NC does work...

[insomnie]

...to make you feel better, to put things into perspective, and to make your ex contact you.

 

I got a myspace message today.

 

"Why do you run?"

 

I'm guessing he's referring to how I've been avoiding him on AIM and Starcraft, though I'm not totally sure. I's pretty vague.

 

Should I respond?

 

The reason, of course, is that I see little reason for contact. Every time I put myself in a position for him to talk to me (like on AIM), I just end up feeling more crappy because either he doens't initiate (and I wonder why), he mentions how much fun he is having (without me, with other girls usually), or he says something vague and nice and I am pissed that it's not followed with "let's get back together". Or when we still hung out, he'd act like he loved me, we'd have sex, then I wouldn't hear from him for days. Contact with him just makes me feel bad.

 

I want a second chance, although that's not the right way to phrase it. I didn't do anything to screw it up. I want HIM to come to ME for a second chance, with declarations of love and promises for change. I doubt that will happen. And as much as I love him, I don't have the energy (nor do I see a reason) to put myself in a position (and I can, easily, right now) in which I have to work to "get him back", where I have to be on my best behaivior to "wow" him and make him fall back in love.

 

 

I don't think I could trust him again, anyway. Too much hurt now.

 

Should I respond?

[Guest]

No way!! Don't do it...

[lorr]

...to make you feel better, to put things into perspective, and to make your ex contact you.

 

I got a myspace message today.

 

"Why do you run?"

 

I'm guessing he's referring to how I've been avoiding him on AIM and Starcraft, though I'm not totally sure. I's pretty vague.

 

Should I respond?

 

The reason, of course, is that I see little reason for contact. Every time I put myself in a position for him to talk to me (like on AIM), I just end up feeling more crappy because either he doens't initiate (and I wonder why), he mentions how much fun he is having (without me, with other girls usually), or he says something vague and nice and I am pissed that it's not followed with "let's get back together". Or when we still hung out, he'd act like he loved me, we'd have sex, then I wouldn't hear from him for days. Contact with him just makes me feel bad.

 

I want a second chance, although that's not the right way to phrase it. I didn't do anything to screw it up. I want HIM to come to ME for a second chance, with declarations of love and promises for change. I doubt that will happen. And as much as I love him, I don't have the energy (nor do I see a reason) to put myself in a position (and I can, easily, right now) in which I have to work to "get him back", where I have to be on my best behaivior to "wow" him and make him fall back in lo

 

 

I don't think I could trust him again, anyway. Too much hurt now.

 

Should I respond?

 

You pretty much answered your own question!

 

IMHO his question doesn't even warrant a response.

If he wants to get back with you, he will certainly know where to find you(no doubt about that).That doesn't include a vague message on "myspace"

[RocketMan]

Hi Insomnie,

 

Ive read a few of your posts, although not all of them so maybe i dont know the full story...

 

Im think in a similar position to you a year ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1041365

 

I managed to get through it by realising that I deserve better. It just clicked one day reading posts on here. Im a great catch. Im not being big headed - its self confidence. You have to believe in youself and have self respect. You are a great person too!

I know I do 99.9% of everything right. Everyone makes mistakes but i know that when i make them, i can learn from them and improve myself. If someone isnt ready for my love, thats their problem, not mine

 

If anyone doesnt appreciate who I am and what my morals are then they can bugger off lol.

 

 

I still miss my ex, but my feelings now are that its a shame she couldnt be more open, and talk through our problems rather than running away from them.

 

My best advice is to take a step back. Take some time for youself. Re read your own posts as a 3rd party.

 

Look at the things you say, and try and separate facts, from inferences and opinion. Review the latter ones and try and establish fact.

 

Or when we still hung out, he'd act like he loved me

How did he act? It sounds to me like he was just using you for sex. So was he really loving you, or ACTING like he loved you? Why would he be doing the things he does?

 

If he tells you hes enjoying himself with other girls, theres 3 possible causes for that.

 

1. Hes just talking to you like a mate, and doesnt realise what effect it has on you. Solution: dump him, he obviously has no consideration of your feelings and hes not going to change without a big shock to his system.

 

2. Hes trying to make you jealous. Im strongly against this kind of behaviour, but thats just me. How does it make you feel? If it does make you jealous and make you want him back, what kind of reaction is he expecting? Have you given it him? if so, then hes probably just got addicted to being single again, and although he may have started out trying to make you jealous just to get you back, now hes just carrying on being single and has lost sight of his original goal. Solution: Either forgive his player actions by appreciating his original intention, or tell him youre not going to be used and/or messed around!

 

3. Hes being mean. This is an unlikely one tbh.

 

Its a difficult one. you can never truly know what hes up to, you just need to put your foot down. Whatever you want.

 

Be confident, and independant, theres no appeal about some depressed, clingy ex that you just have sex with every now and again. Be how you were when you met, or better! If you want him to want you back, you have to have something he wants!

 

Sounds daft, but its true. This really helped me deal with it.

 

I just thought to myself, right... Ive either got to get over it, or get her back. So i drew up two battle plans, one for each scenario. When i'd finished, it was amazing how similar the plans were!!! Both involved me getting off my ass and making an effort to not be depressed, to get out there, make new friends, maybe learn somethign new or get a new/more interesting job.

 

If he's out there getting on with new interesting people, to him youre just that boring on f**k buddy he runs to when he cant get any from anywhere else. How do you think you look to him?

 

Go out, buy some new sexy clothes. Get a new hair cut! Making youself feel better at the same time as making yourself appealing!

 

Good luck Hope this rant helped lol.