Worst luck ever!!

[goodguy123]

I have the absolute worst luck in the world. So me and my girl have been broken up for 4 months, and the whole time we were broken up she said we'd be back together again someday, and I never really called her or anything, but she calls or messages about once a week since we broke up.

 

Anyway, she came over the other day and was trying to look at my camera that had some pics of me and another attractive girl on it, and she hates this girl. So I didn't let her look, and then the next day she came over and she grabbed the camera and saw the pics and left all upset and mad. She was mad cause she says I lied to her about not having pics of another girl on there, and she's also mad about who it is. And I know it looks bad, but the truth is nothing ever happened between me and the girl. So she ended up coming over again last night after I explained myself, and we hung out for a little bit and it seemed ok. Then today she came over again, and she was mad because I was late for meeting her, and then immediately started asking me a million questions about me and the other girl, and wouldn't believe me when I told her nothing happened. The pics were from another city and she asked if we had a hotel together and i said we did, and she left again.

 

So we talked afterwards on the phone and she still doesn't believe me and then told me to just forget about her. And I tried to explain that nothing happened, but she wouldn't believe me. She just keeps calling me a liar. A liar about the pics, a liar about going away with her, a liar about anything happening. And nothing happened, even though it looks really bad!!!!

 

The other thing is that we were broken up when I was with this girl, and she already has a new boyfriend, so why is she so mad?

 

So just my luck, my girl wants to start trying to work things out, and then doesn't want anything to do with me because she saw pics of me with another girl, and nothing even happened. And now thinks I'm a big liar because I didn't tell her about the girl in the pics, and never told her I went away with that girl. It sucks so bad. And I tried to explain to her that I just lied about the girl in the pics because I didn't want her to get upset about it when we finally started hanging out again.

 

How can I make her believe me?

[underpants]

dude....relax.

 

From your previous posts...(sorry I didn't read all of them, so correct me if I am wrong).

 

I seems as though she broke up with you.

She is seeing someone else....that should tell you something.

You attempt to make her jealous....well, it worked.

 

It was her choice to break up with you, her choice to date someone else herself. You don't have to prove...poo poo to her.

 

Get some confidence. I know you love her but don't let her keep you on a string. Don't let her play with your heart.

 

You should calmly explain once....the facts as they are.

Yes you spent time with another woman while you two were seperated. A seperation that was her choice. She is also spending time with someone else, thus making her anger at the situation quite hippocritical.

You love her and would like to have an exclusive relationship with her.

You realize this will take communication and trust of both parties to achieve.

If and when she would like to met halfway and if you are still available you will respond in kind.

 

I don't know something like that.

 

If she doesn't want to respect you and feels better throwing unreasonable blame at you....well...she may just be deflecting her own guilt and regret for her part, and that is her issue. You might want to call her on that also while your at it.

 

Good luck to you. Women respond to confidence and integrity.

[goodguy123]

Thanks for your post underpants. You make some great points. Think I should write her a email saying that stuff, or just wait and see what happens?

[chryssy83]

Well, you said you wanted her to be jealous. She is now.

 

I don't know that I would send her something right off. She's probably pretty mad right now. Maybe wait to contact her for a while so she can start missing you.

[D-Lish]

Wait for her to come back to you.

In fact, when she does- don't fall into the trap of explaining and allowing her to back you into a corner. You don't owe her an explanation.

 

You want her back? Take the hard line with her. "Look, nothing happened, you can believe me or not, I don't owe you any further explanation".

 

Stop making yourself so available to her- make her believe you are moving on. If i were you, I would tell her you are starting to think that you don't want to continue pursuing a relationship with her. You might think that would drive her away- but it won't, it will pull her back like a fish on a hook.

 

So, no e-mail- no contact. WHen she comes to you again (and she will)- play the hard line with her. Trust me on that- and be patient.

[Guest]

dude....relax.

