What Do you think? Im nuts about this girl,

[VA Guest]

So im about to turn 20 in 2 weeks...and last October, I went out of state (about a 2.5 hour drive)......with a few friends to help out with their aunts halloween little scaremare thing....Anyways, I met a girl down there, and started talking to her during pretty much all my free time on the phone and net back here at home.......Shes 18...im almost 20.....Two weeks after meeting her, she came up to see me and that night, I had my first kiss ( yes at 19 lol)...........an "Much" more........ Anyways, Im nuts about this girl, I honestly am so proud of myself for not just sleeping with random chicks in high school, she just fits everything I want in a girl. So every single day sinse then, we've talked for hours, seen each other many times.....Now lets get to the problem......

Like I said its about a 2.5 hour drive from her house to mine, and I dont mind that at all, I could see her like 2 times a week if I felt like I needed it...But before me she had one prior boyfriend, they were together for almost 3 years, they had their rough times, broke up blah blah, he even cheated on her I think 3 or 4 times with different girls. Thing is, it seems like shes afraid of him in a way, this old boyfriend still takes her out to eat and movies etc..as a matter a fact tonight he is taking her to some Arenacross. Its almost like they are still dating, and it kinda bugs me, But I never wanna be the controlling kinda guy, so I havent said anything. Meanwhile, this old b/f has no clue at all shes been seeing someone else, and I ask her why she never tells him, she says the time just isnt right. I hear all the time that she wants to keep in friends with him, and I asked what do you think would happen if he saw us together in some random place. She said he would start a fight with me, and then after that he would harrass her in anyway he could with the whole phone messages like "YOU WHORE".....things like that. After hearing thats what she thought, I asked why you wanted to be friends with a guy like that, seems like he could never just be her friend, and she really never gives an answer to that

 

I have NO problem whatsoever with the distance part, im just working full time right now, I got a decent pay for my age I think, I got myself alot of nice new stuff that will last me years, so I know when I move out of my dads house little things wont keep comming up, basically If I needed to I could get a place with her pretty soon, its not that big of a deal to me, I have no clue what I wanna do with my life, so its not like im making some huge sacrifice if i decided to move down there.....

 

My Questions is...what should I do with this old boyfriend, ALL of her friends and family HATE this kid, her dad even told me he was a "controlling dickhead" ......you know all kinds of little stories that I just cant understand why they even lasted that long.....I really dont think she would cheat on me, and believe me im one jealous person, but I just dont see her doing it... Ive realized shes a very beatiful girl, so even when im down there and we go anywhere, she gets hit on pretty much everywhere we go, even with my arm around her, but just the way she handles all that, and they way she looks at me, and tells me she loves me, I really think shes serious with me. I just dont get the old boyfriend, she just kinda hangs out with him alot, and this weekend, her best friend told me to come down there to a party they will all be at, and surprize her....but my girl told me last night she was afraid that if I did, the old b/fs friends would call him up, and hed be right over to start crap, I dont wanna put any pressure on her, but at the sametime I feel like a third wheel or something, I know I Love this girl, I could already see me growing old with her, but its just so strange for her to be so close to me and tell me her every thought, then turn around and hang out with an X like there would be no problem there ...so what you guys think?

[norajane]

Yes, I'd say there's a big problem. She and her ex aren't quite done with each other yet since she's still going out with him. Maybe they aren't dating, but it's preventing her from being with anyone else fully.

 

Do you really want to be a secret relationship in her life? Do you really want a woman who has unfinished business with her ex? I see you getting very hurt here if you continue. You're already totally infatuated and seeing yourself spending the rest of your life with her - while she can't even admit that you are in her life.

 

You should expect better for yourself, and you shouldn't be making so much effort to be with someone who can't let go of her ex.

[VA Guest]

Well, little update.....

I spent the weekend down there partying with her n whatnot..

the old boyfriend got news that "his" girl was with some random guy nobody knew.....he came and had this attitude like we were gonna fight,... but apparently hes just a huge controlling wuss and then took off after She told him its over, she just wanted to be friends with him but he had to go and make an ass out of himself...she said if you cant see me with anybody but you im sorry its not gonna work....

 

so , I talked to her for awhile about it, and I get the idea shes as serious as I am. Spent the rest of the away from the rest of the party in a room, and I got scratches and bruises everywhere....between that and hearing " I Love You" countless times, im starting to get the idea I was just massively paranoid and probably just jealous about the old guy gettin another shot, even after treating her like complete crap for over 2 years. This afternoon when it was time for me to come back home, I had to talk her into staying hah....cant get enough of that beautiful smile........