Creating a Pessimistic Human Being

[tinktronik]

I have long term tried to brighten my outlook on the world in general . As a child of abuse I believe I was programed at a young age to hold contempt and fear the world in general and that putting a child into a violent situation ; one that an adult would have a hard time understanding or coping with does very specific things to a child as they form views on the world . In my opinion it is almost like putting a baby animal into a small cage with a predator , and playing that scenerio over and over again, without relaxation or comfort form the situation.

So , long term I have been aware of my own perspective on the world and tried to view things opptomistically instead of pessimistically . But it is very difficult to change programed views from childhood . It leaves a lack of hope of a view that anything will go well , or that hard work will pay off , or that people are nice and not nasty somewhere deep inside . This is very difficult to even explain. So has anyone here had experiance with what i am talking about and did you find a way to overcome your pessimistic view of reality?

[blind_otter]

Well I'm trying to do it through therapy and self help books and medication. It's pretty slow going, though.

[tinktronik]

I've tried mantras and pushing myself out the door in the morning . exersize , self-motivation , ect .It just does not ever seem to get any easier to get on with life .

[MoonGirl]

Hi tinktronik,

 

My mother grew up very abused and is now an optimistic person. She told me that she sat down and wrote down all of the bad and happy things from her childhood (most people have at least a few happy moments - with friends, boyfriends, etc). She wrote down the bad to show her how she never wanted to treat others (break the cycle), and the good to realize that life had sometimes been good. The list helped her distinguish between what she didn't want in her life vs what she did want. She wrote down how she intended to live and what she expected from life. She thought about what she was going to say before she said it. For instance, if I (her daughter) accidentally spilled something on the floor, her instinct might have been to scream at me and hit me. But, to be able to realize that the floor is not as important as the happiness of her daughter, she simply asked me to help her clean up the mess. When she realized that she ended up with a wonderful relationship with her daughter, this brought about happiness and optimism that life is not always bad. Eventually, it became second nature for her to view life in a more positive way, and eventually she no longer had the instinct to scream or hit. But it took time. My mom decided that instead of concentrating on what makes her upset, she wanted to be happy...truly happy.

Right now I am in a very abusive marriage, and my mother is, as usual, the optimist. Instead of discussing how horrible my life is right now, she insists on talking about how much better my life will be after I leave. Of course, she doesn't ignore problems and she listens, but she doesn't dwell on the negative.

Therapy might help you. It has helped me a lot with dealing with abuse...although my abuse wasn't experienced during childhood. Still, I think therapy can be very useful if you find the right therapist.

[burning 4 revenge]

Life is bitter and short.

[MoonGirl]

lol. Short, yes. But it doesn't have to be bitter.

[Porn_Guy]

I've tried mantras and pushing myself out the door in the morning . exersize , self-motivation , ect .It just does not ever seem to get any easier to get on with life .

you may want to be screened for clinical depression TINK...

[MoonGirl]

Therapy and medication can really help a lot!

[tinktronik]

I would never take a medication in order to change my thought processes. That is the point , it would be a complete programming of the way I view the world . I don't think that is even possible .

Therapy to strengthen my views on opptomism perhaps may help , and I may go in and have an eval for depression . Thanks . I think my oint here as much as anything else is that child abuse creates a view that is very different than a child's raised without that abuse . but how do you break a thought process?

[CardPlay3r]

Will you give a few examples of thought processes you think need changing?

[johan]

I would never take a medication in order to change my thought processes. That is the point , it would be a complete programming of the way I view the world . I don't think that is even possible .

 

I understand that your end goal is to be able to feel optimism and contentment in your life without having to rely on a pill for it. But how you get there most efficiently could involve some kind of medication.

 

It would take some MAJOR convincing to get me to go onto medication, not just for mood control but for pretty much anything. But in situations where I became convinced it was the right thing to do, I'd do it.

 

Therapy to strengthen my views on opptomism perhaps may help , and I may go in and have an eval for depression . Thanks

 

I think this is a good idea.

 

I think my oint here as much as anything else is that child abuse creates a view that is very different than a child's raised without that abuse . but how do you break a thought process?

 

I've given this some thought, too. The problem is that the things they did and said, even minor things, created beliefs you have about people and the world. To some extent those beliefs are what make you who you are, and it's really hard to think that you could believe something else.

 

Sometimes I remember things my dad or grandfather did and said to me. Just random minor stuff that made huge impressions on me and made me who I am. Some of that I would REALLY like to change.

 

Take care of yourself, Tink.

[Woggle]

I grew up in a very abusive home and for a good part of my life I was filled with anger towards the world and at life. There was a time when I truly did not care if I lived or died and that is why I lived so wild. I expected to be dead before I was 30 and I was looking forward to it because I felt my life was so worthless. What changed this for me was setting a goal and sticking to it. I was determined to finish school and it felt so good when I did because I had finally did something positive in my life. I still have some issues but I am in a much better place than I used to be. I know longer even have anger towards people who have wronged me. I pity them because they are miserable and I am not anymore. Even though I am seeing a therapist I am not a really big believer in therapy and self help books being the biggest solution. Setting a goal that you are determined to accomplish would be a good way to improve your outlook.

[tinktronik]

Examples of pessimistic thoughts.

Well lets see. I tend to think that it is pointless to strive toward anything because no matter how hard I work in the end there will always be a failure . I believe this instinctivly , even though I have dedicated myself many times to things and they have turned out well.

 

I tend to attach to any happiness a suspicion of the "unhappy " event that MUST be tied to it , or next to come . This overshadows my happinesses many times .

I think that is the bigger thing , here .The being unable to look forward to a happiness because of suspicion or inide assurance that there is always unhappiness instead .

[tinktronik]

I grew up in a very abusive home and for a good part of my life I was filled with anger towards the world and at life. There was a time when I truly did not care if I lived or died and that is why I lived so wild. I expected to be dead before I was 30 and I was looking forward to it because I felt my life was so worthless. What changed this for me was setting a goal and sticking to it. I was determined to finish school and it felt so good when I did because I had finally did something positive in my life. I still have some issues but I am in a much better place than I used to be. I know longer even have anger towards people who have wronged me. I pity them because they are miserable and I am not anymore. Even though I am seeing a therapist I am not a really big believer in therapy and self help books being the biggest solution. Setting a goal that you are determined to accomplish would be a good way to improve your outlook.

I have for set some new goals for myself , I enrolled in school , for one .Set some personal relationship goals . For now that is all. My life is satisfactory in itself and even would by most others be viewed as very happy , it is the overshadowing unhappy view ( not even an unhappiness inside of myself or a feeling of unhappyness ) that I am concerned about .

[Guest]

Examples of pessimistic thoughts.

Well lets see. I tend to think that it is pointless to strive toward anything because no matter how hard I work in the end there will always be a failure . I believe this instinctivly , even though I have dedicated myself many times to things and they have turned out well.

 

So basically you are thinking irrationally in that while the facts are that many things you have done have turned out well, you still 'instinctively' expect failure. This means that you are not thinking straight.

 

By all means get checked for depression; if your chemistry is out of whack, that affects your thoughts and there's nothing 'natural' or 'normal' about it. If you're not depressed (or don't have PTSD), then you need cognitive therapy to put you on a path of thinking in according with facts (i.e. thinking rationally). Read Dr. Albert Ellis for information on how your thinking can mess up your life and how to fix it.