anotherow1 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 long story short.... been with MM for 4 years, he left twice, this time he has not gone back, its been 8 months. he is going to a lawyer to get the seperation taken care of, so i know he is def gonne do it. Now the wife is not accepting any of this and has come to my apartment several times, breaking my windows and beating up MM's car, the police have been called once. the last time she came over to my apt, it was a big scene and the next day her and her crazy sister called my parents and told them everything, which is utterly ridiculous(i'm 25 yrs old) its not like i'm 16 and my parents are gonne ground me. however, i have been lying to my parents for 4 years and they are totally destroyed and now everything is a mess and i dont know what to do.... some insight from anyone please!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Sometimes I think things have to be somewhat of a mess before they get better. Now you say your parents know now and even though you may have been lying, how would they be destroyed? MM is getting seperated? That's different than divorced. Is he planning that too and how can you be certain? Are you two now living together? Are you wanting to remain with the MM after all is said and done. Is he seperating to specifically be with you? As for the W, of course she is going to react in one way or another. However, the methods she is using aren't making it any better. I would hope you are not acting the same way. That would make matters worse!I would just keep calling the police every time these occurrences happen. It will add up. But please be careful for YOUR safety! It may take a while but the craziness can't lst forever. I think you need to decide how much of it you are willing to go through! Best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I think the first thing i would do is to get a restraining order against her, and her sister. Of course she is upset, i know i would be if i was in her shoes, but she is going about this all the wrong way. Is he serious this time? I mean, he left her twice and went back, so how can you be so sure there won't be a third time? I'd just be wary, since he has already proven he's somewhat unreliable. I wish you luck and please be careful. The W seems pretty unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 .....so, so sorry to hear of what is going on....man I just can't understand that type of behavior..... Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 long story short.... been with MM for 4 years, he left twice, this time he has not gone back, its been 8 months. he is going to a lawyer to get the seperation taken care of, so i know he is def gonne do it. Now the wife is not accepting any of this and has come to my apartment several times, breaking my windows and beating up MM's car, the police have been called once. the last time she came over to my apt, it was a big scene and the next day her and her crazy sister called my parents and told them everything, which is utterly ridiculous(i'm 25 yrs old) its not like i'm 16 and my parents are gonne ground me. however, i have been lying to my parents for 4 years and they are totally destroyed and now everything is a mess and i dont know what to do.... some insight from anyone please!!!! Yes, she's going to be upset, but what she's doing is illegal and you can get a restraining order put on her. Write down everything that happens with times and dates and take it to the authorities. What's happened regarding your parents: well, they will just have to get over the shock and disappointment... these things heal in time. Which parts of this are you mostly worried about, or is it all of it..? How is MM holding up..? What is he saying? Is he backing you up where his wife's behaviour is concerned..? Or are you feeling all alone in this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author anotherow1 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 i appreciate your reply. the MM is very supportive of me and he is very concerned about the relationship with my family and how we can try to repair it. as far as the W goes, her and her family are apparenty nuts, maybe b/c of what has happened to her, but from what i understand they have just always been nuts and thats a big reason he left her. there are 2 children involved and the only reason i haven't gotten a restraining order is to protect those kids, but its odd that the w and her sister aren't doing the things they should to protect the kids from this. but as far as my family goes, there are alot of other issues there that aren't helping. i just dont know how to make my parents understand that its not about them. they seem to think that this was a personal attack against them and really seem to have no regard for how i feel and the hell that i have been through in the past 4 years, whether it was my fault or not it still hurts all the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anotherow1 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 my parents are "destroye" b/c we were a really close family and they are upset b/c i have lied to them for 4 years. they wanted me to tell my brother who lives 1000 miles away and if i didn't that they would so now i have put a hurting on that relationship too... i'm just the weak link in the family chain and its all my fault. and they think that this is all about them and are taking it very personal Link to post Share on other sites