 

From your previous posts...(sorry I didn't read all of them, so correct me if I am wrong).

 

I seems as though she broke up with you.

She is seeing someone else....that should tell you something.

You attempt to make her jealous....well, it worked.

 

It was her choice to break up with you, her choice to date someone else herself. You don't have to prove...poo poo to her.

 

Get some confidence. I know you love her but don't let her keep you on a string. Don't let her play with your heart.

 

You should calmly explain once....the facts as they are.

Yes you spent time with another woman while you two were seperated. A seperation that was her choice. She is also spending time with someone else, thus making her anger at the situation quite hippocritical.

You love her and would like to have an exclusive relationship with her.

You realize this will take communication and trust of both parties to achieve.

If and when she would like to met halfway and if you are still available you will respond in kind.

 

I don't know something like that.

 

If she doesn't want to respect you and feels better throwing unreasonable blame at you....well...she may just be deflecting her own guilt and regret for her part, and that is her issue. You might want to call her on that also while your at it.

 

Good luck to you. Women respond to confidence and integrity.

 

i believe i told her that two weeks ago

hence

i am tired of this stuff - she knows all that

i've said it many times

i've been a few dates

 

i know her better than she knows herself

she's been complaining and blaming me for the things she does all the time

in fact she does them first

however, what i understand and she refuses to see or give a crap about

is that all this stuff is related to her 'conditions' and 'her past' and the i have been trying to show her [she thinks she is doing this the right way] that she thoughts on all this stuff are actually tied to her regressive childhood state - i mean look at our age - she is 'playing games' like a teenager - hence - regression, mother, abuse, falling for style of substance, doing things that actually degrade her so she turns and abuses herself and others and lets abuse provide a false love inside herr and an enableity to receive a real love and this has played out way before i met her - i think i am the only person she has ever met that actually seees a great woman and is trying to do that right thing

but i have done this for a year now - no change

she just repeats the same pattern - funny she can see it in others but refuses to with hrself - she knows it but because she hasn't done the RIGHT WORK its easier to keep doing things - like imagine 40 years old and listen to every nonsense thing compared to the good - there's tons of good in there - that takes work and

SHE HAS NEVER HAD TO FIGHT FOR ANYTHING - DUH - SHE DOESN'T WANT TO - CLASSIC ABSUER NARAASSSS - but i love her and still believe

[Guest]

Last year I was pregnant. I was dating a silly boy, who I thought was a man,

and for 6 months had to be by myself.

 

I just want to say thank you to you guys. I am so happy I joined

this community where we can talk without judgement. It was a great

relief to finally tell you guys I was a smoker, and not for some reason

banned from this community. I learned alot being here, and it seems

we all grew together into this motherhood. It's great to be near people

(even though we are nowhere near in RL) who are going through the same stuff

and are happy to help.

 

Thank you very much for all the help..and the help to come.

I hope I will be the one to help also.

 

Happy New Year..♥

 

i thank u as well

[goodguy123]

Thanks for the help everyone, I really do appreciate it. I guess I'm gonna wait a day or 2 and see what happens before I send her anything. And I'll probably include that I don't know if I want a relationship w/ her anymore. Thats great advice d-lish. Really think it'll work? But thanks everyone, and I'd love to hear any more thoughts from anyone willing to share them.

[phyrespryte]

I'm not sure why you want this girl back. She sounds um...not lovely.

 

But I agree with everyone. Don't contact her at all. She overreacted and flipped out over something that isn't any of her business. She dumped you, so you're free to stand next to pretty girls. In fact you're free to make out with pretty girls and do other things.

 

You don't owe her anything.

[chryssy83]

Even if you contact her eventually, I would wait longer than a day or two. It'll be hard. I would set a goal of a couple of weeks AT LEAST. And even then, just reevaluate. If you have two weeks to think about it and you still want to contact her, that's one thing. But probably no contact at all is best, and with a little time to think about it you might agree. Definitely wouldn't contact her in 2 days.

