's how I am. Basically, I feel that many of us dated perfectly good people who just weren't what we needed relationship-wise. If, after the pain has abated, you still find their good qualities valuable in a friend, then it's all perfectly reasonable. Today, I called up a guy I dated about six years ago. I have no notions of being with him romantically, but I just love talking to him. I can count on him as a good friend in many ways. If we were living in the same city, I think we'd probably hang out quite a bit. But, that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
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