A Rude Awakening!

[Crystal]

this a.m. i had quite a rude awakening and it has me really disturbed here.

 

since being on celexa i have been feeling so much better and more positive about my life.

 

this has not really changed my guy tho but it has helped us alot because i amnot so negative and insecure and questioning him aboutthings and it has put him in a better mood as well cause i am in such a better mood too, i guess it is kind of contagious.

 

anyway what happened this a.m is that usually during the week iswhen he is very stressed about work and quite a jerk especially when he gets up and it sort of continures for the day..

 

well there i was expecting him to be a jerk this a.m. and he was in such a good mood that i didnt know what to do.

 

i had acutally felt let down that he wasnt cause it didnt allow for me to play my role of wanting to leave him and the martyr role and what not.

 

i am only guessing at this but i dont know for sure, it all happened so fast that ididnt have time to sort things out in my head.

 

all i know is i was left with this empty feeling of feeling trapped and scared and empty because i didnt seem to have that outlet to leave or that excuse to leave.

 

so i was sitting here thinking that if he turned into this nice guy that it would leave me feeling trapped here cause i would not have any reason to leave him then, and that makes me feel very anxious.

 

tho it has been a long time and i have not left yet, the reasons for leaving today anyway seemed to be taken away from me, if he is not being a jerk how can i even think of leaving him?

 

not that i was planning that to do today but it is just my daily routine with him being the jerk and my planning my get a way.

 

btw, i have managed to save $1000.00 for my "just in case", so now i have no reason to not really leave.

 

funny thing is that when i didnt have themoney to leave that was my excuse NOT to leave but now i have some money to leave with, and i'm re-thinking everything about leaving!

 

what do you think of all of this, any ideas or thoughts on this?

pleeeese and thank you also.

[Tony T]

Staying with a person because you don't have a reason to leave is simply insane.

 

You need to run around the block a few times, take a cold shower, and reconsider this relationship.

 

Forget about the past entirely. First of all, he may have been in a good mood this morning but that doesn't mean he's going to be that way tomorrow morning or the following morning.

 

No matter how he is in the morning or all day long, to remain in a relationship because you feel comfortable with having a reason to leave...a way out...is simply not a good reason for staying with somebody.

 

If after your cold shower, you can't sit and think of many positive, sane reasons for being with this guy, take your $1,000 and move on down the road.

 

Relationships are for positive experiences, for expressing love, for growth, for enriching one's life. If you aren't getting good things out of being with this guy, go find one where your experience will be more positive.

 

If you have a problem with committment...if you're always looking for ways out of relationships...spend some of the money you've saved on books or on a counsellor to help you reach into yourself and find the root causes of your fears. You will never have a satisfactory relationship if you're always looking for ways out of them.

 

I'm glad the Celexa is working well for you. When the dosage is adjusted perfectly, you should be able to live a normal life. Now there is no good excuse to be in a relationship that is less than satisfying for you.

 

Just don't hang around somebody because you can't find a reason to leave....be with somebody because you find many excellent reasons to stay!!!

[Crystal]

my point tony is that i realized my need to have a reason to leave!

not a reason to stay!

 

i dont know maybe i didnt explain it right, but what you said makes alot of sense.

 

tho since being on the celexa i have been able to handle things in my life much better now, including my relationship with him.

 

i'm not meaning that it is all bad, because it has gotten so much better since i have gotten more stable as well.

 

i guess the fact that i can handle him better being on the celexa has helped me alot thus helping us alot.

 

i am not totally unhappy anymore thanks to the celexa and i understand exactly what you are saying is that if you have to take medication to be able to tollerate some body then maybe you should not be with that somebody.

 

i do love him tho in my heart, like i said before my head and my heart just are not in agreement, if they were i dont even know which one would win over.

 

some days like yesterday, we spent such a wonderful relaxing day together and i wished it could of gone on forever, then the reality of the week comes along and out the window it all goes.

 

anyway, i am going to think alot about what you said as well cause i know it makes alot of sense.

 

but my point is the realization of this need to have this outlet this outlet to feel comfortable in this relationship, which could be ANY relationship as you said.

 

thinking back that may of been why it was easy to stay in abusive relationships versus good solid ones they just were not comfortable...

 

thanks tony, i can always count on you for the other side of my rude awakenings..LOL

[Crystal]

tony i really appreciate the advice you gave me earlier but now i am confused about something else, or course with this relationship and i would like your opinion again or others as well.

 

i had told you earlier how i felt that i was more comfortable in this relationship when there are problems versus when things go smoothly.

 

well today i was working at my b/f brother's shop and my b/f left for a while and came back when i was gone.

 

lately it seems that he is avoiding me in the evenings. i have brought this up to him several times in the past but each time he denies and says that he just is not wanting to sit in front of the t.v. all evening.

 

that is out of the norm for him tho. so i would go outside with him and he'd/we'd talk for a while then he'd be off doing something else.

 

when he came in to watch t.v. finally then i would too, and shortly there after he would be on the computer!

 

during this time tho he is not mean or rude or anything to me, he is very nice and pleasant and acts normal the whole time.

 

that is what confuses me! when i mentioned all this to him he said that he was not avoiding me and i was imagining it and being too sensitive.

 

so again today i felt slighted by him when he came back to his work AFTER i had left and again i brought this up to him on the phone.

 

he told me again that it was my imagination that in no way does he avoid me at all!

 

then he told me to go take some more celexa! he didnt say it in a mean way but in just his everyday oridinary voice.

 

i told him that i should not of said anything to him at all and hung up the phone on him.

 

my question is that after thinking about it after i hung up on him, i went for a lonnnnng walk and wondered if maybe i was trying to instigate something from my thoughts this a.m. about not feeling comfortable unless trouble was brewing or brewed.

 

what do you think? is it possible that maybe i was being overly sensitive about everything because maybe i didnt feel right unless i had a battle to do?

 

maybe he is right, maybe i just dont know my own mind! i'm beginning to wonder..