[goodguy123]

Just so you guys know, one of the main reasons I want her back is because I know alot of the reasons we broke up are my fault. And obviously it wasn't all my fault, but I do recognize the things I did, and I shouldn't have, and I told her how much I wanted to change them.

 

But now its even harder to convince her that I want to change because she just thinks I'm a big liar who lied about pics w/ this girl, and lied about going away w/ her and other stuff.

[Onwards]

You want to convince her to believe you? Why??

 

State once, and I repeat - once - "I have explained the pictures to you and will not do so again. If you think I am a liar, then that is your problem. Bye".

 

Be a man and grow a set. You are bending over backwards to give her security when you should be doing no such thing. Being a man with principles and integrity who will not stand for being manipulated is far more attractive than pandering to her every insecurity.

 

Try it.

[goodguy123]

Ok, here's an update for you guys. So the other day she emailed me and said that she missed me and she wanted to talk to me. So we talked online today and she says she wants to talk about it in person, but that its not a big deal. So she's coming over tomorrow to talk about it. So what do you guys make of this?

[D-Lish]

I think I knew she'd come running back...

She showed too much jealousy over the pic's that revealed she has a lot of feelings for you.

 

I think you need to tell her you're not sure if you still want to be in the relationship. Lay your concerns on the table as to why you question if things could work.

 

YOU DON'T WANT TO JUMP RIGHT BACK INTO THINGS. That is making yourself too available. I know you want this more than anything- but you have to set a precedence here. That being, I won't put up with any more BS.

[underpants]

i believe i told her that two weeks ago

hence

i am tired of this stuff - she knows all that

i've said it many times

i've been a few dates

 

i know her better than she knows herself

she's been complaining and blaming me for the things she does all the time

in fact she does them first

however, what i understand and she refuses to see or give a crap about

is that all this stuff is related to her 'conditions' and 'her past' and the i have been trying to show her [she thinks she is doing this the right way] that she thoughts on all this stuff are actually tied to her regressive childhood state - i mean look at our age - she is 'playing games' like a teenager - hence - regression, mother, abuse, falling for style of substance, doing things that actually degrade her so she turns and abuses herself and others and lets abuse provide a false love inside herr and an enableity to receive a real love and this has played out way before i met her - i think i am the only person she has ever met that actually seees a great woman and is trying to do that right thing

but i have done this for a year now - no change

she just repeats the same pattern - funny she can see it in others but refuses to with hrself - she knows it but because she hasn't done the RIGHT WORK its easier to keep doing things - like imagine 40 years old and listen to every nonsense thing compared to the good - there's tons of good in there - that takes work and

SHE HAS NEVER HAD TO FIGHT FOR ANYTHING - DUH - SHE DOESN'T WANT TO - CLASSIC ABSUER NARAASSSS - but i love her and still believe

 

 

Sorry good guy, but I have no idea.

I am sure my ex can spell inability.

Sorry, guest, wrong ex.....and wrong approach.

[goodguy123]

Looks like my bad luck is back. So I don't know if you guys read my other post but we were talking and she finally told me she wants to come back, but didn't want to leave her boyfriend. So we've been hanging out for a few days, and everything seemed to be going pretty well, until today. So she called me today and apparently one of our friends told her a bunch of stuff about when me and the other girl were hangin out, and now she claims again, that I lied to her. So now she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And I didn't lie about anything!!!

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

You must be kidding! Shame on you, Goodguy123.

 

Are you going to be treated like a tennis ball being beat across from one side of the court to the other?

 

I would hope not. Get a grip on this situation. You should, once and for all, lay out all your pegs on the table. Inform her, that this is unacceptable.

 

Attain some self-respect. Let your thoughts be known, and simply hold-off further contact. Let her know, IF the relationship is to proceed, then she must be willing to trust again. Otherwise, fair well.

 

Good Luck,

Sand&Water