alextop30 Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 My question is very different and wierd I previously tired to make a topic about how I stink at aproaching girls that is why I end up just sitting at my spot and feeling embaraced from accent and always thinking of the worst case cenario. Meaning I am 6 foot chicken which cannot get over the fact that I can be rejected... but the problem is more than that after I usually go home and think about how big of a chicken I was I get so mad at myself that I did not do anything that I usually ruin the day that is ahead of me or just bring bad mood to my friends or family-- My question is how do I change myself so I stop feeling this miserable each and everytime I go out because I have stoped going ot lately and does not feel any better Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 You shouldn't be so angry with yourself. If you keep thinking and thinking about the bad things that happened, you will keep feeling bad. It's ok if you're afraid to talk to girls. A lot of people feel like this too. I get very nervous when I'm around guys and sometimes I say stupid things. I think that instead of being angry with yourself, you should try to think about the things you can do to make things better. For example you could watch your friends and see how they do things. Or even ask them for advice. I'm sure they'd be glad to help you. Also sometimes the best way to talk to a girl is to, smile and say hi. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 thanks for the advice I guess practice makes perfect just as in everyday training so it is just like a game of ping pong which I know very well. Practice everyday and you will get to be better Link to post Share on other sites
jetsetjessica Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Are you afraid to talk to girls at all...like if you were just friends and she wasn't even pretty? In that case I don't know what to tell you.... Or is it that you're afraid to talk to girls you potentially have an interest in because your afraid of being rejected? If that's the case I can definitly relate. Al my life I've had a severe fear of rejection that I'm still in the beginning of getting rid of. I wouldn't even call a store and ask a question because I was afraid the person answering would think it was dumb question or would say no. I had lots of trouble making friends for many years because I was afraid to try and be their friend in case they didn't want to be friends with me. And I was always awkward with guys. But the way I've begun to deal with it is to learn to accept rejection in very small unimportant things first. Like asking my family if they will make pasta for dinner and hearing them say no. Or going to a completely different city's mall and asking questions to a bunch of different people. Then I moved on to bigger things, like asking for an extension on a school assignment. Asking friends to make plans on the weekends. Then I started asking some guys I knew to go places with me not as dates but as practice. And now I'm finally starting to tackle some of the bigger things. Like asking to do things I really have been wanting to do for years, and talking to guys that I have an interest in and finally saying hello to the girls that always intimidated me. You've got to learn how to walk before you can run. Make yourself comfortable being rejected just by friends, female and male, and you should be less afraid of rejection from girls. Also it helps to prepare yourself with a few things you will do if they say no. If you're prepared it might be easier and you'll feel more comfortable and the girl will sense that Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 you know the real problem with me is I have been rejected by girls- I have had a gilf friend a long time ago but that was in different country and different societal rules and when I try to approach a girl that I like or maybe potentially have a chance of impressing I get stiff and cannot say anything the hardest part for me is saying something that I will not come out as being that wierd guy with a wierd accent that is a creep. I dont have a problem keeping comversation, I even have the ability to steer it to where I want it to go the biggest problem is approaching the girl that sits actually behind me in one class room and knowing what to say to make her start talking. But approaching doesnt happen I actually feel way too embareced or my accent or of an unknown fact and just end up leaving. When I am in my native country Bulgaria the feeling is so different I can approach any girl whenever where ever but it is like I feel these rules here dont apply to me. I get stiff very nurvaous my heads get very cold and sometimes I can studder the first words. even now my hands are getting cold. The feeling that I experiance after that is worse tho- I begin to hate myself so much that I look like I have a chip on my sholder the whole day after... If I hated myself a little less I might actually be able to get myself at least one date with american girl. If you do go tsome advice plz tell me Link to post Share on other sites
PYT Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 My question is very different and wierd I previously tired to make a topic about how I stink at aproaching girls that is why I end up just sitting at my spot and feeling embaraced from accent and always thinking of the worst case cenario. Meaning I am 6 foot chicken which cannot get over the fact that I can be rejected... but the problem is more than that after I usually go home and think about how big of a chicken I was I get so mad at myself that I did not do anything that I usually ruin the day that is ahead of me or just bring bad mood to my friends or family-- My question is how do I change myself so I stop feeling this miserable each and everytime I go out because I have stoped going ot lately and does not feel any better It sounds to me like the way you think is your worst enemy and I can relate. Have you tried cbt? My cbt group helped me learn how to change the way I think and help me build my confidence and learn to get out of my own way. Join a group or get a copy of the book we used in my group called Been there, Done that? Do this! By sam obitz and start doing the tea form exercise in it. You will learn to think more objectively about everything including yourself and begin to feel better and more optimistic in the process. Good luck and hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
PYT Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I hope you are doing better now Alex Link to post Share on other sites
Ejames Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 The cbt advice is great. I have been doing the tea form exercise from the book by sam obitz ever since I finished my group and keep making strides. I hardly recognize the pathetic person I had become before that anymore and hope she never comes back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 My life got to suck so bad that I kind of forgot about it. I also basically sleep at the gym so I believe I forgot about myself and the problems I had. I believe that when my life sucks a little less and I stop putting pressure on myself which I believe I have managed I will be kind of free. Well I dont really feel that way any more because I have so many things that I have to take care of so I dont have time to think about myself. I work full time, I am a full time referee for my parents constant fights, I am a full time brother and constant arguments between my older brother and me, I am a full time student and all the different things in school, and I am trying to be full time me so right now it is really hard to be me. I really hope that at some point I will be able to say "My life doesnt suck that much" About girl friend I have become more patient with myself and I try to say to myself that everything will come to it's place so I am trying this way. I just dont have time sometimes for me so that is good. Link to post Share on other sites
Ejames Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Alex you seem like a nice guy and I think if you try and look at yourself more objectively and counter all those negative thoughts you can find your dream girl. Forgetting about it and sleeping at the gym are probably only temporaryu fixes so I hope you are able to find the lasting happiness you are searching for Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 I trully hope that you are right about what you are saying and I am really nice guy but sometimes things tend to get the best of me and now I am working at it keeping myself busy and trying to get out more so I can actually meet some new people which could give me a bigger chanse to find miss perfect. Everything comes with its time so all I have to do is work at it and wait because these kinds of things really do appear when you least expect them Thanks for all the help guys If you have anything to contribute suggestions stories or just something you want to say go ahead, I am watching Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulearth83 Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 one step at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alextop30 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 I deeply believed there is a little bigger answer than this but maybe I was wrong, I was actually asking what are the steps that I am suppoce to take one at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
PYT Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I would start with learning how to counter your thoughts properly in a tea form and start building your self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
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