Seen_It_All Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I don't blame your parents for being disappointed. No one raises their kid to be a liar and sneak. If I had a daughter and she'd been lying to ME - and the rest of the free world - while she was sneaking around with a married man, I'd be disgusted with her too. You also knew what you were getting into when you got involved with this creep. You bought your ticket, unfortunately, you now get to take your ride. When you won this prize you also got the wife, the kids, the in-laws, the disapproving friends, neighbors and extended family, the baggage and enough drama for a couple of lifetimes. And all at the tender age of 26. I'd rather have my eyes plucked out by a vulture. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 SIA... Lolz And the moral of the story is ??? pretty self explanitory. Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Well, what's happened has hapened. I don't think it helps to add insult to injury here. Sometimes you get to a point in life where your relationships with other people are just private and not for the free world or parents to know, whether it is with a MM or some one available. My mother knew of my R, but it wasn't until some time had passed that I told her. That was only after it had just become such an emotional experience for me. ANyway, that is a different subject. AnotherOW, hope all is well for you as they can be. I think parents tend to think that what we do as adults is a reflection on them when they raised us. Try not to let that interfere. You have the choice as to who you wantto tell and not tell. This is your R, not theirs. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I don't blame your parents for being disappointed. No one raises their kid to be a liar and sneak. If I had a daughter and she'd been lying to ME - and the rest of the free world - while she was sneaking around with a married man, I'd be disgusted with her too. You also knew what you were getting into when you got involved with this creep. You bought your ticket, unfortunately, you now get to take your ride. When you won this prize you also got the wife, the kids, the in-laws, the disapproving friends, neighbors and extended family, the baggage and enough drama for a couple of lifetimes. And all at the tender age of 26. I'd rather have my eyes plucked out by a vulture. parents get dissapointed... they will get over it.. reguardless no one deserves the violence here... Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I've been trying to keep quiet. But SIA...you seem to get a perverse pleasure out of pointing out the obvious. Of course she knows she bought her ticket and of course she now knows she has to take the ride. Seems to me that's why she's posting here!!! What you say is usually right on, but man you have an acid tongue! The poor girl is here to vent. She doesn't need you coming in and reiterating everything she's already said - and in a much more nasty way, no less. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I agree with you as well, nobody should take pleasure in this kind of pain, The BS is acting like a crazy person and you are saying I told you so.. In the event that someone really gets hurt that would be horrible. She is coming here for advice on possibly ways to prevent it and all you can do is say told ya so.. This is one prime example of how OW get treated like crap! Link to post Share on other sites
redlynne Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I don't blame your parents for being disappointed. No one raises their kid to be a liar and sneak. If I had a daughter and she'd been lying to ME - and the rest of the free world - while she was sneaking around with a married man, I'd be disgusted with her too. You also knew what you were getting into when you got involved with this creep. You bought your ticket, unfortunately, you now get to take your ride. When you won this prize you also got the wife, the kids, the in-laws, the disapproving friends, neighbors and extended family, the baggage and enough drama for a couple of lifetimes. And all at the tender age of 26. I'd rather have my eyes plucked out by a vulture. whats really sick is the current OW of my Xmm is 23 years old he is 31( will be 32 next month )& last i spoke to him he said her mom loves him!(i never introduced him to family but unlike her i dont still live at home) I was like does she know you are M yes . And she(Ow) knew he was M and that he cheated on W and OW and he said she laughed thought it was sooo funny & became involved with him . Its wrong to cheat or be involved in cheating its not all black & white but some stuff is just enough to make you scream what drugs do we need to get you on for some morals ? Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 whats really sick is the current OW of my Xmm is 23 years old he is 31( will be 32 next month )& last i spoke to him he said her mom loves him!(i never introduced him to family but unlike her i dont still live at home) I was like does she know you are M yes . And she(Ow) knew he was M and that he cheated on W and OW and he said she laughed thought it was sooo funny & became involved with him . Its wrong to cheat or be involved in cheating its not all black & white but some stuff is just enough to make you scream what drugs do we need to get you on for some morals ? Maybe the same drugs that you are on? Oh I don't know maybe we all need to have some electro shock therapy and be put into straight jackets while watching videos of nuns hitting thier kids on the back of thier hands with rulers over and over and over again. Listen every situation is different, I have never laughed about any of this, I take it to heart and very seriously. Most of the OW here don't feel good about the situation that they are in. Link to post Share on other sites
redlynne Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 i appreciate your reply. the MM is very supportive of me and he is very concerned about the relationship with my family and how we can try to repair it. as far as the W goes, her and her family are apparenty nuts, maybe b/c of what has happened to her, but from what i understand they have just always been nuts and thats a big reason he left her. there are 2 children involved and the only reason i haven't gotten a restraining order is to protect those kids, but its odd that the w and her sister aren't doing the things they should to protect the kids from this. but as far as my family goes, there are alot of other issues there that aren't helping. i just dont know how to make my parents understand that its not about them. they seem to think that this was a personal attack against them and really seem to have no regard for how i feel and the hell that i have been through in the past 4 years, whether it was my fault or not it still hurts all the same. 1St of all i hope this works out for you ,please make sure your needs are being met with him & you dont put his 1st. How did the W find out about you? He should not have mentioned you &been discreet not just bring you out in the open thats disrespecting her marriage &he should be leaving because that didnt work out not because he has a OW. I can kind of understand her anger you destroyed her marriage in her eyes ,he needs to deal with her & the kids . And your family is probly upset because its like you raised a homewrecker,or maybe they have a "raised you better then this "feeling i would be pissed @you for bringing it to my doorstep. How did they get you familys telephone #? You have a tough road if you are strong and carry yourself like a real woman who understands she did wrong asks for forgiveness within yourself ,you reap what you sow &now you are a sowing:o It will pass ,dont retailate against W & i would ask forgiveness of my parents even if you dont feel it for there benefit . good luck Link to post Share on other sites
