Time Away from the Children

[olazani777]

I am a stay at home Dad who works from home and also takes care of the children while my significant other works outside of the home. We have two children together (2 1/2 years and 1 year old). She and I both had one child before getting into the relationship (her daughter/9 years old_my son/8 years old). Her daughter lives with us, and my son who lives with his mother comes to visit every other weekend, so as you can see I have my hands full with the children. I should also mention that my companion works midnights and sleeps most of the day so she has little interaction with the children except on her days off (Sunday and Monday).

 

My concerns is this: My companion is always remarking on how we never get to spend anytime together, and I agree with her, but whenever we do it seems she always finds something else to occupy her time instead of spending it with me. Also, from my standpoint she also doesn't respect the small blocks of time we may get to spend together when the children are sleep, etc. Case in point: I managed to get my Mom to keep our 2 1/2 year old daughter for a week, and we managed to send our 9 year old daughter to her Aunt's for the same period of time. Unfortunately, we were not able to get anyone to keep the 1 year old, but she is really not that much trouble and very well behaved. During that time it seemed as if she did everything in her power to not spend time with me, and to top if off, the last morning that we had together basically alone before the other children came back, she decides to spend hanging out with her friend supposedly shopping.

 

My question is: What gives? She says she loves me, but FROM HER ACTIONS AND LACK OF CONSCIENTIOUSNESS I AM STARTING TO BELIEVE THAT SHE DOES NOT!!! Like I said previously, I have talked to I am blue in the face about her lack of respect for the time we have to spend alone, but it has done little good to curb her habits. I AM NOT A MAN WHO ENJOYS BEGGING, so slowly but surely SHE IS LOSING ME EMOTIONALLY and I AM GETTING MORE AND MORE TURNED OFF FROM HER. By the way, I do everything to spoil and pamper this woman, and I really think that in doing so I have crippled her responsibility to ME in this relationship.

 

I would love to hear some other viewpoints!!!

[BeReal]

What kind of things would you like to do? Do you ever watch a video together after the kids are in bed and she's off work? Ask her what she wants to do and then make some plans so it's hard to back out. Book a room, make reservations etc. Get someone to watch the kids once a month.

 

Maybe she feels guilty not spending time with the children since she doesn't get to see them often or maybe she is depressed. How does she feel about her job? If she hates it, it may be taking it's toll on her. Working graves makes it hard for your schedules to match up. Is there a possibility she can change shifts or find a day job? It's difficult to be on a night schedule and then be expected to be awake during the day on your days off.

 

Try talking to her again. Let her know how you are feeling. What does she have to say for herself? Show her how serious the situation is. Bring up the idea of counseling if your situation doesn't improve. That should wake her up.

[Ally Boo]

Make a date night a few times a month. And don't leave her the option of backing out. YOU make the plans, YOU take her in the car, etc. Don't give her a way to back out.

[velvet]

You could do allot to get her attention. The first thoughts that come to my mind would probably do more harm than good, so I wont mention those. Give her (1) more chance to listen. To get her attention, which you made sound hard to do. You want complete undivided attention. Make dinner reservations somewhere, get someone to watch the kids. Have a real nice dinner together, real nice atmosphere. Just the two of you and talk about whats on your mind again. You have to talk in a calm manner picking your words wisely so that she doesn't stress.

 

If afterward that doest work, you could try spending more time with yourself! When she comes in from work, you go out. It seems as though your there day in and day out with the kids while she works or sleeps. Try leaving her with the kids regardless if she has the time or not. That way she can see the kids and wonder what your off doing when not at home to watch them yourself.

 

You have already told her how you feel about things and she has not done anything to respond to you. You just have to force it upon her, give her a reason to think, question, get upset, so that your demands will be taking more seriously. So play a lil hard ball with her. Eventually things may sink in.

 

I agree that when she has free time it shouldn't be spent shopping with a friend.