paris38 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I guess I just need to hear what other people have done. I am 5 months out of a breakup, unfortunately having kept contact and seeing him 4 times....so that has been bad in that it's like as if he broke up with me yesterday... I am educated in a career I love and pretty stable...well, about a month ago, when my ex emailed me at work that he had 'several dates lined up with a woman over Christmas break' (he is also a teacher), the same week we had gotten together, I flipped out on him, because when we had gotten together earlier in the week, he tried to have sex with me, and I declined.....so he writes me this email and I said "Oh, that's nice, you say you're seeing someone else the same week you tried to be with me?" THen after work I called & left several upset, messages about how could he be like that, he had always touted being a Marine and being honorable, etc. etc. I left like 7 messages on his home and cell. He called back later that night and said "What is the problem? By the way I made up that I was seeing someone just to see your reaction because I had a hunch you had started dating. But now, there is no way this can work with the way you have acted over this." I felt really stupid and upset but was angry that he is also a Master-degreed teacher and totally made something up just to evoke a reaction from me. We talked about 2 hours and at the end agreed to be friends but not get together for a long time....but I still think he might think I'm unstable and even psycho....his emails are now friendly but not as long. he has initiated maybe 2 emails.....I am starting NC as of yesterday, but I think it's too late, but I'm really relieved I can have total closure...I just don't like some guy I loved out there telling people how crazy I acted. Plus now I don't even know if he lied about NOT seeing someone else, or he is, or whatever, he lied, or lied about lying or.....I need to stop being "crazy" and "unstable"over this! My friends and coworkers, family, everyone perceives me as so "together" yet I pulled this unstable crap with him & it's really ambarrassing! Please share your experiences with 'going crazy over love' or Private message me! This sort of thing really helps me. Oh,and by the way, I am still in the "getting over it stage" and I will be much more helpful and productive to this forum in the near future!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MaxFlirt Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Ashamed to say I have stalked. Got caught too. Boy was I ashamed. I totally didn't think I had it in me. Interestingly enough, I was ultimately forgiven for the transgression. I haven't thought about this silliness for years.... How did I get forgiven? I appologized profusely for days. Of course I had to trick her into even taking my calls. You know what? I really don't want to think about the situation (sorry). It's was just shameful. Your "psycho" situation is much more tame than mine was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paris38 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 Ashamed to say I have stalked. Got caught too. Boy was I ashamed. I totally didn't think I had it in me. Interestingly enough, I was ultimately forgiven for the transgression. I haven't thought about this silliness for years.... How did I get forgiven? I appologized profusely for days. Of course I had to trick her into even taking my calls. You know what? I really don't want to think about the situation (sorry). It's was just shameful. Your "psycho" situation is much more tame than mine was. You told enough. Thanks, it actually gives me some hope that he totally doesn't disrespect me. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Paris, No worries as you have done nothing wrong other than show that you care for him. It is his problems not to see that and ones that you should be happy not to have to endure anymore. As for your questions in your post, my recent ex's ex bf went way over the deep end. He chose to take out his anger on me as I was now seeing her instead of focusing his attention and disappointment on his ex. He showed up at my house numerous times at the wee hours in the morning just standing and staring in front of the front door, glued my door locks twice, and poured paint thinner all over the roof and hood of my SUV. Talk about crazy and scary! Ironically, even with these actions, he was able to seek forgiveness from my now ex and ultimately two years later they are now back together. I am still trying to figure out who the biggest loser was in this scenario, him, her or me for staying around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paris38 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 I can pretty much say it would be Over for good if an ex did that to me but I guess love does weird things. At least I didn't go THAT far. Sorry you got burned, I've never been in a relationship that ended with them returning to an ex or leaving me for someone else so I can imagine the kind of extra pain that adds to a breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Paris, You would be surprised that it does not hurt me more that she went back. It actually validates to me why she is not the right one. I thought she was everything I wanted yet in the end if she can go back to a guy that did those things to me then she is definitely the wrong one. Not to say that I am still not heartbroken and its been 5 months now....yet I am getting there I think. May I ask what after 5 months makes you think that he is still the one? After his actions of disrespect towards you, why are you so willing to invest more time into him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author paris38 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 Deep down I know I won't get back together with him. He, while we were together, always treated me very respectfully, I think that a lot of heated emotions came out recently. I am at the "getting over him" stage right now because I unfortunately kept contact for these last 5 months and 3 days ago started a "complete NC" policy. Plus even if I did want to get back together, I think all the phone calls to him that night really got him upset and he really might think I'm weird now (even though I never exhibited this behavior when we were together.) He was still emailing me after that incident (about a month ago), but it's just friendly type emails. That's what was bothering me, not that I won't get back together with him, but that he thinks I'm a weirdo/pscyho. But then I tell myself he is the one who felt it necessary to send an email to me over my work email that he is starting to see someone (2 days after he tried to be intimate with me), and then later told me that he made it up just to see my reaction, so to me that is kind of weird behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Plus even if I did want to get back together, Whenever someone uses words like these it really mean you do want him back.. You are still healing.. If he loved you or wanted you back he would be with you.. remember that.. Each and every time I have ever wanted someone or wanted someone back I made the effort to make it happen ( even if failure was eminent.. I still tried to beat the odds ).. So.. if you don't see the effort then it means move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paris38 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 I was giving a hypothetical. Like I said, I'm taking steps to move on. I know I won't end up with him. I was just saying.....say the possibility WAS there....I couldn't be happy living in his household with his lack of parenting skills and the way his teenage kids behave, they're horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
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