redlynne Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Maybe the same drugs that you are on? Oh I don't know maybe we all need to have some electro shock therapy and be put into straight jackets while watching videos of nuns hitting thier kids on the back of thier hands with rulers over and over and over again. Listen every situation is different, I have never laughed about any of this, I take it to heart and very seriously. Most of the OW here don't feel good about the situation that they are in. NOt on drugs,do you need to refill your paxill ? Did i state this to you personally ? This is a public forum not everybody will agree with you ,grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 What really irks me is - she is a former OW!! I consider myself a former OW as well. Which is why I haven't been here as much lately. NO WAY would I come in here and talk to people looking for help this way. First of all, I would be a big ol' hypocrite and second of all, there's no reason to be so hateful. When I was at my lowest, I always welcomed respectful input, no matter whose side it came from. Key word: RESPECTFUL. The thing with the OW/OM forum - the fact that it's WRONG is already the obvious. If you're just here to spew bile, what's the point? OK, end of rant, going back to the sidelines... Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 OP is not a homewrecker... I don't know the her whole story I will go back to see. Let's not make her fell guilty about the situation... again I insist that the MM is to blame here as well. Op did not make the MM leave for the second time, he left on his own. If her parents are loving parents they will forgive her that is what they need to do to help their daughter get through what she needs to get through. BS is acting like a crazy person, who knows what she was like with MM who knows if he had to deal with this on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 NOt on drugs,do you need to refill your paxill ? Did i state this to you personally ? This is a public forum not everybody will agree with you ,grow up. That is so funny because I have never taken drugs other then Tylenol or Advil for a headache. Paxil what is that? I have grown up but when you state that OW don't have any morals then I will object. Link to post Share on other sites
redlynne Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Listen every situation is different, I have never laughed about any of this, I take it to heart and very seriously. Most of the OW here don't feel good about the situation that they are in. NOt on drugs,do you need to refill your paxill ? Did i state this to you personally ? And did i not write its not alll black & white? This is a public forum not everybody will agree with you ,grow up. And if you dont feel very good about being a OW? Make a change ,a choice because hes is certainly not if your on this forum. O and with the morals i was referring to the parents of X MM current OW knowing about him being married and carrying on in there home ? thats just sick im not sorry that i feel that way yeah i did it in my own home Im not saying anotherow1 is a homewreaker im saying her family may percieve it as such. yeah im a former OW BenThereDunThat you and the other totally misread and took what i posted to a whole other level . some of us learn from our mistakes and others dont,we all know its wrong sleeping with someones husband REALLY! dont jump my SH*T for posting my opinion or a comment ,OK? Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Like BTDT said, i'm sick of seeing these exOW's come here, while standing on their pedastals, preaching how they are holier than thou. Please. If you are so great and so special and have so many morals, you wouldn't be able to say that you were exOW's, would you? I have never had a problem with the way BTDT posts, because she is sincerely trying to help. She doesn't think she's better than anyone else, and it shows that she has a HEART! To the OP, if your parents are like mine, they will be hurt, they will be disappointed, but they will get over it. They love you, you are their daughter. It may take some time for them to cool off and to let this all sink in, but they will welcome you back with open arms. Link to post Share on other sites
redlynne Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 That is so funny because I have never taken drugs other then Tylenol or Advil for a headache. Paxil what is that? I have grown up but when you state that OW don't have any morals then I will object. AGAIN I WAS COMMENTING ON XMM CURRENT OW PARENTS . I EVEN STATED NOT ALL BLACK &WHITE . YOU KNOW WHAT PAXILL IS DONT PLAY . ANYWAY NOT WASTING MY TIME YOU GOT EVERYBODY ELSES PANTIES IN AN UPROAR. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 RedLynne - I was not addressing you. I was addressing Seen It All. In both my posts. I have no clue what your story is. Link to post Share on other sites
redlynne Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 RedLynne - I was not addressing you. I was addressing Seen It All. In both my posts. I have no clue what your story is. SORRY SOMEBODY STARTED ON ME PERSONALLY TOTALLY MISREAD ,WHAT I WAS SAYING & I AM A FORMER OW THOUGHT YOU WERE CO -SIGNING SORRY AGAIN Link to post Share on other sites
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